Heyo! Update time.😎

So, June is here. It's not a good month for me. A lot of nightmarish memories regarding this month and I kinda regress every year at this particular time. So, I apologize in advance if I skip a week of update.

My warmest love and hugs for those who leave their appreciation in the form of votes and comments!♥️ Also, I often come across readers who are hesitant about leaving long comments. Dude, don't EVER hesitate about sharing your thoughts, however long they may be. I don't have any problem with lengthy comments. Heck, I love them! I only have problems with rude comments. As long as you're polite and not acting entitled in whatever you're telling me, I'm game.😎

XingXing sends his hugsies to all his uncas and aunties.

Now, off with the read!

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Chapter-15

"Hello, Mum."

"So, you do remember you still have a mother?"

YiBo dutifully bowed his head and looked apologetic. He knew he was in the wrong this time. "Sorry, I couldn't come sooner-"

"And Xiu Ying must have confiscated your phone and put you on time out, no?" His mother gave him a sarcastic, pointed stare.

This was their drill. Every time YiBo came home this was how they started.

"Sorry, Mum," he apologized again because who ever won against a mother?

His mother ignored his apology and asked, "Will you stay for dinner?"

"No, I can't. I have a-"

"Okay, you're staying for dinner."

YiBo sighed and leaned back on the sofa. While coming here he already knew he wouldn't be able to leave before night. It was just a token protest to irritate his mother.

"Where's Dad?"

"With his mistress, where else?" She rolled her eyes.

Looking at the direction of his father's study YiBo chuckled. If his mother envied anything it was his father's books.

"Well?"

"Hm?" YiBo looked at his mother absently, mind still lingering on his father.

"You want to tell me anything?" His mother sounded terse.

YiBo knew what she was asking, of course he knew but just to rile her up more he shook his head, looking confused. "About what, Mum?"

"If you're happy enough to play dumb with me then I am assuming you two have patched things up?"

YiBo's playful mood evaporated fast and he shrugged in reply.

"I'll need something more than a shoulder jerk," Mrs. Wang said impatiently.

YiBo shrugged again, "We talked."

When he didn't get any response after a while he looked at her to see her watching him questioningly. Clearly waiting for him to elaborate.

YiBo sighed inwardly. This would be a long talk.

"After tracking him down I asked him to meet."

"And? Did you? Meet, I mean?"

YiBo stared at her eager anxious face and suddenly wanted to tell her everything. Every little detail, every emotions he had felt, every word he had spoken, every unuttered word he had buried inside. Wanted to tell her everything and ask her to make things better, to show him the right way. Like he used to do as a kid.

"I did. I met him. In....in our apartment."

Mother and son looked at each other, both knowing what significance that action held to YiBo. His mother urged him on with an encouraging nod.

"I hated him so much, Mum. For three years I despised him, I abhorred him. After knowing about the possibility that I might have a son he had hidden away I hated him more, hated him with every fibre of my being. But meeting him there, watching him standing there......in....that room....that....realizing that he might have bore my child.....I couldn't hate him anymore, Mum," he looked up at his mother, "I couldn't hate him anymore." His stared at his intertwined fingers, twisting and bending like his emotions.

"Have you ever really hated him?"

"............I did," without taking his eyes off his hands he replied, "I thought I did...................." He held his mother's gaze again, "I didn't, did I?"

His mother just smiled sadly and said, "What happened next?"

YiBo kept quiet for a few moments, looking lost in memories. "I threatened him with legal actions."

"Oh God. Tell me you didn't!"

"I told him that I would take him to court but I wouldn't have really!"

"Of course, you wouldn't," his mother gave the reassurance he was seeking.

"But he got scared and sent me a mail from a lawyer."

"Understandable."

"Understandable?" The incredulity was stark in his voice.

But his mother only reasserted her statement calmly, "Yes. Understandable. Rational? Maybe not, I don't think so but definitely predictable."

"Is this how you all perceive me? A selfish monster?"

Mama Wang made an annoying face at that. "Why are you so idiotic? Whose son are you? If someone threatened to take my child away from me I would have done the same. And no you're not just 'anyone' which is why I said it was not rational. But YiBo, have you ever stopped to think why did he do that? Not because he was scared but because he felt guilty!" When YiBo didn't interrupt her, too shocked to react, she happily went on, "And he feels guilty because he knows that he has wronged you. Which means he is open to the idea of reconciliation."

YiBo blinked at her. "Are we discussing about the same incidents?"

His mother waved him off with a dismissive hand gesture. "Oh please, just accept that you are stupid. Now the rest of the story?"

