Engagement 2.5/5

I'm giving it a lower rating because I did see some moments that didn't make sense that threw the whole story off or just seemed a bit too random, and that threw me off, which made it so that I couldn't keep up with the book.

Clarity 2/5

Your grammar is extremely off during this story. I know you said it wasn't edited, but unfortunately, that's something that isn't able to excuse this. As an author, grammar should be very important to your story, but I'm seeing a lot of run-on sentences, misplaced or missing punctuation, and when writing dialogue, it wasn't written correctly. I also saw that you didn't use your capitalization when it was needed either, which can be irritating for some people.

For dialogue:

"When dialogue, it's important to know that you have to have some sort of punctuation, inside the quotes," Sunako said, typing out her example.

"As you had seen in the previous piece of dialogue," she explained, "I had placed a comma inside the sentence, instead of a period. This is because it is not the end of a sentence, so it shouldn't be treated as such. Instead, you place a comma like you would in a compound sentence. There are exceptions, and that's when it ends in a question mark or exclamation point, and note that when ending in one, of these, make sure to only use the question mark only once. The exclamation point can be used once, twice, or rarely three times*"

Sunako then looked for another way to place her wording, "And you also see that, when I broke the dialogue into two, I had ended the sentence with a period." Then Sunako tried to find another example to give, "You end it with a period when you ending a sentence, then start the next one capital letter. You must also remember that even when it's the same sentence, you should start it with a period when you use a different pair of quotations."

*Ex. Correct "How could you?!" or, "I told you not do that!" Incorrect: "How could you?!?!?!" or, "I told you not to do that!!!!!"

Timeline 3/5

The timeline wasn't very clear if I'm being honest. There is a lot of missing back story that was lightly brushed over. When trying to explain what happened in the past, you should be able to give a slightly thorough description, but hold back what you need.

Writing Style 3/5

You seem like you've only just started writing seriously, I saw this because I do see a lot of similarities in your style that I had a year ago. This is fine, because like I said, I had them only a year ago, what I recommend is looking at other books and how they're written and the build. How the author describes things, how they share information, and such. This should help you build upon your own writing

Characters 2/5

The characters don't seem like they've been built upon too much. Thet don't seem to have a set personality or opinions. I can't really go into the characters with because, again, they aren't really put together too much. I recommend taking each character and picking them apart. How do they see the world? What do they act like? Things  like that. I also see moments that are out of character and don't make any sense, this goes back to figuring out how your character behaves and sticking to that.

Plot 2/5

The plot isn't really there to be honest. I feel like you had an idea, and just went with it. What you should probably do at this point is sit down and figure out where you want this book to go. what you want to happen, when you want it to happen, and how it should happen. I say this because going out o a simple idea is a great way to end up writing a book into a dead end. I've done it enough times to know that it doesn't end well, and it's not likely that you'll end up finishing the book.

In total you have a 2.4 out of 5, please don't let this discourage you. You have a lot to build upon and with time and planning this book can turn into something beautiful. There's a lot of potential in every story, you just have to learn to unlock it!