Book: Return in Starlight

Reviewer: AnatsukiAuthor

Author: TrueGryffindor10

Engagement 3/5

I didn't find the book very engaging. There were a lot of moments that felt a bit awkward, or out of place. Some even a little bland. I think if you had used a bit more adjectives and suspense, it would help a bit. A small example:

We were walking in the forest for hours. I was getting tired and Person A is starting to get on my nerves.

That's a nice and simple way to put it, but it is a bit boring, at least in my opinion. A better way to put it would be

We were walking in the forest for what seemed like forever, my legs were ready to give out. It wasn't helping that Person A was starting to bother me either.

I used a bit more adjectives and a few types of figurative language. I personally believe figurative language, instead of outright saying what the character thinks is a bit more interesting. Just take that into account when you decide to edit the chapters.

Clarity 3.5/5

I think the book is pretty clear, but it does have those moments where I have to do a double-take and reread. The grammar also does seem a bit off, as well as some misspellings. I recommend going back and rereading the chapter and checking anything that might seem a bit off, and try rewriting it until you think it looks right,

Timeline 5/5

I'm not too far into the book, but the timeline so far seems to be great. You haven't left any gaping holes nor any overlapping. I can easily understand the timeline so far, and that's great.

Writing Style 3.5/5

To be honest, your writing style is a bit bland. It could really use a bit more, as mentioned before, figurative speech. I can understand if you aren't one for poetry or prose, but it important to include at some points, so the writing doesn't become bland or plain.

Characters 3/5

So far, I can only give an opinion on one of the characters, since I haven't spent enough time with the others.

Daniel is a pretty laid-back person from what I've seen, at least not when he's in situations he isn't sure about. He also doesn't like to be left in the dark too much, which is seen when he's following Amanda blindly in the forest. He also doesn't seem to take things that are supernatural or paranormal too seriously. Like when Amanda told him about her dream, and he made of her.

Plot 3/5

I don't yet see any firm plot taking place. I do see where the story could be going, but I don't know what it's leading up to. I think a good thing to do would be to plan out your book before you continue it. Not in the case of every page, but at least figure out what Point A and B (the beginning and end of the book) are, and how you're going to get there (the plot).

I total you have a 3.5 out of 5, which really isn't too bad. I do recommend going back over your book and planning it a bit more thoroughly, as well as figuring out the set personas of your characters. Your book seems to be in its beginning phase, so keep it up. I hope this review has helped you.