He didn't want to tell her anymore. But what if she was right? Did Zhan really feel bad for what he did? He needed her help. Therefore, he begrudgingly started again. "Then I was really upset and..." he quickly glanced at her before averting his eyes, "And I got pissed-"

"Language, YiBo!"

"Well, I got dead drunk, mother, and I went to his house and confessed my heart out and cried and made a gigantic fool of myself, while my infant son was sleeping upstairs."

"That's horrible! Such disgrace!"

"Yeah, well I am thankful that I woke up in his guestroom and not in jail-"

"You slept there?"

"Um...yeah, apparently he didn't let me drive back in that condition."

"Oh my!" Mrs. Wang clasped both her hands against her chest with a barely concealed happiness. "Isn't that great?"

"It's humiliating."

"Only an idiot like you will focus on that. At the cost of your humiliation, well deserved I must say, you got to know how much he still cares about you!"

To be honest, YiBo would be lying if he said he himself didn't think that but his life would have been way less angsty had he accepted things that easily. "I don't think so," he said.

"Of course, you don't. Despite all the evidence you still think you're clever. So, I don't expect much from you. The very fact that he let you sleepover in that state, risking a two year old seeing his own father like that, even after he had no obligation as you two are not together anymore doesn't mean anything to you. Now, move on, what happened next?"

He also, didn't want to linger over the possibility his mother was hinting at. "I got to meet Xing next morning."

"How is he? How is my grandson?" Mrs. Wang sounded so eager, almost on the edge of her seat.

For the first time a big, genuine smile bloomed over YiBo's face. "Perfect. He is perfect Mum! He is so perfect."

"He is, of course he is. You two made him."

And they did, they really did. Xing was perfect because he was both of them in one. "He is so intelligent, so kind, so very sweet and lovely....he is so Zhan Ge."

There was a meaningful silence between them.

"He is you too. "

Another shrug was YiBo's reply.

"So, have you two talked about Xing?"

"We're co-parenting, I guess."

"Co-parenting?" Mrs. Wang looked confused, "And what do you mean you guess?"

"Well, I go and see Xing whenever I can; Zhan Ge makes sure to work around my schedule. That's really kind of him and I make sure to video call him at least once every day."

"That's your idea of co-parenting? That's the genius plan you two have come up with for your child?"

"We haven't discussed anything yet. We're just going along with-"

"Wait. You two haven't talked yet? You're telling me you two didn't talk things through yet? What are you two waiting for? Another accidental pregnancy? You are parents now! What kind of parenting is meeting over video calls or seeing him whenever you get time? When are you two going to move in together?"

YiBo was about to take a sip from the water bottle and promptly choked. "What're you talking about? We're not together, Mum," he coughed out.

His mother was sitting leaning forward in excitement all this while but now she leaned back as if the impact of his son's words had pushed her physically. "Are you still thinking of going through with that marriage of yours?"

"Why shouldn't I?"

"Why should- What are you saying? YiBo-"

"He's dating someone. He has someone."

That silenced her for several seconds.

"Did he tell you that? For how long?"

"He told me that he was dating, that's all. Didn't give me any details. And know what takes the cake?" He smiled bitterly at her, "He asked me to babysit Xing so that he could go on a date."

"That must be an important date."

YiBo chuckled without even a trace of humour, "Yeah, must be."

"And what do you mean babysit? You don't babysit your own child! Everything is wrong with this generation." She grumbled for a moment then fell quiet.

Minutes passed by in complete silence as they sat lost in thoughts.

"YiBo?"

"Hm?"

"I asked you back then but you never told me, so, I'm asking you again, what broke you two apart?"

What broke them apart? Could the end of a relationship be described in a sentence? In a few mere words?

"He chose someone else over me," he said at last, as nonchalantly as he could.

"That answer sounds tailor made to satisfy your anger. Tell me what actually happened."

"What do you want to know?" YiBo's mercury temper flared up, "How he gradually pulled away from me? How he was struggling with his career and I was drowning in jobs? How I felt so guilty every time I got a project and watched Zhan Ge being rejected on the other hand? How he shut me off everyday more and more? How every effort I put into helping with his career was met with misunderstanding? How he found peace with his friend's company than being with me? How he chose....chose that Talu Wang over me? Is that what you want to know? How the last words we exchanged was an argument, as that was what we did lately? How I came back to an empty house, a parting note and the severed thread of a relationship? You want to know that? Because that's what that happened. Our relationship couldn't go through a trial and he took the easy way out. And Talu was there to give him the shoulder. He is still there and did you know that my son, my son asks for things to that Talu while I didn't even know of his existence for two long years?"

He was almost panting by the end of his outburst and his mother refilled his glass of water without saying anything. She spoke once he had calmed down a bit.

