Heyo, update time!😎 This is now officially my longest running story!🤧

Sorry I couldn't update yesterday. I hate missing a scheduled update but my health is again on the downward slope these days.😣 The side effects of a new med is killing me.😩

Also, I'm really not a teenage boy even though I look like one!🤧 I mean, seriously?!🤧 I swear I have boobies! Stop doubting me!😭 Imma grow out my pixie and you'll see!

So, about this chapter, there is a lot of dialogues in it. A lot. Because I find it the easiest to write and due to my health I needed a way to minimize my effort. I once wrote an entire story only on dialogues.🤪 It's actually fun!

Belated Happy Birthday to my XianXian, who just turned 3!😍😘🎂

Now, off ya go!

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Chapter-33

"No, never. Absolutely not."

"This is the only way."

"No, it's not! I won't let you do it. You can't!"

"I can and I will."

"Why are you being stubborn?! Is this why I took the risk? So that you can go and throw yourself to the wolves? I did it to keep you safe!"

"And I'm doing this for us! I thought you of all people would understand me!"

"I do! I do understand you but Zhan Ge, you have no idea how extreme the consequences will be! How hard they will make your life!"

"Harder than watching you getting assaulted and bullied on a daily basis by people who shouldn't have any say in your life? Who don't even know the truth?"

"But I knew this would happen! I knowingly did what I did-"

"And you did it alone! You didn't even think of telling me beforehand. This- this incident, this concern both of us and yet you left me out while taking such a life altering decision. How would you have reacted if I did something like that? At least I'm telling you my plans."

"Oh, so this is revenge, is that what it is? Just because I didn't tell you anything, this is your way of retaliation?"

This accusation was so outrageously dumb that Zhan did not know how to respond to it. Stress level insanely high, none of them had their rational faculties intact at the moment but even so, this was plain dumb. "What revenge? What are you talking about? Try to put yourself in my shoes, YiBo-"

"I did! The whole point of my plan was so that you wouldn't have to be exposed. They will tear you apart! Will make your life a living hell!"

"Like they are doing to yours? Do you know how it feels to watch you getting harassed, insulted every single day for the things you didn't do and knowing that all this could have been stopped if someone had a little bit courage?"

On the high resolute screen Zhan watched YiBo's expression changing from concerned anger to concerned sadness. "This isn't your fault, Zhan Ge. None of it is. You know that, right? This needed to be done."

"Yes," Zhan agreed, "and now I need to do it."

"Ge-"

"I- I don't want to hide anymore, YiBo. I'm tired of feeling scared."

That look of concerned sadness came back on screen again. "What would happen when they....." YiBo didn't finish. The thought of public reaction was....

"Then we would face that together."

XOXOXOX

It wasn't easy for Zhan. Everyone opposing his decision, telling him what a mistake it was, how he wouldn't be able to handle the outcome- this wasn't easy for Zhan at all.

While he did not want to feel scared anymore, did not want to run away, did not want to see his loved ones suffer, exposing himself to the ugly face of meaningless hatred, to all those accusing fingers was....scary.

They would judge him without knowing the truth, prosecute him without trial, label him as unworthy of a life he had been living. Would the fate of his company suffer too? So many people were employed under him. If things got that bad he would hand over the business altogether. But then, how would he sustain for himself and Xing? Getting a job with his credentials wouldn't be that hard, would it?

And what if he still couldn't save YiBo's career? What if the society would not accept YiBo for being associated with him?

Once he had to leave to save YiBo's career, now he need to come back to save the same but what if he failed just like he did before?

Would he have to leave again? But this time he wouldn't be able to do it. He knew he wouldn't be. Losing YiBo again was not something he would survive a second time. And Xing....how could he separate them again?

Sitting on the closed lid of the toilet seat, Zhan's right leg could not stop bouncing. He tried to hold it in place and realized that his hand was shaking as well. Nothing major but the tremor was there.

He couldn't show it to anyone. The people around him were all against what he was going to do; YiBo was a nervous wreck himself at the moment, even Xing could sense the tension. He could not show his own weakness at a time like this. There were moments in life when the only option was to march forward, however fearful or impossible that seemed. Now was that moment.

In few seconds he would go to the room just on the other side of the door and put on a brave face, not letting them know just how panicked he felt.

