C H A P T E R   7 :   Y O U   J U S T   W A N T   A T T E N T I O N

Logan wasn't lying. He definitely showed me how fighting could go from fun to eternal torture. Some days all my muscles were sore and every inch of my body was hurting but Logan showed me no mercy. In the group combat lessons he was always harder on me. If everyone else did something ten times, I had to do it twenty. He doubled everything for me. Except kindness.

And my dilemma was loving and hating it at the same time. Logan was strict and harsh and accepted no complains, but fighting made me feel alive. And seeing I was improving in so little time made me excited about the changes I could have long-term.

If he demanded so much of me it was because he knew I was up to the test, and in a way, I appreciated the confidence he gave me, even though he never truly showed it to me. He was resolute on making me forget about being sexy in a fight to focus on being effective, but I was determined to show him I could be effective and sexy at the same time.

I didn't have to lose my glamour to be victorious. Just ask Black Widow.

On Friday, after the group training lesson was finished, Dyani approached me.

"Party tonight by the lake. To celebrate the start of classes."

"I love parties, but that is a horrible reason to throw one." I pointed out.

Dyani smiled.

"It's not so much about the classes, but the returning home. Many kids here dread summer because they have nowhere to go. Of course they can stay here but... it's not the same thing as having a full house. So... you coming?"

"Count me in."

***

Heads turned when I arrived at the lake at night. I blamed my little black dress that clung to my curves for that and approached Dyani with a smile. She was all dolled up for the party: every inch of her skin that was visible was transformed into a material, creating a wonderful contrast of colors and substances. It could have looked hideous, but, in reality, she was a beautiful kaleidoscope generating a light of her own.

"This is better than what I expected." I admitted, looking around at the students, the music, the lights. The smell of beer and pheromones invaded my nose and I tried to ignore it. Sometimes having enhanced senses was a reall pain in the ass, but at least it gave me a good insight on people's intentions.

"Non-mutants hate us because of our parties." Dyani said with a smile as she handed me a beer.

"No, thanks. I refuse to introduce in my system substances that can mess with my self control, plus the scent is disgusting. You only drink that because you can't smell it to the core, believe me."

Dyani smirked and took a big sip.

"Lucky me, then."

"Hello, beauties." Alex greeted us with a grin and a playful hand on my bare shoulder to where Roberto's eyes were shooting daggers. I felt my heart skip a beat in antecipation.

"I thought this was a student's party." Dyani said. "Are the rest of the X-Men coming too?"

Alex rolled his eyes.

"My brother is with Jean so I'm sure none will appear here tonight. Everyone else is either in mission, absent, sleeping or, well... missing. We're the only adults here to watch over you kids, relax."

"Don't forget about me." I intervened with a smirk.

"Never." Alex winked at me.

"What are you talking about?" Dyani joked with a malicious smile. "According to Logan you are not a woman yet."

I rolled my eyes, recalling his comment.

"Fortunately I don't need Logan's permission to become a woman. Or to do anything, really. How about you?" I asked Roberto, playfully tapping his chest. Logan was not going to be on my mind tonight. "Are you going to forget about me once you become a full time X-Men member?"

Roberto swallowed, but then a slow smirk came alive.

"Perhaps. I might need something to remember, you know? Something to remind me of you."

I smirked. "If you behave."

He laughed while Alex faked a vomit, and the four of us walked towards Bobby, who was sitting with a dark-brown haired girl near the lake.

"Hey you!" He said, smiling. He seemed more relaxed than I had ever seen him. I observed the girl near him. She had hazel eyes and an analytical expression, but she seemed nice.

"I'm Kitty." She said to me. "You must be Felicia."

"With claws and all." I smirked, and they all laughed as if I was joking. I laughed too.

"Pleasure to meet you. I see you helped Bobby here make up his mind."

I narrowed my eyes, staring at Bobby.

"I did?"

He nodded.

"More than you think."

I wanted to ask him to elaborate but was interrupted by the happy screams of a girl grabbing a rope, ready to throw herself into the lake. She was completely dressed, her hands included, and had a white streak in her brown hair.

