CHAPTER 18: Goodbye, Jedi

There was a beat-up, black Nissan parked by the corner of Del Rio and Dalma. When I passed by it, the door opened. Peeking in, I saw Emma's black eyes on a different face.

"You Trevor?" the boy asked. He looked familiar, not just on the eyes, and I realized why. I've seen him before. Back at school, when Emma pulled the fire alarm.

"You're Emma's brother?" I asked, though it sounded more like a statement in need of assurance. He gave me my assurance; he nodded.

"I'm Ethan," he said, "Get in the car. I'm taking you to Ems."

I haven't seen him around Westmont High, so I could only guess that he was only in middle school. He sure looked like it, looked too young to be driving around. But he's got that crass, commanding tone in his voice that made me slide into the passenger's seat.

"Hi," another boyish voice rang from the backseat. It was the other brother. "I'm Erik!"

"Hi," I replied with a nod, then turned back to the older brother. Ethan started the engine and drove off. I asked, "So where's Emma?"

Ethan's jaw ticked. "Somewhere stupid. She's got your shoes, though."

I looked down on my feet, my wet sock-covered feet. Huh, I forgot about that. The reminder of my lost shoes also reminded me of how tired I was. The seat was comfortable enough with the silence to rock me to sleep.

"Trevor." A voice woke me up. "We're here." It was Erik, unbuckling his seatbelt. Ethan was doing the same.

I blinked groggily and looked out the window. We were out of town, I was sure of that. I was not sure exactly where we were. Outside the window, there was a heavily guarded gate of which I had no idea how we got through.

Ethan got out of the car, and on his side of the window, there was a building, as heavily guarded as the gate. I quickly scrambled out and fell in step with the Grange brothers. "Where are we? What is this place?"

Ethan didn't say anything. Instead, he pointed to the façade of the building where metal letters were securely attached on the wall, spelling, W-E-S-T-M-O-N-T P-E-N-I-T-E-N-T-I-A-R-Y. I gulped. "Oh, shit."

×××××

Emma looked good in orange. It was weird seeing her in anything else other than black. The weirdest thing, though, was seeing her without her raccoon eyes. She looked tired, but beautiful nonetheless. I'd kiss her again like last night but my head would only bonk against the glass divider separating us.

"What happened?" I asked her over that old telephone attached to the chord in the booth.

She shrugged. "They're charging me with trespassing."

My eyes widened. "Trespassing? On that gazebo?"

She nodded. "Yeah!" she exclaimed. "It turns out, a snotty family owns that place." She shook her head in annoyance and proceeded to relay the accounts of her arrest.

After waking up past 7, Emma went back to the fairgrounds to find our shoes. "I found them. They were at that Indian place we went to after hitting up Quino's Brewery. 'Parently, we took our shoes off as a sign of respect for their culture." She chuckled.

After getting our shoes, Emma headed back to the gazebo to wake me up. Unfortunately, she couldn't get back up the fence that I jumped over earlier this morning. Too hungover to jump, she circled around and found the main entrance. She got through the gates. A few steps later, she heard someone yelling. "There was this snooty, foreign dude telling me off, screaming at me," she said.

"He yelled at me, too!" I shared.

"What an asshole, right?" she said, "Anyway, he was telling me that I wasn't allowed in there. And I was like, 'Could you stop yelling?' 'coz I was hungover, y'know?"

I nodded for her to continue.

"Then, he started rambling about how I had no respect and shit like that. I started massaging the bridge of my nose because I was getting nauseous from the noise coming from his mouth. Then, the dude gasped!"

I squinted. "What do you mean?"

"Like gasped!" she said and proceeded to demonstrate what an exaggerated gasp is. She sounded like an orca getting punched in the stomach.

"Why?"

"That's the fucked up part!" Her eyes were wild with awe and misdemeanor. "So, I was massaging my nose like this, right," she said, putting the tips of her fingers on the bridge of her nose.

I nodded, still not sure where her story was going.

She removed her fingers from her nose but kept them together at the tips. "This," she pointed to her formed hand, "actually offended him! The hand gesture! Do you believe that?"

"Oh, my God! The dude was Italian!" It started making sense now. The gesture Emma was holding up was very offensive in Italian. There's a meme about it and all.

"Yes!" she said, then paused. The excitement from her eyes was wearing off. "It's all so stupid."

"What is?" I asked.

"They're sending me to a juvenile correction facility in Clearvale," she answered, although I wish she hadn't. "My parole officer heard about the arrest. This is like, my third violation."

I gulped. "I still get to see you, right?"

Emma looked at me. Her eyes were full of emotions I couldn't name. Were they pity? Sadness? I didn't know. Then, she shook her head. "I'd prefer if you don't."

