C H A P T E R   21 :   B E   M Y   P O S T   S C R I P T U M

"Ready to lose?" I asked Lewis as I put on my helmet and sat on my bike. It was night already and I was counting with my sharper eye to hand me sweet victory.

"I gotta say since it's you I don't mind being behind." He replied, a sly smirk playing at his lips. He hoped onto his motorbike and stared at me. "Don't worry, I'll have your back."

I laughed. "Well, don't stare too much."

***

I won the race. Lewis had skills and a will to win but I had better reflexes and an even greater will to make him stare at my back all the way to the mansion. I was a good friend; I wanted him to enjoy what was good. Besides, there was just absolutely no way I was going to lose to a guy.

"Damn, you do know how to drive." Lewis whistled as he took off his helmet. I noticed some girls stopping to stare at him. Even more guys stopped to stare at me. I knew there was something they found irresistible in a girl in leather and on a motorbike. Maybe they thought we could give them a good ride. They weren't wrong.

"Damn, you do know how to sound surprised." I winked at him. Being sarcastic with Lewis was easy: it was not a foreigner language to him.

"I just never had to work hard to win a race before."

"Clearly you didn't work hard enough." I grinned. "Do I see you at dinner? I'm gonna take a shower now."

"Sure. Want some company?" He asked with a devilish, handsome smirk that would easily feature him the bad boy role in a Hollywood movie.

"Sure I do." I replied with an equally graceful half-smile.

He let out a laugh and pulled his hair away from his eyes.

"Just not mine, right?"

I chuckled, but my heart became very serious.

"See you at dinner, Lewis." I turned around to leave, but then he spoke again. I looked over my shoulder to find him smiling fondly at me. It was a rare expression on Lewis, and also my favorite.

"Thank you, Felicia. For what you did for me. Most likely for what you will still do in the future. So I guess it's a thank you in advance."

I felt a thud in my chest.

"Life is not a letter, Lewis."

"Well, if it were, I'd want you to be my post scriptum."

***

Unfortunately, Bianca was using our dorm's bathroom so I had to go to one of the public ones, which didn't please me since I favored my personal space and privacy very much. I would never fit in the army or in a team sport, always being bossed around and submitted to strict routines. If Uncle Sam wanted me in the army, he'd have to ask Steve Rogers to recruit me.

Someone had probably just used the showers since I walked into a mist of steam in the bathroom. I waved my hand in front of my face to try to clear my vision, and once the vapor faded away, I noticed someone was standing in front of me with a simple white towel wrapped around their torso.

I had a half-naked Wolverine in front of me and I was not even dreaming. Surely, this is what LG was thinking when they created their slogan 'Life's good'.

"Felicia." Logan said slowly as if he wasn't sure it was me. I mentally sighed of relief for the fact I had not yet started undressing myself, but mostly I was just thanking every existing God for this moment. This day had been filled with so many different wonderful views.

Logan was shredded, ripped, and every other positive adjective you could think of to describe a muscular torso. His muscles had just the right size, well defined but not overworked; his skin was spot on in healthy glow and bronzed tone; his arms showed just the right amount of veins to look sexy, strong and not creepy.

Someone please remind me to thank Bianca.

He was somewhere between an athlete, a model, a Navy seal and a Greek sculpture. I wondered if the girls from Team Scott would change their minds if they had seen what I was seeing. I wondered if I was the only student with this privileged sight. A part of me wanted to be.

"Are you listening to me?" His harsh, slightly annoyed voice woke me up from my reveries. Logan was funny. He calmed down my night terrors and boosted my daydreams.

"Uh... hum... no." I mentally slapped myself for my stutter. I had seen plenty of shirtless males over the years, some just as striking as Logan. But none of them had made me this dizzy. The steam was messing with my senses, it was the only plausible explanation. "What?"

"I was asking you what you're doing here." His tone was as firm and detached as always, and that made me regain my composture. Clearly Logan was unaffected by this encounter of ours, so for what reason shouldn't I be too?

"What kind of question is that?" I lashed out, because that was what I did whenever something made me uncomfortable. "There's only a limit of things you can do in a bathroom, don't you think?"

