C H A P T E R   16 :   L O S T   I N   M Y   C R O S S F I R E

I didn't get to hear Logan's response to my wonderful line because Mystique woke up. Perfect timing. He quickly reacted by trapping her under his armpit and dragging her outside and I followed them.

Somehow instead of being evacuated the students were already there. And when I saw Dyani in front of them I understood why. After our encounter in the corridor she had come back to the basement and incited the students to fight alongside the X-Men. Because of course nobody yet knew she had joined the dark side. Logan looked over at Charles and he nodded, so he let Mystique go and join the Brotherhood. I looked around, spotting my friends. I wanted to warn them but at the same time I didn't want to be the one devastating their worlds.

"Guys, what are you doing here—" Scott was asking to the crowd of students when Magneto interrupted him.

"They came to choose. Seems like they are wiser than the X-Men. They knew that if they ran away we would destroy this place and they'd never be able to come back. That we would retaliate harder. So, whoever wants to join us, feel free to do so."

I closed my eyes, already knowing who would step up initially. I heard Rogue and Bobby gasp first. Then everyone else, including Charles and Jean. For mind readers it should be impossible for them to be surprised.

"Dyani, what are you doing?" Rogue shouted as we all watched her walk towards the other side. Rogue tried to grab her but Bobby stopped her.

"I'm fulfilling my destiny." She replied, a hint of excitement in her tone.

"Welcome, Dyani, our spy right under their noses." Magneto said.

"How is it possible?" Charles asked in misery. Logan glanced at me with a question in his eyes. I nodded and mouthed 'I knew'.

Dyani puller her hair away from her face ro reveal her ears covered in diamonds.

"I can choose what you read in me." She explained. "And from now on I'll make all of my choices."

"Welcome to the club, darling. I'll be your mentor now." Emma Frost winked at her, pulling her into her arms in a protective, maternal way. I noticed Jean and Storm wincing, but Dyani was resplendent. And somehow, seeing her beside Emma, I understood how she was a piece that fit into that puzzle. Good and bad, light and dark, hero and villain, were all words that fell short of human nature. I tried to hold on to that hope, that she would still have her moral compass with her.

Thinking the friend I had no longer existed, or had never existed, hurt too much. It hadn't been all faking, I knew. Part of her had cared for us and it was that part I would remember from now on. I looked over at Rogue, who was sobbing. They had been friends for much longer.

"As for the others, the doors remain open." Magneto announced, hands raised in all his glory.

At first, nobody moved. Then I saw one, two, three kids that did. I didn't know them but still it felt like a total slap on the face while having our eyes closed. Charles was impassive but I could see him crumbling underneath the surface. I counted at least five kids going away, leaving others dumbfounded and crying. The darkness in us was easy to hide from the world but hard to escape from.

Magneto's eyes fell, for some inexplicable reason, on me. Then I heard a voice in my head.

What about you, darling? It was Emma, I could tell. She was recruiting mentally. You're skilled and smart. Your abilities are by themselves impressive, but your power... a rough diamond. Together, we can polish it and refine it.

I narrowed my eyes. What was she talking about?

You don't know? Her voice played with the keys of my brain. Unbelievable. This school really likes to cut the wings out of their angels. You have the chance to alter reality, darling, shape it and bent it at your will and you don't even know it. What a waste. With us, you could be a Goddess. Not a disciple.

I refused to believe a word of what she was saying. I knew how allure and persuasion worked.

Tell me, darling, don't you sometimes have premonitions? It's not just intuition, you know? It's not just a sixth cat sense. It's your power warning you about all the possibilities surrounding you. Don't you sometimes feel things nobody else does? Don't you hate Karma? Because it causes you so much bad luck? Have you ever stopped to consider it's actually you? And you can change it, darling. We can teach you how to turn it into good luck. You'll never have to suffer another second in your life.

