19. SYBIL VAIN'S FIRST LOVE

Oh, love your flaws and live for your mistakes

Beauty is on the surface wearing thin

Come closer show the marks upon your skin

Show me that you're human

(Human, Gabrielle Aplin)

"Lunch is ready," Maria called nervously, poking her head out from the kitchen's arch.

As collected as ever, Sybil lifted his gaze to her.

"You can serve it on the terrace's table," he instructed her, keeping his voice gentle but firm.

She wore a short cherry-printed apron that left her beautiful legs in plain sight and tightened around her rich breasts. Her make-up had a natural finish and a peach glossy lipstick shone on her full lips.

Sybil gave her the same delighted look he'd given to the carps in a koi pond.

With a snap of his fingers, he could've had her in a biblical sense, but he wasn't at all that kind of man. Moreover, he didn't want the soap opera that would've come from it. Already at that moment, as she stood straight under the kitchen's arch, jealousy, anger, frustration, and sadness played on her face. She was a bomb ready to go off and Sybil didn't have the slightest intention to be the trigger.

Regardless of how good he was at rebalancing people and soothing their hard emotions, he couldn't handle two blasts at a time.

Maria was the kind of girl that deep inside dreamed of a husband and children. Even if Sybil led a peaceful and ordinary life, his very existence was on a whole different level. He wasn't affected by the constant buzzing of the collective consciousness, pushing people into normal living standards. He took no interest in social dynamics, least of all in starting a family. His idea on how to preserve humankind didn't fathom any biological implication on his part. He didn't have personal dreams and he just wanted to enjoy the present moment. His only wish was for humanity to achieve a higher state of consciousness.

Basically, his vision of the world was beyond Maria's reach.

She stepped in the room, but when Sybil raised his left hand, she stopped a couple of meters away from the sofa. Set was still shaken by the vision of the accident, his head resting on the Oracle's lap, his hands covering his face to hide the tears streaming down his eyes. If Maria noticed, they were up for some big drama. Sybil took a deep breath and gestured for her to leave the room. She didn't move.

"What happened?" she asked suspiciously.

"You may leave." Sybil kept a soft tone, but his eyes gave her a cold and firm command. "We will join you in a moment."

Clenching her jaw, she turned around. Her bamboo slippers slapped the floor while she walked away. The next moment, a heavy-metal song exploded in the kitchen. Luckily, the speaker of her phone wasn't powerful enough to fill the living room.

Sybil huffed, then he brought his attention back to Set. Gently, he pushed down the boy's hands. Using the sleeve of his robe, he dried the boy's tears and slightly bent over him to look straight into his eyes. The waterworks had left them muddy and yielding, like the forest floor after a storm. Set's submissiveness—with those big eyes and his lips slightly parted—exposed a fascinating vulnerability.

"Are you ok?" Sybil asked in a whisper.

The boy hesitated before he nodded. He still looked confused, but the peak of emotions was simmering down.

"How long have you been able to see the future?" he murmured as if he wanted to change the subject from himself to Sybil.

"The first time I remember, I was five," Sybil replied in a light tone. "And you? Since when can you switch to a different frequency of the time-space spectrum and leap into past dimensions?"

Set's brow arched and he just stared back.

A smile curving his lips, Sybil looked up, thinking about how to simplify the concept. "When did you start seeing the records of people's souls?" he asked graciously.

"Souls..." the boy whispered to himself. His eyes almost closed while his hands twisted the fabric of his shirt, right over his heart. "You make it sound like a cool thing." A bitter half-smile pulled at the right side of his mouth.

Sybil kept quiet and patiently waited for the boy to reply to his question. There was a moment of utter silence, broken only by Set's sigh.

"I guess I was sixteen," he said, the words unwillingly dragging out of his mouth. "I was pissed off... Something to do with people at school... I don't know – it seemed like a big thing at that time." He squinted, trying to focus on his memory. "I think... Walking back to the bus stop, I asked for everything to be gone... I asked for all the people and the school—the whole world even—to be destroyed. Then, that thing happened." His voice wavered and he took a deep breath, trying to calm down.

