Yo, I'm back!😎 I missed you!😖 Update withdrawal should be a registered medical condition!😖 But that's not the point. The point is-

There were 170+ comments on the last chapter!!!!!! Christ on a Ducati!!😳 How frigging AWESOME can you all be, guys??!😭 I've no words! Come to me, come to potato momma and let her give each of you hugsies!!!😭
(づ￣ ³￣)づ Also I tried to reply every one of you but due to the sheer amount of notifications, I probably have missed some. Don't feel excluded, teabags. I love you all!😍😘💜

To the voters, koala hugsies and fist bumps!(づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ Keep that finger exercise going!😘😉♥️

Now, wanna know how my life is going? I've been saving up money to buy a laptop cause my previous one broke and writing using a desktop doesn't do the job well. THEN my phone decided to stop working along with a bunch of other stuff!!😭 Now my broke ass sobbing in the corner!🤧 Anyone in need of a sugar baby? I'm up for adoption!😭🤚

Ahhh, I feel so exhausted all the time these days. And I forgot what I was about to rant next.☹️

Share your thoughts about this chapter if you feel generous. If not, then, well, no hugs for you, cheapskate.😒

Off ya go!

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Chapter-21

YiBo had no idea of place or time till his driver said something to him. This was one of the security guys that were in charge of chauffeuring him when Xiu Ying was busy otherwise.

YiBo watched the man saying something to him over his shoulder but could not make out the words. It all sounded like garbled gibberish to him.

"What?"

"I said, Sir, we've got paps tailing us. The car behind is tailing us for a while."

YiBo stared at him dumbly, not knowing what to say. He couldn't even grasp the meaning.

"Uh, Sir?"

"Yes?"

The driver looked at him strangely, "Should we take a detour to put them off?"

"Oh. Oh, yeah, sure. Do that," YiBo answered with an absent nod and leaned back to his seat again, mind already going back to the chaos that was raging inside his head.

"Sir, are you all right?" The driver asked hesitantly, looking at him through the mirror.

"Yeah," YiBo nodded, his outward consciousness still shallow, "Yeah, I'm all right. Just, take me home, please."

"Yes, Sir."

Immediately YiBo's mind withdrew itself from the surrounding. Everything he had heard today, Zhan had said, he could no process any of it. Accepting them meant whatever he had believed to be true in these past years were all false; the pain and sufferings he had gone through were all in vain. But not accepting them....he could not do that either.

What hurt the most was the realization that if he trusted a bit, if Zhan talked to him, they could have still been together. Instead of going to his empty condo, he would have gone to his family.

A surge of jittery energy coursed through his body in waves. He was lost in the whirlwind of emotions but at the same time could not focus on anything particular. Words, incidents, facts, fictions, pain, hurt, elation, relief, love, grievance- everything was blurring into a meaningless mess inside his head.

Everything he knew to be true was in fact lies? A pain inducing delusion? But how could that be? How could everything be made up by him? Because he never wanted any of it to happen in the first place! Never wanted to be left alone. Ever since he had fallen in love with Zhan there was one thing he craved like a drug- Zhan's love. Then how could he have messed everything up so badly that now they couldn't even give their only son a family?

And was it all his doing? Everything?

Didn't Zhan have any part in it? Didn't he-

But he wasn't well. He isn't well.

YiBo's lungs burned from the lack of air. He couldn't breathe.

While they were together, YiBo tried so hard to do everything right. Whatever decision he made, their relationship, the family he wanted to create with Zhan Ge was always at the forefront of his mind. He wanted to give Zhan the world. Zhan was his everything and he wanted to be Zhan's everything as well.

In order to make that happen was he hurting Zhan all along? Was he the root of all troubles? Did he make Zhan sick?

YiBo's leg bounced uncontrollably. He shifted in his seat a few times, tapped his fist against his lips before asking the driver, "How long till I get home?"

The driver looked quite surprised at this question; maybe because this was a part of the town YiBo had travelled through innumerable times. "Uh, seven minutes approx, Sir. Um...Sir, are you all right? Do you need anything?"

"No, no. I'm okay. Just-" he gestured ahead.