Her words, somehow, rang a bell. They made sense. I remembered Charles telling me I was special when we first met. How I could detect people in my mind when I wasn't supposed to realize their presence. How I always relied on my instincts. And above all, how I had had so much bad luck in my past. Before and after the experiments. Knowing that I could have been responsible for it, that my bad luck could be a symptom, a result of a power of mine made me want to throw up.

I'm not interested in joining the circus, I argued but I was stuttering mentally.

Really? I can see you've suffered too much already. You have a damaged soul and, darling, you are not the only one. We make power blossom from pain, it's our secret. It can be yours too. Speaking about secrets... I can see the school discovered recently something about you you'd rather keep hidden. If you join us, we can erase that tiny, annoying piece of information out of everbody's minds.

So Dyani leaked my identity for this as well, uh? I thought. To allure me to join you in exchange of you erasing people's memories about my alias.

Yes. You'll get to choose who you want to tell it about. Black Cat can be only yours again. Yours and... his.

My fists clenched. Every cell of my body boiled. This was trespassing at all levels. My mind wasn't a movie for her to watch. Invading my privacy was one thing and I hated it. But touching his name and my most cherished memories was a declaration of war.

Get out of my mind, anger spoke for me and incredulously she did. I heard a snap somewhere and watched as Emma's eyes widened.

"Unbelievable." I heard her whisper under her breath. "Are you sure you don't want to join us?" She asked aloud, and everyone's eyes fell on me. "You would be a great asset in our arsenal."

"Well, the thing is... I'm not a weapon." I answered back. I'm a war. "You can't pull my trigger, darling. Stray bullets get lost in my crossfire."

She smiled. "I'm impressed."

"Felicia" Logan murmured next to me. "What just happened?"

"I received an invitation, Logan." I smirked. "And I just said no. I'm not done getting on your nerves yet."

Wolverine smirked. "Sounds good to me."

"We will leave now." Magneto proclaimed, head held high and proud. A wave of relief washed over me. Fortunately he was satisfied with his harvest and didn't plan to take anything else away from us. At least for now. "For those of you who stay... it's your loss. But if you ever change your mind, just think it and we will find you."

"Stop harassing my students now, Erik." Charles demanded, in a more authoritarian tone than ever before. "I hope I will not see you here again soon."

"Don't worry, you won't. I do not wish to begin another war with you. My goal is achieved. The Brotherhood will leave you alone now." Magneto declared and deep within me I felt it was true. Emma's words on my mind came back. Did I really have access to a part of reality others didn't? Could I know things even without being a mind reader?

They started turning around, so I took a step forward. Logan's arm shot in my direction, grabbing mine and preventing me from going any further. His touch was enough to set the sun on fire.

"Felicia, what are you..." I ignored him, released my arm and continued.

"Wait." I spoke up, holding the Brotherhood's intense stares. "Where's Lewis? He's a student here and you took him away."

"Don't worry, Felicia." A voice spoke up and I instantly smiled. "We've got him."

Havok and Sunspot came down from the sky like an apparition, holding Lewis. They had their suits on and each one was using their powers to fly, the blasts of cosmic and solar energy complementing one another. One day I'd have to ask them for a ride.

I looked over at Lewis. He had some injuries but nothing that looked too serious. He also had an annoyed expression on his face, but it smoothed down once they landed.

"We will see each other around, Charles." Magneto said. "But I advise you to stay out of my way."

"I will never stay out of your way, Erik." Charles replied, and one side of Magneto's lips curled up ever so slightly. They stared at each other and Dyani and I locked eyes. She mouthed a 'goodbye'. I mouthed it back, fighting the lump in my throat and the hole in my heart.

It hurt, and perhaps it would never heal, but with time it would hurt less and less. This pain wasn't new. I was an expert on farewells.

Alex, Roberto and Lewis walked towards us, the latter giving me a short nod before Jean took him inside to take care of him.

Roberto smiled at me and I smiled back, but Alex's usual joy was on hold.