Sybil's hand reached for the boy's and rested upon it. Set's eyes slowly trailed up to meet his reassuring smile before he swallowed back and started speaking again.

"Something like lightning hit my head and ran down my spine. My body burst with energy and I felt invincible." His eyes widened in fear. "It grew inside of me, more and more until I started shaking. I couldn't think straight anymore and then a voice started talking into my head..." He gasped in a breath, his eyes seeking comfort in Sybil's, then he swallowed and bit his lip.

"If it's too hard, you don't need to talk about it," Sybil said in his most soothing tone.

Set nodded slightly. "It didn't last long and I thought I was back to normal." He bit his lip again. "Then, I started seeing crazy things and my life was totally fucked up."

Sybil held the boy's hand in his, gently stroking his palm.

"My mom was Buddhist, so when I was around six she brought me to a monastery. Looking back now, I was lucky to meet Daijyo. He helped me a lot..." he said, his voice carrying the peace and warmth he held in his heart. "I imagine that it must've been hard for you..."

"It sucked," Set admitted bitterly. "I thought I was crazy."

Sybil let out a soft chuckle.

"Well, from a scientific standpoint, you might be," he whispered, his laughter lingering in his words. "Actually, both of us might," he added.

The boy pouted, then his free hand flew up to grab a strand of white hair and pulled it downwards. Just to tease back, Sybil improvised a dramatical moan of pain, but the boy's eyes widened. His mouth opened in alarm and he swiftly let go, withdrawing his hand.

A loving smile curved Sybil's lips.

Set's belligerent, hostile attitude was just a thin layer of paint glazed over his sensitive nature. Sybil's care was slowly washing it away and uncovering the true colors of Set's heart.

They were getting closer at an unbelievable speed.

Set seemed to have realized it too and his jaw clenched. He pushed Sybil away and stood abruptly. He took a few steps, stopping at a safe distance – out of the other's reach – before he turned around. Even if his face was back to its usual frown, a hint of regret dimmed his eyes.

"What happened to your hair?" he asked out of the blue.

Sybil realized that it was the boy's way to normalize things between them, that despite running away, Set wanted to keep some connection. "Why do you want to talk about my hair now?" he teased.

Gracefully, he shifted his posture on the sofa. He straightened his back and crossed his legs, cocking his head to the side to give the boy an innocent glance.

"It was black in my vision, and you are not that old." Set kept his stance.

"Right," Sybil conceded as he gracefully lifted a strand over his shoulder and smoothed it with his fingers. "Well, I look good in white, don't you think?" he asked, tucking it behind his ear and batting his eyelashes like a girl waiting for praise.

Set glared at him, turned around and walked off to the balcony.

Before he stood, the Oracle took a deep breath. He then straightened his robe and headed for the kitchen. At the moment, his priority was to take care of the other bomb. While he was taking care of Set, he'd noticed the music had stopped, and that wasn't a good sign.

Maria sat on a stool facing the kitchen's island, her head resting over her arms on the counter. She was so lost in her own thoughts that she didn't even notice when he reached her. Sybil grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and graciously poured it over her head. As expected, the girl flinched back and lost her balance. He steadied her with his chest.

"Would you mind telling me why the fuck you just drenched me?" she asked, squinting her eyes in an unsuccessful attempt to scare him.

A smile crossed his lips before he teased her. "You need to cool your head, Mimi, you think too much."

"I wouldn't need to do so if you had any sense in you," she bit back while she bent forward to grab a cloth to dry her face.

Sybil shrugged it off. "If you are in the mood for speculation, why don't you ask yourself why you chose to be born into your family and live the experiences you have been living?" he asked, trying to change the subject into something that didn't involve his choices.

"If I had chosen it, I assure you that I would've been a millionaire and with both my parents alive," she frowned and wildly shook her head, sending water drops flying all around.

Sybil knew her well enough to be aware that bantering was her way to ask for reassurance. In fact, she was scared, confused and worried about him. He laid the empty bottle on the counter and wrapped his arms around her.

"I believe I have chosen it and this is the best of the possible worlds," he said softly, bending over her shoulder.

She couldn't give her voice any credibility when she countered, "Why did you bring him home? I hate you."