But a talk with his therapist before it happened was necessary.

XOXOXOX

"While releasing the notification we won't specify the purpose of the press conference. Just say that Yiling will have a big reveal," Xuan stated. They were having a strategic meeting in Zhan's working studio in the basement. The place was mainly to keep Xing away.

"But then most of the attendees would be reporters from fashion magazines. Won't that be against our purpose?" YiBo asked through the laptop screen.

"That's exactly what I am aiming for. The less gossip mongering reporting the more chance of the actual truth getting out. And if they are not informed then they will have to buy the content of the press conference from those who are present and we all know they won't sell cheap. So, it will be our small revenge. Also," Xuan stopped for a dramatic pause, "our PR team will broadcast the entire conference on the web through all those anonymous accounts we manage, just few hours after the event. This way their money will go down the drain and there won't be any scope of them distorting the video or concealing the entire truth."

Zhan, who was listening with breathless concentration, couldn't help but be amazed at his manager. He always had utmost faith on this man, knew he was brilliant at his job but this......was kinda evil.

"Genius," YiBo voiced his thought, "That's bloody genius."

Zhan looked at YiBo with shock. "But isn't that unfair? I mean....our aim shouldn't be antagonizing the media."

"You think they are being fair? Ever? They will be kind to you if you hand over your confession to them?" Xuan asked him tersely. "Zhan, I know you're an inherently good person but you cannot face open swords with flowers. They would not even think about manipulation because we won't do anything explicitly. It's their fault if they don't attend a publicised press con of a leading brand. Their fault if they spend money to buy gossip material."

"Exactly. Ge, you have nothing to feel guilty about. It's solely because of them that we are even in this mess. Don't forget that they published and cashed on our son. Our infant son."

That reminder was enough to resolve Zhan's mind. "You're right. Nothing can justify that. Okay, I'm okay with this plan."

Xuan gave him a pleased look. "I will accompany you to the conference. We will chalk out some possible questions and the reporters will be informed beforehand that if there is any offensive question, the person will be escorted out of the venue. And you can stop the moment you feel uncomfortable or the pressure gets too much to bear. I need you to keep that in mind all the time. Even though you think you ought to do it, in no way you're forced to do it, putting your health at risk, all right?"

Before Zhan could answer, YiBo spoke. "I still don't understand why can't Zhan Ge do a private interview like I did?"

"Because according to him, he doesn't want to leave room for more assumptions," Xuan answered while glancing at Zhan the way a parent looked at their stupid child. "I agree that it would have been better to do a private interview but he's quite adamant on having a press con."

"Ge, have you-"

"I am not going to change my mind," Zhan said with a decisive voice. He was tired of stating the same for the hundredth times. He knew he was not strong or brave like YiBo or others but seeing people having so little confidence in him was plain hurtful at times.

YiBo did not say anything anymore but worry was written all over his face and Zhan wanted to wipe that look out. Slandering him on social media had hit a new low with anti fans demanding his early retirement. Giving all YiBo's work low ratings, mass reporting his profile, his work, they were trying to shadow ban him within the industry because no one would want to work with a controversial figure that might bring down the entire production by attracting negative attention.

Zhan wanted that to stop, wanted YiBo to stop looking guilty when he didn't do anything wrong, wanted the people to stop this needless, meaningless cruelty.

"Zhan Ge?"

He realized he was spacing out. "Hmm?"

"Whatever you decide to do I'm with you. I will support you throughout. We will support you. You're not alone anymore this time. I want you to remember that when you're scared, all right? I trust your judgement."

If only YiBo knew what an immense impact those words made on Zhan.

"Thank you," was all Zhan could manage to utter.

After their meeting ended, Xuan lowered his laptop lid and moved his chair to face Zhan more squarely. Whatever was coming, Zhan knew, was important for his manager.

"Zhan," his voice was gentle but firm, "I can't claim to have known you for a very long time but due to the nature of my employment, I have had the opportunity to see and observe you very closely. I never intend to mix my professional and personal lives together but....Xing is family." A soft smile played across Xuan's face at the mention of the child, then his eyes became serious again, "I know that you are afraid. Don't try to hide it, at least not from me. Considering the situation, it would be abnormal not to panic, actually." He paused and Zhan nodded his understanding. "I know you're disappointed at us for being doubtful in your capability. But, Zhan, you must understand that this doubt stems out from the knowledge of your inexperience, not from your inability. You have only read and seen about media fallout and public outrage but you have never experienced it first hand. You don't know how crushing the pressure is and yes, we all are very worried for you. So, don't take my words as discouragement when I say, please reconsider. Things will get downright nasty even after the actual truth comes out."

