C H A P T E R   37 :   D O U B L E - E D G E D   S W O R D

❝ I sleep with the wolves in my head and wake up in my own blood. 

We love the things that kill us. ❞

– Christopher Poindexter

"Nothing is perfect but your imperfections are quaint
And your love is worth it and for that I will wait
And though you hate me when you have a turn
I drive you crazy but you always return

Loving you's a bloodsport
Fighting in a love war
It's not what I'm in love for, I'm yours,
But I dont know if you can help it, maybe I'm just being selfish

Although you love me, sometimes we're mean
Things can get ugly, but we're still a team
We are an army, that breaks from within, but
That's why we're stronger, and that's how we'll win"

"I hate this." Bobby announced as he sat in front of me in the canteen for lunch. "The mansion feels so empty."

"You're right." Bianca nodded, her usual cheerful face disheartened. "It sucks. We should have gone on the mission too."

After two busy months of holidays and new faces popping by to revisit old friends, February arrived strangely calm, and the mansion became even lonelier when Alex and Roberto were assigned a X-Men mission along with Rogue, Kitty and Colossus.

"The teachers didn't even want to send the others." Bobby remarked. "Logan had to fight to get them on board, saying it would be good for them if they could test their abilities on field. But they couldn't send us all."

"Yeah, and it sucks not being the chosen ones." Bianca continued. "I mean, Rogue didn't even want to go since Gambit is going too and you know how those two get when they're in the same room... most likely they will ruin the mission before even getting there and—"

She shut up abruptly, eyeing Bobby cautiously. "Bobby, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..."

"It's okay." He said with a small smile. "The breakup was mutual, and I'm fine. I think we're better off as friends, to be honest. And some time apart will do us good, I think."

Bobby and Rogue had broken up before she left for the mission, but I knew it wasn't because they couldn't handle the distance; it was because they could no longer handle the closeness. It was obvious Rogue was interested in Remy, no matter how much she denied it; and Bobby seemed to be dealing with issues of his own.

"I'm just really glad it wasn't one of those awkward breakups where you go from lovers to strangers. I love that you kept being friends." Bianca smiled.

"Of course, that's how we started in the first place. Rogue will always mean a lot to me." Bobby assured, tossing a grape into his mouth that never made it to its destination because Lewis literally jumped out of nowhere and caught it with his fingers, tossing it into his mouth instead.

"Dude!" Bobby protested as Lewis sat next to me and threw Bobby an impertinent smile.

"The conversation was getting cheesy, someone had to save it. If I wanted to die from corniness, I'd read Nicholas Sparks."

"Funny you say that since I've caught you watching The Notebook." Bobby replied, mimicking his smirk.

"Dude, Ryan Gosling. Need I say more?"

"Nah, you're right." Bobby agreed with a small smile while Lewis gave me a cagey side glance.

"Angel eyes, you're scaring me. Stop with the creepy smile."

"No, I'm just happy that you're here with us, and that you two are getting along!"

Bianca and I laughed as the two of them shook their heads vigorously.

"Believe me, we're not. I hate him." Bobby said.

"It's mutual." Lewis agreed, taking another grape out of Bobby's bowl and gaining a death stare in response.

"Stop stealing my grapes, Thompson."

"Whataya gonna do about it, Drake? Steal them back from me?" Lewis asked, stucking his tongue out at him and revealing the pips.

Bobby scrunched up his nose and rolled his eyes while Bianca and I watched them with huge grins. "You're disgusting."

"What can I say?" Lewis said, spitting out the pips onto his plate. "The best fruits always have seeds."

This time not even Bobby was able to hold back a laughter, at the same time his face acquired a redder shade. "I assume you've tasted them all, then?"

"Not all. Any suggestions on which one I should try next?"

"Anything but my grapes." Bobby answered, slapping his hand away and not faltering even when Lewis looked at him with big puppy dog eyes. "That doesn't work with me, Thompson."

Lewis didn't give up and turned his attention to Bianca, who was already moving her bowl to him anyway.

"Here, take mine."

"Thanks, love." Lewis winked at her, taking two grapes as her cheeks turned pinker than a baby's. Then he turned to me with a mischievous smile and fished his phone out of his pocket, clicking on a video of Peter and I swinging through the streets of New York in our suits. We had been doing some work as vigilantes like the good old days and the media was going crazy about it, inventing all kinds of stories for my return and labeling us as lovers. Even if it could get us in trouble, neither of us could shy away from the spotlight or the thrill of kicking ass.

"So, what I want to know is, why are you cheating on me with a guy wearing spandex?" Lewis inquired, a crooked smile sailing his stormy lips.

I chuckled. "Don't believe what's on TV."

"Quoting Twenty One Pilots, not fair." Lewis said. "And you know avoiding the question doesn't work with me. You might be great at deflecting but I'm great at noticing it. So, what could this Webhead possibly have that I don't?"

"Muscles." Bobby mocked.

"Trying to get me naked, Drake? 'Cause I've got nothing to prove, but maybe if you ask nicely..." Lewis trailed off, raising his eyebrows twice.

"As if." Bobby rolled his eyes. "I don't need your traumatizing image in my nightmares."

"Yeah, I guess being in your dreams is enough." Lewis teased. "But back to the point... the guy's not even that ripped, if all Felicia wanted was brawns she would have gone for Logan."

"Oi, he has brains too!" I defended automatically.