"It's a lie," he whispered into her ear.

"You are an idiot." She banged the back of her head against his chest.

"Probably," he admitted.

"Definitely," she murmured as she brought her arms over his and intertwined their fingers.

There wasn't much he could say to justify his latest choices and, in a way, she was right to be worried. Even if he'd smoothed the edges of her emotional peaks and pacified her mind by rebalancing her Chi, he couldn't provide any reassuring explanation.

Maria took a deep breath. "Really, Sybil, I don't know what's going on anymore..." she sighed.

"Mimi, trust me, please. Let me handle this," he said in a sweet, yet firm voice.

Maria turned around in his arms, searching his eyes. "Promise me you are not going to die," she pleaded with big, wet eyes.

Sybil's fingers gently stroked her cheek, but he kept silent. He couldn't make such a promise.

"I have already lost my mom..." her voice wavered, while she tried to stop the tears with her hand. "If I'm still here, if I have managed to keep going, it's because of you... I can't bear to lose you too..." she sobbed.

Sybil sighed as his hand ran through her hair to comfort her. "Maria, darling, regardless of how this will go, one day our paths might diverge... You should think about making a normal life for yourself, find somebody with whom you could share it and try to achieve your dreams," he answered patiently.

"I don't want that. I want to be by your side," she cried out.

"There are parts of my life I can't share with you." His hands moved to cup her cheeks as he stared straight into her eyes. "I'm aware that I'm asking you a lot, but, please, have faith in me." He laid a kiss on her forehead.

She was about to speak back when Mikhail jumped onto the kitchen counter. Meowing, he stroked the tip of his nose against her elbow. Sybil smiled at the cat and retracted his hands. She sniffled and dried the tears with the same towel she'd used before.

"Hey Mik..." she greeted the cat, shifting to pat his head.

Sybil pulled back to give her space but kept his loving gaze on them as she took the cat in her arms and hugged him gently. For a moment, Mikail's purr became the only sound.

"Why don't you take him home with you? After all, he was my gift for you," Sybil said.

"No," she refused as her eyes darted up to Sybil's, "and, if there are things about your life that you've been hiding, show them to me."

Sybil shook his head, a smile forming on his lips. "What am I going to do with you?" he asked himself.

"You can't just shut me out. Not now. Not after all the things you have done for me," she pressed. The cat jumped back on the floor while she stood. "I'll do whatever it takes to keep you safe," she declared, her fists pressed against her hips, a dangerous fire burning in her narrowed eyes.

Sybil sighed again. Then, he bowed his head to show her he was forfeiting. As much as he could avoid it, he didn't want to start arguing. He tucked a strand of his hair behind his ear and looked up at her.

"If you have enough time before your shift starts, why don't you have lunch with us today?" he offered, trying to divert her attention from the difficult subject.

Maria snorted before her eyes widened. Her gaze shifted to the counter, noticing that only a subtle twirl of steam was left hanging over the lasagne. Her hands ran to flatten her dress and swiftly she moved away, starting to fill the plates she had already set beside the casserole.

Sybil helped her arrange the outdoor table before she carried the food and the wine outside.

Set was already sitting there. He faced the plants, awkwardly trying to give his back to both of them. Even when the food was all set, and the boy was forced to turn toward his plate, he kept his eyes down.

Sybil knew that Set was still affected by the visions he'd had, but Maria glared at him like an old woman at a cockroach running in her kitchen. She sat at the opposite side of the table, on the last chair to the right, leaving the middle seat for Sybil.

Silence fell for a while. Sybil focused his attention on the delicious meal and his mind turned silent and still. He enjoyed the smell of Italian spices – basil, parsley, and garlic perfectly matching the tomatoes and onions of the sauce—as well as the rich flavors engulfing his tongue—the tingle of the crispy Parmesan crust and the soft delicate nuance of the béchamel cream.

He was aware that he had yanked their chains enough for them to bite back, but they didn't. Set munched at the Italian food docile as a church boy. Maria huffed and puffed – her fork scattering soya ragout all around her plate – not eating at all. Finally, as Sybil's lunch was about to be over, she lifted her head and turned her gaze to him.