"That girl is a never-ending well of fun." Alex commented, shaking his head while laughing.

"Rogue really is crazy." Bobby agreed, his grin growing at the speed of light. I watched the so called Rogue, her carefree smile and laid-back expression as she fell inside the lake.

"In all the right ways, right, Bobby?" Roberto smiled at him like a big, knowing brother.

He sighed. Kitty elbowed him playfully.

"You should stay with her, Bobby. If she's the one who makes you feel so alive."

My eyes widened at Kitty's maturity. I was impressed. She seemed like a logical, rational person, very much the opposite of this wild, reckless person Rogue appeared to be, but she wasn't affected or insecure. She was sure of who she was, and proud of it. She held no grudge against Bobby whatsoever. Her intentions were the purest. 

If Bobby hadn't pulled her to a hug, I would.

"Thanks, Kitty. Thanks everyone. For putting me back in the right track."

"Now you should go join her at the lake before she skinny dips." Kitty laughed and Bobby looked at me, winking. I smiled as he left but the smile quickly fell from my face when I saw Philip leaning against a tree, watching me attentively like a hawk spying his prey, ready to devour it slowly. I gave him my death stare and looked away, deciding ignorance was the best weapon I could use against him. I was not going to risk my place here because of that jerk.

"Who's brave enough to be next?" Rogue interrogated as she and Bobby came closer. Bobby had wrapped a towel around her in a protective, caring manner that warmed my heart.

For some reason they all stared at me.

"What, me? Ah, no way I'm ruining this dress tonight." Besides, I'm the kind of cat that doesn't mingle well with water. Then Roberto stared at me with his eyebrows raised and a suggestion of a bantering smile in his lips and I couldn't help but to add "Well, at least not with water."

"I like you." Rogue decided. "I guess you already know who I am."

"Yes. And you too."

She smiled. "Yes. You're Cupid." Bobby smiled under her stare and then Rogue noticed Dyani and took her gloves impulsively, making Iceman instantly frown.

"Rogue..."

"Relax, Bobby." Dyani said. "I'm Sponge Cake tonight. I'm immune, remember?"

"Yes, girl, thank you for existing. You're the only one I can really touch without the risk of hurting them!" Rogue said happily as she jumped to Dyani and gave her a meaningful hug. I watched the relief in Rogue's face. It must have been really difficult for her to not be able to actually touch anything without a piece of fabric in between. It ocurred to me I would probably hate having her power. I loved a little bit of touching. Sometimes, more than a blessing, powers really could be a curse, but I was glad in this school we were being taught how to change that. 

Rogue's eyes darted to Bobby's as she dwelled on her own words. "I didn't mean..."

Bobby smiled at her. Nothing could ruin his happiness tonight. Especially not its source.

"I know, Rogue."

The girl smiled gratefully, put her gloves back on and hugged him strongly.

"You're still my favorite embrace, Bobby. Always." I heard her whisper in his ear. I looked over at the others to see their reactions but then remembered I was probably the only one who had been able to hear it above the loud music. I didn't mean to intrude, but sometimes our powers gave us no choice.

"So, are we going to enjoy the party or stay here like old ladies talking about the flaws of each other's kids?" Rogue questioned after the hug. "Let's dance!"

She grabbed Bobby's hand and led him through the crowd near the bonfire someone had made. We gladly joined them, Dyani, Alex and Kitty chatting joyfully while Roberto and I stood a little aside.

"Wanna dance?" I suggested with a flirtatious smile.

"Yes, please. I'll try not to step on your feet."

"Appreciated." I laughed as he pulled me closer to him, his strong arms grasping my waist, mine wrapping around his neck. We moved in sync in a slow, seductive dance until the music switched to Moves Like Jagger and I knew I simply had to let the wild animal in me come out.

I laughed when Roberto mouthed the lyrics, his eyes locked on mine as I stepped away from him.