"Wasn't Talu Zhan's childhood friend?" When YiBo did not answer she asked another question, "Wasn't it through Talu that you got to meet Zhan?"

"What's your point, mother?"

"My point is if Zhan really wanted to choose Talu he could have done that long ago. I don't think it was a matter of choosing one over the other."

"Then how would you explain him running to Talu whenever he had a problem? We had a problem?"

"I can't exactly say what Zhan's reason was but generally, it's easier to talk to a friend, especially the one that had known you for a long time, than to your partner while having a fall out. Of course, exceptions are there," she quickly added for she knew YiBo was not among those; her son hardly had friends. "My understanding of Zhan was that he had always been the quiet one, introverted. And I know how pushy and suffocating you can be at times. Maybe that was the reason he felt more at ease with Talu. Even the most intimate relationships need space."

" 'maybe' being the deciding factor," YiBo retorted back.

"Obviously and it will remain inconclusive till you know the truth. Have you ever asked him? Don't demand or accuse but ask him. Ask him what drove him away. Ask him why couldn't he tell you? And tell him how hurt you were, how it affected you. Talk to him, YiBo. The reason you two are in this mess is mainly because both of you were too stubborn to let go of your egos."

When he looked at her sharply at this accusation, she returned with an equal disapproving stare.

"What is there to boast about your love if you can't even let go of your pride for the sake of mending your relationship?"

YiBo did not know how to respond back. What relationship? Was there anything left of that anymore? What they had now was a sort of understanding for their son. And he was scared. Scared of baring his heart open to someone that might not need it. Scared of being the vulnerable one between the two. Scared of being the one still holding onto a shadow.

But he realized one thing- he needed to talk to Zhan if he wanted them to go forward.

"Did you ever ask him why did he leave?"

"I just told you-"

"No, you told me what you thought to be the reason, which doesn't even qualify as a reason-"

"I don't know why did he leave!" YiBo's voice rose up. "He didn't tell me then, he hasn't told me now."

"And you didn't ask either. You just assumed and drew your own conclusion." His mother didn't back down either. "Maybe this was why he felt it more comfortable to confide in his friend rather than in you. Because you never listen!"

"Mum!"

"Don't you Mum me! While I am not trying to put every blame onto you-"

"Really? Could have fooled me."

"Shut up. I am not going to think that it was all Zhan's fault either. And moreover, this is not a blame game. What will you achieve even if- for the sake of argument, let's just say- Zhan admits to every mistakes and take responsibility of whatever happened entirely upon himself, will that make you satisfied? Happy even? Give you any closure?"

YiBo wanted to say 'yes', he wanted to, he wanted to......but couldn't. The lie couldn't slip past his mouth. And his mother knew it.

"You won't find whatever that is you are looking for if you don't talk to him. So what if he doesn't talk first? If it's important to you, be the first one yourself. So what if he doesn't open up at the first attempt? Do you think relationship is a user manual where things go smoothly step by step? No, mister. It's a trial of compromise and adjustments."

"I'm not looking for a relationship with him."

"Be in denial as long as you want, that's your choice. But even 'co-parenting' is a sort of relationship that needs effort if you want to give your son a happy childhood."

YiBo's head felt clogged up with all these advices. He kept staring at the carpet, boring holes in it.

"And tone down that temper of yours, YiBo. It never did any good to anyone."

"What do you know?" YiBo shot back without any bite.

"That my son is an idiot. Now, tell me when can I meet my grandson? I am dying to hold him in my arms!"

Though YiBo's eyes were on his mother his mind was roaming in someplace else. After a while he gathered himself up to say, "Soon. I'll ask Zhan Ge and bring Xing here."

"Bring Zhan too if things go well," she muttered while brushing off invisible lint from her dress.

YiBo gave a chuckle at her optimism. Would he ever though? Be able to bring Zhan here again?

Did he want to?

However, he seriously needed to take steps. While he reluctantly agreed with whatever Mum had advised, he could not follow through it entirely. There was no way he would jump Zhan asking about the past and risking it turning into another fight. He didn't trust his own anger. If that happened not only his ways would be blocked, Zhan might end up in his date's arms, whoever that bastard was. No, YiBo would have to tread very carefully. Knowing Zhan's surroundings, being supportive, easing him up and then he would make his move.

Sneak attack, maybe quite low too but he would be damned if he cared at this point. He had a boyfriend to snatch back.

XOXOXOX

When YiBo had called Zhan to ask whether it would be okay to spend some time with his son that day Zhan was amiable as usual, readily agreeing, despite how they parted the last time.

