I forgot today was Saturday and almost missed updating!😭

You know, when I write something deep and meaningful, I always hope for it to help at least one person in some way. So you might guess how ecstatic I feel when some of you tell me that this story is helping you on a personal level, that you feel represented, connected, that it is helping you to deal with your own fears. I don't have the ability to express the joy it gives me. For someone who battles with crippling depression, it gives me a purpose to go on.💜

I have been asked why do I ask for comments rather than votes or reads. Don't get me wrong, the votes and read counts do matter a lot as they are the signs that people are reading and liking my story, but to me hearing your thoughts, knowing your emotions about the characters, the plot is more important than the numbers. They make me feel connected. And having a different perspective helps a great deal.🌼

Also know that I have THE BEST READER BASE in the whole world!😍 What more can I ask for? Thank you, my lovelies, for giving me motivation.❤️

But I'm kinda concerned about the amount of snots and tears this story has gathered.😌 Oh well....🤷

Lil info for those who don't know, our baby BoBo is a couple of inches shorter than his gege.😌 (See the pic)

About this chapter........hmm.😏

Off ya go!

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Chapter-23

"The producer has personally asked me to request you. I didn't give any confirmation. Told him I'd have to talk to you first." Vanessa said.

They were on face-time and she had just asked YiBo whether he would be willing to guest in the singing show she was judging currently.

"Okay, that's good but are you sure about this?" YiBo asked.

"I mean, they are obviously fishing for higher views by showcasing us together," she replied biting a piece of apple.

"Yeah, that's what they do," YiBo agreed. "What I mean is, won't that backfire once the truth comes out?"

"You mean the altered truth?" She arched an eyebrow playfully, "There's a possibility, yes, but I think this might benefit us if we want to be seen sincere while having that "amicable break up". I mean, people are going to expect us to blame and shame each other and we will just have to disappoint them." She gave him an evil smile.

"I see you've planned this all out," YiBo laughed lightly as well. "Okay then, set the schedule with Xiu Ying and I'm game. But what would I actually have to do? How long will the shoot be? Do I have to stay there for a few days?"

Vanessa propped her chin on her hand and looked at him, "That's a lot of questions coming from someone that usually never thought much as long as it was work."

"I'm getting paid?" YiBo pretended to be surprised.

"Of course, you are! You're guesting in one of the biggest musical shows in the country. And considering your fame, your every minute should be counted with money because they surely will make loads using you. Fiancee privilege or not."

"Facts."

"So, what changed?" Vanessa asked.

"Hmm?"

"Why are you so reluctant to leave the town for work?"

"I'm not!" He protested immediately.

Vanessa gave him a levelled look and asked again, "What changed?"

He hesitated for a moment before saying, "It's just I don't want to leave my son for longer period of time. I can't give him much time to begin with."

"That's a valid reason. But only for your son? What about the other father?"

YiBo did not answer, just shrugged.

"Hmmm, I'm sensing some tea," Vanessa commented and sat more comfortably as if they were going to have a good long chat. "Spill."

Now, YiBo was not a blabbermouth by a long stretch. He was more closed off than an airtight container. But even the most introverted person wanted to talk when their heart was full. And he trusted Vanessa not to give him any bullshit.

"I fucked up, royally."

"You ace in it, as it seems," Vanessa agreed.

YiBo looked at his toenail. He didn't like patronizing but....where's the lie?

"No no, don't start brooding. You still need to serve me that tea." Sarcasm was dripping down Vanessa's words.

"This is my life! It's falling apart," he said with some heat.

"Your misery is someone else's tea, isn't that how the saying goes?" Vanessa asked in all seriousness then burst out laughing. This was probably the first time YiBo had seen this woman so open and free. But he could not join in. "I'm sorry but it's funnier when it's at someone else's expense."

YiBo just shook his head.

"So, what's going on? How bad did you 'fuck up'?"

"Worse than you could imagine."

"Well, I don't have any prior knowledge of this situation, so, no imagining whatsoever. You're safe from any expectation here."

"Well," he looked at his squeaky clean hands, "turned out the things I thought he did to me, the things I blamed him for, were actually what I did to him." He smirked self mockingly, "To put it mildly."

Vanessa was sitting with her chin propped up again. "That must have been a hard pill to swallow."

YiBo shrugged. If only he could express how hard that was.

"So, what now? What is your plan?"

"I don't know."

They lapsed into silence for a while.

"YiBo, I'm assuming here without knowing much but you do want to settle down with this person, don't you?"

