The Heart of Music by BlazePR5

Reviewer: samantha-writes

Cover: 4/5
— Really well-made cover!
— Doesn't seem to fit the theme perfectly because it made me think initially that it would be an upbeat story, which it's quite the opposite at first.
— The text at the top that says the author's name is too hard to read against the background, so I'd consider moving it to the side or changing the color if possible.

Title: 4/5
— I think the title fits decently with the story, but the main idea is more dark than the title suggests, similarly to the cover. If it was less happy-sounding, it would be better. The idea that she's mute and he's deaf works with it, though.
— The words "Of" in the title should definitely not be capitalized, but that's not a huge concern of mine.

Blurb: 6/10
— Before I even started reading it, I could tell the blurb had too many paragraphs. I recommend 3 paragraphs at most in a blurb, not 6. However, there are about 140 words, I believe, at least that's the number I counted, so there aren't too many words exactly, it just looks like there's more to read than there really is, which will turn off readers.
— The snippet at the beginning is decent, but it could be more intriguing.
— The first paragraph doesn't give any information about the story's actual content because it sounds so metaphorical, it's just vague and makes readers feel confused.
— I like that you describe the war a little bit, but I think you should change "War begins to wage on between Spring and Winter as none of the sectors surrender" to "War wages on between sectors Spring and Winter, neither willing to surrender" because it isn't very clear initially that Spring and Winter are sectors and the phrase "begins to wage on" contradicts itself.
— I like the mystery about what Winter is developing and that Ara and Jake are the only ones capable to stopping them. This is clearly the main conflict and what the story revolves around, so I would just change the last sentence into something related to that.
— Otherwise, there are some grammatical errors that need to be fixed, so go through and edit that.

World & Settings: 1/10
— The world is lacking drastically. There's not explanation to the sectors in the first few chapters , which is crucial for the readers to dive into the world of the story. Instead, you include metaphorical phrases and action scenes that have very little meaning and understanding because you haven't explained the world.
— You also need to explain more about where Ara is and why. Who is Jake? Does she actually see and hear him or is he a ghost of some kind? When did she first start hearing him? If he's a ghost or she can just hear him mysteriously and doesn't know why, mention that Ara doesn't know why she hears him. If she can see him, describe him and explain that she can see him or why he's there. Or maybe he's an artist and she listens to his music, and even though I doubt that, you haven't made it clear enough for me to be able to tell.
— The settings aren't described well either. You don't show readers what Ara's surroundings look like at all, or even what it looks like outside. Maybe she can't see outside, but readers wouldn't know because you don't say so. And what time period is it? I'm sure it's futuristic, so how far into the future is it, then?

Plot & Conflict: 5/20
— There isn't a stable exposition to introduce characters because of lacking world-building.
— The main conflict, from what I know in the blurb, seems pretty interesting, but as a reader it wasn't very clear in the story.
— The prologue seemed like an attempt at giving backstory, but it forces too much information into readers' heads. Some of it is beneficial for readers to comprehend the plot, but most of it could be explained later on in the story when readers are more attached to characters.
— It probably seems a little confusing because I'm saying that the backstory provided in the prologue is too much but there isn't enough backstory in the exposition, so I understand that it's a little confusing. You just need to make the prologue have a scene occur, not be an information dump. I'll provide a resource to help correct that.

Characters: 3/10
— There definitely aren't enough character details throughout the story, especially not in the beginning when they're needed the most.
— Ara's appearance is described less than a random scientist at the beginning, who I guess is Ara's brother? It's a little confusing. Regardless, the main character should be described the most, and she isn't.
— The characters are thrown into situations with vague explanations as to why they're happening. It just needs some expansion before you go in depth into action scenes.
— I do like the detailed emotions Ara feels, emptiness and maybe a spark of happiness. They're in-depth and established well but not nearly enough to raise the score up much.

Chapters & Content: 5/10
— I like the imagery in the first sentence and in other scenes.
— The prologue should be changed completely and most of the ends of chapters could use work. They end sort of subjectively—I don't know if that explains it—like you're trying to wrap up the chapter but make it metaphorical. Again, it can be confusing, and I feel like it gives away the progression of the story. I like the ending of the first chapter (not the prologue), though.

Grammar/Spelling: 8/10
— Your grammar is solid for the most part, and that includes your mistakes. They're very consistent, so I appreciate how easy you've made my job as a reviewer!
— You don't need to put commas around coordinating conjunction (for/and/nor/but/or/yet/so), just after them only IF you're writing a compound sentence (two complete sentences combined with a coordinating conjunction followed by a comma). Don't write sentences like "He hurried over to her amidst the smoke threatening to engulf him, and carried Ara's fragile body in his arms" because the clause "carried Ara's fragile body in his arms" is a fragment, so the conjunction, "and," isn't coordinating, it's just a regular conjunction that doesn't need a comma before it. Sometimes you neglect to use commas in this case, and it can become a habit with practice writing compound sentences correctly, so just edit those spots and it'll help.
— You regularly use commas where they're unnecessary. I don't know why or how to explain what you're doing, but I can use examples. The sentence, "She belonged to neither of them because she was now, in another dimension," shouldn't have a comma at all.
— Besides that, you just need to leave any speaker tags (sentences before, in between, or after dialogue that indicate the speaker) lowercase no matter what punctuation the dialogue ends with. Whatever device you're writing on might autocorrect that, so make sure to change it.

Writing Style: 9/10
— You have a lot of poetic-feeling lines that add to the theme well, but since it's narrative writing and not poetry, I recommend cutting down on it and describing scenes more directly so that readers aren't confused.
— The phrasing is a bit repetitive in that most sentences start out with the same structure of "he/she/they did _____" and it feels choppy after a while.
— Other than that, your vocabulary has a lot if variety and is really great! I think your writing is fine as long as you adjust what I mentioned before.

Enjoyment & Engagement: 5/10
— I wasn't thoroughly engaged because of the lacking world-building and backstory, which the occasional confusing phrases added to.
— The imagery and action scenes did keep me drawn in, though, so I'm interested to see where the story goes after you do some editing.

Overall: 50/100

I think the story has potential with your writing style and grammar skills, but there are many lacking qualities. There isn't enough world-building, for sure. I think that, if anything, that's the main flaw dragging it down. The prologue doesn't help world-build either because it just shoves information at readers. There's other categories that could use work too, so I think it's due for editing as soon as you finish writing it. I'd love to read it after some adjustments are made, but right now I don't think I want to continue. Good luck with your writing and editing!

Links to resources will be provided via PM in the next few hours! 💖