"How about we go to the park today?" YiBo suggested. There was a small park almost adjacent to Zhan's house.

"Yeah, sure. It's small enough to let Xing run free," Zhan replied and yet he looked somewhat hesitant. "But.....won't that be a problem....for you? I mean, if anyone..."

YiBo knew what he was talking about. "Don't worry. My assistant made sure we weren't followed coming here and I've dressed plainly enough not to stand out, no? And I'll wear a cap too!"

With his red plaid shirt, worn over a white Spongebob tee, YiBo looked more like a collage goer than a father taking his child to the park.

Apparently Zhan also thought so as he nodded in agreement with a small smile. "True. Then let me pack a few toys and a water bottle for Xing and off you two go."

"Umm....you can come with us too."

Zhan looked startled at the invitation. But before he could speak Xing piped up.

"Papa come pak. Papa, XingXing, Daddy go bye bye. Come Papa! Pak bye bye."

"The lord has spoken!" YiBo announced and gave his son a spin, inducing a giggle from him.

Zhan clearly wanted to decline the offer but saying no to two identical eager faces was difficult.

And then YiBo uttered a meek, "Please?" and the battle was won.

If Yibo felt smug about it no one had to know.

XOXOXOX

They were at the park. Sitting on a bench, a considerable amount of space between them, while Xing played in the sandbox.

He was pouring sand on his ball, putting it on his head, carrying it like that here and there then repeating the actions once more.

The silence between them was heavy with awkwardness; not companionable at all. YiBo was sneaking surreptitious glances at Zhan, trying to figure out when to broach the subject.

"I'm sorry," He started with the apology. It seemed to be the best ice breaker.

Predictably Zhan was taken aback by the non sequitur. "Sorry for what?"

"For how I behaved the other day. I shouldn't have, I apologize."

Zhan's eyes were getting wider with every word that left YiBo's mouth. It was quite comical but it also meant how ill mannered Zhan thought of him. Therefore, YiBo didn't find it that funny.

"That's..uh..that's all right. Don't think about it."

"It's not all right. That was out of the line. I should have remembered-"

"It's not a big deal, it's really all-"

They spoke at the same time and after crossing, Zhan stopped first so that YiBo could finish.

YiBo channelled his face into a remorseful smile, "I should have remembered it was not my place anymore to ask after your whereabouts. I have no right to know whom you're dating or anything about your personal life. I guess.....it's just....habits...perhaps." He inhaled deeply as if to gather himself and gave Zhan a smile that he knew his ex could detect as fake. "I'm sorry, Ge. I hope you're happy with whomever you are with."

Zhan's ears were bright. He was biting his lips and avoiding YiBo's eyes, staring at his twisting, interlocked fingers. YiBo knew he had hit the bullseye.

"It wasn't-" he stopped and licked his lips, visibly nervous. "I'm not dating him. I mean....it was the first date."

Bingo! Although, YiBo's fists clenched at the mention of Zhan and date but his purpose was served. Now, he just needed to keep it up for a while longer.

"Oh? Damn, I feel worse now."

"Why?" Finally Zhan looked at him.

"It was your first date and I said those horrible things to you." They sat quietly for a moment. "Did you two have a good time?"

But Zhan did not answer. His eyes were on Xing yet they seemed unseeing. "You don't mind if I move on?"

Oh, you have no idea just how much I do mind. But the question was the most intimate things alluding to their previous relationship that Zhan had mentioned after he came back and YiBo would be a fool not to utilize this opportunity. He took his time to reply. A quick reply would pose as his indifference or even eagerness. A longer delay would make him look reluctant. The timing had to be perfect. "It's only right. After all you deserve to live the life you desire." Neither denial, nor confirmation.

"Life I desire...." Zhan repeated the phrase with a contemplative nod, "yes...we all deserve that, don't we? But how many of us get that?"

"I want you to have that," YiBo said after another pause.

Zhan surprised eyes were on him immediately and he just stayed like that, as if he didn't know what to make of YiBo's words and YiBo gave a chuckle.

"Don't look so surprised. It's insulting. I'm not the same irrational brat I once was," he said lightly.

The other man averted his eyes self consciously but a smile flitted across him nonetheless which didn't look very amused or happy. "Indeed, you've changed. You've...." But he didn't finish it. Instead he asked something else, while meeting YiBo's eyes once again. "Why are you doing this? Why so suddenly? Aren't you angry with me anymore?"

YiBo smirked, "Oh, I'm angry. I'm still angry with you and there's so much I want to know, want to ask," he watched as Zhan shifted uncomfortably at that, "but I'm putting Xing above everything. If we fight he will be the one most affected and that's the last thing I want. I might not know what parenting is but I'm trying. I want to be the best Dad for my son."