Want? That word didn't even remotely do justice to what he wanted to have with Zhan. Want was too small, too mundane....too materialistic compared to his feelings. But... "But how can I? After what I've put him through, how can I ever expect him to take me back? Have anything to do with me?"

"So, you have decided to let him go?"

He stared at the screen but not really watching her. Letting Zhan go? Was that even possible? He couldn't let him go while they were apart and now that he was in his life again, now that Xing was in his life, letting him go wasn't even........

But he had seen how fragile, vulnerable Zhan looked when his entire body was shaking, when he couldn't even utter a coherent word, when he was breaking down.

And YiBo had caused that.

Letting him go.....

"If it meant his happiness-" He started but was cut off by Vanessa.

"No, I mean what you think. Not what would be best for your ex but what do you think would be best for you."

YiBo could not answer. This was not easy to answer at all.

However, Vanessa did not wait long for him, "So, now that you think it would be better for his happiness, have you mentally prepared yourself to break the ties for good? I mean...suppose, a year into the future you are walking down the street and you see him, grocery shopping, talking about the next day's lunch menu, playfully laughing with your son and there is another man with them, holding the bags, cracking jokes, making your boys laugh..... Will you be able to look from afar and bask in his happiness? Be happy just for the fact that he was happy? Enjoy his smiles even when it was directed to someone else?"

The domesticity of that imaginary painting was so intense and pure that YiBo was lost in the mirage. There they were! Two men, wrapped in winter coats and muffs, strolling down the sidewalk, occasionally pointing at the glowing, decorated windows of the shops, breaths fogging up in front of their mouths as they laughed, eyes crinkling. They held hands with a small boy that toddled between them. Sometimes the adults held their arms up, picking the child above the ground, making him squeal in childish delight.

YiBo went after them, spell bound, wanting to see more. At a street corner, where the lights were shadowed by some trees, the slightly shorter man suddenly leaned forward and kissed on the smile of that other person.

Then he leaned back, eyes slowly opening up, a mesmerised expression on him and the branches part above to let some light through.

It was an unknown face. It was not YiBo. It was not YiBo that just kissed Zhan's smile, not YiBo that held Xing's hand, not YiBo that was a part of that family.

"I can't do that," YiBo stated decisively. "I won't ever be happy seeing him happy with someone else. I know how incredibly selfish that is but I can't. I just can't."

"And that, my dear, is the deepest desire of your heart," Vanessa said triumphantly.

"But why should he take me back? How would I know that he would?"

"That's his choice to make and you'll never know unless you try," Vanessa replied. "But let's be real here instead of high on morality, all right? That man risked his dignity, his child's security to come to your wedding. Pretty sure he wasn't there to see me in that magnificent Dior gown. Then not only did he agree to co-parent without any legal bindings but also gave you full access to his son's, your son's life. He included you from the start. Now, I'm not a relationship expert here but I do think it's safe to assume that he doesn't hold any grudge against you. On the contrary, his heart is quite mellow towards someone that has ruined his life, as you've so dramatically implied."

Explained like that, it did seem that Zhan might not consider YiBo the criminal he thought himself to be.

"We are on good terms," He conceded, "but it's far from anything......you know..."

"And you think things will turn into your favour automatically? While you brood and whine and wallow in self pity?"

"I'm not wallowing in self pity! Stop imposing your thoughts on me!" YiBo was indignant at her accusation. Pitying himself was the last thing on his mind.

"Irrelevant," Vanessa waved him off with a hand, not in the least bit bothered by his raised voice. "Who did the chasing when you two first got together?"

Grumbling, YiBo answered, "I did. I did all the chasing. Chased after him for a year till he accepted me."

Vanessa stared at him with mirth in her eyes, "I'm impressed. I never thought you had it in you."

"Had what?"

"A romantic heart," she said seriously, then her tone turned wistful, "But what's the use of having one if you don't have love in your life?"

True. What was the use of having a heart if he could not give it to Zhan?

"What should I do?" Swallowing his pride he asked.

"Win him back, of course. I'm sure he is willing to be won over."

"No, he is not!" YiBo protested, "He dodges my every attempt to talk about things that does not include our son."

"What else do you expect? Did you think you two would pick up from where you left after the air was cleared in between? Good things in life need a bit more effort to achieve."

"Then how should I....you know...win him back?"

"Look at how cruel the world has become," Vanessa sighed dramatically. "My would be husband asking me to help him win over his ex boyfriend. Asking the woman he had left standing alone at the altar, unwedded. Oh, the horror!"

