C H A P T E R   25 :   E N J O Y I N G   T H E   V I E W

"It's you, it's always you
If I'm ever gonna fall in love I know it's gonna be you
It's you, it's always you
Met a lot of people but nobody feels like you

So, please, don't break my heart
Don't tear me apart
I know how it starts
Trust me, I've been broken before

Don't break me again
I am delicate
Please, don't break my heart
Trust me, I've been broken before"

Instead of staying, I pushed his arms away and went back to my place in front of him. I saw in the hard lines of his face, Logan was irked.

"You're still dirty." I told him as a feeble explanation.

"Not sure the water's gonna help with that." I heard him mutter under his breath. We both knew I had heard him; and we both ignored it. I ripped another piece of my torn sweater and dove it into the water. When I was about to place it on him, Logan stopped me and grabbed it instead. "I'll do it myself." He gave my body a quick glance. "I think you should do the same."

I looked at my arms and shirt, tainted with dirt and some of his blood. For a while we stood in front of each other, none looking at the other, the only sounds the nature and the water doing its job.

"Thank you." He ended up saying. "For not listening to me and helping me anyway. For taking a risk with your power. This way I'll better hide what I did from the others. I don't feel any pain left to mask."

My head tilted to the side curiously. "Why would you need to hide it? Everyone knows how you act. Don't they accept it?"

"We don't always see eye to eye and I rather not tell them about my clandestine works. It's better for everyone this way. I keep my darkest side away from them; if they don't know, they don't ask questions, nor criticize nor reprimand."

I was perfectly picturing Jean lecturing Logan about the violence and lack of ethics in his methods. She was not the one for him and it absolutely infuriated me how he was taking so long to see it.

"Well, from now on, if you decide to go on a killing spree, you can come to me. I get your dark side and it doesn't scare me. You know I won't judge you. You know I don't disapprove."

Logan's eyes were reading me and I felt whole even in my empty places. I didn't know how I'd react being around him from now on, now that I knew. Once you realized something like this, you couldn't take it back. I had crossed a line towards a point of no return.

My heart was a mine and if I let Logan step on it, he wouldn't be able to move. Or everything would explode.

"I know."

If the tension in between us were a breach, the solar system would have been sucked into it by now. I felt such an overpowering pull towards him; I felt like if I didn't act on it it would consume me.

But I didn't move. Clean your wounds and let it sting.

"Besides, I can lessen your pain or at least try to." I shook off my cluttered feelings with a smirk. "I promise I will fix and not tell."

Logan's lips quirked up, assuming the form of an oblique smile.

"If you can already do this in a single lesson, imagine what you'll be able to do in some time."

"There is no way I'll be able to repeat it anytime soon. It only worked in the first place because... well, I was highly motivated."

"Still, don't underestimate you." Logan said, wise enough to ignore my hidden message. "You didn't feel it, but I did. Your power is a miracle."

I shot him a furious glance.

"You know how I got it. It's no miracle."

"It's not about how it was born, Felicia. But what you use it for. The miracle part is entirely up to you."

"You have too much faith in me." I accused. Somehow I had gotten closer to him again. No matter what I did, something was always pulling me back to him. Especially pain.

"I guess I can say the same." He replied in the same tone, his eyes exigent on mine. My eyes fell on his lips curtly. God, I wanted to taste them. But I couldn't. For so many reasons. It was tearing me apart. I had to block the temptation. So I looked at him and said, "Turn around."

***

Logan's POV

"What?" I asked, confused, because I never knew what to expect from Felicia. She left me in a permanent state of confusion. And you love it, an irritating voice kept saying with every new, little thing she did.

"Turn around." She repeated. "I'm sure you won't be able to clean your back properly and I'm all done."

I huffed. This girl was unbelievable. This night was surreal. What she had done for me, risking her energy and possibly her health just to diminish my pain... dragging me to the lake to clean me up... never staring at me any differently even if I was in such an animalistic mode... Felicia understood the depths in me. Not only that, she accepted them. She was so much more than she let the world see. And every new layer I discovered in her brought me closer and closer to an abysm I was terrified of falling in.

Anyway, I did as she told me. I heard her grabbing her sweater; my body stiffened when her hands came in contact with my skin. She started rubbing my back; it felt like she was gently scratching my heart.

I had to tease her to stop the unwanted teasing she did to my soul.

"Enjoying the view?" I asked. I knew what I had. Broad shoulders, v-shaped torso, every muscle in its right place. And it drove me mad how my body never seemed to affect her as it should. Or as I wanted it to.

I had no fucking idea why I wanted it, though.

I waited for her response, my nerves on edge. Her fingers on my skin felt like she was massaging me with the sun instead of her sweater.

"Actually I was thinking how it looks small in comparison to Longshot's."