Logan just stared. Then he bent down to pick up his bag from the floor, the other hand firmly placed on his towel to prevent it from falling. Of course gravity never worked when we wanted it too. I watched in fascination as his muscles flexed and contracted but made sure my face and body were perfectly calm when he rose up again.

If Logan were Sherlock Holmes I'd be his one unsolved case.

"Not if you're creative." He ended up saying, his lips curled up ever so slightly, which in turn made me smile greatly. It was like the minimum action in him caused the maximum reaction in me.

"Well, if you really want to know--"

"I don't." His tone was serious, but there was a hint of bliss in his eyes.

My smile grew wilder. "I just came to take a shower. The same as you, I suppose."

Logan dropped the bag onto the floor and crossed his arms over his chest. It was like he was deliberately making my eyes move towards barred land. Like he was forcing me to stare at something I couldn't touch. Showing me a forbidden fruit I could never taste. This guy always came up with new ways to torture me.

"Why didn't you use your room's bathroom then?" He questioned, his voice a fusion of minor bother and major indifference.

"Be careful with so many questions or I might start thinking you're controlling me."

"I don't waste time on lost causes." Logan replied while picking up a towel to dry his hair. It made me feel good realizing he was in no rush to go away. He didn't seem the least embarrassed by his figure, but then again, why would he? Honestly he should be invited to star in a commercial. Whatever product it was it would sell out so quickly: people would buy it just in hopes the guy came along.

Logan shook his brown hair with the towel and some drops of water fell on my shirt. It felt like being slapped in the face with a feather. Excruciatingly pleasurable. Then he glanced at me, the faintest smile tugging at his lips. "You're uncontrollable."

I felt dizzy again but this time the condensation was long gone. It was Logan. If he made me feel this wobbly without a single touch, I could only imagine what would happen if he just stretched his hand and—

"Felicia, you're drifting off again."

"I'm, uh... I was going to use it but Bianca was there." I finally answered his question, forcing my voice to come out firm and clear. "What's your excuse? Do you have someone on your bathtub as well?"

Idiot, why would you ask him something like that? Why would you want to know? Why do you keep speaking without thinking when you're around him? Maybe I should start carrying some tape around to shut my mouth.

Logan pursed his lips and gazed at me emptily. I couldn't decipher whether or not he was upset with my question. I knew I was.

"Actually, I do." He responded and my breath caught in my throat. My heart froze in my chest. Can someone please wake me up in 70 years, please? "I have clogged pipes. Too much hair."

I couldn't hold in a light, relieved chuckle. Logan gave me a self-satisfied smirk.

"I can see that." I said, nodding with my chin towards his chest. It looks damn hot on you. He looked down and casually slid his hand down his torso to brush some droplets away. It felt like they fell straight on my panties.

"Jean says I should shave it."

What, so you will look more like Scott?, I thought bitterly.

"I say you should do what the fuck you want to."

Logan smirked at me. His eyes seemed to be violently pulling me towards him, and I had to use all of my strengths to keep my feet from moving.

"Right now what I want to fucking do is eat. You hungry?"

"A lot, actually. And thirsty too." I let out and forced a smile while murdering myself internally. Hum, where's that tape again? My mouth fucking needs it right now.

"Well then I advise you to hurry up in the shower." Logan said, picking up his bag again. He passed by me and walked towards the door. I couldn't believe he was going to stroll through the mansion in a towel. Did he want to cause someone a heart attack? Before reaching for the doorknob, he looked over his shoulder at me. "Can't promise you there will still be food left in the cafeteria when you arrive."

I beamed at him. "There will be if you save me some."

He rolled his eyes. "Lock the door when I get out. I wouldn't want anyone to walk in on you."

***

Next day it was Sunday and it could have been brilliant if Jean hadn't immediately come towards me when I was having my peaceful, grandiose breakfast.

"What did you do this time, Felicia?" Alex whispered to me as his fork picked up a piece of scrambled egg on my plate. This guy had a serious fetish with my food, I'm telling you.

"I have no idea." I muttered, but in reality I wondered if Jean had come to know about mine and Logan's scene in the shower. If she had I didn't know how I was still alive. Yet there was no way I could be in trouble for walking in on a teacher without intention, right? Well, since that teacher was Logan, with Jean one could never know.