YiBo sat through the drama, looking done. If it were before he would have paled in shame but surprisingly they had struck off a certain level of friendship, considering both of their ice cold personalities, once their fake marriage plan was aborted.

"Well, you won't refute?" She asked.

"No. You're spitting nothing but facts. Nothing to refute."

"You're such a wet blanket," she lost all interest, looking bored. "And to answer your question, do everything you did back then."

"But we are not the same we were back then."

"The nature of love and the depth of dedication do not change with time if the emotions behind them are true. You once showed him how sincere your feelings were, you will have to show the same again. Woo him, court him. Give him all the reason to come back. Show him that underneath all that added flair and drama, you're still the same person he once fell in love with. That you want to have him in your life again. You have to express yourself through your actions. But also through your words. Don't expect him to read your mind just because you once were together or he was accustomed with the way you were. Spoken words are just as vital as gestures in any relationship." Gone was the teasing attitude; it was all serious and no nonsense talk now. The Vanessa he was more familiar with. "And YiBo, remember to love the person the way he wants to be loved, rather than how you want to love him."

Out of all the things she said, this impacted YiBo the most. Maybe because it had hit the nail on the root of all his problems.

Love the person the way they wanted to be loved.

That was exactly how it should be. How it should have been. But how many of us loved that way? We were selfish even while loving someone.

"I will keep that in mind. Thanks, Vanessa."

But she wasn't finished yet. "If there is even a sliver of hope of having the person you love back into your life, don't give up till every effort is exhausted. Life doesn't give everyone a second chance, YiBo. Consider yourself lucky and act wisely this time. Don't let your head destroy your heart. It would be a shame if you let your ego rule over your love."

YiBo had a suspicion that the words were not spoken to him particularly. This also somewhat confirmed the shards of gossips he had heard about Vanessa's past here and there. But whatever it was, those words really succeeded in giving YiBo an opening.

"I won't let that happen again. I can't. I will try my best. Thank you."

"No worries. That compensation money I'll be getting will compensate me for giving these therapy sessions."

And her snark was back.

But he didn't mind. "See you in Changsha in a few days."

"Ugh, don't remind me of work. Bye."

"Bye."

YiBo sat still for a long time and reflected on her words. Everything she said was logical and YiBo agreed with most of them. And the painting she had engraved in his mind was still fresh. He wanted to be the man in that image. Wanted to go grocery shopping with Zhan; wanted to take his son to his first day of school; wanted everything, anything.

And he could not hold back any longer. He might not be the perfect one for Zhan but he would try to make his Zhan's Ge's life perfect from now on. It would take time, take effort but he would do it nonetheless.

Encouraged by the renewed resolve, YiBo sent out a text to Zhan after much lip chewing. This was awkward and he was afraid. But learning from his mistakes, YiBo now knew the importance of taking the first steps in communication.

XOXOXOX

In his basement studio, Zhan sat checking, rechecking the motif templates. They had a limited edition new scarves launch coming in few weeks. The production was already under way but they decided to add a few more designs to the launch. Hence, the late night work. Xing's baby monitor was blissfully quiet.

But his phone was not. It chirped merrily. Zhan looked at the clock. 11:48pm. Must be Xuan. Talu was shooting somewhere beyond civilized society. Thinking it might be related to work, Zhan quickly picked up the device.

How are you? –WY

Zhan's eyes widened considerably. No, YiBo texting him was not something surprising, however, YiBo texting him to know how he was, was indeed a surprise. Their exchange of texts solely involved necessary things, like, YiBo's meeting schedules with Xing. This was the first text he received that was only about him.

Thinking back to YiBo's words the last time they met and feeling nervous all of a sudden, Zhan tentatively sent out a reply.

I'm all right. What about you? –XZ

Why are you still up? It's so late already. Are you really okay? –WY

The prompt reply told Zhan that YiBo was waiting for his answer with the phone in his hand. That little realization made him more nervous. Feeling like his twenty year old self again when they first started dating and his heart would jump every time YiBo's texts came, Zhan typed his answer.

I'm working on a project. And you're still awake as well. –XZ

I'm used to night owling. What project? Something new? –WY

Hearing that, a little worm of worry squirmed inside Zhan. Was YiBo not sleeping properly? Working himself ragged?