"Just a very hard time showing them." Bobby joked.

"For once, I agree with him." Lewis stated, looking shocked. Nice to know Logan is a subject of agreement for some, while he makes me so at odds with myself. "So, what's the deal between you two?"

"Hothead... are you jealous?" I said, unable to hide my smile.

"No, it's just... you've been spending a lot of time with him lately and I just don't want you to forget your other friends." He said, his voice hedged. Lewis was one of those people that could look very certain while only feeling doubts. I wished he could feel how I felt about him; then he'd know he had no reason for these insecurities.

"Hothead, you don't have to worry, you're unforgettable."

"But you're aware the media is calling you Spidey-Cat, right? Both of you are fan favorites, you're trending on Twitter and people are shipping you and writing fanfiction... maybe even smut!"

"What's that?" Bobby asked, confused.

"Believe me, you don't want to know." Lewis and I said in unison.

"You do realize that's only gonna make me want to know even more, right?" Bobby laughed, typing on his phone. Oh dear God. "Oh, okay, it's..."

"Let me see!" Bianca asked, blushing deeply as she looked at whatever was on screen. "Holy buckets, where have you been all my life!"

"Lewis, I don't care what the media says." I told him as Bianca and Bobby ventured into the dark side of fandoms. "I'd rather not have them talk at all, but I also can't just sit by and do nothing. Spider and I, we're a team, we always were. If I can help him, I will. Besides, knowing that I can help and not helping... it just feels worse than whatever might come from the fame."

Lewis made a small smile. "Now that's what I call character development. But just be careful, okay? I don't want you to get hurt."

"Sure. Do you want to come next time?"

"And risk having people write naughty things about me? No, thanks, my mind's indecent enough." He smirked. "Besides, you do make a great team. A platonic team, that is—"

"What does NSFW mean?" Bobby questioned out of the blue, both him and Bianca looking at us expectantly. Lewis turned to me, his unabashed smirk teetering on his lips.

"No, seriously, fuck Wolverine." He said, making Bobby and Bianca burst out laughing.

"Hothead!" I protested, my face burning.

"I knew I'd get you to blush too." He winked.

"But lately it seems it's more 'No sex for Wolverine'." Bianca said. "I was surprised he and Domino didn't hook up like usual during New Year."

"Well, he knows Felicia now." Bobby pointed out while he continued to scroll through his phone. "Oh Lord, I hope Logan never sees this 'cause if he does, it's going to be his supervillain origin."

He turned his phone to us to show us a bawdy fanart of Spider-Man and I in a rather raunchy stance. Peter always got flustered when he saw these things whereas I just laughed it off and commented on the artistic skill.

"Come on, it's not even physically possible for a human to do that position!" Bobby protested.

"Actually, it is, it just takes a lot of flexibility." I chuckled while three pairs of eyebrows raised, impressed.

"Oh la la, the comments!" Bianca exclaimed. "What they would do to Logan if he saw them! He'd probably threaten the government or Google to shut it all down or track down every single one by himself."

"You're exaggerating." I said, but they all looked at me as if I was crazy.

"For you, he'd do that and more." Lewis agreed. "Man, I'd pay to see his face if he ever saw the polls and realize you usually come in the top 3 of the hottest female heroes out there."

"Those polls are so stupid." I complained. "As if people can be sorted. And can we please stop talking about Logan?"

Bianca tilted her head to the side, her insightful eyes scrutinizing mine.

"I think it's quite interesting that you and him are both people ruled by impulses and yearnings that usually dive in headfirst and yet with each other you're afraid to even dip your toes. I feel like if it was with any other person, you two would have given in to your urges a long time ago."

That's the thing, I thought, Logan is unlike any other person. Because any man I wanted, I had. Until him.

"What urges? There's no urges." I replied edgily. "He's a pain in the rear. And I do not mean it that way!"

"Maybe he is. But he's always watching over you and that's so damn cute." Bianca grinned. "I wish I had something even remotely close to that."

"I can watch over you." Lewis told her with that roguish flicker in his eyes.

"Be prepared to get burned, then." Bobby snorted.

"Jealous, Drake? You know I'd watch over you too if you had just given me your grapes." Lewis teased, a deeper sense turning his tone softer.

"Dude, just because I swing both ways, it doesn't mean I'm attracted to you. In fact, you're probably the last person on Earth I'd like to smooch."

An expectant smile fell on my lips at the same time Bianca's brow furrowed in confusion and Lewis' face opened in a proud grin.

"That's probably the best insult I've ever gotten." He said.

"Wait, what's going on?" Bianca asked, incomprehension written all over her face. Bobby looked at us, hesitant, before looking at Lewis again, who offered him a comforting smile.

"It's up to you, man, but I've got ya, grapes or no grapes."

Bobby moved his eyes from Lewis to the window and his lips formed the most serene of smiles. Then he turned to us, his eyes still cautious. I could hear his heart beating furiously; his entire body was on edge, and I reached out for his hand and gave it a light but hopefully reassuring squeeze, because touching had always been my way of saying 'I love you'.

"It's all right, Bobby." I whispered and he squeezed my hand back in appreciaton and took a deep breath.

"It's more than alright." He smiled at us nervously. "Because... I'm bi. And happy. And yeah, confused too. But mostly, happy. I've wanted to tell you sooner, but I didn't really know how or when to. But there's a literal rainbow outside right now so I thought 'Fuck it, that has to be a sign'."