"Lorna..." He whispered and as if she had heard him, the green-haired girl looked over her shoulder, at him, into him, through him. He had why written all over his face, and she just shook her head slightly, her answer simple: because. She turned forward, and Alex's stare fell to the ground. Roberto gave a comforting squeeze to his shoulder.

"You know nothing is forever, Alex. Not even sides."

Alex nodded, giving his friend a small, thankful smile. Then he turned to me.

"I saw Dyani there too..."

"She made her choice. All I can do is respect it." Even if she hit my head with her fist and then my heart with a twist. "Let's go. We have a lot of rebuilding to do."

***

Three weeks later, the school was getting back to what it had been before. The destroyed objects had been replaced, injuries had been taken care of and security had been improved. However, the blank spaces of those who left would never be replaced and I, with experience in the matter, had tried to help Rogue and the others as I could.

Lewis and I had talked briefly. We apologized to each other for not having been able to help the other the night of Dyani's attack, but he showed no will to speak about his time with the Brotherhood and I didn't insist. If he felt like talking he knew I'd listen.

On mid November Charles called me to his office. About damn time, I thought, since I had been waiting for it.

"I'm very impressed with you, Felicia." He said when I closed the door behind me. "Not only did you help during the Brotherhood's... visit, you also helped keep people together and strong afterwards. You kept them from falling apart."

I shrugged.

"I wasn't going to let some arrogant pricks ruin the one good thing I have in my life. Sorry, I know Magneto is..." I trailed off. Charles nodded.

"You could have gone with them, they would have liked that very much. They gave you tempting offers. Offers few would refuse."

"I'm a rule breaker. I have a talent on finding the exception to every rule." I smirked.

"I'm serious, Felicia. They promised you a life without any more pain. They offered to erase from people's mind the thing you wanted to keep most hidden. They revealed to you a power you didn't know you had."

"Well, yeah, if they wanted me, they should have gotten to me first. Not steal me away from the place I can finally call home." I said. I wanted to talk about my power but I had a feeling Charles would approach that later. He smiled. The attack, seeing Magneto and the departure of some of his students had shaken him but he was recovering and I was glad I could play a part in it. He had helped me so much; I could only try to do the same.

"I know you didn't do it with any reward on your mind, but I'd like to offer you the same. You didn't deserve having your secret out in the open without your consent."

My eyes widened a bit.

"You... you would do that? Isn't that amoral or something?"

"You suffered with my blindness, Felicia. I failed in seeing we had a spy among us and you suffered the consequences. It is only fair I thank you in the only way I can. All it takes is one yes and every mind you choose will stop knowing you're the Black Cat. It will be as before, with only the teachers aware. Then you can choose who to tell, as it is your right. Don't worry, it will not affect people or their minds in any way. They'll never realize, it will be like they never knew in the first place. So... yes or no?"

I didn't have to think much. A part of me would always choose survival over ethics.

"Yes."

Charles nodded. "I'll work on that quickly. Now, about what Emma Frost told you—"

"Is it true? I've been dying to know, Charles, please don't keep it from me. I deserve to know if I really have some kind of power that causes bad luck to me and to those around me."

"It's more complicated than that. Before Emma, we already had some suspicions you could have a power that can influence reality but we decided we would only mention it to you when you were established here, physically and mentally. Of course Emma had to disrespect that, but that's not the point. The thing is we are not sure, so until we are I'd rather not confuse you with suppositions and assumptions. But if it's okay with you... we'd like to run some tests to see if we can find out more."

I swallowed. The idea of medical procedures didn't make me comfortable, but if it meant I could have some answers...

"Ok."

"Then Jean is waiting for you at the infirmary. Good luck, Felicia."

"I hate that expression." I complained, getting up to leave.

***

"Every new student must do routine exams to see if everything is alright with their health and also to give us an insight on their powers and abilities. It's a way for us to analyse them and see how evolved they are." Jean explained to me in the infirmary.

"Then why didn't I make them when I arrived here?"

