Song for the day: The Downward Spiral by Nine Inch Nails

(T/W for mentions of suicide, both in the song and the below.)

You thought it was over. But it's never over. We're going to be so behind we're ahead. By that I mean I finished four Inktober pieces today and I'm bulk posting them on top of my bulk catch-up, and since I don't really feel like posting tomorrow, we're throwing tomorrow's in for shits and giggles because trust me, no one is reading this shit anymore. Like maybe six people? I know all of you personally, so, yeah, hey! Unless you are a silent reader. In that case, make sure to comment at some point so I know you exist. We can be bros. It'll be chill.

So! Cross the Waters. I actually did intro that one back in... July or something? It was new in like April but that's way before this book. These kids are kind of the babies of the family, still. 

If you know anything about rock music and read the song of the day you can imagine why I'm holding off on writing this one. For the longest time I've had multiple stories I legitimately don't think I can put on Wattpad in good conscience and this is one of them. For a long stint between tenth and eleventh grade, climaxing several times in the fall of tenth grade and then proceeding to ruin my life through the next eighteen months or so, I was in a pretty bad place, and for a long time I've been trying to contextualize that, why it happened, and why it seemed to happen so much to people around me. I don't necessarily get "right" answers from writing books but when I've finished a story about some topic I feel... content, or at least more at ease. Using worlds where things mean things helps me deal with a universe that doesn't.

However, while this is a really important process to me and it does result in me *making art*, I don't know how I feel about writing stories for consumption on Wattpad that deal with certain themes too heavily. I don't want to condescend but there are a lot of people on here who are in some really bad places and sometimes I feel that leaning too heavily on these mentalities and surrounding yourself with people or narratives heavily steeped in them normalizes dangerous thought processes. If you've ever wondered why you don't hear about suicides being reported, it's because they're CONTAGIOUS. If you feel depressed, get help, but also MAKE AN EFFORT TO SURROUND YOURSELF WITH FEWER PEOPLE WITH HEAVILY NEGATIVE MENTALITIES. Furthermore, GET HELP FROM A FUCKING ADULT. 

GET. HELP. FROM. AN. ADULT. It doesn't have to be your parents but for the love of God get someone besides your friends. I watched a lot of people bring someone down with them and it was a really, really painful experience. Just...

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.

Anyways Cross the Waters is a book about facing your demons, debatably after it's too late to do anything about them. Is it a book about redemption? Just revelling in the irony of learning something too late? I don't really know. They're the kind of characters that don't leave me alone, so I sit with them and try to capture what they're saying, how they feel. That's all.

Sometimes there's nothing glamorous about bringing down your demons.