Touched and warmed by the words of this otherwise quiet man, however, Zhan's resolve did not break. He patted and squeezed Xuan's arm once to show that the emotions were conveyed, then said, "It feels really good to know that you don't think I'm too weak to bring the truth out in the open and I do appreciate all of your concern but Xuan, I have to do this," Zhan's said earnestly. "Have you ever loved someone more than your self-respect, your prestige, your dignity?"

"No, I haven't. It's the hardest thing to give up for someone else, self respect, only if you have a strong sense of it."

"I have and I would give up anything and everything, except my child, for that person. My fear of facing the world is nothing compared to that. If I can't stand beside him when he needs it the most I have no right to love him. Because you cannot love someone at your own convenience. I will do it no matter how afraid I am."

XOXOXOX

"What outcome do you fear the most, Zhan?"

"The public not forgiving YiBo even after knowing the truth."

His therapist smiled a little. "A genuine fear. Also, it shows what an immense progress you have made that exposing your vulnerability to the public was not what you fear the most."

"That too. The possibility of having a public panic attack is making me terrified."

"But not enough to change your mind?"

"No, not enough but..." Zhan stopped, biting the corner of his mouth with furrowed brows.

His therapist waited with him without a sound.

"But my friends think I should do a private interview instead of a conference. You know the one with customized questions and stuff?"

"And you do not agree with them?"

"No...I mean...yes, I do agree that it would have been easier to deal with but I don't-....I don't want there to be any more speculations."

"Zhan...I hope you know that the speculations will never cease completely. No matter how detailed and open an interview you give, there will always be second guessing, distrust and gossip. If that will what you are hoping for, then I must say you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Please, understand that I am, in no way, discouraging you but you have to know the truth because this is very important to your well being. That being said, however, I agree with you on not wanting to have a tailored interview because a press conference is undoubtedly clearer and confirmative."

Zhan heart sank. Of course he knew that it was too much to hope for but hearing the same aloud made the reality bitterer. "Do you also think I'm making a mistake?" He hated how his voice sounded small and helpless.

"On the contrary. I think you are doing the right thing; otherwise you will be plagued with guilt and shame, however misplaced that is. But Zhan, you should also prepare for a setback. Even if you decide not to do it in the last moment, it won't define your moral strength or lack of it. The attention might trigger your stress to the point of a breakdown. If you sense it approaching, abort the conference immediately and leave the venue. Ask Mr. Wang HaoXuan to call me without delay."

Just thinking about all those eyes zeroing on him, pinning him down, stripping him off, judging him, accusing him, mocking him, blaming him.......

"Zhan? Zhan...Xiao Zhan..."

With a jolt, he came back to the present and realized that he had been rubbing his palms on his thighs over and over again. A nervous tick that his therapist was well acquainted with.

"You are safe here and you can tell me what is making you nervous. There is no judgement here."

"But- but they will," he responded with a shake in his voice. "They will judge me. Stare at me...those eyes, all those eyes on me...."

"They are faceless. They will blur and disperse into insignificance the next moment," There was a soothing hum in her tone, instilling the calm. "You won't remember them. It won't matter what they see or think. You are not doing this for them. Focus on your words and the sound of your voice. Avoid looking at anyone in particular unless that face gives you confidence or someone who is on a friendly term with you. Will anyone accompany you?"

"Xuan will."

"Then if possible, make a physical contact with him during the moment you feel the pressure too much to handle. Concentrate on that connection only. Or carry an object that has a grounding effect on you."

Veteran of many, many panic attacks, Zhan knew the drill. Still he nodded along sincerely. "What if it doesn't work?" Finally he asked what was worrying him the most, what he couldn't ask the others because he knew they would only console him with positive worlds.

"Then the truth will still be true and out in the open. There will still be people who choose to believe in you.....And you will still be standing with Mr. Wang."