"Charles wanted you to get used to the school first." Jean said as she prepared the equipment. Seeing her walking around with all those tubes, needles and monitors wasn't helping to keep my nerves under control. "He thought that if he ran the tests right away he would scare you."

And once again he was right. If when I arrived, instable and anxious, someone had told me I needed to rest on a stretcher to do a bunch of exams, yeah, I would have turned around and run away.

"Since we have suspicions over a power you might have but no confirmation yet, we think it's time you make all those exams at once now. If we have scientific proof of your power we will have a better understanding of it and then we can help you deal with it better. I know you don't feel very comfortable with medical procedures so I'll try to do this as quickly and as less painfully as I can, ok?"

I remained quiet.

"Ok, Felicia? Can we do this? If you don't feel ready we can delay it."

"No, it's okay. Let's get this over with."

***

In between one of the exams, Logan came to see me. I knew it was him even before he entered, that scent of smoke, sweat and summer mixed together unmistakable and inebriating to me. He knocked on the infirmary door once.

"Felicia? Are you decent?"

I laughed.

"Would you prefer a yes or a no?"

"I'd prefer you answered me with an answer rather than with a question like you do all the time."

"Come in, Logan. Is it better?"

"Yes." He said while entering, sitting on the chair next to the bed I was in. I tried not to think of how vulnerable I already was. And how much more I had become with his proximity. "How are you?"

"I'm tough. I can handle this."

He nodded, a hand running through his beard. I clenched my fists under the blankets. I felt the silly urge to touch it.

"Despite our classes, we haven't talked much about... you know, everything that happened. Dyani--"

"I don't want to talk about it." I interrupted, turning my head the other way.

"Ok." He said, his voice raspy. "But do you need to?"

I sighed into the pillow. Why did he always have to know what to say?

"I don't know." I confessed, turning to him. I straightened up and sat on the bed, my fingers twisting the sheets. "I don't know what I'm supposed to feel. I guess I've been so occupied with rebuilding the school, helping where I could and just being there for everyone else that I've kind of forgot being there for me. I haven't really had a proper time to think about what happened or how it affected me. Or maybe... I'm just too scared to. Dyani was my friend, a good one. She was there for me when I was new here. And then I found out she was a traitor. Yet still a part of me refuses to treat her that way."

"You choose how you perceive her. It's up to you to cherish the good memories instead of aching with the bad ones. You get to choose to hold on to the good in her instead of the bad. I mean, I know that's what I'm gonna do. It's easier for the conscience that way."

My head nodded, but did my heart?

"It's gonna take some time to recover from this blow." I said. "Until I can remember her without holding a grudge."

"Take the time you need."

"Did it ever happen to you?" I asked, partially out of curiosity, partially out of the need of comprehension.

"Friends turning enemies? All the time, Felicia. And the opposite too. A person can be many people at different stages of their lives and of their minds. We're not static. And for someone who's been here for a while, well, I've seen a lot of switching sides. Lots of turncoats. That's... well, one of the reasons why it is so hard for me to trust someone."

I nodded. I could relate.

"I also wanted to tell you... you did well during the attack. I saw you fighting and it made me damn proud. You're improving greatly, you'll be... well, you know. And I heard you defended as many kids as you could."

"Is that such a surprise coming from me? I mean, everyone comes congratulating me as if I went against my nature or something. I know I'm not the kindest person out there but still... it pisses me off a bit. If I was always nice no one would value one singular act of kindness I did. But since I'm not... it's like suddenly I'm the best person on Earth and that's not how it should work. Nice people should be more valued. I don't deserve all this recognition. I did one good thing in an ocean of people who do good every day."

"That is the first time you're being humble when you shouldn't." Logan replied, the tips of his lips curling up in his half smile. "Allow yourself to be recognized, Felicia. Don't tell me you don't like it."

"It's not that, it's just... it wasn't that big of a deal. I didn't do it in search of recognition. It didn't take effort. And everyone's treating me like I did the hardest thing ever, because Black Cat can't have innate kindness."