The driver kept shooting him worried glances for the rest of the way.

Once inside the safety of his home, YiBo had hoped he would feel a bit clear headed but nothing happened. Leaving his shoes and socks at the doorstep he almost threw himself to the sofa but his body did not relax at all. Every muscle of his body stayed taut, as if waiting for a jump scare. His right leg started to bounce again; he looked at it for a long moment.

They were living under the same roof, they were sleeping in the same bed...........they were making love....and yet, he did not know the man he loved more than love itself was slowly slipping away little by little.

He was there and he did not, could not do anything to help him.

Was he really the one left behind or was it Zhan?

YiBo sprang up. Flinging off his t-shirt he opened the fridge and took out a bottle of water. Why was it so hot in here?

While uncorking the cold bottle his eyes stopped at the spindling plastic.

Zhan was with a child. While they were fighting, constantly arguing, while YiBo was saying those harsh, painful words to his boyfriend, Zhan was with their child all along. With Xing. Zhan was suffering, Zhan was hurting and Zhan was carrying YiBo's child. All the while facing YiBo's accusations.

He put the bottle down with a rattled thud. Hands on his waist he stood staring at the floor. His head was throbbing. And why the fuck was it so hot today? Running his fingers through his already dishevelled hair he started to pace up and down the room.

So, Talu wasn't the cause? He never was? He was not competing with Talu? That was all inside his head? And Talu was the one who stood beside Zhan and helped him? Helped his son? When it was YiBo's duty to do so? When YiBo failed to do so? Everything he thought was going on between them was a lie? All of it? And he ruined their world because of it?

YiBo went over to the window and pulled the blinds up. The sky was getting overcast rapidly; the clouds dark and sombre.

Zhan thought YiBo would be ashamed of him, for not getting the jobs they both thought Zhan would have. And he thought YiBo would despise him for it. Was that how Zhan perceived him? Yes, YiBo was jealous, he was a possessive bastard but he thought he had made it abundantly clear throughout their relationship that if he had to chose between Zhan and the rest of the world he would choose his lover without a second thought over and over again. But clearly Zhan did not believe him.

His breaths were coming out in short, huffy pants. He needed a shower.

Standing only in his boxer shorts, YiBo turned the shower head on. Water sprayed down on him in cascades. Rivulets of water swirled down the valley of his back. Facing the wall, he rested his right palm flat against the smooth surface. The cold tiles were in stark contrast with his heated skin.

Was Zhan's skin this cold when he stood in front of that abortion clinic? Was it raining that day when Zhan looked up at that building and thought of jumping off?.................Zhan wanted to end his life.

He wanted to die. While pregnant. With their son. He wanted to die because he thought there was no place for him, for them in this world. In YiBo's life.

Zhan wanted to die.

He did not know if he was crying; the water washing away all the evidence. But what the water could not wash away was the shaking. A full body tremble that started from his shoulder and travelled downwards. Wrapping his arms around his torso did not help and his knees buckled. YiBo dropped down on his knees with a wet thud. The pain did not even register to his consciousness.

Even after they separated, even after Zhan disappeared, even after YiBo thought he had moved on, he constantly made up scenarios in his head where he would confront Zhan, they would have a chance meeting and he would show him how his life had gone well even after Zhan had abandoned him.

But to realize that there might have been a possibility that he could have never seen Zhan ever again, that he would have had to live the rest of his life knowing the person he made his entire world around was gone, forever. Even if he crossed the globe from one end to another, he would have never been able to see that face again. Smiling at him, calling him, telling him that he loved him.

Low, animalistic groans of excruciating pain began to fill the enclosure of the shower.

The life he wanted to treasure the most he ended up ruining it.

Burrowing his head in between his crossed knees, arms covering his neck and the back of his head, his entire body curled into a ball, rocking back and forth, as the water poured down all over him.

He had almost killed Zhan, killed their baby and he would have to live the rest of his life with it.

His heart ripped open and bled out with the cries that tore through his soul.

XOXOXOX

Zhan was restless. Ever since YiBo had left that way he could not stay still. Despite being separated for so long, he knew YiBo hadn't changed much and that was exactly why he was worrying sick. The only consolation was that the man had a driver.