"Oh my God, Bobby, that's amazing!" Bianca exclaimed, a grin so big it took up all of her face. "Now we're both bi!"

"But you're only Bi in name." Bobby replied, a small smile skating his lips.

"Yeah, but still, it's awesome! We're the B team! High five to that!" She said, bumping her hand into his while Lewis and I shared an elated glance. "And so, we can talk about boys from now on, right?"

"I'm pretty sure we've always done that, Bi." Bobby laughed, relieved. "But hell yeah, we can."

"I'm really happy for you, Bobby." I grinned. "And you know, if you ever need a wingwoman to get you a man, I can get you a ton."

"Are you kidding me, you'd be the worst wingwoman ever!" He chuckled. "All the guys would go for you instead. You know, Gambit offered to be my wingman too and I didn't buy it one bit. Knowing him as I do, all eyes would be on him and he'd absolutely love it."

"Wait, Gambit knows too?" Bianca questioned.

"He kinda guessed it, said it was his bidar. Now he wants to take me to a pride parade in New Orleans, says those are the best. The only other person who knows is Rogue. She's so cool with it, it scares me. She instantly offered to take me to a gay bar, but I'm not quite there yet."

"And you knew already?" I asked Lewis.

"Why do you think I've been teasing him this whole time?" Lewis smirked.

"He was the first to know." Bobby informed. "Sometimes it's easier confiding in a stranger than in the people that know us. Though I can't consider this spitfire a stranger anymore. He's not as bad as he likes to make it seem."

"You're so charming I'd turn bi for you." Lewis said in a playful tone.

"That's probably the worst insult I've ever gotten." Bobby replied with a satisfied smirk, then turning serious. "To be honest, I'm not sure when I figured it out myself, I think gradually. I just know I feel much less confused, and yet more. Because I know who I am now but I'm still finding out what that means. And it's kinda scary."

"Well, you don't have to figure out on your own if you don't want to. We're here for you. And if anyone treats you any less than nicely, just remind them I have claws." I winked at him, and Bobby nodded in appreciation.

"I'm really lucky to have you, guys, thank you."

"Aww, you're gonna make me cry!" Bianca exclaimed. "And I have mascara today, I'll look horrible. But we're really lucky to have you too, Bobby. Now, can you tell me what you think of Longshot? Oh, and Logan?"

I cleared my throat loudly and pointed a finger at Bobby.

"Bobby, you can have everyone in the world, except Logan."

"You don't have to worry, Felicia, the only person who doesn't know he belongs to you is you."

No, he doesn't. He doesn't belong to anyone. Not even to himself.

"Besides, I might be into guys but I'm not crazy enough to be into Logan. That's just you."

***

I couldn't sleep at night, so I put on a black tank top and a pair of leggings and went downstairs to grab something. I heard whispers coming from the kitchen and some seconds later Jean walked out of it, her green velvet robe contrasting with her long red hair, now unusually shaggy.

"Felicia." She greeted politely, rubbing her eyes. "Is everything alright?"

"Yes." I said, not really wanting to go into details with her. "Just can't sleep."

Something is keeping me awake. The sensation was similar to the one I had had that night when I found Logan in the woods; a restless tingling in my spine telling me to be alert. It was my sixth sense, my Cat-Sense, as Peter would say since he had a Spider one, and now that I knew how to listen to it, I needed to find Logan to make sure everything was okay.

"Do you want me to make you a tea or something?" Jean asked, making me widen my eyes. She must think she's dreaming. For what other reason would she be nice to me?

"Uh, no, thanks. That's too British for me."

My eyebrows raised even more when her lips twisted into a small smile.

"Okay, then, I hope you can get some sleep. Goodnight, Felicia."

I was so taken aback I only answered when she had already passed by me and disappeared. Shaking my head in bewilderment, I entered the kitchen and found Logan sitting on one of the stools, a cold beer placed on the island in front of him.

"You must be the first person to sigh of relief upon seeing me." He commented, taking the bottle to his lips with an amused half smile.

"I wasn't sighing of relief." I said at the same time my eyes quickly scanned his body to check for any injuries. He's fine, I thought. Therefore, so am I.

"Whatever you say, darlin'." He mocked as his eyes followed me to the fridge. My hand clasped the handle firmly as I tried to stay calm, but it was pointless since I could feel his stare burning my back.

"Enjoying the view?" I asked without turning around, scrunching up my nose at the lack of nice options to drink from. Yes, because you want to drink something else. Ok, the milk will do!

"Yeah, I'm thinking I'll buy one of those pants to myself."

"They're called leggings." I stated, closing the door's fridge and sitting on the stool across from him. It was then I remembered I had seen Jean coming out of the kitchen, and my fingers instantly tightened around the carton of milk, until I felt Logan's hand moving it away from me.

"If you spill it, you have to clean it." He brought the beer to his lips again, making my throat feel drier and drier by the second. "I didn't take you for a milk person."

"What do you think cats drink? Baby juice?" I joked, filling a glass. "Shouldn't alcoholic drinks be forbidden now that classes started again?"

"Too bad." He said, his finger circling the bottleneck so slowly it made me rub my thighs against each other inadvertently. "I always go after what's forbidden."

Not helping, Logan!

"What if it's too high a price to pay?" I asked after taking a big sip of my glass.

"I'll steal it." He smirked. "By the way, the milk mustache? Not a good look on you."