"Why do you always overthink things? For someone so intuitive you're also damn rational."

"I'm conflicted, Logan. Things are never plain and simple with me."

Logan smirked. "Thank God, otherwise it would be very boring teaching you."

I grinned. "Are you by any chance admitting you actually like training me?"

"Interpret it as you want. But it wasn't just the fighting. You notice things, like when you supposedly saw me at a hotel and in reality it was Mystique. I told Charles and we managed to ruin one of the Brotherhood's plans because of it. You discovered Dyani was the spy and you tried to warn me and ended up being tricked by Mystique. And when you faced her in my form... well, not many would last so long. And you've got this strength of will... you didn't give in to the pressure Emma Frost did on you, and I know she can be very... charming."

"Speak from personal experience?" My lips smirked, but for some reason the rest of me didn't. It was just exhaustion from the exams, I was sure. "Don't worry," I continued before he could say anything. I didn't want to hear his answer. "I know where I belong."

Logan was about to reply when Jean interrupted us.

"Logan!" She exclaimed, surprised and delighted. "What are you doing here? Did you come to see me?"

And then she offered him a smile she had only for him. Well, and Scott.

"No, actually I came to see Felicia." Logan answered. He got up, oblivious to the effect his phrase had on Jean. And me.

"Ah, ok, well... you need to leave now so we can do the next exam."

"Sure. Felicia, after this I want you to rest, ok? No training afterwards."

"Good luck having fun without me, then." I smirked, he smiled a bit and Jean scowled at me. Once Logan left, she turned to me.

"You are aware Logan is your teacher, right?"

My eyes instantly narrowed. "If you're trying to say something, just say it."

"I'm not. It's just... sometimes it seems you get too comfortable around him. I just... I wouldn't want you to cross a limit."

What limit? Yours? I wanted to ask.

"What's the next exam?" I questioned instead.

***

After some hours I was finally free. I had made all kinds of exams but it wasn't as hard and haunting as I thought it would be. Something was actually getting better within me, and I loved it. For so long I had given up on me, thinking there was no hope for me. Yet this school was really reversing the odds and showing me impossible was but a word.

"I will analyze the exams and once I have the results I'll tell you something." Jean declared in a distant voice. She had adopted that tone ever since encountering me with Logan. "It will probably take a few days, though. You can go now."

"Thanks." I left the infirmary and went outside to feel some fresh air. My friends were by the lake, making fun of the cold weather, and I walked towards them.

"Felicia!" Bianca exclaimed with a grin. Unexpectedly she had been the one to hold us all together with her brightness. She was a beacon of light leading our ships away from darkness. "We're playing Truth or Dare!"

"And nobody's naked yet? That's a record." I said smiling, sitting down next to them. "Well, now that I'm here we'll know when someone's lying, so no cheating."

"And it's Piotr's turn!" Alex announced cheerfully. It was nice seeing him back to his normal self. It was nice seeing us all back to what we were, even with one less.

"Call me Peter if you don't know how to pronounce my name correctly." Piotr said with a grin. He had been hanging out more and more with us, mainly because of Kitty. He was a quiet, virtuous guy with a golden heart in that big, strong body.

"Piotr," Alex teased in his awful accent. "Truth or Dare?"

"Dare."

"Very well." Alex drummed his fingers on his chin dramatically. "Ok, I dare you to kiss the most beautiful girl in here."

Everyone's eyes turned to me. Except Piotr's, and I grinned.

"Why are you staring at me..." Kitty was saying when she finally realized. "Oh."

"Can I?" Piotr asked, slowly, shyly, eagerly. He always looked at her like she was the only rose in a desert full of cactus and at that moment it was like it was him phasing through her.

"I..." Her eyes were locked on his and everyone else was invisible. "Yes."

He didn't waste any more time and gave her a kiss that took the breath out of my lungs. He kissed her in a way Nicholas Sparks would have been proud. Slowly, but making her heart put Usain Bolt to shame.