He felt strange. Based on his condition and previous experiences, his nerve should go on a sensory overload or his system should shut down after the conversation they had had. But strangely he felt........functional. Almost normal. Maybe once the adrenalin crash settled in the picture would be different but till then he needed to go with the flow.

Xing was yet to come home. After much deliberation and lip biting, Zhan sent a text to his ex.

Have you reached home safely? -XZ

And kept checking his frustratingly silent phone in every five seconds.

Is YiBo angry at me? He wouldn't stop seeing Xing, would he? Stop....all contacts with him?........No, no, he wouldn't, Zhan shook his head. YiBo wasn't a cruel person and he loved Xing very much. No, he was just over thinking things again.

With a forced confident nod to himself, Zhan began to tidy up the already tidy room and kept over thinking.

Xing returned after a while. Zhan was dying to have his son in his arms ever since revisiting the past. When Xing ran to him Zhan picked him mid move and held him up, eliciting a high pitched squeal from the toddler.

"PAPAAAAAA! PAPAPAPAPAPAAPAPA!"

"My sweet little baby! I missed you so much!" He smacked a loud kiss on the baby's cheek resulting into another peal of giggles.

"Papa Papa!"

"Yes, love?"

"Munty! Munty!" Xing said excitedly, then tilted his head slightly backwards and puckered his small mouth, "WOOH WOOH"

"You saw monkeys?" Zhan asked, setting him up on the crook of his left arm, "And they said hello?"

"En!" Xing nodded enthusiastically, "Wooh Wooh! Munty!"

"Wow! That's so awesome! And what else did you see?"

"En?"

"Did you see any other animals?"

Xing thought for a moment, "Bud!"

"Bird! And what did they say?"

"Wooh wooh!" Xing kept repeating the sound a few times more.

"Did they? Wow! And what else did you see?"

Xing sucked on his lower lip for a moment then said, "Ephan! Ep-ephan!" Then he stretched his small arms sideways, "Eth- eth-"

Zhan realized that he was struggling to find the word. He prompted immediately, "Big. The elephants were big."

Xing blinked at him.

Zhan slowly pronounced the word, "Biiiiig. Big."

"Bid," Xing replied.

"Big," Zhan tried to correct him.

"Bid," Xing said insistently with a nod.

Chuckling, Zhan rubbed their noses together, "Okay, bid it is."

Xing giggled again and tried to bite his papa's nose and cheek before saying, "Papa! DinDin."

Eyebrows rising to his hairline, Zhan widened his eyes dramatically, "You saw a dinosaur? In the zoo?!"

"Ennnn! DinDin bid biiiiiiiiiiiiiidddd!"

"That can't be-"

"DINDIN! DINDIN DINDIN BID BID! WOOH WOOH!"

Zhan scrunched his face as his eardrums took blow after blow.

MeiLi was laughing. "He saw the giraffes," she put in happily.

As the adults laughed a pout gradually grew on Xing's face. He realized that these two were laughing at his expense.

"DinDin," he mumbled with an 'I'm being wronged' expression and his lower lip jutted out in a forecast of an impending rain.

Zhan hurried to placate his baby, "Yes yes, Xinging saw dinosaurs! I know it! My little prince is so powerful that even zoos are keeping dinosaurs for his visit!"

Xing eyed his Papa suspiciously. "Munty," he tested.

"Yes, monkeys too! XingXing saw monkeys too!"

Seemingly satisfied, XingXing nodded, "Kay,' and squiggled out of his Papa's lap, running for his playroom, all the while screaming, "WOOH WOOH WOOH!"

Before MeiLi could follow, Zhan stopped her to give her the rest of the day and the next one off. After revisiting the past Zhan's paternal instinct craved to spend as much time with his son as possible. He would have to ask Xuan to not send him anymore work tomorrow as well.

After a token protest MeiLi thanked him and went to prepare a bath for Xing. After putting the baby to nap she would leave.

Once alone in the room Zhan checked his phone again. Still no reply. He could feel the niggling worry inside him slowly growing.