It took me all my strengths to act coolly and not turn around. Felicia knew exactly where it would hurt me the most. I had provoked her, and she had gotten back at me mercilessly like she always did.

Fuck, it costed me to admit it, but Felicia was the best thing that had happened to me in a long time.

"You know what they say about size." I replied dryly. I noticed her hands paused and I fought the urge to turn around and look at her. Suddenly I wanted her eyes. All the time. On me and me alone. I had been denying it, lying to myself. But ever since that day's lesson... when I had made her trip and she had made me trip, and we had made each other get up... something was different between us. Or at least to me. "Was that what you were doing when you shook hands with him in class? Measuring his strength?"

She kept quiet for some time, which fueled my anger. Or whatever it was. I knew my feelings; except when I was around her.

"You saw that?" She finally asked and I could hear the smirk she was wearing. I wanted to take it off her face. But not with my hands. "Were you spying on us?"

I prefer the term checking-out-on-you-and-making-sure-Longshot-knows-his-place.

"I was outside, passing by the window. It was impossible not to see. You seemed happy."

And I remember feeling miserable for no reason. Just like in the cafeteria, when Longshot went to her. The cafeteria, where I had recognized her laughter in the midst of so many others. Where my eyes had been drawn to her without my consent. Where she had smiled at me from across the room and suddenly we were alone.

"He was promising me free food, so—" I didn't let her finish, turning around abruptly to face her. I watched as she fought to not lose her balance and suddenly I wanted her to lose it all. I wanted her to fall right on top of me. What is wrong with me? How did this happen? How did I let it happen? What the hell was this turn of events in my emotions?

"He fucking asked you out on a date?" I questioned, aware my tone was rising by every word. I didn't care; Longshot and I needed to sit down for a talk. Or stand up for a fight. Whatever. I just couldn't stand the idea Felicia might have gotten enchanted by him. I thought if someone was going to resist him, it'd be her.

She laughed in my face. The sight was painfully wonderful. I loved when she laughed like this, so freely. Where no demon got to her.

"He fucking did not. We were just doing an amicable deal." She smirked at me. Like the devil being nice. "None of your concern."

I felt a sting to my heart and looked down. Really fucking bad choice. I had been ignoring her cleavage all night, keeping a safe distance. But it was hard being antisocial with something that kept telling me hello.

"Whatever. Just don't flirt with him too much. You don't want feelings to get in the way, do you?"

She stared at me for a long time, bluish-green eyes weighing on mine.

"No. I really do not." Her tone was strange. Even more undecipherable than the usual. Then she shrugged, her smirk back on her lips. Those red seductive lips... "Anyway, just because I flirt with someone doesn't mean I'm throwing myself to them. It's simply my natural way of communication."

"I thought your natural way of communication was sarcasm."

She shrugged. "I'm fluent in both."

"I can see. You know... if Longshot ever gets too comfortable you can tell me. I mean, I know you can handle yourself but you can tell me." My tone was contained; I couldn't let her see. Most of all, I couldn't let me feel. I knew it wasn't normal to be so affected by this. Fuck, it killed me to admit it, but I knew what this was. It started with a j and ended with a y and for once it was not Jean Grey.

Curiously, Jean had been absent from my mind the entire night. In fact, the more Felicia appeared, the less Jean did.

"Logan, Longshot's a good guy. If you're worried he's a better teacher than you, don't. That's impossible."

That's not what I'm worried about. Still her words pleased me.

"I know."

She rolled her eyes upon my smugness.

"Even if I'm your favorite student to torment."

"Not just to torment." I replied seriously. Then her words reminded me of something else. "I heard what you said to Tara Cooper in class. You behaved like a real woman."

Sometimes, Logan, you should really keep your fucking mouth shut. Of course she's a woman. She's one of the most outstanding you've ever seen. As she stands here in front of you, with the moonlight on her hair, you can't help but ask yourself if in reality you're not passed out somewhere in the woods and this is but a dream. A deceit of the mind.

Her eyes narrowed, nothing but ferocity in them. Felicia was the kind of tornado people went crazy to chase.

"I am a woman. I've been a woman for far longer than the world has recognized or given me that right."

"I know, I just... the accusations she made and the way you reacted..."

"Always the tone of surprise." Felicia smiled at me. Fuck, when she smiled like that... I couldn't understand how the world kept moving. How it didn't stop to stare at her. "Do you have any connection to her?"

"To Tara?" I asked and she nodded. "Aside from the fact I brought her into the mansion, no, not really."

She frowned, seemingly bothered. "You did?"

"Yeah. Some years ago I was in a rescuing mission for the X-Men and found... a place where mutants were held captive. Tara was one of them. Lewis was another."

I swallowed under the weight of my memories. The sight of those frightened, weakened kids. How abandoned they were. How I left no one alive that day except them.

I focused on Felicia to turn a light on in my darkness.