"What do you mean?"

"You don't want to do that, Trevor."

I scoffed. "I do."

"No, you don't! You're just under some fucked up illusion. You have been ever since you started sticking up for me. That wasn't like you, Trevor. What caused that? I mean," she paused, exhaled, "why did you even do that? Why now? Why not when I actually liked you? Before that thing happened between us, you know?"

"What?"

She sighed. "It's just... odd, how your treatment towards me changed so suddenly. I mean, before, you just ignored me at school. Avoided me, even!"

"Yeah, well, you were like a raging bull whenever you saw me," I pointed out. Emma was not amused.

"You threw me off your balcony."

"I thought we were past that."

"I will never be past that, you jerk. But, the point is, I know that something caused that change in the way you treated me. I'm not stupid, I know you didn't ask me out or stood up for me because you're trying to be Mr. Nice Guy. So, just tell me. What's really going on with you?"

Silence.

All I could think of then was the folded menu of Billie's Pizzeria. And Emma's message. And logic's message, telling me that Emma's not the mystery girl. She didn't know how to draw. I didn't have to compare her handwriting to the diary to know that it wasn't hers. But, still, I felt that I needed to answer her question as it still hung in the air.

"Remember that day when I caught you helping your brothers out the campus?" I asked.

She nodded.

"Remember when I said that I was trying to figure out if you're the girl I thought you were?" I followed up.

She nodded, more slowly this time. "Which girl did you think I was?"

I took a deep breath. "For the past few days, I've been searching for this girl. Then, on that day, I believe she pulled the fire alarms. That is the girl that I thought you were."

No matter how vague I sounded, Emma replied, "You think I pulled the fire alarms?"

"You did say that you'd cut my toes off if I told the principal."

"I said I'd cut your toes off if you told Principal Derwood that my brothers broke into the school. I never said I pulled the alarms that day," she clarified, but I was getting more and more confused.

"So you didn't pull the alarms?"

She shook her head. "I didn't. I guess I'm not that mystery that girl you're looking for, huh?"

I got knocked out of my daze. Wasn't she? "Never mind the alarms," I said, "Never mind the girl I'm looking for. All that matters is the girl I'm looking at right now."

Emma's face remained stoic. Then she crumbled. "Dammit, Trevor!" Her shoulders slumped, her eyes welled up. "Why are you saying this?"

"Because I mean it!"

"No, you don't! You're still in that illusion!"

"What illusion?" I laughed dryly. "So what if you're not that girl? I don't care."

"But you do!" she argued. There was so much conviction behind her words that it shut me up. "The only reason you've been nice to me in the past days if because you thought I was that girl. Well, I'm not. And she's still out there."

"I don't care."

"Yes, you do," she debated, her voice cracking, "because I'm in here. And I will be for the next year or so."

"Then I'll visit."

"No, you won't!" she exasperated. "Don't you get it, Trev? I screwed up but I'm not dragging you into this mess."

"But -"

She held a finger up. It was enough to shut me up. "When you stood up for me against Gwen before, you said it was for me to forgive you. Well, guess what. I forgive you," she said. "But I'm not gonna let you get tangled up in all of this."

"I-I don't get this. I thought you liked me."

A crooked smile crept up to her mouth for just a second. "You flatter yourself." Emma sighed. "Look. Clearvale's a two-hour drive away. If you visit me, I'll eat up about 5 hours of your day. You have better things to do than that."

"No, I don't."

"Yes, you do," she stressed. "And stop arguing that you want to do all this shit. It's just guilt that's driving you to do this."

At my confused expression, she sighed.

"Look, Trevor, I'm used to this thing. I've been in and out of juvie since I was 13. I'll get through this. But you - you have a life, and a sister, and that girl to find."

"What if I don't want to find her anymore?" I grumbled.

"You have to," she answered. "She got you to be less of an asshole to me. That's got to be one hell of a girl."

I cracked a smile.

"I'll be okay. I don't need you to visit. I have Ethan and Erik for that. Just," she paused, "don't waste your time on me. I'm not worth it."

The words had left my throat. Even if they hadn't, they would have been useless. Emma hung up the phone and walked away. But before she could get far, I tapped on the glass.

When she turned around, I pointed to the phone. She picked it up again.

"What?" she asked.

My hand stayed on the glass. I imagined touching her face. She was so close, but all I could feel under my fingertips was the cold divider. So, I said, "Even if you don't want me visiting you, just know, you'll always be worth it."

And the weirdest thing happened. Emma smiled.

"Goodbye, Jedi," I said, accepting our inevitable crossroads.

"Bye."

I'm sorry! T~T