XOXOXOX

A towel wrapped around his hip, body still dripping wet YiBo exited the bathroom after God knew how long. He had no sense of time. Hell, he had not much sense left in him anyway. He felt drunk. With wavering vision and unsteady steps he headed for his bedroom. On the way his feet stumbled upon something that almost toppled him over. It was his phone. Staring at it dumbly for a moment he picked it up.

Putting on only a pajama bottom he dragged himself to the bed and fell onto it face first like a dead weight and stayed like that for a long moment. His eyes felt sore, face swollen. Staring at the coffee coloured wall, he closed his eyes.

The next thing he knew his ringtone was blaring beside his ears. Gasping for breath he squinted; the lights in the room hurt. Did he fall asleep? He was able to sleep even in this situation?!

The damned phone was still ringing.

Without moving his body he turned his head from one side to the other. Looking at the bright screen really hurt. It was from Xiu Ying and it didn't seem like he would stop unless YiBo picked it up. So he did.

"What?" His throat felt scratchy.

"Are you all right? I have been calling for quite a while."

"What do you want?"

"Er.. was calling to remind you I would come to pick you up at eight tomorrow, Boss."

YiBo frowned, "What's tomorrow?"

"We have that energy drink commercial shoot tomorrow."

Mentally cursing YiBo said, "Cancel it. Tell them to reschedule."

"We can't do that. This is already the rescheduled date. They won't arrange another."

"Then cancel the contract! I don't care! I am not doing the fucking shoot tomorrow!"

His assistant stayed quiet for a moment before saying, "I'm sorry, Boss but we can't cancel the contract either. They are sponsoring your track race next month."

For the first time YiBo would be participating in a motorcycle road race professionally and this big brand came to sponsor him. As he did not work under any agency, it was harder for him to get sponsorship. If he cancelled this one, it would put a dent on his professional record.

But how could he even think about work when his life had been turned upside down?

"I don't care. I do not care. Just- just leave me alone for a moment, okay? Leave me alone!" Without waiting for a reply he disconnected the call. His brain had exhausted all its thinking capabilities. He did not know what he would do tomorrow and did not give a fuck.

After Zhan left, YiBo had thrown himself into work. Taking any and every project, shooting for eighteen to twenty hours straight, working till he collapsed. He was under an agency at that time and they worked him like a horse, taking the full advantage of the situation. Since then YiBo had been a workaholic, even after he left his agency and went solo. But today's incident seemed to have shut down his system altogether. As if the driving force behind his manic need to be busy had evaporated and now he could not even summon the energy to get up.

Before turning the phone off, he thought of checking the notifications and his heart stopped seeing Zhan's name in the inbox. Reading and rereading that single sentenced text again and again, he took a long time to answer it.

Yes. - WB

There was nothing thought evoking or particularly interesting in Zhan's text but the fact that the man still worried for him, about him, after what YiBo had done to him brought fresh, hot sadness that flooded his eyes. He stared at the initials of Zhan's name and the things he had heard that day played on a loop inside his head.

He drove Zhan and their son to the brink of death.

Fat droplets of tears dampened the sheet where his cheek was pressed against.

Lying there in that catatonic state for long hours, YiBo sent another text to Zhan. Even when being crushed under the guilt all he wanted was his Zhan Ge, to be in his presence in some way.

I have ruined your life. -WB

The reply wasn't immediate and every second that passed in between, YiBo sank deeper into a pit-less darkness.

No, you did not. Don't ever think that. You've given me the best gift I could have ever asked for. Xing. -XZ

Only it was not the truth. YiBo did not give Xing to Zhan. He was not even aware of Xing's existence. Something that was given involuntarily and without any consciousness could not be considered a gift. This was Zhan's inherent kindness that was trying to soothe YiBo and he knew it.

Even now he forced Zhan to be considerate.

Face crumbling from a renewed wave of pain, YiBo turned away.

He was the one that drove his love and his son away, took the assurance of a safe life away from them. How could he live with that? How would he face them again?

XOXOXOX

Zhan did not know what to do. YiBo's text had alarmed him so much that he was losing his mind worrying.

When YiBo had sent his first response, that one "Yes", Zhan was certain he had fucked things up and YiBo was angry again. Feeling sick to his stomach while Zhan was thinking hell and heaven about what would happen next, came YiBo's second text.