Her eyes widened, her fists clenched, her heartbeat increased. I hoped this wouldn't trigger anything within her. Seeing her in pain was crushing and unfortunately I had no power to take it away.

"So that's why." She muttered. "It was you, wasn't it? You saved her. You were the one who came to her and took her away from that dreadful place. You set her free. That's why she's in love with you."

I... what? I knew Tara's attraction to me. Everyone did. But love was a very serious, very dangerous word. I shook my head in disbelief.

"That's not possible. She's my student. We barely even talk."

"Logan, that matters nothing. For someone who was caged and mistreated for so long, it doesn't matter who her savior is going to be in the future. It matters only what he already did. You were her gate to a new life. The bridge from a cruel survival to a better existence. It makes sense now. How she's your number one fan. How she's always after you and defending you and hating me for spending time alone with you. It's not a simple physical attraction. You saved her life. She feels like she owes you a debt of gratitude. She pays it with attention, devotion and love. I know that feeling. I know it very well."

No matter how insane, I had no other option but to believe in her. The intensity in her tone left no room for doubt. Felicia knew what she was talking about; she spoke from personal experience, and I felt that sting in my heart again. That loathsome, exasperating sting of jealousy coming from nowhere and going everywhere. I knew she had been saved by a guy and fallen madly in love with him. I didn't know it was so possible to be so jealous of the past.

"I get that, I do, but... love? Infatuation is one thing. But love?"

"I know it's hard to understand." Her tone was slightly fractured, like every time she remembered her own savior. Sometimes I wanted to punch that guy for breaking her heart. But most of the times I would like to thank him for not giving up on showing her she had one when she refused to see it, and for trying to fix it as he could. "Maybe only someone who has gone through it truly gets it. But just... don't expect Tara to be completely indifferent to you after what you've done for her."

"Lewis is indifferent to me." I blurted out, immediately regretting it. Her eyes turned darker, sharper, angrier. Why would I say this? I knew she and Lewis shared a bond. I didn't get it, but I respected it.

"No, he isn't. Believe me, Lewis is not indifferent to anyone. He feels too much. In fact, he kinda hates you."

"Well, then... there's that."

She sighed. "What I'm saying is everyone reacts differently. Tara fell for you. Lewis..." She stopped, biting her lip. She was struggling to keep the tears inside of her, I could see. I wanted to tell her she could let them all out, that I was not afraid of her rain. That it would never be acid. But I kept quiet. "Lewis doesn't know how to thank you. He doesn't know how to deal with his feelings so he opts for hating you because it's easier. I gotta say I understand his reaction too."

"Yeah, I'm easy to hate, I know. I remember him so well. He was so terrified. Left out. With no control over his power, he was a danger to himself and others, so even in between mutants he was pushed aside. An outsider among outsiders. All his life he's been alone."

Felicia closed her eyes, her face a mask of pain. I wished I could take it off her, wear it myself. Like she had done with me. When she opened them, the pain had been turned into power, and I never felt so proud.

"He's not alone anymore." She said, full of certainty. This girl was protective of those she cared about. I wondered if I'd ever be one of them. "He has me. I have him. If someone pushes him aside, I'll pull him into a hug. If he's left out, I'll take him in. I'll stand by his side in being an outsider."

"I hope he's aware of the friend he has." I declared and Felicia nodded instantly. "Sometimes Lewis is a pain in my ass. But I'm glad he's a remedy to your mind. That you're a remedy to his."

"I wish everyone thought like you."

I understood immediately what she meant.

"Have you solved things out with Bobby?"

She grimaced unhappily.

"Not yet."

"Do you want me to talk with him?" I asked, her eyebrows raising. "Why are you so surprised? I will talk with him if you ask me to."

She smiled briefly, the sweater long forgotten on the ground.

"You give me the weapons, but I fight my own battles. That's our deal, Logan."

We stood quiet for a while, she observing the lake, I observing her.

"Do you still love him?" I found myself asking, unable to stop us from entering a minefield. Heartbreaks were fossils carved deep in human's flesh. "Your savior?"

She turned her head to me, luckily not mad I had asked.

"We don't stop loving people. We just stop falling in love with them. Or we fall out of love, if you prefer. But love is not a feeling you can finish. It doesn't have the capacity to end. It's not autodestructive."

I nodded. Like so many other things, Felicia knew how to put into words the things I felt. She got me like no one else. Sometimes I felt like her soul had been printed in the same coloring as mine.

"What about you?" She asked, her tone so impersonal. "Jean?"

"The same. A part of me will always love her. But she chose Scott. She chooses him every day. I can't and I won't wait for her forever. She made her choice and it's about damn time I make mine. I'm moving on." I knew I had come to this conclusion long ago, but only now I had the courage to listen to it. To act on it.