Do the shoots go for long hours at night often? And yes, our brand will be releasing a new line of scarves soon. –XZ

Pretty often. Outdoor shots are usually done dead at night when there is the least chance of encountering fans. And I'm sure the new line will be an instant hit. Will I get a discount? –WY

Zhan's heart was beating wildly for some reason. Was YiBo.......trying to flirt? No, that could not be. It had been so long and Zhan was so rusty that he was confusing innocent words with something they were not.

Chastised, Zhan shook his head in shame.

That must be hectic. You should rest now. And I can send you the design catalogue if you want. Choose what you like and I'll have Xuan deliver them to you once the production is complete. –XZ

You choose one for me. You know what I like. –WY

Zhan almost dropped his phone. It burned in his hand. That was definitely flirting. No amount of rust could make Zhan read them that wrongly. The nervous, confused excitement that coursed through him was something he had not felt in a long, long time.

Not knowing how to react to it, Zhan took awhile to answer, typing and deleting and repeating.

Okay, I'll send you one. Sleep now. Good night. –XZ

And waited for the reply in tense silence.

I'll be waiting. Don't stay up late. Good night. –WY

Zhan put down the device with trembling fingers and closed his eyes. A line was indeed blurred when they clarified the misunderstanding of the past but it would be a lie to say that he expected things to turn this way. And it would also be a lie to say he never hoped for it. Swallowing down an emotion he did not know how to define he sat in that cold, quiet room to compose himself. He had work to be done.

And a new scarf to design.

XOXOXOX

Watching his Boss staring at his phone with googly eyes, at first Xiu Ying thought it must be some project related reading. The actors sometimes needed to do some research of their own while playing certain types of characters. But then he couldn't think of any project that required so much extensive reading. That man was practically glued to his phone in all his spare times. Despite curiosity, Xiu Ying did not nose around. He was not a nosey guy, no matter how much Boss's son seemed to obsess over his nose.

But things began to get alarming when his Boss gave him a list of books to buy and all of them were related to mental illness.

"Is..uh..is everything okay, Boss? Are you feeling all right?"

"Yeah, sure. No problem. Just bring me the books," Mr. Wang waved him off absentmindedly, eyes still on the phone.

"Yes, Boss." Nodding, Xiu Ying gave him another concerned look and went out to do his chores.

Then things took a different turn altogether when he saw his employer handpicking personal care items and making a huge care package. He knew for a fact that that was not for Ms. Huang. Well, there wasn't really anyone else, except for one, that he had ever seen his Boss putting so much effort for. But he also wasn't sure if any guy would like that much....er....lavender.

"Ahem...uh..Boss? Is everything all right at home?" Maybe this was for his mother?

Mr. Wang looked up from the floor where he sat arranging the basket. "Yes, they are all fine. Why do you ask?"

"Nothing, just checking. Give them my regards."

"Hmm," Boss hummed absently, going back to his work.

Holy fuck. So, all that lavender was for Mr. Xiao? No wonder his Boss was single.

"Did you clear my schedule for tomorrow evening? I'll meet with Xing," his Boss asked.

"Yes, Sir, I did and we would directly go to the airport after the costume trial at the production studio the day after tomorrow," Xiu Ying reminded him once again.

His Boss groaned but nodded all the same. Xiu Ying nodded back and slinked away. He had loads of arrangements to make.

However, before leaving the room he looked back at the man- all focussed and scrunched up brows, reading through the product labels, putting things in and out- and felt like watching a whole different person altogether. He did not know how his Boss was when he was together with Mr. Xiao. From the start of his employment, Xiu Ying had known the man to be this cold, brutal, almost apathetic creature. He didn't even know this person was capable of showing warm emotions. But ever since Mr. Xiao and his son had entered his life, Xiu Ying had been seeing his Boss going through a whole array of emotions. He could not say it was good for his increased work pressure but looking back and seeing the man finally acting like a living being, he was glad that Mr. Xiao decided to come back.

XOXOXOX

YiBo sat on the couch in Zhan's living room with Xing on his lap, with his tiny limbs on either side, facing Daddy, who held him around his tummy.

"Do you understand what I'm saying, Peanut?" YiBo asked to which Xing just stared at him. "Daddy needs to go away for a few days for work."

Xing blinked at him, processing that information. "Daddy go bye bye?"

"Yes, baby. Daddy has to go bye bye for a while."

Xing paused to understand that. Then asked, "Papa go bye bye?"

Zhan was watching them from nearby. Their eyes met briefly when YiBo looked at him before going back to Xing again. For some reason, that once glance heated up Zhan's cheeks.

"No, sweetheart, Papa won't go bye bye."

