[OP: "Rose"--The Oh Hellos]

Day 96:

Despite what she told Dabi, Mabui was not actually dismissing what she'd heard all of them say.

She was restless even once everyone had returned to the Zoe House (as the Village members were starting to call it) and settled in for the night.

(Sakura had wanted to keep working on the antidote to get it more specialized, but Tsunade had told her to rest instead.)

No one said much to Mabui, as they really didn't think there was anything to say. They'd all lived the nightmare.

Dabi gave her a few odd looks, but he didn't have the nerve to probe.

Once she was alone in the sitting room, she had plenty of time to think.

She really wanted to explain away the weird things Dabi had said while he hadn't remembered not to say them... Better for her to know as little as possible that would be questionable, if they were truly innocent.

And she was pretty sure by now they were.

One thing she couldn't have missed while they were all unguarded under the amnesia was if their true character had been corrupted and manipulative. But, from all accounts of the team to each other and what she'd witnessed, they'd been the same people.

Some of them were still mean, but they were not malicious about it.

And others had been really sweet, in their way, while trying to help each other remember.

Even Dabi, for all he'd been such a pain in the neck for her, once he hadn't remembered Cloud or his alleged reason for resenting it, hadn't seemed to have any problem with her or anyone else in particular.

Which proved his dislike was really based in the Village itself and its behavior...which was certainly something for them to think about.

See, one could always blame the biases of the other Villages for their anger towards Cloud--who could be fair then?

But Dabi had not even remembered Cloud, and it appeared all of the core group of non-shinobi hadn't...and that meant that outside of this team they must not have even known about it.

That was very confusing. How could they not have known before Team Zoe was formed?

But, as she thought over it, she considered that Dabi at least really hadn't seemed to even know who the shinobi were, period. He'd talked about  "heroes", "villains", and also some illegal activities on his part, ones that sounded like a rogue...but not a rogue to any official ninja Village...so did it even count?

But the terms he used...the way he spoke of it, it didn't sound like any part of the ninja world she knew of... Again, her knowledge was limited, but she was good at detecting patterns, the way people spoke of things and places which had a familiar ring to it... She could hear it with the other ninjas, even if they weren't from Cloud, but, not from Dabi...and she thought she could even detect a dissonance in the way his teammates talked about it too. They all talked like they weren't from the ninja world--well, even they claimed they were not shinobi...but what were they then?

They kept calling themselves "heroes" like they meant "shinobi" by it.

Dabi had said he was a "villain" though... It was an unusual word to use, very storybook, but then, so was "hero"...and then she realized that his friends had occasionally made remarks that suggested he'd once been opposed to them.

And who had he been talking about? The LOV? Who were they?

It disturbed her to think there could be a group of criminals out there who were all like these people...devoid of any ninja code, no doubt, and powerful...

And there was that, too... She already knew their powers weren't normal, but seeing them more since she knew they weren't normal in other ways than just the chakra usage and lack of hand signs...

Nothing about it seems like jutsu...and he'd called it a "quirk". The others had called their abilities "quirks" before too...other than Miss Likstar and Mr. West, who never seemed to call it anything other than a "gift".

Mabui wasn't stupid. After all, she could deduce that they all used different terms for basically the same thing, but clearly they thought of it as different, and that meant some actual difference...but even within their own ranks, that was odd.

And yesterday they'd called Shine and Wally "Americans" sometimes, and themselves "Japanese", hadn't they? Whatever those words meant...

Nowhere known on the world's map, that was at least certain.

She'd suspected they were from somewhere outside the ninja countries, but no one knew anything about those lands other than Samurai Land, and that wasn't it.

She looked around the sitting room.

Now she had a good chance to go through the house, to find anything that might answer her questions... She'd never before, finding it too underhanded...but...what if this was a worse security risk that even Lord Ay had imagined?

Still...she couldn't make herself believe they were actually evil or aggressive. Nothing in how they acted suggested it. They'd been nothing but helpful to her, even without remembering her. They'd hadn't threatened or attacked her, a total stranger in the wilderness, with an injured person they could have assumed she'd hurt herself...or a Cloud, in the Leafs' case, when they did see her...but they hadn't attacked even then.