"I..." I reached for a napkin hurriedly, trying to stop myself from blushing to the roots of my hair but it worked as well as trying to stop being attracted to him. "They're cat whiskers."

"Whatever you say, darlin'." He repeated, his smirk only getting bigger.

"Stop calling me that." I grumbled, crumpling the piece of paper into a ball after cleaning my face.

"What, you'd like it better if I called you kitten?"

"Call me Felicia." I demanded through gritted teeth. Because those nicknames aren't helping at all calming down my horniness.

"Funny how even your name sounds feline." He commented nonchalantly, taking another sip of his beer without averting his eyes from mine. That combined with the way he said feline almost made me fall off my stool.

I had to give up on this before I gave in entirely. Quick, think about what can turn you off instantly.

"I ran into Jean in the stairs. She was nice to me."

"Jean is nice to everyone."

"Well, she hasn't always been the nicest to me, but I guess neither have I." I said in a carefully composed tone, playing with the glass in my hands. "So I was just wondering, since both of you were in here... if you were doing something to put her in such a good mood..."

Logan's eyes narrowed as he placed the bottle harshly on the counter.

"What are you insinuating, Felicia?"

"Do I have to draw you a picture?" I remarked sardonically, remembering her disheveled hair. "I mean, I know how you feel about her and—"

"No, you don't." Logan let out in a controlled, severe voice. "I shouldn't have to give you any explanations, but I don't want you to get any wrong ideas. Jean suffers from insomnia due to her telepathic powers. The constant buzz she unintentionally gets from nearby minds makes it very hard for her to fall or stay asleep. Just like it's hard for us due to our heightened senses, it's not easy for her to zone out with all those frequencies colliding in her mind. So sometimes we run into each other and talk. That's all."

I swallowed, but the splash of guilt was nothing compared to the burning feeling of knowing I wasn't the only one Logan talked to at night.

"I didn't know that."

"Yeah, there are a lot of things you don't know." Logan said, still upset. I kept quiet, and so he sighed and ran a hand through his beard. "For instance, when you first got here, Jean had a lot of trouble sleeping, said your brain emitted a really strong frequence."

"What does that even mean?"

"Nothing, just that you have a very defined mind. But maybe it can help you understand why Jean hasn't always been as nice to you."

Yeah, I don't think that's the reason.

"And, believe it or not, she suffered for you. It really hurts her when she picks up emotional distress from others, and when you arrived, you had that in spades."

"I'm not sure if I should take that as an offense or apologize for something that's out of my control."

"Neither. Anyway, what I mean is, just now she was telling me how much better she thought you were feeling. So is it truth?"

I looked at him and his stare was so far-reaching I could feel it inside me. Like he was a sniper who saw me at any range but only shot up close.

"Yes." I guess more than anyone else, I have you to thank for that. "But why were you talking about me? I'm sure there's an infinity of things you'd rather talk about."

"It just came up. You know complaining about you is one of my favorite hobbies."

"I don't know what you could possibly have to complain about. I'm your best student." I fiddled, but the way his face wrinkled made me realize his joking mood was over.

"This, for example." He said, reaching for a newspaper on the counter behind him and throwing it on top of the island so I could see the front page. I rolled my eyes when my eyes landed on the title, "Spidey-Cat strikes again!" written in big, bold letters.

"What is that crap doing here? Don't tell me you read the Daily Bugle, Logan, it's full of bullshit. And J. Jonah Jameson? He's the worst. I can't stand him or his destructive obsession of bringing Spider-Man down."

"I don't. Or I didn't, until I started seeing you on the front page. What exactly do you think you're doing, Felicia?"

I could feel the conversation going sour, but neither me nor Logan were the right people to sweeten it back since we were both so salty.

"I'm helping people, that's what I'm doing. That paper only sells lies."

"It's not about the paper, I know damn well how to distinguish facts from fiction. It's about you being out there in New York, potentially exposing yourself or making enemies you're not ready to face."

I crossed my arms over my chest and shot him a glare. "You're my teacher, Logan, not my father. You can't tell me what to do outside classes. As far as I know, being a vigilante is not against the rules of this school."

"Even if it was, you'd just break them, right?" Logan fired back. "Do you even have any notion of the danger you're putting yourself in?"

"What's that compared to the danger people will be in if I don't do anything?"

"There's other people who can do it, Felicia, it doesn't have to be you!" He paused, but it was like trying to hit the brakes at something that was already off the rails. "I don't want it to be you."

"Because I'm not good enough?" I asked, his words striking a nerve. "Because I'm a loose cannon you can't allow to get out of your control?"

"It's not that." He countered in a cornered tone, his walled eyes hindering my entrance.

"Then what is it?" I incited, but he kept quiet, his jaw clenching. "I'm just doing what needs to be done, Logan. Isn't that what you teach in this school? To take action? I mean, you help send other students to missions throughout the world and I can't even help my friend protect my city? Seriously, what makes this so different? Why do you train everyone to step in but then ask me to just stand by and watch?"

"Because it's you!" He said, his voice raising dangerously, as I too struck a nerve. He tried to tone it down since no one but us was awake, but muffled discussions were even worse. "Because it's real life. Because I'm not there."

I huffed, trying to get ahold of my anger before I completely took it out on him. "What's the point of training so hard and having these powers if I can't use them to make some good for once in my freaking life? Come on, Logan, you know the wrong I've done. I thought you, of all people, would understand why I want to do this so bad. Why I need to."