"Have you ever been in love?" she asked.

It was the kind of question she never posed and the kind of subject Sybil carefully avoided to keep himself in the comfortable space of the undefined. Asking him was like implying that he should've known how she felt – and he knew. Their peaceful time was clicking away.

"Of course," he replied smoothly, as a soft, understanding smile crossed his lips.

She leaned back in her chair, her lips slightly parted in surprise. Doubts clouding her eyes, her fingers tapped over the white tablecloth.

"Tell me about your first time," she asked, getting to safer grounds.

"I'm afraid that my answer might be, a little... Unsettling...?" Sybil gave her a worried glance.

Sure enough, Maria knew he was different but, obviously, she couldn't fathom the full extent of it.

The girl didn't give up. "I'm not such a jerk to be jealous of a woman that you don't even see anymore," she snapped.

"It was a tree," Sybil corrected her.

Set burst out laughing. He cracked up to the point he bent over the table and his forehead hit it. Maria glared at him before she brought her slit eyes back to Sybil.

"Don't you dare," she hissed.

"I'm not joking," Sybil said, bringing one hand to his chest while the other slapped the back of the boy's head. "My childhood was not very lively as far as social life was concerned," he added in a calm voice as Set's laughter toned down into subtle giggling.

"What do you mean?" she pressed.

"From six till eighteen I lived in a Buddhist monastery. The only people I had around were middle-aged monks and I wasn't allowed to interact with the outside world." While he spoke his cheeks slightly warmed up under Maria's incredulous gaze.

Set fell silent—drawing the Oracle's attention. His head was still resting over his arms on the table and under Sybil's hand, while the boy looked up at him. Their eyes met and dwelled in a mute understanding until Sybil smiled.

Maria cleared her throat.

"That's why you ended up 'socializing' with a plant?" she asked, taking back Sybil's attention.

He slowly nodded.

"Tell me about it, anyway..." she pressed him, her eyes getting softer.

Sybil glanced at Set again, before shifting on the chair to get more comfortable. Carefully keeping his emotions in check, he took a deep breath, closed his eyes and focused on his memories. He controlled the flow of images in his mind, forcing them to play out in a clear way.

"There was a place in the monastery's garden—under an big, old tree—where the monks used to throw weeds, dirt, and leaves. It was a quiet spot and when I was a child I liked to sit on the small broken wall overlooking it. I enjoyed the birds singing or the wind ruffling the leaves," he started describing the scene to Maria. Set was probably seeing it for himself already. "One day, a monk brought a withered plant in a clay pot. I asked why he wanted to throw it away and he said the plant was dead." Sybil paused, allowing his heart to adjust and keep its slow pace.

His eyes still closed, he could clearly see the little plant in his mind. "Something inside of me didn't want to accept that answer. I felt compelled to do something. So, I asked if I could still take care of the plant. The monk, moved by my request, agreed to give it to me. I brought it to my room and every day I gave it water and cuddles, told it stories and shared all my thoughts and feelings."

His heart stirred by nostalgia, the Oracle stopped again and slowly opened his eyes to check over the boy. There was something sweet in the way his head tilted to the side, abandoned over his arm on the table. With closed eyes, he was quietly accepting the memories that the contact with Sybil's hand brought him. Sybil kept his eyes on him and took another deep breath, focusing his concentration within.

"Little by little, leaves started sprouting and the plant livened up. Much to my amusement, it grew into a shrub. In one year it flourished to the point I had to ask to move it out of its pot. Delighted, the monks decided to plant it in the garden and as a good luck charm they chose to place it beside the lunch hall, in front of the window, so that everybody could see the miracle unfolding." He smiled as he was reminded of Daijyo's gleaming face and his own excitement at the news. "Then—given the years, space and love it deserved—the shrub grew into a slender tree." Sybil chuckled softly. "My heart was filled with joy and pride," he said, his voice softened.

Set bit his lip, but couldn't hide the smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. The Oracle carefully withdrew his hand before speaking again.