She got up and paced around the room, torn between the urge to do her duty and look around, find intel, do anything that would finally settle this...

...And her sense of honor that it was not right to repay them for their earnest help by poking into their secrets. Had they poked into hers? No more than necessary, it seemed.

But if she kept this to herself, as she'd said she would, Ay might be angry if he found out later...

But how could she tell him? What could she tell him?

She couldn't explain the discrepancy herself. Any theory might just mislead him, and that wouldn't help.

But she couldn't be sure she'd ever find out the full truth alone, and then she'd be waiting forever to be certain, which could cost them.

This never had gotten easier, only more complicated.

Dabi had seemed truly afraid she'd blab about it, though... She paused to reflect on the look in his eye. He'd never acted afraid of her passing on anything before...so what was it about those blunders in particular that got him?

His own part in it? His checkered past?

Mabui had a moment of thinking that that really should have disturbed her more to learn about. After all...it sounded borderline insurgent, whatever he'd done.

Maybe not even borderline...

But even without the memory of their other actions to confuse things...she'd still not been so sure at the time she should assume the worst...and now she was less sure.

She'd assessed Dabi's character especially since he'd been such a pest to her (she'd had nothing else to do about it).

Granted, he was an ass, but...there were times, when he didn't think she was watching, when he'd shown how he cared about the team especially.

The way he looked out for Hanabi, and Eichi too sometimes, and defended them.

His clear trust in Shine and Wally's leadership and respect for their integrity.

His fairness in considering even her plight, despite not liking her or what she was doing, because it was an injustice. And that wasn't the important part, not that she or anyone else, was an enemy.

And he had been bold enough to step in without thinking of his own safety...when called for it.

And he'd been like that even under amnesia, too.

He never seemed to think any of this either, she mused, growing more troubled. He seemed to count it all as nothing to be proud of, though many Kages would have been glad enough of a worker who had such qualities. Lord Ay certainly would prefer it in his own...

Though the snarkiness and open resistance to authority was a negative...still, it wasn't excessive, not when it mattered.

That was her assessment for now, and it made her unsure what to do. Did he really deserve to be painted as a rogue? Ay probably wouldn't care for the nuances in it.

She knew Ay too well. He was a very loyal leader, and brave and true to his own people, but, he never saw any shades to any issue. Everything was black and white. If you were his Village, you were in. He would take your side no matter what. If you weren't, then if there was any question of not being safe for the Cloud, he was against you. Didn't matter if he personally thought you were a scoundrel or not, it was simply Cloud over all. Like their Will of Cloud motto.

And she had never seen a problem with this...until...

Until she'd gotten to know a group of people who didn't see life that way. Who treated everyone kindly, or as equally not above criticism or error, regardless of their Village.

Who had defended their enemy, or at least someone who could be their enemy, out of genuine concern.

She'd thought they took in criminals because they couldn't get anyone else to help them, but now she knew they could get the best of their Villages if they wished, so they'd only taken in criminals out of kindness also.

She was also discerning enough to know that not all the shinobi in the group would have been this way unless it was their core team of non-shinobi who were guiding them. She could tell that many of the Leaf did not trust the other Villages very well still--that the Sand would have been more cautious at least, even if they were more open, that Mist would probably not have dared to send anyone on this, and that Earth would not have been interested enough to...but the core group had somehow united all these people.

And it was working on her too. She'd tried to deny it, but she knew she wouldn't even be asking herself this if it wasn't.

She'd started to like them, to root for them, maybe longer ago than she was even aware of, and now even more so.

And, really, it wasn't even an issue for Cloud. They didn't want to harm Cloud, they wanted to help them, clearly. It wasn't a lie...

Yet, she knew, she was the only Cloud who'd probably believe this.

Maybe Karui would; she'd seen them unfiltered also, but she'd never do anything about it, not enough to matter to Ay... And she had little influence anyway.

Mabui had limited influence. She could tell Ay they weren't out to get them, but that was no longer the main point. The Village's attitude to them was the real problem, and Ay couldn't change that with force.