"I do get it. But you want to make amends with your past so hard you forget you might jeopardize your present and completely screw up your future."

"Goddammit, Logan, stop treating me like some lost puppy you found on the streets!" I shouted. "That's the real problem here, isn't it? The difference between me and everyone else? That you can't help but see me as a broken doll you need to fix, otherwise I'll break not only myself but everyone around me? Because to you I'm just a ticking time bomb, right? The smallest thing and I'll blow everything up."

"It's not that." He repeated, the veins in his neck and forehead thick because of how hard his body was tensing.

"Oh, really?" I continued. "So you don't see me as just another traumatized kid that you have to help because it's your duty?"

"No, I really don't." He let out, his nostrils flaring like a raging bull.

"But you also don't see me as a strong enough person that can look out for herself and pull this off, right?" I asked, my tone sharp like the tail of a scorpion and he got up abruptly, almost making the stool fall to the floor, his hands placed firmly against the counter, his body leaning over the table towards me.

"It's not just up to you, Felicia! I trust you and your abilities. But I don't trust the world. You can get in serious trouble if you keep messing with the wrong crowd."

"Oh, so it's fine for you to leave the mansion late at night and take care of your own business, going on your rampages, not telling anyone so they don't try to deter you or help you, and I can't fight some petty criminals? You risk your life over and over again and I don't say anything, do I?"

"Well, why the hell would you? I have more than a century of experience."

"Oh, of course you had to pull that card!" I exclaimed, getting up as well. We were face to face, our eyes battling each other like two gladiators in the arena of defeat, both destined to lose, both just waiting to see who'd be the first to bleed. Because we both would. All our hearts ever did was bleed out to pump the other. "That's not even the point! You think it doesn't kill me, not knowing where you go each night or if you'll even come back? Do you even know if you will?"

"It doesn't matter." He said in an inflexible tone, but I was bent on bending it. He was trying to pause me, so I'd just advance through him.

"It does for me! Like it or not, people care for you, Logan. But even if it troubles me, I don't say anything or try to stop you because I know you have to go. Because I understand. Because you and I, we have the same instincts. In those times when you just have to let the animal out, do you know what I'd like? That you'd come to me and ask me to let mine out as well instead of handling everything on your own."

Logan shook his head vehemently.

"I would never do that. I would never do anything to put you in danger." You are my danger! "That's why I can't be okay with what you're doing. There's no plan or backup, you two just throw yourselves into the danger and hope you make it. Besides, you're all over the news! And last time I checked the Black Cat was still a wanted criminal. Not to mention all the other people in the shadows that would love to get a hand on you."

My fists clenched tightly, my nails burying deep into my flesh.

"You don't have to remind me of that. But I can't hide forever and I can't stop being the Black Cat, it's who I am. And when it comes to the police, they have no way to prove this Black Cat is the same one as before. They've never seen my face, and as far as they know, it can be just another costumed person taking over someone else's identity. Besides, being a professional thief means I didn't leave any traces behind. They never had enough proof to put me behind bars anyway. But if it ever comes to that, I'm sure Charles can handle it."

"Oh, so erasing the problem altogether is your way of dealing with it?"

"It's the cleanest way, at least."

Logan sighed in exasperation. "That still won't save you if you get killed."

"But, hey, on the bright side, if that happens you won't have to complain about me anymore."

"Felicia..." Logan let out, his face red, his normally stanch eyes suddenly disturbed. "Don't joke about that. Ever."

"Why not?" I insisted, tilting my head to the side.

"Because, goddamit, can't you get it?" He burst out. "I can't lose you! I can't even stand the thought! So you can be damn sure I'll do anything in my power to keep you safe!"

My heart was already beating fast, but now it skyrocketed into outer space.

"I..." I mumbled, feeling as scrambled as an egg in an English breakfast.

"Happy now?" Logan crossed his strong arms over his chest, defying me with his probing gaze as his rib cage went up and down in heavy breaths.

"But is my safety worth more than my will?" I retorted, and he hesitated.

"I can live with you hating me. Not so sure if I can live with you dead." He ended up saying and I closed my eyes upon the weight on his tone. How could a voice carry so much?

"This is not up to you, Logan. It's not up to discussion. It's my choice, and all you can do is respect it, even if you don't accept it."

"So you're just gonna continue? Strolling around New York, saving the day with your former lover, feeding the stories the media comes up with?"

"If it's what feels right, yes, I will. And you can't stop me, Logan."

He nodded, but not of agreement. "Just tell me something. If it was the other way around and you were helping me instead, and if Spider-Man told you something, would you listen to him? Would you stop?"

My jaw clenched as my teeth grinded. Logan and I, we were a double-edged sword. One way or another, one of us would get cut.

"Logan, if I didn't know you any better, I'd say this is jealousy."

I saw his muscles tensing even more and his sharp eyes narrowed, slicing the space between us into a shower of paper cuts.

"Oh, because when you asked me about Jean before it wasn't? Are we still playing this game, is that it? For how long, Felicia? For how long are we going to pretend?"

I swallowed hard, all my nerves shot as if the sniper had just come closer and rested the barrel against my rib cage, wondering what to slaughter first, if the lungs, if the heart.

"You can't pretend something that doesn't exist." I let out, because just like he needed to keep me safe, I needed to keep him. And when it came to him, his heart was the most fragile part of his body, so that's where I had to start.

