"The Good things" by just_alessia

Reviewer: SamEl145

Cover/Title: 9/10 Loved how you chose the PERFECT picture for your cover. And, I am happy to say that the girl behind perfectly suits and goes with the story that you have written. Also, the subtitle up there, small but meaningful. It was as if it was the main prompt or like an epilogue for your story—I know the epilogue is different for your story but it really co-relates with the title as well. But only one thing I wanted to point out was, the username, you didn't have it. It would be highly suggestible that you put your username along with the cover. So that no one steals your precious creation

Blurb: 8/10 The start was perfect for what you wanted to tell. Elaborating on your title and giving a glimpse of what your story would be. The second paragraph was perfect. Like, you told us [readers] about your character and what her motive is. What her dream is. But the ending of the blurb wasn't that good. Instead of saying, 'A lot of things happen...', you can ask questions for example, 'Will she achieve her dream?' 'Will she be able to overcome all the difficulties that come in her way or will she get buried under them?'

Asking questions makes the reader search for the answers to those questions. And for seeking those answers, the reader has to read the story! So, I suggest adding some questions to the end or you can add something more creative from your side as well.

Prologue/First chapter: 9/10 I think the very first chapter was a prologue. And truth to be told, I loved it. It just gave a mysterious and interesting start to your story. From the start to the end of the prologue, it was something, I was thoroughly hooked. The imagery was so good and it completely gave me a perfect look into your story and the last line was the best ending I had ever read. But the alignment was something I was not sure about. I guess it's your choice entirely to how you have to keep it. But believe me, you achieved this milestone!

Grammar: 19/20 This is the highest mark I have ever given to anyone! I was shocked to see that you barely had any mistakes, maybe none. It was perfectly edited/proofread—if you did. I really had a smooth reading. I really did try to find some or another mistake but it was almost impossible to do. I am happy that you have perfect punctuation and correct spelling. Even the tense, I didn't feel changed. But do keep in mind, writing in the third person's POV sometimes authors jump their tenses. I suggest you keep that element in mind, always. Other than that, good job!

Writing style: 10/10 Wow! What should I say here? I loved the way you write. The imagery in every description was beautiful. I never felt that the sentence was clunky or wasn't structured correctly. You did write your long sentences with ease, I guess. And I love to say that I like to know how you put so much aesthetics in your writing. Reading your story, you didn't only capture my attention with your writing but also made me imagine those places, situations perfectly! I hope you continue to keep a good job!

Character Development: 9/10 I have to say, Onya's emotions were really conveyed very well. From the first time getting rejected by Coach Feltsman to the time how Mila showed support to her friend, they all were written very well. And I have to say, you describe people's look very well. In chapter 3, I guess, you really described the rude blonde's facial features in just one sentence! I loved it!

Plot/ Creativity: 9/10 I really love stories with female lead chasing their dreams instead of just stuck with their so-called-boyfriends. Here, Onya's character was determined to achieve the gold medal and she could anything for that, and what I liked the most. 'Risking everything so that she can achieve her dream'. However, I didn't like the fact that you first itself said that it is a happy ending story in the blurb. When I read it, I immediately knew that yeah, she would win. Because what else 'happy story' means? Maybe, to you, it is different. But from a reader's perspective, I suggest you to not say about a major part of the story.

Flow: 10/10 Perfect! No tense change and plot holes were detected.

Overall enjoyment: 9/10 I really didn't know much about the fanfiction you were writing about and who actually the character was. But as in when I read, I didn't any difficulty in making out who is who. I really appreciate your writing style, it's amazing! However, do consider my suggestions about other elements. Again, it's not compulsory to follow all. It's your story after all.

Total: 92/100