Would he still bend to their whims and turn on the team, and by extension all the other Villages, just because the Cloud couldn't let go of their suspicions of them?

She'd never been ashamed of her own people before, but...now she almost was. 

But then, she said to herself, Was I any different a year ago? I never gave any other Village a thought before now.

Maybe Dabi had been right about her the whole time. She was biased. She wouldn't have looked outside of her circle ever if they hadn't plucked her out of that building and ruined her stable, normal, and...stagnant life.

But there was no going back.

Mabui was not one to waste too much time pitying herself if things became undeniable. If the situation was really beyond regression, then she'd have to deal with it.

But how?

* * *

Shine got up at the break of dawn, still tired but unable to sleep, too much on her mind.

She went to get coffee and saw Mabui was awake already, or maybe she'd never slept.

She was leaning on the wall of the sitting room.

"Rough night?" Shine asked.

Mabui glanced up. "I've had better."

"The past few days have been a lot to deal with," Shine admitted. "For anyone. I can't say I blame you."

"No, you never do," Mabui said oddly.

Shine was so used to hearing things like this that she didn't even bat an eyelash.

She poured some coffee. "If you want to ask, ask."

Mabui glanced at her for a long moment, like she was deciding.

Then she came forward.

"You'll know sooner or later," she said, "but, I heard things, while we were in that genjutsu."

"I figured you must have," Shine said, pursing her lips. "No one has really had time to sort out what we did and said while under it. I'm only glad I didn't attack my own fiance."

"That would have been awful," Mabui agreed. "But, you might think it's a security risk... I suppose you don't kill, so I don't need to worry about that..."

"No, whatever you learned, it was a mistake, but it wasn't your fault, or ours, even," Shine said. "We'll have to deal with it. It's frustrating, but we wouldn't punish you for that."

One up on her Village, Mabui thought bitterly and then was surprised at herself for even thinking it. Had they rubbed off on her?

"Miss Likstar--" she began.

"Shine really would be fine," Shine interrupted.

"Miss Shine--" Mabui didn't really get her point. "--I must be candid then: What I heard, it confirmed something I noticed... You are not from the ninja lands, and I know you have never been willing to disclose everything to me, but, if this goes on for much longer, either I will have to tell them what I know or don't know, and they will draw their own conclusions, or...I don't know what will happen. But it won't be good, for either of us."

"I knew this would come up sooner or later," Shine said, leaning on the table. "I noticed one of the prisoners Hanabi and Eichi found had an odd name. Priscilla."

Mabui tilted her head. "Odd? Well, it's unusual, but there are other names like that in the Land of Lightning."

"Yes, I've noticed that your names in this land are a little different from the others," Shine said. "More like the names of where I come from."

Mabui paused.

"You think they're connected?"

"Could just be influence traveling over, but, even that, I wonder why it's stronger here than anywhere else," Shine said. She took a sip. "I wonder why your power is like a weaker version of mine, also."

"That is odd." Mabui didn't have the answer.

"And I wonder about you," Shine said. "You have a stricter code of honor than anyone else here, it feels like. It's unexpected, though not unpleasant. I wonder why you never say anything else about your clan, and what happened to them, truly. I wonder about a lot of things, Mabui-san. And so do you. But if neither of us are willing to trust each other because we're worried that the other person will tell someone we can't trust, then how do we solve this?"

"If you are talking about Lord Ay, he is not as unjust as you think," Mabui said, uncomfortably.

"And he would not choose Cloud over us still, no matter who was right?" Shine said.

"He must protect his own..."

"We don't want to hurt them--I know you believe that by now."

Mabui looked away. "I do believe it." She felt weird saying it, like she'd just bared something about herself that she wouldn't be able to cover again. "But...it won't matter, if they want to mistrust you."

"If they want to be blind, then yes, they will be blind," Shine agreed. "'Having eyes, they do not see. Having ears, they do not hear'." She took another thoughtful sip. "You know already what our big secret is, I bet...at least what it seems like. But you couldn't possibly guess the real truth. And if it was just you, I'd tell you. But Ay is not ready to hear it."