"For once, Felicia, stop running away!" He shouted, so hunched over the table his breath was falling on my lips. "I know you don't mean that."

"For once, stop trying to catch me!" I shot back. "You're not my hunter and I'm not your prey. If anything, we're the definition of a wild-goose chase."

"Fuck, Felicia, you're impossible when you evade! What does that even mean?" He charged, his tone frayed. It was as if even before we spilled it, his blood was already on my hands and mine on his.

"It means you were right when you said we were dangerous!" I cried out. "And when you said you were better off if you stayed away from me. But now that I'm giving you that chance, you refuse. You say you'll do anything to keep me safe, right? Then that's what you'll do first. You stay away."

Logan leaned back brusquely and shook his head, his eyes burning mine so deeply to the core I wondered if instead of tears I'd cry ashes.

"You don't make any sense, Felicia, and worst of all, you make me not make any sense. I can't get you, I never will, and my mistake was thinking I ever could."

"There you go, now you get it." I said, my tone dropping several degrees. We were in the ice age now, because that's how I loved. In frostbites. "You can't own me, Logan. And if you try you'll just disown yourself. So stop thinking you can tell me what to do, because you can't."

"So, that's it? You don't care about my opinion one bit?"

"I do, but you can't act as if you always know what's best for me!"

"But what about your safety? Don't you care about that? Or is this some attempt at self-destruction?"

"Don't go that way, Logan. You have no moral to speak when it comes to self-destruction. It's your middle name!" Otherwise you wouldn't be here right now. You wouldn't be trying. Handling me is whipping yourself in the back. But staying with me is leaving the world. "I mean, that's why you fell in love with Jean, right? That's why you endure watching her with Scott."

A flash of fury darkened his light brown eyes and for some reason, that turned me on more than anything else. Logan's rage was more lethal than any other weapon in the world, and yet, nothing made me feel more alive. A part of me was doomed to crash against him so the other parts could feel saved.

"Why are you bringing Jean up again?" He inquired, leaning over the island impetuously. "She has nothing to do with this! I don't even see her that way anymore."

My brain completely failed to process that information, because once you launched a missile, there was no going back.

"Maybe you should! Maybe you should since you hold her in such high regard. I bet if it was her in New York you wouldn't even bat an eyelash. You know what, instead of wasting your time arguing with me why don't you go back to her and complain about me some more? I bet she'd love to hear it!"

Logan shook his head in irritation, the blades in his eyes cutting me open.

"You know what, Felicia, you're such a hypocrite! You don't run away because you want to escape, you run because you want to be chased. That's what you love. It's all a big game to you. But the moment it turns serious and someone is close enough to catch you, you turn on them. You're so afraid to fall on a trap you end up trapping everyone. At the end of the day, you are self-centered and arrogant and immature and above all ruthless and honestly what I can't understand is how I let myself fa—"

He stopped talking abruptly and turned around without a second glance, storming out of the kitchen in heavy, infuriated steps. I had the impression we had made enough noise to wake up half of the mansion, but from the stable heartbeats everyone still seemed asleep. Maybe it was only deafening inside my head.

Knowing I wouldn't be able to get any sleep, I let out a growl of frustration and went outside in hopes of calming myself down. The night was unusually cold, or maybe it was just my perception since I was freezing inside, and I shivered as I started going deep inside the forest.

Owls were hooting with the new moon behind them as the wind flogged my face and clothes. The leaves were undulating violently as the branches creaked loudly, and I tightened my clothes around me to try and keep me warm, but it was as if my spine was on steroids, it wouldn't stop shivering.

When I heard the first crack, I understood why. It wasn't cold. It was an alert. Once again, my Cat-Sense had kept me awake for a reason.

With my heart jumping in my chest, I looked around frantically and scanned the perimeter, my ears perked up in search of the noise. For a moment I couldn't see or ear anything special, but then I detected faint, steady heartbeats followed by furtive steps and the gentle rustling of the leafage.

Whoever was coming was stealthy, swift and skilled, like I had been trained to be. Not many people in the world could move in the shadows as if they were one, but I was one of them and so were they.

Because, once, I and they were one and the same.

My breathing became heavier against my will, denouncing my position before I could even think of cloaking myself. They were moving fast and I was not moving at all. My thoughts were all jumbled from the moment I realized this time it was real, that they weren't just advancing in my mind.

And at the time I most needed to run away, I was completely paralyzed.

Suddenly someone grabbed me from behind, pulling my arms harshly behind my back and covering my mouth and nose with a piece of cloth drenched in an incapacitating agent. My throat and lungs immediately protested, making me feel like someone had just dropped a huge weight on top of my chest. I struggled against the strong grip, trying to remain conscious, but I could feel my eyelids flutter and the light turning dark.

Through a sliver I managed to see more men coming out of the bushes, handguns and rifles pointed at me. They were all wearing ballistic helmets with protective glasses and flashlights attached so they could see in the dark, along with full-body combat uniforms and bulletproof vests. I didn't even need to see the hideous skull logo to know who they were. Maybe the faces behind the masks changed, but the silhouettes from my nightmares were still the same.

Those disgusting Hydra scientists.

Or should I say, soldiers. The doctors stayed at home while the fighters came out to play.

"Stop fighting." The man behind me ordered as I continued to resist, my hands tugging at his arms as he pressed the cloth harder against my face. I could feel the sleeping gas infiltrating my every pore, but it was taking longer than normal. "You'll never win."