"Ten years later, my tutor decided to send me to India on a spiritual journey." A faint shade of displeasure crossed Sybil's face while he recalled Dayjo's stern face as the man rejected all pleas to postpone the flight. "That's when the monks started talking about cutting the tree down. It had become too cumbersome, they said. Its trunk had started pushing at the monastery wall, his branches almost cracking the roof open." He shifted on the chair, focusing on the physical sensation to pacify the wave of emotions surging from his heart. "I was so wrapped up in my personal drama—desperate with the idea of suddenly being kicked out of my home—that I just abstained from the dispute."

Set's head turned to the other side, hiding from the Oracle's sight.

As Sybil realized that the boy was still peeking into his past, an unexpected comforting warmth flooded his chest. Before that incredible feeling could disrupt the flow of his memories, Sybil looked up at the sky, trying to keep his heart as stable as possible.

"The last time I saw it, it was my eighteenth birthday. My tree was strong and bursting with life. Its leaves were of the brightest green and its trunk smooth as silk. I felt guilty and helpless as I hugged it. I wished it all the best and, crying like a baby, I whispered my sweetest words of love."

As Sybil's story reached its peak Maria sighed loudly, pulling his gaze to her. Finding her big brown eyes brightened with empathy, Sybil gave her a sweet smile.

"When I got back, two years later, the tree was gone. I was told that the monks had opted for a simple trimming, but shortly after the plant had mysteriously withered and its wood ended up being used for fire." Sybil's fingers moved to massage his temples. "I was sure that it died because I wasn't there." He leaned back on his chair and, coming back to the present, he finally smiled. "I couldn't see that place as my home anymore. In a way, its death freed me and spared me a monastic life."

Sybil took another deep breath and silenced his mind, making all thoughts and images disappear into the usual, peaceful darkness. Maria had brought her hands to her heart—she looked puzzled and touched at the same time.

The Oracle shifted his gaze to Set, finding his head still turned the other side. His chest tightened as he suppressed the urge of touching the boy. During his life, Sybil had learned that a human's heart held countless reflections and shades. It was a living, liquid mirror playing tricks of light and darkness. Plunging into its unpredictable waters was indeed inconsiderate, but the sight from there, that was astonishingly beautiful.

Nobody could resist.

"I'm sorry," Maria whispered.

Sybil's eyes darted back to her. "You shouldn't be," he replied with a smile. "Separation is part of the play of life and, in fact, it doesn't exist. It was a good experience, which I'm grateful for. If I could go back there's nothing I'd change," he added confidently.

"Separation doesn't exist?" She blinked a couple of times. "Maybe it's different with a plant, but I would never be able to take lightly the loss of somebody I love," she added, with the pained expression of somebody who lived with those words on her skin.

"I'm aware of that and I know it's difficult for you to understand me, especially in this last period," he acknowledged.

"That's not about understanding, Sybil. It freaks me out that you are so inconsiderate when it comes to your own good. I'm just worried!" she countered, her voice growing a pitch higher.

"I'm aiming for the best possible outcome," he tried to defend himself, showing his palms.

Set snorted, suppressing a chuckle. No longer lying on the table, his hand was reaching for the untouched bottle at the center of it. He responded to Maria's glare with a shady frown before pouring himself a glass of wine.

"So, tell me what the hell is he doing here?" she questioned Sybil, pointing her finger at the boy. "When I asked you if I could sleep over sometimes, you said you wanted to be quiet. So, why did you take him in? I mean—of all the fucking people in the world—him! Do you realize how insane that is?" she snapped.

Sybil wanted to enjoy their time together as much as possible, but the bomb could no longer be disarmed and Maria was meant to take a different path anyway.

"Mimi, darling, don't be jealous now," he replied in a condescending tone, intentionally pouring oil on the fire.

She stood abruptly, the chair falling to the floor with a loud thump.

"I'm not jealous!" she yelled back, clenching her fists, her nails biting at her skin.

Sybil didn't reply. His eyes trailed down to her hands, then back to her face. It was the first time she had actually screamed at him.

She bit her lips. "I don't see why I should be jealous anyway," she muttered.

Sybil's glance shifted back to Set. For a moment, he studied the boy as he carelessly gulped down the red liquid. A few drops of wine escaped his mouth, rolling seductively down his neck. His eyes moved back to hers.