"You're so sure?" Mabui didn't feel right talking about Ay like this, but...

"Positive," Shine said firmly, though with some wryness. "Ay has good qualities, to be sure...but he's very narrow minded. Even if I don't think he could abuse our truth, he would not understand it. He may never understand it. And he may be better off not knowing. We did not tell the other Kages either. Only Gaara. Only Gaara needed to know. Truthfully, not even everyone on this team knows yet. We may fill them all in, when the time is right, but, we wait, give them a chance to show their true mettle."

"You mean even your team is not all in your full confidence? But with the risks you take...well, it's not unusual for leaders to have their own information, but how could you keep it secret for so many weeks?"

"Because, if someone really doesn't want to see something, they won't," Shine reiterated. "And our team, bless them, do not all want to see it nearly as much as they think they do. Those who have heard it have had a hard time with it, often. So why push it? You're too clever not to have realized what's off about us is not explained just by our faith, but do you want to have to carry more secrets?"

"I want to make sense of this, if for nothing else, then for my own peace of mind."

"And would you swear that you would not tell anyone, even Ay, what the secret was, if it was nothing that was against the Village?" Shine said. "Even if it was something that might endanger them, if only by extension, or even if they would hate it? I'm not saying it is, but, if that was the case, would you still respect our privacy?"

"I..." Mabui faltered.

"And that hesitation is why we haven't told you," Shine said coolly. "I can't blame you. If someone asked me not to tell my family something, I probably wouldn't agree. Unless it was something I was sure didn't affect them and wouldn't hurt them for me to keep to myself. You can't be sure of that yet. It would only torment you further to have to debate about it. Do you want that?"

Mabui narrowed her eyes at Shine.

"That sounds like something to hide that might be dangerous, all right...so should I be worried already?"

"I don't know about that," Shine said. "We all are dangerous. Your enemies have become ours through this entire incident. And we've taken up that burden because Gaara believes he should share the problems of the Villages between ourselves, if we want to share their blessings. And I agree. That's part of our faith, too...but, if you aren't willing to share ours, then it only goes one way. You have been made to share yours without your own choice, thus far, which is not fair, but life is not fair. If you had chosen it, maybe we could confide in you."

"But you can't ask me to choose between you and my Village," Mabui said. "And that is what it always sounds like you're asking."

"Our leader and teacher once said, 'Anyone who is not willing to leave father and mother to follow me is not worthy of me,'" Shine said. "He did not mean that everyone should or would leave their families to follow Him, but that, if you do not believe in something enough to leave everyone you know for, you don't really believe in it. Ours is the kind of loyalty that trumps even our earthly ties, because we think there are things above earth. You Cloud say that Cloud is above all, but we think that heaven is above all, even the clouds, and there is something worth more than a Village."

Mabui pursed her lips. "Which is dangerous."

"No, it's really not." Shine folded her arms. "Not thinking that is more dangerous. Villages create strife with each other to get power because they think protecting their status is the most important thing. Villages are above all...but we don't think so, and so we have no need to conquer the Villages. What we believe in is already higher than them, and we'd debase ourselves by trying to control them. Gaara is a Kage, granted, but he'd pursue this whether he was or not, and if he had to leave off being a Kage for it, he would... He's shown that on this journey, and I'm proud of him for that. I'm proud of all of them. They're unusually brave kids. Some of them have left everything to do this, even for a few months, and risked their lives. I hope their reward for it will be great down the line. I can't give it to them, but I think that my Lord will. So, what I'm saying to you is nothing that we have not done and may not have to do again. I have many times..."

She tilted her head. "I don't hate my home. I'm not working against it, Mabui. I consider all this as part of helping it, in some way. But I wouldn't let it make me do what I know is wrong."

That last part made Mabui flinch.

It was too honest, too strongly put for her to like it.

Shinobi didn't think about if they were "right" and "wrong", as the team had noted many times--that made things too uncomfortable to think about.

[You'll not find those words used often on the show, and probably only the English dub when they are used, something I noted when I watched it the first time.]

Shine didn't miss her reaction.

She nodded firmly.