Just shoot for the stars if it feels right
Then aim for my heart if you feel like
Can take me away and make it okay
I swear I'll behave 

I raised my eyebrows questioningly at him and started moving provokingly, my hands running up and down my dress, my eyes never leaving his.

You wanted control, so we waited
I put on a show, now I make it
You say I'm a kid, my ego is big
I don't give a shit 

As he inched closer instinctively I stepped back consciously, smirking as more and more eyes turned my way.

I was a Snake Charmer and everyone's eyes were my snakes. I was allure, I was temptation, I was the forbidden fruit guys desperately wanted to have a taste of but would never manage to grab.

I don't need to try to control you
Look into my eyes and I'll own you
With them moves like Jagger
I've got the moves like Jagger

As more and more guys kept coming closer, cheering and wolf whistling, I blocked them all from my mind and started dancing for me, the beat of the song drumming in my veins, adrenaline infecting my system. I let the rhythm guide me, I gave myself to the flow, my hands all over my hair and body, relishing on the attention.

I couldn't deny, I loved it. I loved this. Letting them all see me but none of them touch me. Letting them all imagine themselves with me, letting them fantasize about what they'd do if I was theirs, but making clear I was in fact nobody's.

I loved making them desire me. And then I loved crashing their hopes and expectations by not fulfilling their dreams.

Maybe it's hard when you feel like you're broken and scarred
Nothing feels right
But when you're with me, I'll make you believe
That I've got the key 

I continued dancing sensually, up and down, moving my hair back and forth and to the sides freely, like it had a life of its own. I smirked, sensing the tension in the bodies of the male population growing. I came closer to Roberto once more, letting my hair and skin rub his chest provokingly, dropping the sexy lyrics in his ear:

So get in the car, we can ride it
Wherever you want, get inside it
And you wanna steer, but I'm shifting gears
I'll take it from here

And it goes like this

I stuck my tongue out and let it slide over the contours of his mouth as the song confirmed my intentions.

Take me by the tongue and I'll know you
Kiss me 'til you're drunk and I'll show you
All the moves like Jagger
I've got the moves like Jagger 

When Roberto tried to grab me I escaped him, the crowd getting wilder and wilder. I spinned, passing my eyes through some guys as I heard their hearts beating faster than the beat of the song. I looked up at Roberto through my long eyelashes and pulled him towards me by his shirt. He came willingly and smiled, and I moved my mouth closer to his but then diverted it in the last second, leaving him craving a kiss that never came. 

I don't need to try to control you
Look into my eyes and I'll own you

I loved seduction games. I loved winning them. I loved driving guys crazy while owning all the sanity. I knew what I was doing. I knew I did it well. I knew no one could beat me at this game.

At least, no one I had played with already.

With them moves like Jagger
I've got the moves like Jagger
I've got the moves like Jagger  

I was a queen in the midst of princes. A rolling stone in between gravel. A Jagger among robots.

I pushed Roberto away again and made the most out of my talent, enjoying my curves and all the shouts of motivation and flatter. I knew exactly what to do to drive them to their craziest; how to move my body to seduce; where to put my hands to tempt; how to roll my hips to captivate, and how to stare to tame. I was a conqueror, and no land could escape my domain. 

You wanna know how to make me smile
Take control, own me just for the night

With a piercing stare I called Roberto with my finger. 

And if I share my secret
You're gonna have to keep it
Nobody else can see this  

He came to me, laughing and smiling and his arms tried to embrace me but I dodged him. I turned around, my body leaning against his, my skin teasingly caressing his. I let my touch drive him mad, I let the expectation build up on him. His hands grabbed my waist firmly and he made me move against him in a slow, sexy dance, but never in a controlling way.  

He knew who was in control there.

Roberto tried to reach for my lips again but I released myself from his touch, denying him what he wanted.

"You go, Felicia, let him suffer a bit!" I laughed when I heard Alex cheer us on. I came closer to the brunet again, hypnotizing him with my dance as I moved around him, provokingly rubbing myself on him.   