Felicia diverted her eyes to the lake again, escaping my gaze now that I wanted to catch it. It was like a part of her never stopped running.

"None of us were the chosen ones, uh?" She spoke, still refusing to stare at me. Honestly there was no fucking way she'd found that dull lake more interesting than me. It was not fucking Longshot. "That's just another thing bonding us."

"We share similar stories." I agreed. But will we ever share one?

"Rejection sucks, doesn't it?" She asked, fortunately oblivious to my thoughts. "And hearts and feelings too. I mean, why do we have them? Why do we give them away?"

"Because humans are stupid." I answered bluntly. "That's what we do."

She turned around finally, her eyes meeting mine violently. I think my breath went skinny dipping and never returned. I hoped it had fun; because I was in misery. This night had revealed too much and I was not sure I'd be ready to face it all in the morning.

"Talk for yourself." She replied, one eyebrow raised challengingly.

I couldn't help the smirk that filled my face. Two can play this game.

"You've still got some dirt on your head, you know."

Her eyes narrowed in annoyance. "And you only tell me now?"

"You look better with it."

"And you look better with your mouth fucking shut."

"Oh, yeah? Give me one good reason to fucking shut my mouth."

She grinned at me triumphantly. My stomach ached.

"A shut mouth catches no flies." Because that's exactly what I was thinking.

"Then maybe you should shut yours." I said with just as much triumph. Or maybe I should shut it with mine, the thought crossed my mind violently. I tried to stop it, I really did; I knew this was not the way I should be thinking about Felicia. The way I should be feeling around her. But I couldn't help myself; there was an exchange of energy bouncing back and forth between us, like a lightning with two ends.

Felicia made me feel things I thought Jean had killed for good.

"Logan." She threw me her death stare. Sorry, darling, but I'm not afraid of dying. "Do something useful and take the fucking dirt off of me."

I couldn't help the satisfied smirk that spread on my lips.

"Don't mind it. It won't come out."

She shoved me by the chest, realizing I was just playing with her, but I easily grabbed her wrist, preventing her from moving her hand away. Somehow, our faces had gotten closer again. It had happened a lot that night. Maybe it was the moon. Maybe it did something to us. Or maybe Felicia and I just did something to each other.

My eyes fell on her lips involuntarily. They said everything was uglier up close but I'm sure astronauts didn't think that way about the moon. Because Felicia was like the moon; unconquered land. I wanted my footsteps all over her mind. I wanted her lips shut so they could sing on my soul.

She stared at me, daring me to let her go. No. This time I wasn't going to let her escape from my arms again. I knew she was sneaky and elusive like a cat burglar but I was tough and tenacious like a lone wolf.

I could kiss her now. Fuck, I was going to kiss her now. Her heartbeat was just as disordered as mine; and her eyes sailed between my eyes and my lips like an adrift boat in a tumultuous sea.

But then Felicia threw herself unexpectedly onto me, pushing me to the ground and making us roll several times on the grass, a bladed sai slitting the air just above our heads with a dangerous buzzing.

We finally came to a stop, our legs entangled, Felicia ending up on top of me. Our eyes were trapped in each other, and as much as I wanted to stay in there forever, they decided to travel down without asking me, taking in her gorgeous figure. Needless to say at this point it became an impossible task trying to ignore her curves.

"Enjoying the view?" She questioned with a defiant smirk. Of course despite the danger we were in she just had to get back at me.

"Just checking if my sight didn't get damaged." This time, I took a long, deliberate glance to her chest. Then I looked up at her, our eyes battling each other, and smirked. "Nope. It's flawless."

"Just be happy you still have eyes." She growled a threat feistily, turning her head towards a tree. With great effort, I diverted my eyes from my newest friends and followed Felicia's eyes all the way to the sai buried deep in the trunk of the tree. My eyes narrowed instantly. That type of sai, the perfectly smooth, straight movement it described in the air, not moving even one inch from its original trajectory, it was unmistakable.

Well, thanks a lot for ruining the moment, Elektra.

"I've been broken yeah I know how it feels
To be open and know that your love isn't real
I'm still hurting yeah I'm hurting inside
I'm so scared to fall in love but if it's for you then I'll try

I know I'm not the best at choosing lovers
We both know my past speaks for itself
If you don't think that we're right for each other
Please don't let history repeat itself

'Cause I want you, yeah, I want you
There's nothing else I want
'Cause I want you, yeah, I want you
And you're the only thing I want"

A/N: Ah, how I love cliffhangers xD What do you think Elektra wants?

Gif is a depiction of Felicia and Logan in this last scene. It's from the movie 'Never Back Down'.

Song is "It's You" by Ali Gatie. I love it and it perfectly voices Felicia and Logan's complicated love story and their fear of falling in love. And they are finally realizing they are falling for each other... I hope I managed to describe their struggles and emotions well. 

Also, get ready for some drama :)