Right at that moment Xing yelled out at distance, "Daddy! Woooo." He was pointing at a mound of sand, "Tan taltal, tan taltal!"

YiBo waved back, "Wow! That looks great! Make more, Peanut!" Then turned at Zhan questioningly.

"Sand castle. He's showing you his sand castle."

"Ah, sand castle."

"You are a good dad, you know." Zhan spoke awhile after they watched their son making more mounds.

That genuinely surprised YiBo. Because he was trying, he was really trying to be a good father to his son. Irrespective of whatever his issues were with Zhan, he had given that little boy his heart the moment he came to know of his existence. "I am?" he asked with all the wonder he felt.

"Yes, you are. Look at him," Zhan tilted his chin to gesture at their son who, as if sensing his fathers' eyes on him looked at their direction and gave a wide, happy smile and yelled another, "Daddy!"

"That happy proud smile on his face? That's all for his Daddy. You put that happiness into him," Zhan said, eyes still on Xing.

But YiBo could not take his eyes off Zhan. The older man probably didn't even realize but the happiness and pride that seeped through his words did not go unnoticed to YiBo and it made his heart tight.

How long had it been since Zhan Ge was proud of him?

But it was not a time to be distracted. His family......his love was at stake now.

"Thank you. That......that means a lot."

"I better make that imp drink some water," was Zhan Ge's reply as he stood up but YiBo stopped him. He couldn't break the momentum at this point.

"Mum, my mother was asking after Xing. She really wants to meet him. Can I take him to her?"

As usual, Zhan was most forthcoming. "Yes, of course. Xing would love to meet his grandma. Just let me know a day prior."

"I had a few days off later this week. How about Saturday?"

Zhan squinted his eyes to think and then nodded his head, "Saturday is perfect."

"Thanks."

"Not a problem."

"Also..."

"Yes?"

YiBo deliberately hesitated before saying what he planned to say all along, "Next time when you go on a date, I'd love to keep Xing. So, please let me know?"

Zhan's face went bright red from embarrassment. "YiBo...I didn't...that's wasn't intentional. I really didn't want to ask for such a favour from you but the appointment was already set and I thought-"

The relief YiBo felt knowing that it wasn't Zhan's way of rubbing it on his face was immense. "Don't worry about that. I already apologized for how I reacted and I want to compensate for it."

"There is nothing to compensate for! You don't have to-"

"But I want to! And it will give me an excuse to spend some time with Xing."

"You don't need an excuse to spend time with your son, YiBo. You are always welcome to-"

"Ge!" YiBo's interruption stopped him, "I'm trying to be supportive here!"

".......Supportive of what?" Confusion was written all over Zhan's face.

"Supportive of you......your love life. Isn't it something co-parents should do?"

It was for a long while that Zhan stared at him. So many emotions were passing through his face, YiBo could read none.

"I...." Zhan started but didn't say anything after that.

"Please?" YiBo knew it would work and it did as Zhan mumbled an "All right" and went away.

YiBo's goal was reached. He had weaseled out the information he needed, even made Zhan agree to tell him when there was another date.

And yet, watching that retreating back all he could feel was defeat. Ashy and bitter.

XOXOXOX

That night while making a cup of tea after putting Xing to bed, Zhan noticed his hands shaking. As he watched the tremor in his hands his throat felt tight and aching.

Even after they fell apart, even after he left, even after YiBo started dating, even after he was about to be married.........and even though knowing that it was so utterly, selfishly wrong.....Zhan had that faint delusion that YiBo still had feelings for him.

It was selfish, it was wrong, it was immoral to think like that about someone's fiancé.....but heart was a treacherous thing.

It wasn't even a hope, nor was it a sign of victory. It was just a thread that he still thought both of their hearts were bound with. It was an anchor for him. A way of holding himself back, telling himself that he was not free to go unless the other person let him go.

But today even that illusion was shattered. YiBo had truly, entirely let him go.

He was free. He was hollow.

Standing in that dark, cold kitchen Zhan realized one thing.

He could not use KyunSang to help him move on. It would be an injustice to the man and to his own self. In order to move on he needed to let go first. And his mind and heart weren't ready yet.

There was another realization along with that.

He could never be able to let go till he opened his heart and cleared his mind. And the only way to do that was to talk to YiBo. To give and receive explanations. To have closure. To give one, whether YiBo wanted it or not.

Maybe once the unuttered words, suppressed emotions were out, the tremors would stop. The ache would fade. The guilt would lessen and hope would be extinguished.

[][][][]

YiBo sneakily wooing back Zhan? Yay or nay?

Any thoughts?