So watch and learn, I won't show you twice
Head to toe, ooh, baby, rub me right

I let Roberto grab me again and a shiver ran down my spine when he leaned forward and whispered in my ear.

If I share my secret, you're gonna have to keep it
Nobody else can see this  

"End my misery, Felicia. Please."

I smirked and decided he had behaved well enough to do just that, so I grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and pulled him closer to me, my lips hovering over his. He inched forward once again and this time I let him collect his prize. He glued his lips to mine and I didn't step back. His arms embraced me as we tangled in each other, his mouth savoring mine in a sweet, gentle way.

I bit his lip slightly to let him know he could lose some of his control and he kissed me more vehemently, to which I smiled. I closed my eyes, getting lost in the feeling his hands running up and down my back evoked on me. My lips tasted his neck and then travelled to his ear.

"You know this can't last, don't you?" I muttered.

"Yes." He nodded. "That's what makes it so good."

I grinned, glad we were on the same page. If I didn't think he just wanted to have a good time like me I would have never gave him hopes and started this. I hated the mere thought of commitment. The only time I had been committed to someone had left me bleeding from my soul. Not even I was masochist enough to fall in love again.

Roberto and I continued making out until a loud voice interrupted our moment.

"Great show out there, Felicia." Alex grinned.

"Dude." Roberto said, scowling at him, and the blondie gave him a sympathetic look.

"Hate to break it to you, but we have to go. Duty calls."

Roberto sighed in exasperation while still holding me.

"The X-Men? Now?"

Alex nodded, his expression turned serious now, and showed him a message on his phone.

"Alright, then. Felicia..." Roberto looked at me, and I swallowed, not so much for the stop of fun but for the possibility of not seeing them for a long time. I didn't want that. I wanted them by my side as my friends.

"I know. Work always ruins fun. When you're fighting bad guys, give them an extra kick in the ass for me, okay?"

He smiled. "On it."

"And you know, at least you'll have a fun thing to remember if the mission ever gets boring." I winked at him and he gave me a quick peck on the lips. For some reason I felt like we both knew it was the last.

A round of hugs and goodbyes followed.

"Take care, guys." Bobby adverted.

"Be careful." Kitty added.

"Try not to get yourselves killed, or worse, expelled." Dyani, as always, referenced.

"And come visit us more often." Rogue demanded.

"Don't worry." Alex rolled his eyes playfully. "We'll bring you all a little souvenir."

He pulled me for a hug next, which surprised me a little. I wasn't as close to them as the others, yet still they had welcomed me and treat me as a friend. I grinned into his embrace.

"Go save the world, guys."

***

When the party calmed down, I noticed Bianca staring at Philip. I immediately made my way towards her. My roommate and I hadn't talked much since I had gotten here despite her attempts to engage in long, cheerful conversations, but that didn't mean I was completely indifferent to her. Especially if she was eyeing a jerk like Philip.

"Why are you staring at Philip?"

Her eyes widened at the sudden question and she quickly looked away, her cheeks tainted pink.

"My eyes have to stop somewhere, right?" She laughed, trying to shake it off. Oh no, you will not go all Taylor Swift on me.

"Bianca, he's a jerk. You deserve way better." I didn't know her well enough, but everyone deserved better than Philip. She looked at me, slightly taken aback.

"But he's just so... delicious!"

I rolled my eyes so harshly my head hurt. This pissed me off so much. How some people disregarded personality in favor of looks. How some let themselves be treated wrongly just because the other person was a feast for the eyes. How some lovesick fools didn't care enough about themselves to see they weren't being treated right. Gosh, why couldn't they see there were others out there that would treat them like queens or kings, and not pawns and slaves?

"You don't need him, Bianca. You can get so much better. Don't let yourself be fooled by his pretty little face, that's all you'll ever get from him. Beauty doesn't last long unlike a good personality. At the end of the day, which one do you think will make you feel good?"

Bianca's eyes kept on widening.

"You are really smart for such a pretty girl."

Mine kept on rolling. Just another prejudice of society I was used to have to go against. As if a pretty face couldn't come with a wise brain. As if beauty meant shallowness and forbid depth.

