Reviewer: marshaa1306

Before We Bond by annabellacx

First off, let me just say that I love, love, love your writing style! It honestly sounds like you’re a published writer. That being said, let’s go through my main points:

Title/Cover - 10/10
I really like your cover! It’s minimalist and has a sleek, modern design.
Your title sounds like a very classic romance book title. The only thing I would say about it is that it’s a tiny bit generic, but it’s not a huge issue honestly.

Blurb - 7/10
Your blurb is very short which is fine, but it doesn’t hold enough information to hook a reader. It just describes what Cassandra’s life is like and then asks the question of “why can’t life be different?” (which is worded quite confusingly - I had to reread it a few times before I understood the meaning). When I read your blurb, it didn’t grab my interest or make me wonder at all. It kind of just fell flat for me.
I’d advise wording your blurb in a simpler way so it can be more easily understood and to the point. I get that your writing style is very elaborate and wordy, but your blurb should grab a reader’s attention, not make them reread and reread to understand the meaning (this can turn off a reader to your book). I’d also maybe introduce Blake in your blurb to add some intrigue. For example: Cassandra is cornered by morals and happiness. When the young lady finally thinks she gets to be happy, life slaps back with a “not too fast”. Cassandra has accepted this fact until she meets a rather interesting man who threatens to break all her rules. Caught between following her heart or her head, will Cassandra push him aside and continue life as it was? Or will she let her happiness be her first priority?
Again, this is completely a suggestion and is totally up to you.

First few chapters/Exposition - 9/10
Your exposition is a good introduction to the story. I just have two things to say:
1) Your first and second paragraphs are really out of sync. The first paragraph is talking about how Cassandra likes the smell of coffee and the second one suddenly says that she’s observing a certain customer. They don’t make much sense together and I was caught off guard with your second paragraph. I’d advise some sort of transition between the two paragraphs so the passage between them is smoother.
2) Through your first chapters, I still have no idea what Cassandra looks like besides the fact that she has tattoos and an eyebrow piercing. Your exposition should probably include some details about Cassandra such as her hair color, eye color, height, etc. This makes it easier for the reader to visualize what is happening in your story.

Plot - 16/20
Your plot has a generally good concept. It is going in a coherent direction and it’s focused without going off on many tangents. The one thing about your plot that I didn’t quite understand was the whole interaction that Cassandra has with Emily. It kind of came out of the blue since Emily had been mentioned only once or twice before. If you want to keep this bit in your story, I’d advise giving more background on Noah and Emily considering I as a reader barely know either of them and they’re apparently a large part of Cass’s life.
Another thing I have to say about your plot: It is super predictable. Girl meets boy, they like each other, both have a rough past that draws them together, they fall in love. There are tons and tons of stories that follow this same pattern and, if you’re not careful, your story may just blend in with all the others. You’ve got to have something to distinguish your book from others out there. The fact that Cass was raped could do it, but then you have to build up to her saying that she was raped. There wasn’t any suspense of “what happened to Cass in a previous relationship?” that gave her confession to Blake any weight.

Pace - 7/10
To me, the pace of the story remains the same almost the whole time. Things seem to be just plodding along and there aren’t many obvious ups and downs. Everything is just normal and sort of dull. So, I’d suggest varying your pace a bit more and exaggerating it.

Grammar, Punctuation, Syntax & Diction - 8/10
Your grammar and punctuation is almost perfect. I might have found maybe one mistake, but it was pretty irrelevant.
In regards to your sentence structure, you have a good mixture of complex and simple sentences. The one thing I have to say here is that sometimes your word order detracts from the impact of the sentence. For example, when Blake and Cass are kissing, one of your sentences goes “The tangy strawberry taste on his lips got me addicted”. The phrase “got me addicted” is so unlike your elaborate writing style that it kills the moment. Flipping the sentence order might keep the racy pace of this moment intact (it would read something like “I was immediately addicted to the tangy strawberry taste on his lips”).
Your word choice sometimes doesn’t make sense. For example, in one of your dialogues between Cass and Blake, it goes like this: “But I’ll finish it. I don’t like it, but I don’t hate it either.” He smiled wide enough to show me his teeth. I cackled and looked up at him. “You don’t have to.” The word I have a bit of an issue with here is ‘cackled’. In this scene, Blake is accepting a coffee from Cass and Cass cackles? So, she laughs like a witch because Blake says he’s going to finish the coffee she made? Hopefully you can see what I’m getting at here. I know you’re trying to diversify your word choice, but you have to think about the connotation of your words while you’re writing. Then your writing will make more sense.

Character Development - 12/15
Alright, let’s talk about Cass and Blake’s budding relationship. First of all, it moves really fast. One day they’re not speaking and Cass is secretly observing Blake from afar and in what seems like only a week or two, they’re going out together and sharing their first kiss together. Everything happens wayyyy too easily and there seems to be no problems in their relationship. This just isn’t realistic. In relationships, usually it takes people a while to warm up to each other and there are multiple issues that need to be overcome. I’d advise drawing things out between Blake and Cass, especially considering the pasts you have written for them If both their hearts had been broken, then it would make sense for them to not want another relationship or perhaps not trust each other.
I also would like to discuss the relationship between Noah and Cass. They’re obviously close and they’re very comfortable with each other, but I don’t know really anything about Noah. He’s supposed to be Cass’s best friend, but his personal story is kind of a mystery. As you continue writing the story, make sure to keep introducing bits and pieces of Noah as well as Blake and Cass so your readers can get to know him better.

Overall Enjoyment - 14/15
Overall, I enjoyed reading your story. Like I said earlier, I really like your writing style; it sounds so perfect. I’m sure this story will be amazing when it is done and I hope you continue writing!

Total Score: 83/100