"Well, this was interesting." Alex said, visibly proud of his achievement. He knew exactly who Piotr would choose. This guy was a Cupid in disguise. "I expect an invitation to your wedding."

"You're all invited." Piotr said into the kiss and Kitty grinned.

"Ok, I think our eyes have been murdered enough." Bobby joked, but I understood he was doing this because he sensed Rogue's discomfort. It couldn't be easy for her seeing everyone around her being able to touch so freely. "Can we get back to the game now?"

It took some more seconds for them to agree, but eventually they did.

"Ok, now you, Felicia." Rogue said, staring mischievously at me. "Truth or Dare?"

"Hum... truth."

"Seriously?" Bianca asked incredulously. "We had a dare prepared for you already!"

"I know, that's why I went for truth. Honestly I can't understand why everyone would think I would avoid choosing truth whenever I could. I love challenges, but not if they are cunningly designed by you. The truth is less scary."

"Are you sure?" Rogue smirked. Not really, but I can't go back now. I nodded. "Ok, then..." She glanced at the others, eyebrows being raised. My heart was bumping in my chest, already imagining everything they could ask. My past was full of truths I didn't want to face. I knew this was just a game, but still...

They asked me the last thing I would have thought about.

"When you're alone with Logan in that small, sultry room, all sweaty and pumped, do you find yourself having dirty thoughts about him?"

Oh gosh.

"Dare." I said and they all burst out laughing.

"We dare you to call Logan 'Daddy' in one of the group training lessons." Bianca informed excitedly. "And everyone has to hear."

I facepalmed. "Why is everything Logan-related?"

"Will you do it or not?" Rogue asked as everyone laughed at my misery.

"I'll say it if the opportunity comes but I won't promise anything." I said, catching a glimpse of Scott from the corner of my eye. "Now if you'll excuse me, kids, I must go."

"You can try to run away, but you won't escape it, Felicia!" Alex called after me as I shook my head.

Scott Summers was destroying some targets with his eyes in one of the training fields and I stayed there watching him for a moment until he put his glasses back on and turned around.

"What are you doing here?" He questioned, muscled arms crossed over his even more muscled chest. I could see his appeal but Logan just had something... else.

"Here as in... the world? Good question."

I couldn't see it, but I bet he was rolling his eyes. I wondered what would happen if he rolled them without glasses.

"Jean did warn me about your half answers."

"Jean talks about me?"

"Sometimes. Not more than Logan, though. It's like you're his protégé or something."

Well, didn't that sound nice?

"Are you friends with him?" I asked curiously.

"Mine and Logan's relationship is mainly professional. We're colleagues."

"And where does Jean insert herself in that?"

Scott snickered, obviously annoyed that I had brought their famous love triangle to the conversation. But I couldn't help it, Jean's scene of jealousy in the infirmary refused to leave my mind. It was so senseless,se had no reasons to be jealous.

"Jean's my girlfriend." Scott declared in a slightly possessive voice. "And she's only Logan's friend."

"Are you sure?" I crossed my arms over my chest and raised an eyebrow in a challenging way. "Because it seems like Jean wants the both of you."

"What gives you the right to say such things about her?" He asked, angry. His anger was different from Logan's. It didn't amuse me. It just pissed me off. "You don't know her and you're not a mind reader, so how could you know?"

I shrugged.

"Call it my sixth sense. I have an awesome one, didn't you know?"

He snickered again.

"Jean also mentioned you were a little too full of yourself." Of course she did.

"Well, where's the logic in that? She doesn't know me that well either, and as far as I know she never read my mind."

"Maybe it's the way you act." Scott said simply, like a Mr. Know It All.

"Then there you have your answer, Cyclops. Maybe it's the way she acts."

A/N: Picture is Scott Summers aka Cyclops played by James Marsden.

Why do you think Felicia dislikes Jean so much?