"Since when does one prevent the other?" I inquired, letting her hear my bitterness.

"Sorry, you're right, it's just... my eyes can't stop looking no matter how much my brain begs. You have to admit he's really handsome."

"And a harasser." I let out. Bianca frowned.

"What?"

"He doesn't take no for an answer. He's one of those guys that changes from an angel to the Devil if we don't give them what they want. They have this twisted idea that it's their right, as if we were their property and had to follow their will without having our own. They think we want it too. They try to manipulate us into thinking we want it too. That's called abuse. Stay away from him."

"Did he really... did he try...? No, he wouldn't."

"Don't believe something just because it's easier, Bianca. Guys like him have no respect for girls. One day you'll get hurt because of him, or a boy like him, and you'll remember that I warned you. You'll finally understand what I was telling you, and that I was only trying to protect you. One day he will disappoint you, and he will break your heart. And then, Bianca, you will know boys like him are not worth of your time."

Bianca tilted her head to the side, a concerned expression on her face.

"Felicia. Who broke yours?"

Wait, what? What just happened here? This is not about me! I repeat, this is not about me!

"No one broke my heart." I firmly answered her. I couldn't leave room for doubts. "But I know a lot of people that had their hearts broken because of situations like this."

"I don't believe you." Bianca told me.

"I've told you, one day you will. He's no good."

"Not because of that. I don't believe you when you say no one broke your heart. It might not have been a jerk like you say Philip is, it might not have even been in these conditions, but someone has. Someone has broken your heart, Felicia. That's why you crave for attention, yet reject all men. I saw you dancing. You love attention."

"So what?" I crossed my arms, my entire being playing at defense. "Is that a crime? Does it make me an automatic slut?"

"What? No, I didn't say that."

"Good. Because I hate that idea. I hate how women are perceived by society. How they are judged differently from men. Why the need to have different standards? I like attention, yes. I like to have a good time. I like fun. That does not mean by any means I'm offering myself or something."

"Felicia, I know." Bianca said in a soft tone. "And I'm sorry if you had to endure stupid prejudices and insults. That's not what I meant. It's just... you like to feel seen, desired, wanted. But you just want attention. Not the whole thing. You want them to come, thinking they will receive, and you want them to leave empty-handed. You love to be worshipped and you love to reject. You love the sensation of rejecting men so they can know how it feels. Someone rejected you, Felicia. And someone broke your heart while doing so."

I was completely astonished by Bianca. Never did I think this bubbly girl that never seemed to pay great attention to anything was actually so insightful. She came to a conclusion few people could come, since I usually did such a good job at hiding my emotions. Or so I thought. Bianca wasn't a mind reader, but she saw right through me.

And besides... never did I think that after so long the truth could still hurt this much.

I thought about lying, about all the possible comebacks I could say to change the subject and divert her attention. I wanted to tell her she was completely wrong, but I couldn't lie. Not about this. I couldn't lie about him.

I couldn't fake nor hide such a big part of my soul.

So instead of lying, instead of facing Bianca, I turned my back on her, knowing that it would only reforce her theory. Yet in that moment I didn't care. I didn't care about anything. Memories hit my mind like gunshots, my heart like punches. I couldn't breathe, it felt so recent. The pain felt so new despite being so overused. Gosh, I hated feeling like this, so powerless, so hurt because of a boy. However he was no ordinary boy. He never had been, I knew. I knew it since the first time I had landed my eyes on him.

And Maroon 5 song kept replaying on my mind with a total different meaning now.

Maybe it's hard when you feel like you're broken and scarred
Nothing feels right 

If I share my secret, you're gonna have to keep it
Nobody else can see this

A/N: Music is "Moves Like Jagger" by Maroon 5, which I think fits this chapter perfectly!

Picture is Bianca Morris played by Katy Perry. 

Kitty Pryde is played by Elliot Page and Rogue is played by Anna Paquin :)

I wonder who's the misterious him, the guy who broke Felicia's heart...