"XingXing go bye bye? Daddy go bye bye, XingXing go bye bye. XingXing good."

It was painfully clear what his son wanted to convey. From YiBo's melted looks he knew it too.

He hugged Xing tight then leaned back, "Oh Peanut, I wish I could take you with me but it's all work, baby. Daddy doesn't want to go either. And I promise I will take you out once I come back."

"XingXing good!" Xing insisted with pleading, puppy eyes.

"I know! I know my Peanut is the best boy ever! But I can't, I'm so sorry," YiBo soothed guiltily.

Xing's lower lip jutted out in a pout. He stared at his Daddy for a moment and said, "Itti-ittigih- gim a-ai noh!"

YiBo looked at Zhan for translation, who only shook his head helplessly.

"I'll be back before you know it, Peanut! And we'll talk every day," YiBo promised.

If anything, Xing looked more anguished hearing that but instead of crying, as Zhan thought he might, the toddler just leaned his head against YiBo's chest and clutched at his shirt with both hands, looking very sad.

YiBo also hugged him back immediately, resting his cheek on top of Xing's tow head, murmuring soft words.

In the eternal flow of Time, that small moment captured an intense love between a father and a son.

Feeling like an intruder, Zhan left the boys there and made himself busy elsewhere. He needed to wash his suddenly itchy eyes anyway; must be the dust.

YiBo tucked Xing in that night. The little boy had been whiney and clingy all the while. YiBo did not fare much better either. It was both heart warming and unsettling how quickly these two had formed such a deep bond. Zhan only hoped Xing would soon get used to with the routine of YiBo being away for work.

Things were always awkward when they did not have Xing to make things easier for them. Tonight was the same. When it was time to part, YiBo stood at his doorway, looking oddly sheepish, and Zhan stormed his brain for something proper to say.

"It will be only for a couple of days, nothing longer," YiBo stated.

"Don't worry, Xing will understand. He will have to get used to it."

"Yeah," YiBo looked at his shuffling feet, then, looked up, "But don't hesitate to call. I might not have my phone with me during work but Xiu Ying will have it. So, if-uh-if Xing wants to talk to me, tell him to call me anytime he wants to."

Zhan wanted to point out that Xing was two; calling his Daddy on his own would take him a couple more years, but chose to only nod in answer. He wasn't a fool. He knew exactly what YiBo meant and the more YiBo did such things, the more Zhan felt off kilter. "Okay, I'll tell him that."

"Okay. Umm..."

This was so damn awkward that Zhan was ready to call it a night and end the pain for both of them when YiBo spoke again.

"When will I get my scarf?"

That non sequitur along with the hopeful look surprised Zhan to stammering. "I- well- that's- once the production is complete, you'll get it," he finished with difficulty.

"Won't I get any special treatment?"

Zhan did not know what was happening anymore. This was familiar and alien at the same time. This was like going back to where they started, only this time he was not twenty anymore.

Deciding not to answer to that, and honestly not knowing how to answer that either, he cleared his throat and said, "Good night."

And watched the light went out of YiBo's face. He wished him back and stepped down the stairs with hunched shoulders.

And he would be gone tomorrow morning.

Goddamnit!

"You'll be the first one to receive it. Have a safe trip," Zhan forced the words out in a hurry and almost ran inside, missing the smile on YiBo's face that lit up his whole front yard.

XOXOXOX

If Zhan did not know what was happening before, he knew even less when a huge care package was delivered to him the next morning. It was big and lilac coloured and heavy and Zhan did not know what to do. There was a small card dangling from the holder.

"Read that lavender is good for calming the mind and making one feel better. Hope it helps when you're down."

Zhan exhaled slow and long.

Stunned beyond measure he put the basket on the dining table and sat in front of it quietly. Even without any personalized sign, he had no doubt whom it had come from.

What he did not know was which was more surprising, YiBo sending this to him or YiBo gathering information to know which would help Zhan when he was having an attack. The surprise slammed into him once again.

YiBo actively made an effort to know about Zhan's condition so that he could help him in some way.

Pressing his clenched fist to his lips Zhan took deep breaths as he tried to take in that information.

YiBo had always been a generous lover, a caring boyfriend. But things were very different during the end. And since then it had been so long Zhan had received anything so thoughtful and touching from YiBo that he now had trouble dealing with those emotions.

And above all, they were not together anymore.

Still, YiBo had thought of Zhan. Not for Xing or for their co-parenting arrangements but for Zhan himself.