Zhan's worry took a whole different turn.

YiBo was smart, proactive, demanding but emotionally he wasn't the brightest light in the room. Prone to misinterpreting an emotional situation, things needed to be explained to him in elaborate ways. Another thing he was not was easily consolable. Combined with his stubborn persona, it was nigh impossible to convince him once he held onto a thought.

And now he thought he had ruined Zhan's life. If that were true then the same should be applied for Zhan as well because they had both suffered. None came out unharmed out of this situation.

And no matter what amount of pain Zhan had gone through, it still could not be denied that while Zhan had Xing, YiBo had none.

Alarmed by what must have been going through YiBo's mind, Zhan had replied back with as much truth and assurance their current relationship had allowed and waited for the other to answer back with bated breath. Only, there was no reply after that.

Staring at his phone, Zhan swiped his palm back and forth against his thighs. Should he call? Would YiBo listen to him? What if Zhan made him more upset? But he could not just sit idle and do nothing! But what if......what if YiBo was with Ms. Huang at the moment? When distressed, one sought the presence of a loved one; it was the most natural.

And Zhan was....not the loved one here anymore.

Swallowing down the disappointed hurt, Zhan picked the phone up and dialled another number.

XOXOXOX

Xiu Ying was a simple guy with a simple life. He worked hard, ate, slept then repeated. He was also a forever alone sort of a person, never really able to grasp what all this fuss about love. There was already enough drama in his line of work. Hence he tried to steer clear of the family drama his Boss was currently in. One, he did not understand most of it because why the hell not just talk and get things over with? And two, he thought both his employer and his ex partner were stupid. But that was their cross to bear. Xiu Ying did what was required of him and stayed quiet.

Therefore, it went unsaid that he was quiet surprised when a call from Mr. Xiao Zhan came to him.

"Hello, yes, Mr. Xiao?"

"Mr. Xiu? I'm so sorry to disturb you."

"No no, it's absolutely all right. How can I be of help? Is everything okay?"

"Uh...ahem, I'm sure you know that we had a talk today?"

Xiu Ying groaned. How could he forget? He was the one that had to deal with that cranky man after every time he had these 'talks' with Mr. Xiao. "Yes, Sir, I am aware."

"I'm so sorry but can you, please, check on YiBo to make sure he is all right? I'm afraid he is a bit upset."

Xiu Ying hesitated about whether he should tell the man he had already talked with his Boss. "I see. I will immediately check on him to make sure everything is okay. Should I report back to you after, Sir?"

The other end went quiet for a moment.

"No, that's all right. I just wanted to make sure he is looked after. I mean, I know he is looked after! It's- I-"

"I understand, Mr. Xiao. Thank you so much for informing me. Please, don't hesitate to call if you ever need anything." Deciding that he should take this chance to make things easier for himself, Xiu Ying added, "Also, Sir, if I may say something?"

"Yes, of course!"

"Boss has a big shoot tomorrow. I had a brief talk with him earlier and he refused to do it. But the contract is already set and cancelling it will be damaging for his career. So, if you talk to him again, will you please, consider convincing him not to cancel it?"

"Me?" For some reason Mr. Xiao sounded quite surprised. "I don't know how I will be able to convince him to do otherwise. I don't think he would listen to me and it might not be my place to interfere with his professional decisions...."

Xiu Ying scratched his head. Boss would not listen to Mr. Xiao? Was this man real? He looked so composed and level headed but apparently, both of them had pebbles for brains. "Yes, Sir, I understand. I apologize for such a request."

"No, it's- I'm sorry for not being able to help."

"It's perfectly fine and I will make sure that Mr. Wang okay. Is there anything else I can help with?"

"No, that's all. Thank you, Mr. Xiu. Sorry to bother you."

"Don't think about it. It's my job to assist. Have a good night, Mr. Xiao."

"Good night."

Xiu Ying sat in his dining table holding his head. How did he become a part of this weird, angsty K-drama?

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Awwww! Big bad Abbie making the boys kwai kwai!🙃

See ya next Saturday!😚