[prompt: 'list' 1/3/19]

1. TEACHERS EACH DAY WILL FILL LAMPS, CLEAN CHIMNEYS.

We have lamps that need filling. We use them whenever we have power breaks. One is truly old, the other came from a camping supply store where they will possibly never go out of fashion.

Clean the chimney? Find a chimney sweep? No problems, in fact I'm glad you asked. We have one of them called Bert, look -

2. EACH TEACHER WILL BRING A BUCKET OF WATER AND A SCUTTLE OF COAL FOR THE DAY'S SESSION.

Presumably, the bucket of water was the yesteryear equivalent of the fire extinguisher.

Presumably!

We have a coal scuttle, but don't think it's the size referred to here. Think they missed the word 'hand'. A hand-scuttle? Sounds reasonable to me.

3. MAKE YOUR PENS CAREFULLY. YOU MAY WHITTLE NIBS TO THE INDIVIDUAL TASTE OF THE PUPILS.

My Dad the butcher used to pare my pencils to perfect facets most carefully with his biggest butcher-knife. But I never witnessed whittling of nibs.

4. MEN TEACHERS MAY TAKE ONE EVENING EACH WEEK FOR COURTING PURPOSES, OR TWO EVENINGS A WEEK IF THEY GO TO CHURCH REGULARLY.

Aha! And courting in designated church time? Like if you're a chorister? One more evening OK then? And dare I ask... women teachers may take... uhrr, liberties??

5. AFTER TEN HOURS IN SCHOOL, THE TEACHERS MAY SPEND THE REMAINING TIME READING THE BIBLE OR OTHER GOOD BOOKS.

Even if he seems suddenly to have gone near-blind and has his nose buried deep in a good book - DO NOT DISTURB.

6. WOMEN TEACHERS WHO MARRY OR ENGAGE IN UNSEEMLY CONDUCT WILL BE DISMISSED

And women who marry AND engage in unseemly conduct?? Or get engaged and behave??

7. EVERY TEACHER SHOULD LAY ASIDE FROM EACH PAY A GOODLY SUM OF HIS EARNINGS FOR HIS BENEFIT DURING HIS DECLINING YEARS SO THAT HE WILL NOT BECOME A BURDEN ON SOCIETY.

Don't laugh. There's a heap of truth in this one. A benevolent Government about to reward you for decades of blood, sweat and tears spent on their behalf - uhrr - Hahahahahahaha! Sob! Sob!

8. ANY TEACHER WHO SMOKES, USES LIQUOR IN ANY FORM, FREQUENTS POOL OR PUBLIC HALLS, OR GETS SHAVED IN A BARBER SHOP WILL GIVE GOOD REASON TO SUSPECT HIS WORTH, INTENTION, INTEGRITY AND HONESTY.

SO, the final conclusion is that the worst of BAD habits are communicable diseases that live in the Barber's razor. No doubt this was the reason for SO many bearded men across history's pages!

9. THE TEACHER WHO PERFORMS HIS LABOR FAITHFULLY AND WITHOUT FAULT FOR FIVE YEARS WILL BE GIVEN AN INCREASE OF TWO SHILLINGS AND FIVE PENCE PER WEEK IN HIS PAY, PROVIDING THE BOARD OF EDUCATION APPROVES.

Given the above list of rules, the excessive wage would be unlikely to be approved by the said bored Board...

God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board ~ Mark Twain

Author's Note: This is a true list I found decades ago - it was already hysterical enough, but couldn't resist answering back on behalf of all those poor unfortunates [then and now] called 'teachers'.