"You are not telling me that you like him, right? I mean... You are not gay... Are you?" she asked, panicking.

Sybil looked up at the sky. That wasn't the type of conversation he wanted to have and, to be honest, he was already tired of talking, but the subject could no longer be avoided.

"I should've brought this up long before, so I apologize for not telling you sooner," he started in a quiet tone. "I'm basically withdrawing from sexual activities. So, I hope you can understand that gender difference is of no relevance to me."

Set's glass slipped from his hand and clinked against the plate before he could grab it, saving it from smashing. "What?" he blurted out.

"Gender difference is of..."

"No," the boy cut Sybil short, "Why did you give sex up?"

Catching onto the reason behind the boy's sudden interest, Sybil cocked his head to the side, half a smile curving his lips as he spoke. "It was too intense—making me lose the sense of reality, hallucinating, and assuming apathetic or violent demeanors. I couldn't enjoy it and no lover deserves such unfair treatment." He paused, seeing Set's troubled expression. "You know, monks are not particularly supportive of sexual practices, so the idea of abstaining—to me—wasn't as weird as it sounds to you."

"But now you are cured, aren't you?" Set asked as if talking about some weird disease he caught too.

Sybil was amused at how the boy mirrored his own past.

"In the beginning, I had to accept that I couldn't have a normal life, so I just took the path of meditation," he said patiently. "I wanted to heal myself, as you said, but when I found the answer—when I came to know who I really am—there was nothing to heal anymore," he slowly whispered, letting his words sink into Set's mind.

As he stared at Sybil, different emotions played on the boy's face. His eyes were filled with understanding, yet his mouth tightened up in a grim line.

"See, I'm not condemning sex or anything," Sybil specified, raising his voice to a less confidential tone. "After I left for India, I had my chances to experience it and, for about three years, I tried all possible things. Sometimes I made a mess, but I was lucky enough to do it with spiritual people, so I had many wonderful experiences." He smiled at Set's surprise. "It's true that I'm free now, but still it would be bothersome to deal with somebody who is not mindful."

"Are you saying that you've hung it up?" Maria barged in, pulling the conversation back to her field of knowledge. Before she could get an answer though, she slapped her own mouth twice.

Sybil chuckled at her clumsy attempt to conceal her boldness—a side of her he was already well aware of. There was nothing to do. Even if he wanted to avoid provoking her, things just came naturally to that.

"I am saying that you can't have it," he teased.

"Are you kidding?" Set blurted out. He gestured at the girl as if he wanted to show Sybil what he was throwing to waste. "I'd totally bang her!"

Sybil chuckled again. "I noticed."

Maria grunted before she walked to Set's side. She slapped her hand on the table in front of him, bending over to glare straight at him.

"You shouldn't be here," she spat out.

As the boy's mouth twisted downward, she pulled back but didn't lose her resolve.

"You are dangerous to Sybil," she pressed.

Set stood and stretched his hand out as if he wanted to grasp her arm, but it fell back to his side. His mouth opened and closed a couple of times.

"God, it's so frustrating! Out of all the people in the world, why the hell did it have to be you?" she ended up yelling again.

Set ran a hand through his hair. "Mari', you are like family... If you ask me to go back to the street..." Set struggled with his words, but he had the face of somebody who was actually prepared for that to happen.

"Fuck it!" she cussed before she turned on her heels and walked away.

The entrance door slammed closed with a hard thump, resonating in the living room. Set slumped down in his chair. His furrowed brows couldn't conceal the sorrow in his eyes. Sybil stood and reached for him. His hand rested over the boy's shoulder.

"Don't worry, she will get over it," he said calmly.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

So, this was a looooong chapter! Congratulation to all of you that have made it this far X3

I'm super curious to know what do you think about Sybil's past and sexual orientation (can you guess what is it already?) ;D

So, who are you rooting for? Maria or Set?

Is Sybil actually being inconsiderate or does he have some super-secret all-solving perfect plan?

Well, let's have a little bit of fun on his back (he might see the future, but I can read his mind hahaha) XD