I stood up and slapped Alex's hand away, warning him with my death stare. "Don't touch my food."

"It needs some love!" Alex protested, whining.

"So do I and that doesn't mean I want to be eaten by you." I snapped and walked towards Jean as our friends laughed. She was waiting for me with her forehead frowned, her typical only-for-you-Felicia greeting.

"I have the results of your exams, Felicia." She announced and my heart instantly started bumping in my chest. Good, I'm not in trouble. Fuck, I'm finally gonna figure out now. "Follow me."

She turned on her heel and we went into her office. I thought it would look more like hell.

Jean sat in front of her desk and made a motion for me to sit across from her. I rolled my eyes at all those formalities. It was one thing I liked about Logan: he didn't give a fuck about them. Protocol was as alien to him as good manners.

"Are you planning to tell me the results today or should I come by tomorrow?" I couldn't help but ask as I watched her slowly taking files from a drawer and placing them on the desk. Everything she did was meticulous and flawless and I wondered if that's how she loved too. She didn't seem like the type to love chaotically and disorderly like I did.

Jean was method whereas I was anarchy and I wondered why I was comparing us both. She narrowed her eyes and pursed her lips, her fingers intertwined. I felt like she was trying to be the most professional to make me feel the least professional. Maybe she didn't mean to attack me, but I always played defense when I was with her.

"Your exams took longer to analyze than usual." She said, opening up one of the files. I tried to read upside down but all the terms meant nothing to me. This people always complicated everything with their fancy writing.

"If that's your way to say I'm not normal save your breath because I already know it."

Jean closed the file abruptly, placed her hands firmly against it and stared at me fiercely. Ok, so maybe she did know something about yesterday...

"Felicia, I'm not Logan."

"Clearly." You don't have his eyes or his voice; his pecs or his abs; his ass or--

"I'm glad you're aware. Because he might tolerate your jokes but I won't. So please keep this in mind whenever you talk to me so that I don't have to warn you again. It will save both of us time and patience."

I smiled sweetly at her. There was violence in smiles and venom in sweets.

"If you want to save time, tell me my results."

She sighed and opened up the file again.

"Let's start with your health. It's perfectly fine at every level and in every exam. No diseases nor any genetic predisposition to have them. Flawless physical condition. Your shape is at its best, Felicia. Your body is ready to face a war."

It sounded like a compliment, but it felt like an insult. It meant that, in her opinion, my mind wasn't.

"What about my bad luck power? Did you manage to find if I have it?"

"Yes." Jean stopped, watching me. I resisted the impulse to ask her to check if my mascara was intact. All my nerves were on edge. "You have it."

I nodded slowly. Somehow the confirmation came as no surprise. I was waiting for it. Deep down I already knew it. It didn't make it hurt any less though.

"We call it tychokinesis or Probability Manipulation, which is the ability to alter the outcomes of things that require luck, and also manipulate the occurrence of usual and unusual phenomena. In your specific case, it allows you to affect and play with probability fields that can make improbable yet possible events of "bad luck" happen to people, as long as they're in your line of sight. It's a very unique and special power, Felicia."

"It doesn't feel that way." I murmured in between my teeth.

"It can also be very dangerous if not used or controlled correctly." Jean warned in a very serious tone, as if thinking that's exactly what I'd do. "You have the capacity to change the route of things, to manipulate events, make them go well or bad as you wish. It influences not only you but anyone who surrounds you. You can choose what happens to people and how it happens. That's power most people crave, Felicia. You can call the shots, reverse the odds, make reality be up to you. You can write history. You're basically a life director, a reality maker. Most people with your ability would want to play God."

I thought back of the destruction that surrounded me and him in New York. I thought about all the fires, landslides and floods. All the inexplicable events, unexplained deaths and unsolved crimes. They weighed on me. I was no life director: I was a death siren. A killing machine like they had wanted. I shivered thinking what would happen had they succeeded in brainwashing me. With my physical training, my enhanced skills, my mind at their mercy and this power to create and shape reality, I would have been unstoppable. No one would be safe.

