You read the fucking title. You clicked the fucking link. Let's get started.

Canon Ethan from the Hearts of Gold trilogy: Ethan from the video games actually does wear a backward hat. It's unclear if HoG Ethan, a massive mutated Lugia, would be able to wear a hat, but somehow imagining him wearing one makes all of his scenes better. Consider this officially my headcanon. I'm throwing my hat into the ring.

Accuracy: 9/10

Canon Nathan from Lux: Can not improvise. Stutters nervously when his girlfriend and/or his boyfriend interrogate him from both sides. Would probably lie down on a stage and cry if asked to perform in front of people. Did lie to people, at least four times, but he was stuttering so hard that it was unclear if he was lying or just telling the truth in such a way that everyone stopped listening, therefore technically allowing him to keep the secret.

Accuracy: 2/10

Canon Alexander from Amalgama: Is the only one of the Amalgams besides Mary who has basically canonically been exposed to Amalgama. Does not have an implement with which to draw anime but if he could he definitely would do it. 

Accuracy: 7/10

Canon Daniel from Lux: Can not play any instrument less pretentious than a violin. This is not canon at all. 
Accuracy:  1/10

Canon Dylan from Amalgama: No parents. Surprisingly, no interest in weed.

Accuracy: 3/10, it sounds like it should be true, but it is not.

Canon Adam from Deja Vu: Would absolutely do this in middle school, which is one of the many reasons he got invited to things. People felt awkward saying no once he'd responded to them on Google Plus. Now he thinks it's stupid and that anyone who would do this is stupid. This is because Adam doesn't talk to normal people anymore and not because he has changed significantly as a person.

Accuracy: 7/10, posthumously.

Canon Jack from Kill Your Darlings/Deja Vu: I... well... I... I mean?!?! I... I don't think that sounds wrong, but it definitely doesn't sound right, either?
Accuracy: America/10. What are politics even

Canon Garrett from Deja Vu: Literally blind. Would wear glasses anyways because he still thinks he can do the tipping thing and that light will flash across the glass lens, rendering him cool. It will never happen. Give it up Garrett.

Accuracy: 4/10

Canon Will from Deja Vu: Can not play sports, got into a great college on a scholarship regardless. Always shorter than his brother.

Accuracy: 6/10

NOW FOR SOME GIRLS

Canon Ashley from Hearts of Gold trilogy: Does not need a mirror to cry.

Accuracy: 8/10

Canon Caroline from Out of Bounds: Why would she lie to you about having her shit together. It is not in a position anyone would want her shit to be in, but there it is, ostensibly together. 
Accuracy: 6/10

Canon Emily from Extraordinary: This describes the book or would if it didn't suck and I wasn't overhauling it so hard that I had to make thousands of years of revisionist history just to write it down. Emily as a protagonist isn't exceptional or awful but at least she's older.

Accuracy: 7/10

Canon Erin from Out of Bounds: Just wants everyone to know that she has some merit outside of being a sobbing human meat shield.

Accuracy: 10/10 too real 

Canon Sarah from Crux: Not getting into an Ivy League. The worst.

Accuracy: 3/10

Canon Megan from Deja Vu: Is the group chat. This is slander. Megan Briggs likes all your posts, even the stupid one that no one in the group thought was funny, not even you after you posted it. Megan just likes it because she knows you spent six hours looking at memes today instead of doing homework because you're on an existential downward spiral and someone needs to bring the sunshine into your life, because Megan loves you, and you should love you, too, like Megan does. 

Accuracy: 0/10. Literally slander. 

Canon Mary from Amalgama: Doesn't get invited to parties, probably physiologically incapable of throwing up, still, somehow, this seems like it's basically canon.

also lol 69 i'm 12

Accuracy: 7/10

Canon Brittany from Crux: Has a boyfriend who would like these Snapchats. The two of them are the only two people under twenty who made a Facebook of their own volition in the GENERATION of 202X.

Accuracy: 9/10

Canon Emma from Kill Your Darlings: am i her daddy or is god emma's daddy because she doesn't have parents but she does have parental figures and all of us collectively dislike her so there's that. i guess both i and the omnipotent deity who made her in canon gave her a job which is like an internship but how long do you want to think about who created emma i mean next time emma says "i wish i were dead" do i as the author have to say "hi i wish i were dead i'm dad" because this is a really important existential rabbit hole we're going down here

Accuracy: 6/10

bonus because i hate myself

derrick renard is real and living