"You couldn't expect them to think the same as you," Mabui said. "Do you know you sound like a rogue? They put their own ideas above the Village."

"If their ideas were right instead of crazy, that wouldn't be a bad thing," Shine said.

"What?" Mabui was shocked.

"Sweetheart, think about it logically, aside from the Villages," Shine said. "If they were right, and the Villages were not, how could it be bad for them to be right? Unless you only care about right if it's what the Village wants...but that always leads to corruption. Blood Mist Village? Rain Village? Do you want to be like them? They're designated even by your other Villages as especially corrupt, and yet that was going with what the Villages were willing to enforce. Surely you can't honestly think Villages are impugnable?"

"But, to completely turn against them, alone..." Mabui said.

"Honey, when the Villages were started by Hashirama and the other leaders, do you think they had the whole people's will? Or was it theirs? The leaders were once alone too," Shine said. "But you revere them. And perhaps you should, in some cases, if they deserve it...but that's all there is to it. Your way is not logical. You deny that individuals can see things better than the whole group, and yet you have individuals as leaders of your Villages, whom you obey without question, the Kages... Unless you truly believe they know best or could do the best, you'd be crazy, then, to have Kages. Surely you must realize that's nonsensical."

"Of course there are some who...deserve to lead." Mabui felt she'd played into Shine's hands somehow. "But they don't abandon the Village."

"Granted, perhaps, but the rogues don't always leave them out of choice. Some of them are driven out. Should we blame them?" Shine said. "If they had nothing left, you know...or it's just they were born with a power no one liked. Is that their fault?"

"No...I mean...but we don't do that."

"Good, Cloud may be better after all...and yet, how have they treated you? How would they treat anyone else in your position?"

"Well, that's different. They just...can't see that it could all be coincidence...and I wouldn't even think that, maybe, if I didn't know..."

"That's true, maybe, but it doesn't make you right for not believing it--or them right." Shine shrugged. "You know the truth, right now...so you do know better. Maybe you're not special. Maybe it's just that you had the chance to see it, but if they don't take that same chance, isn't it their own choice? And isn't falling in with them merely lying to yourself? If that's what Ay intends, then I can't respect him. I do not lie to protect my students, Mabui. And I do not side with them if they are wrong. I love them, and I would protect them, but I would also do justice. We accept that no one is without fault and anyone can be wrong, so we check each other so that we don't get out of control. That's just wisdom, if you ask me...and all Gaara wishes to have with the Villages--provide some accountability, some honor between them. Enough with all the backstabbing..."

She paused and then sighed. "If this is too much to ask of you, I understand. It's not fair, and it never was...yet we aren't always given opportunities in the most pleasant way for us... Sometimes the chance we are given comes in unpleasant packaging, just to test our true character. And some chances can only be truly utilized if they are unpleasant, because it proves something to the people that can only be proven when things are not going well. I know for you this has been excruciatingly difficult, and for many in our team it was...but we're all sent good and bad times and opportunities into our lives. Perhaps you know about that already."

Mabui didn't know quite what she meant.

"I can't help you if you don't let me," Shine went on. "I've had my limits tested here too. Cunning isn't enough with this Village. You have to be more--stronger, better, more charismatic--than I think I am. But, I'm not giving up yet. We've done our best to help you...but we have limits, and if you're not all in, then you'll always be torn... That's not going to make anything better. You being in limbo is not going to clear your name or ours."

"I know. But I couldn't choose your team...not if it was truly bad for the Village...and if it's not, if they think it is, then choosing it..."

"So what if they think it is?" Shine cut in. "Isn't it your duty and honor to do what's best for the Village, even if it costs you your life?"

Mabui paused. She hadn't seen it that way before.

"Not that I want you to give up you life," Shine added. "But if it came to that, why would you let that stop you? Any other threat, probably, you'd consider that just part of the job. If you know we're not doing you all any harm, then why does it matter? If you think our mission will help Cloud, then why not fight for that till the end?"

Mabui stared at her, startled by how clear cut that choice was.

And...really, wasn't it what she'd been getting at herself, in the last several hours? She was just too afraid to face it.