It was overwhelming, the things I could do. My potential was frightening and I had to remember Logan's words to stop shuddering. All those disasters were not my fault but the scientists. I was out of control and no one had bothered to teach me. Unlike now. I would never let something within me hurt someone outside of me again.

"I don't." I said, unyielding. I used to question everything but right now there was no doubt in me. I didn't feel tempted by evil. "I don't want to be God. I just want to know how to control this so it won't hurt anyone else. I need to understand it. Please." I didn't care if I was sounding desperate; I was desperate. This school was my only hope of keeping the monster in me inside the cage. My only chance of finding the beauty in the beast.

Jean nodded at me. In her eyes I saw a glimpse of empathy. A glimpse of what Logan might love in her.

"That's what we're here for, Felicia. We're going to help you. So far, this is what we know about your power: it usually manifests in premonitions and feelings, like a sixth sense. They are signs the power is working. It alerts you to things other people can't see or realize. For example, when a mind reader is reading your mind, you shouldn't be able to detect their presence if they don't want you to. But nonetheless you do. Your power warns you. Charles noticed this the first time he met you; and so did Emma Frost."

I knew it. I recalled the sensation of feeling their weight on my mind. Like someone was pressing my brain with their fingers. I remembered how I always went with my gut; how I sometimes could sense how other people were feeling, or when I simply knew I could trust someone.

"Besides, your power so far seems to be more inclined towards bad luck than good luck, causing more harm than good. We believe such situation can be reversed: that you can not only make bad luck happen but also good luck. Some people with this power can only cause one of the two, but we believe you have the ability to shift between both. When you were... held captive they most certainly wanted to use you to wreak havoc. But we think you can also create peace."

I felt relief wash over me and I tried to suppress this wave of hope but it was useless. If there was at least one percent chance I could control my bad luck power and turn it good, I would hold on to it. A Black Cat causing good luck? Now that was something I'd like people to see.

"Our theory is that your power's inclination towards bad or good luck is tightly connected with your mental state; the worst you feel, the worse the destruction around you will be. That's why... they treated you so badly when you were imprisoned. They wanted you to feel bad so you would provoke bad. They just never considered it could backfire on them. And since most of your life you've been feeling bad we believe that's why your power never manifested itself in a positive way. It was never given the chance to do so. This is only a theory but—"

"Most likely it's truth. I've noticed that when I'm at my worst, the world suffers worse."

"But you can change it, Felicia, we believe you can. You just need to be given the chance. You just need to give your power the chance to evolve into something good."

I shook my head in frustration.

"I can't change my mind's scenario just because I need to. I can't change the light inside me just because the world needs a new lamp. It doesn't work like that. I can't force myself to feel right if I feel wrong."

"I believe Logan is helping you with that." Jean stated carefully, and it was the first time she didn't seem mad talking about Logan with me.

"I... yes. Yes, he is." He's not forcing happiness to come out of me. It's just happening naturally.

"Mental stability and wellbeing are a start, but there are other requisites you need to fill in order to master your power. We believe that with the right practice you will be able to fully control it in order to stop it from doing things you don't want. You'll be able to manipulate anything without having the fear it will cause bad luck. Not that I'm encouraging you to try to change the natural course of events. Life shouldn't be messed with like that."

"Well, life should have thought about that before making me go through this and give me its remote control to play with." I replied bitterly.

"Felicia." Jean called, her tone grave, her eyes wary, her expression stern. "This is serious. You have a very powerful ability. One with the potential to change the world. It's not a toy to have fun and play with, it's a serious—"

"Responsibility. Yeah, I know all about that. You can rest assured that I am not going to use this power to harm others. In fact that's exactly what I'm trying to prevent. I mean, if I can control it, it might be dangerous, but if I can't control it, then it is guaranteed that it will be dangerous. I swear I'll try as much as I can to keep it under control. I swear I'll work so hard that once I control my power it will no longer be dangerous because I'll use it to do only good. Or at least to not do bad."

Jean's eyes were observant. I wondered if she was reading my mind and with the help of intuition I searched my brain for an intruder. I didn't find any, so perhaps she was just analyzing me like any other person.

"You don't seem to believe me." I declared. Logan would believe me.