Feeling numerous emotions all at once, Zhan slowly untied the strings that held the transparent wrapping plastic together. A whiff of the soothing aroma immediately met his senses.

There were many items in the basket, most of which were personal grooming products, like, essential oil, face mask, bubble bath and so on. Zhan snorted. Using these he would be a walking lavender field. There was an incense burner along with a box of sticks as well. YiBo had really gone out and beyond, hadn't he? This might be a bit over the top but it was the thought that mattered the most. Taking out a few cookie packets, thankfully not lavender flavoured, Zhan found a single stem of the flower. That soft sensation underneath his fingertips touched him more than any other gifts in that cane basket. A fond affection that was solely associated with YiBo rippled through his heart and soul.

A small shy, happy smile bloomed on his face.

Experiencing the tentative anticipation that was once so familiar, Zhan took his phone to send his ex a thank you note but did not finish typing the text. Thinking that this kind of thoughtful gift demanded something more than a text he decided to call instead. Then realized he did not know whether YiBo was still on his way or had landed already.

Not wanting to bother him or his assistant, Zhan went to Weibo to check on updates. Fans would definitely keep on tabs. Feeling satisfied, he tapped on the app.

There were indeed updates, several of them. Blurry photos of YiBo leaving the airport, getting into the car, speeding away.

And there were speculations. Of Wang YiBo flying to meet his girlfriend, Vanessa Huang, who was in Changsha at the moment. Speculations of how the 'lovebirds' hadn't had the chance to meet in a long while and how sweet it was of Wang YiBo to take time off to surprise his fiancée.

There were also accompanying photos. Of the couple. From various occasions they had attended together.

Photos that slapped Zhan into wakefulness.

This was YiBo's life now. This was his reality. Not only a star blazing in the sky, being admired by the entire nation but also someone's boyfriend, fiance and soon to be husband.

YiBo would soon be married. The same YiBo who had sent him a care package had flown miles to surprise his girlfriend. Because he was missing her.

Zhan looked at the gifts strewn in front of him and saw for the first time what they actually were. A kind gesture borne out of pity and guilt. There was nothing more to it. It was all because he felt sorry for Zhan. Responsible for what had happened back then. Nothing more.

While Zhan was busy making castles out of thin air, YiBo was making plan to meet the person he really loved.

What was he doing? What the hell was wrong with Zhan?

How desperate and pathetic could one be to misinterpret a situation so entirely? How deluded could Zhan be that he took kindness as something else?

Just because they had a son together, just because they had talked and came to a better understanding did not mean they could go back to the way they were before. Life was not some Disney movie. There was no happily ever after for a failure like Zhan.

Head aching and thoughts muddy, Zhan went through all those little moments when he thought......he thought YiBo still felt something for him, was leaving hints and he wanted to die in shame.

That was not YiBo giving him mixed signals; that was his own damned self projecting his own disgusting, sinful desires over a taken man.

Because who else knew better than Zhan how single mindedly devoted YiBo was when in love? And YiBo was not in love with him. They were over a long time ago.

Then another horror hit him. Did YiBo notice? Did he notice that Zhan was still pining after him? Did his desperation leak through and alerted YiBo? Was that the reason YiBo took a break to meet his girlfriend? Because he wanted to put a safe distance between them?

Pain, hurt, shame, self loathing rose like magma inside him. Clamping down a hand over his mouth Zhan dashed to the bathroom.

Sitting in the cold linoleum floor of the toilet that reeked of acidic spew, Zhan waited for the shivers to die down. Thankfully, Xing was not home to witness this.

He would take it as a wakeup call and flush out the delusion out of his system. YiBo being involved in Xing's life was more than he could have hoped for and he must keep it that way. He had fucked things up once, had taken so much from YiBo. No more. He would not repeat the same mistakes again. If only one of them could be happy in this lifetime, it should be YiBo.

And even if there was more into YiBo's action than just good will and kindness, Zhan would not encourage it anymore. He would not jeopardize YiBo's chance to a better life.

But he would not turn his back and run away this time either. He was done with running.

Maybe this humiliation was needed to stop him from making a fool of himself. To remind him that time and tide, both were gone.

Sitting blankly in his bed, feeling hollowed out, Zhan did once last duty and sent out a text before wrapping the blanket around him and falling into oblivion.

Thank you. –XZ

[][][][]

So......lemme go and climb a tree first.🙃

Also, keep in mind that insecurity and unfounded anxiety are a huge part of Zhan's condition here. That's not him just being dumb. His brain literally sends him such signals.