Despite his abhorrent tone, his words unblocked something in me, reminding me of who I was. I wasn't the scared little girl they had kidnapped at fourteen anymore; now I was the Black Cat, the one you would not want in your path.

Most of all, I was Felicia Hardy, and this was my home. I knew they had come for me, so that's what they would get. There was no way I was going to let them get anywhere near the mansion.

Digging my nails into his jacket, I let my claws come out and pierce his skin all the way to the bone. The soldier yelled in agony and the cloth fell to the floor at the same time I grabbed his elbows and threw him over me and onto the two nearest guys with all my strength.

I knew I wouldn't have the element of surprise with me for much longer, so using two tree trunks for momentum, I jumped in the air and slashed the throat of two soldiers, before crashing my legs against the shoulders of another one and falling with him to the ground, my thighs squeezing his neck and sucking all the air from inside him.

Not a second after, I heard the urgent pressing of fingers against the trigger and the soft hissing of the bullets leaving the barrel, making the owls disband on the clouded sky, and despite everything, I smiled.

This right here was my biggest leverage, the one thing they weren't counting on. They had tried to trigger my power but never thought it had worked, and so now I would use what they had made of me in my favour.

I was more than glad to give them the monster they had wanted me to become.

Without even closing my eyes or having to break a sweat, I ordered reality to rearrange itself so the bullets wouldn't hit me. I was so driven I didn't even have to try for my power to obey me. It was as if it knew what I needed before I did. No longer a liability, but a natural extension of myself.

Still, at such short range, it was impossible that at least one bullet wouldn't hit me, so I spinned around and let my instinct guide me towards the inevitable shots, my claws slicing the bullets in half in one go.

While the soldiers lost a precious second in shock, trying to make sense of what had just happened, I ripped out the helmet, the gun and the vest from one of them all at once, aiming the barrel at him.

"One shot and they're dead." I repeated the words I had heard a thousand times. "But just to be sure, one to the heart, one to the head."

I pulled the trigger twice, the first bullet going through his skull just seconds before the other pierced his chest, and if I flinched, it wasn't because his brain was now splattered on the ground or my hands were now tainted with his blood, but because this confrontation made me realize how well Logan's help had worked.

After that initial fear, all I felt now was rage, hatred and vendetta.

"You made these come out." I said, showing the lethal, glistening claws around, the blood dripping and dampening the soil as the soldiers tried to organize themselves. "So why not try them yourselves?"

Letting out a low, primitive scream, I dumped the gun and dove into a sequence of chaos, my claws yanking helmets to scratch faces and slash necks.

I heard a soldier approaching me from behind and pulled my arm back, choking him with a hand while stretching out my leg and kicking another one in his stomach. I used my power again to divert another burst of shots, throwing myself behind a large tree for cover. Silently, I climbed the tree quickly and perched on one of the branches as the soldiers tried to find me.

"Now you see me," I called, a smirk playing on my lips as their eyes turned to me, my stance crouched and balanced. "Now you don't."

Like a hawk I plunged in the air, like a cat I landed on the shoulders of a soldier and like a scorpion I stuck my claws into his throat, the warm blood gushing out onto my arms and shirt, a taste of their own venom.

"If you want a killing machine," I let out, taking my claws off his neck with a sticky sound, "that's what you'll get."

I dropped his body to the floor, but then someone landed a powerful kick to my ribs from the side, making me stagger forward and smash my shoulder onto a tree. I gritted my teeth at the spurt of pain, turning around angrily. The soldier ran at me and placing my hands above my head and against the trunk, I propelled my body forward, my feet hitting his chest with a thump and sending him several feet backwards through the air.

"You're stronger than before." Another one said, going around the tree and taking a taser out of his pocket. "Let's see how much."

Without hesitation, he placed the device against my skin and pressed the button, all my nerves jolting violently at the surge of electricity flooding my veins. I roared in torment, tears prickling my eyes at how bad it felt.

"Not so funny, now, uh?" The soldier asked, a wicked grin warping his features. I glared at him, wincing in pain.

"Make. This. Stop." I demanded between excruciating breaths.

"You're in no position to ask for favors, silly girl." He stated, and despite the suffering, I managed to crack out a smile.

"I wasn't talking to you, douchebag." Then the taser made a loud, electric noise and vibrated, scaring the soldier who took it away from me but failed to get rid of it before it electrocuted him to death.

"I can't believe it." Another said, approaching me cautiously, like one would do to a hurt, caged animal. "It worked."

"It did, bastard. And now I'm gonna use it against you." I said, running towards him and slashing his legs to make him drop to the floor so my foot could crush his windpipe. "'Cause, darling, I'm a nightmare dressed like a daydream."

Ah, Taylor Swift. Always with a song for everything.

His body stopped squirming underneath my foot once I suck all the life out of it, my clothes torn from the twigs. I flipped in the air several times as more soldiers coming from the bushes tried to shoot at me, punching one on the face midair before kneeing other where the sun would never shine. I was grabbed from behind by two large guys, but I was so out of control they didn't measure my strength correctly and I elbowed them both on the nose, breaking it instantly and making them fall backwards.

"I'm more lethal now, uh?" I spit on their faces before leaning down and dragging my nails spitefully over their skin. "Now that I'm not being experimented on and tortured?"