Jean sighed.

"I do believe you, Felicia. But it's my duty to warn you of the risks and consequences of a careless and improper usage of your power. Most people wouldn't have the maturity to perceive this as it is. You have a weapon of mass destruction within you, Felicia. But it can also be a world wide cure and I do believe that's what you're going with."

I gave her a short nod and it seemed to suffice her.

"What are the other requisites?" I asked her. "Aside from having a mind stuffed with rainbows, butterflies and unicorns?"

"We believe that in order for you to control your power you need to control its symptoms first." She said, giving me a harsher stare for my joke.

"My sixth sense, you're saying." I guessed, and Jean nodded. "Well, it's a very unstable and irregular ability that comes and goes. I don't have control over it. It switches on when it wants."

"Well, you'll need to learn how it works. How you can listen to it to benefit the most from its warnings. If controlled, it can be a very useful tool. You'll be able to make your intuition tell you things you wouldn't be able to know otherwise. It can guide you and tell you what is right and wrong. Like a lie detector, or a television into what's going to happen in a very near future. It's the harbinger of your capacity to modify reality, so you'll have to rely heavily upon it."

"Got it. But how do I learn to do all that?"

"As I said, focusing on positive feelings will not be enough to master your power, so you will also need an expert's advice and some guidance on its technical requisites. You need to be taught by someone that has a similar power and knows how it works. Someone who can help you improve and control it. And we happen to have just the person; he has the same power as you with slightly different traits; and that's because all powers reveal themselves in different ways to each person. In this case, his probability manipulation is based on good luck, which is exactly what you need."

"Who is he?" I questioned, because obviously it wasn't Logan and obviously I wanted what I couldn't have.

"His name is Longshot. He's a member of the X-Men but doesn't currently live here. However we asked him to come teach you and he gladly accepted so we'll include him in your schedule. He'll probably arrive tomorrow so you'll have your first lesson with him on Tuesday at 10.15 a.m. From that day on, at that hour you'll have classes with Longshot which means you will only have one private lesson with Logan per day."

Boy, don't you sound happy about that. My nose wrinkled in distaste. I wanted to have these lessons but not so much at the expense of losing lessons with Logan. Why couldn't it be during one of those boring Science classes? Shit, school always did steal all the fun.

"I'm guessing I don't have much of a choice..." I started, but Jean's glare cut me off. I sighed. That wasn't what was really bothering me. I was just afraid I would not be able to control this power. My consolation was that it hadn't caused huge destruction in a long time, probably because I was less depressed now than I had been at that time. It made sense, since it had been one of the darkest periods of my life, after all the pain I had gone through. And the destruction also increased as my irrational fears of being alone grew; I feared I'd push him away and lose him too. That he would see me as the failure the scientists had created. That I'd once again be abandoned.

"Not really." Jean stated. "This is it for now, it's all I know. If you have any more questions, I think Charles would be able to help you better, and then, of course, Longshot once he arrives. You can go now."

I stood up to leave. Before I could, though, Jean called after me.

"And Felicia? Don't get too acquainted with this teacher too."

I clenched my fists harshly to prevent me from jumping down at her throat. That would not end well. Her tone held a subtle menace and I had to bite my tongue to prevent me from saying something troublesome like 'Why, do you want this guy's love all to yourself too?'

So instead, I opted to curl up my lips in a smile. I offered her poison colored with red lipstick.

"Of course not. Logan is one of a kind, don't you agree?"

I had a feeling this reply would hurt even more.

Jean pressed her lips but said nothing and I left her office with renewed strength. I didn't want to hold my hopes up to high just to have them crash down in front of me again, but I couldn't help but feel hopeful and excited. I wanted to talk to Logan about this. I hated how he couldn't be the one to teach me, but it was understandable since he didn't have this power in particular. I would just have to give the new teacher a chance. Who knew?

Maybe this Longshot could help me after all. 

A/N: Gif from movie 'Australia' is a little gift of shirtless, wet Wolverine so you can better imagine Felicia's reaction. You're welcome ;) 

What are your thoughts on Longshot? (He's actually a X-Men character from the comics)

Any questions about Felicia's power, feel free to ask!