After a long pause, which Shine found hard to bear but didn't want to push her too much by interrupting, Mabui finally spoke again.

"If I was to think that way, then I'd really need to know your secret is not bad for us, but you said it could be dangerous."

"It is in the way living next to a volcano is dangerous. If something goes wrong, it's a disaster, but if nothing sets it in motion, it makes everything around it more fertile, which is to say, it helps things grow and expand. It's a risk. If the volcano stays dormant, then you have nothing to fear from our secret. But, if some foolish person wanted to throw someone into it, wanted to set it off, then it might blow up in all of our faces. We can't fully control that. That's why we don't tell a lot of people. Not the wish to hide anything--I hate hiding things--but there are times classified is smartest. You can appreciate that, can't you?"

"I know that we all do the same. But how can we ever trust each other if, even without malice, things could still erupt, as you put it, if we make a mistake?"

Shine laughed. "There you have it... Hasn't that been our problem this whole time?"

Mabui realized it was true. They had gone around in circles on this for the last 2 weeks.

"The thing is--" Shine sobered. "--that's what trust is. We can't really be sure, as humans, that we won't mess things up. We know we will, in fact, sometimes...but we can trust that someone is not going to want to, that they will do all they can to fix it if they do, that they are better than their worst moments. And then we take the plunge."

She stood up. "I have Sasuke Uchiha on my team, Mabui. Do you think I didn't ask myself daily for a while if that was a mistake?"

"Did you? But then why did you allow it?"

"Allow it? I practically begged him to join," Shine said.

"Begged him?"

"I couldn't make it sound that way, but I know what I was doing. I was surprised he said yes. I thought it was a miracle...so it was worth the risk to me." Shine straightened her hair. "Out of love, I would risk a lot. It doesn't always work out, but, when it does, it's the best feeling. I risked having a partner on such a dangerous kind of job... I regret nothing, though I worry about him. I risk letting my mentees join us, even though it wasn't my idea, but I had to accept it...and they've done wonderfully. We couldn't have succeeded without them, truly...but it's still a risk. Every day. Everyone on our team is a risk. You are too." She leveled her with one of her piercing gazes. "We could have gotten rid of you, creatively, without killing you...but we don't do that. We take what we're given in life, because how do we know it wasn't what was best? Sure, you can try to make it better, trade up, but sometimes you can't do that. Then you gotta learn from it.  Perhaps we're more alike than you think, situation-wise."

"I never doubted that," Mabui admitted, more honestly. "Our fates were intertwined by chance, it seems like, but, they were intertwined nonetheless."

"I don't believe in chance, truly. I believe that things are planned a certain way. You have a tough choice, and I won't lie to you about that. But I hope you make it because you think it's the right thing to do. Not to please anyone else."

"It sounds as if you want me to make a certain choice, then."

Shine glanced at the clock and then at her. "It sounds like you already have an idea what you think the right choice is, actually. And you just are afraid of it."

She shrugged and then walked up and patted Mabui's shoulder--she towered over her. It was like Lord Ay doing it, almost, just lighter.

"I can't make this easier for you," she said. "But, I promise, if you throw your lot in with us, we'll never abandon you. We don't do that. We fight hard for our people. That's probably not enough to decide on, but it might be a comfort...I hope."

"Suppose I choose not to," Mabui said. "And it may be the right choice not to side with you... Even if you're not opposing Cloud, maybe you're not what we need."

"I'd question if you really could be sure of that, based on only what's happened so far, but, if that's your honest position, I suppose we can't fault you. But if not, then we can. Either way, if you decide that, we're not going to out you...unless you attack us directly. I guess we have to then, but I can't see that happening. I know you could have hurt us a long time ago with twisting information on us, if you had only ever wanted to get rid of us and clear your name. But you never did that. You hoped this would work, didn't you? Best for everyone."

"I...suppose I can't say I don't think that being at peace is safer than otherwise," Mabui said. "After the war... Divided, we could fall."

"I quite agree." Shine smiled. Then she left. "I have to wake up the others," she said over her shoulder.

https://youtu.be/ZeBDSqscFhw

["TrusT"--half alive]