"The doctors will be very pleased to see their work has borne fruit." I heard a soldier comment from afar, framing me in the telescopic sight of his shotgun. I raised an eyebrow, smirked at him and gave him the finger just before he pulled the trigger and I dodged to the side, the bullet hitting one of his comrades.

"Not if we can't get her!" Another shouted as more guys and bullets flew towards me. Hon, if not even Wolverine can get me, nobody can.

With my power working in the background, I jumped to the shoulders of an intimidating guy, wrapping my ankles around his neck to suffocate him, but he turned around brusquely and slammed me against a cut trunk, my back popping painfully, my mouth gasping for air.

"You look pretty lying down like that." He mocked, his smirk repulsive.

"Shut the hell up." I replied, venom in my mouth.

I rolled myself over to the ground, coughing blood. When the soldier leaned towards me with a gun, I placed the palms of my hands against the ground and jumped to my feet in a perfect kip up, burying my claws on his hips and spitting blood on his face before grabbing his shoulders and kneeing him again and again.

"We need backup." I heard one of the soldiers whisper into his coms. "Target is uncontained and stronger than expected. Bring in your best—"

I kicked him in the face so hard his helmet flew off and crashed against the rifle of his teammate. I jumped in the air and backflipped several times when another blast of bullets cut the air in my direction, hitting the men behind me instead. That gave me time to land on the ground and sweep their legs, bringing their skulls together in a satisfying crash, but then someone yanked me violently from behind and grabbed my hair forcefully. I only had time to tear off his helmet before he shackled my hands behind my back and rested a gun against my temple.

"You don't look so lethal now, do you?" He snarled to my ear, my vein pulsing against the barrel as his strong arm tightened around my neck. I was completely trapped, unable to move my hands or make my claws get to the cuffs to cut through them. They were clearly made from a special material since I couldn't break them.

I swallowed, for the first time that night seriously fearing for my life. This close, there was nothing my power could do to prevent the clear shot. Normal bullets wouldn't kill me, but they knew that so they wouldn't come to me without being prepared to take me down if necessary, even if I wasn't sure if I could die with special bullets. Most certainly their orders were to capture me alive, but I had pissed them off with my rampage and it was unclear if this man would stick to the plan or lash out at me.

Even if I did survive, I knew what an adamantium bullet had done to Logan, making him lose his memories. The ideia that the same could happen to me freaked me out, but nothing terrified me more than knowing I could die or lose myself with him still mad at me. Without him knowing how I really felt.

"You made a lot of dangerous men very angry tonight." The man continued as my eyes teared up from the effort of trying to break free. I heard him release the safety of the gun and moving his finger to the trigger and I tried to shout, but his grip around my throat rendered me voiceless.

"Yes." A voice from the shadows spoke, very lowly. "Yes, you did."

Before I could register what was happening, a different trigger was pulled and a bullet hit the soldier between his eyes, the shot sounding like an explosion to my ears and painting my face in red. After a moment of pure shock, I regained composure and even with my wrists handcuffed I turned around to the two last hidden soldiers, who were less than willing to attack me after witnessing what I had done to an entire strike team.

"Don't, please!" One of them begged in despair as I got closer to him.

"I know. I begged many times too." I said. I still couldn't locate the voice in the shadows, but I'd deal with it later. "But unlike what you did in the past, I'll give you a quick death."

I smashed his head against a rock with a powerful kick, and when the last one tried to escape, I made my claws roll out of my fingers and into his throat. When I looked down with a pleased smile, a pool of blood ruining my shoes, I felt an exceptionally cold hand tightening around my neck. Oh, not again!

I struggled to release myself and then there was a voice who spoke.

"I'm not going to hurt you." He said with a russian accent. After he said that he released me and I turned around, ready to attack him if necessary. The man who was facing me had medium shoulder length brown hair, green eyes and a black suit. Yet his left arm, which had a red star onto it, was shiny and silver. It was made from metal.

My breath got caught in my throat when I recognized the face that before being all over the news as a real person had been in my head as a myth. Soldiers and scientists aliked talked about him as one of Hydra's best weapons. As the supreme example of who I should follow.

The Winter Soldier in all his glory.

I knew the stories, I knew his victims, and I knew he had saved me, but for what?

"I've got your back and though it's stacked against us
I've got your hand, it's us against consensus
And I will burn the people who hurt you the worst
And I will not learn
'Cause I'm too young and too dumb to consider the terms
Of breaking the law and I'll curse the day that they return

With a smile on my face as their heads hit the floor
And they're done, now it's curtains, the bloodlust's a clusterfuck, it hurts
But it's working and even if you ask me to stop it's too late
Because I've already decided their faith, it's not a distaste, it's pure hate
And it pulsates and it works it's way around my brain
And anyway, what I'm trying to say is I'll protect you till the day I meet my maker
So don't fight me now 'cause you might need me later"

A/N: Yaay, who doesn't love Bucky! (And if you say 'Who the hell is Bucky' I'm going to send Wolverine after you). I'm so excited to bring him into this story since he's one of my faves!

And I know Bobby is gay in the comics, but I didn't like the way he came out, with Jean basically telling him he was gay, so I'm letting him do his own questioning and discovery here like I would have liked to see in the comics.

Song is "Bloodsport" by Raleigh Ritchie. I love it so much and it's perfect for this chapter!

The picture I made just for fun! (hopefully it will lighten your mood after this heavy chapter)