XOXOXOX

"What do you mean I can't come? Wha- LIKE HELL I WON'T!"

Zhan rubbed a knuckle in between his brows as Talu yelled over the speaker.

"No, you won't. We can't afford to attract negative attention." YiBo's deep baritone announced through the speaker.

"Then why are you going? You're like a voodoo doll of negativity!"

"What did you just call me?"

"Why, your ears aren't working along with that pea brain either?"

"You fucking-"

"SHUT UP! BOTH OF YOU!"

Luckily Zhan's one yell finally shut them up. He had been listening to them going at each other's throats for the past five minutes!

"None of you will go. I can do this alone."

"Why-"

"But you don't have to, Ge! I'm-"

"I'm always here for you, Zhan, you know that! Always have been."

"Is that supposed to be a shade against-"

"Zhan is right. None of you should come if this is a demo of what will you two be up to," Xuan was visibly displeased, sitting beside Zhan. "And both of you are under media surveillance day in and out. Any move from either of you will catch their attention. We can't risk that."

"I'll take every precaution," YiBo said desperately, "It's not like I'm house bound."

"I believe that you will, Mr. Wang but you are being tailed even if you're going out to do groceries. This time won't be any different either. It's not a chance we should take."

"But if Zhan Ge is going to reveal everything then what's the point of hiding anymore?"

"The point is we can't draw the paps before the event."

"But-"

"YiBo, I will be all right. Don't worry. And you, both of you will be able to watch it anyway. No need to worry."

"I know you can do it, Ge, but I think I won't be able to sit tight and let you be alone in this."

"Urgh, get a room, you two! I'm third wheeling even on a call now!"

Zhan wanted to facepalm. Talu was honestly such a pain at times.

Their back and forth argument went on for a while before settling down into only Zhan, Xuan and a few people of their PR team attending the event.

But one thing that this exhausting baby minding session did successfully was to distract Zhan and made him feel lighter.

He wasn't alone, not by any stretch.

XOXOXOX

Tomorrow The Yiling Fashion House will host a press conference at its headquarter in the afternoon at sharp 1600. All the media houses are, therefore, welcomed to attend it.

A precise to the point announcement went up to YIling's official page a day prior to the actual event, attracting attention from popular fashion oriented media. The short notice was for avoiding an overcrowded conference.

A few hours later, it was show time.

XOXOXOX

Everything inside Zhan revolved around the knot that had been inside his stomach ever since the announcement was made and now it worsened to a state where he felt like someone was churning his organs into mush. He clenched, unclenched his fists continuously. Sweat pulled under his collar, behind his ears, dropped down his spine. Spots swam in front of his eyes. His cold, sweaty feet had the sensation of pins and needles. Heart rate was alarmingly high.

He should be calm, must be in control of his body and mind but no matter how much he tried it didn't happen. He wanted to run, wanted to hide and never let anyone see him ever again, wanted time to stop or just skip forward.

"Zhan? I am going in now. I'll state the preface and set some basic rules. Ms. Zhang will inform you when it's your time but please, remember that you can opt out anytime you want, all right? Don't think of the consequences," Xuan said with a reassuring hand placed on Zhan's back.

"I know," his voice was barely audible.

Throwing him another worried look, Xuan turned and left the room where Zhan was left alone with his chaotic mind.

He sat down and hid his face behind the hands, breathing long and deep to achieve a semblance of emotional balance.

He heard the door open and knew it was time. But instead of a call to join Xuan out there what he received was a warm touch enveloping his hands.

Zhan sprang up, throwing the sudden touch away and his heart stopped momentarily altogether.

It was YiBo.

"You?!"

"Me."

"But- but you were not supposed to...."

YiBo came closer, never averting his eyes from Zhan's own wide ones and slowly moved his arms up.

Then Zhan's face was cupped inside two palms.

"Did you really think I will let you do this all on your own? Nothing could have stopped me from coming to you this time, Zhan Ge."

Zhan's eyes closed involuntarily. The heat radiating from the other's skin, was spreading a curtain of calm over him. His own hands went up to cover the ones holding him.

"I'm here. I will be here when you go to that room. I will be here when you come back. Nothing, no fear, no judgement, no negativity will ever change that. I will be here waiting. For us."

When the lady informed Zhan he would have to go now, this time, instead of crippling fear a deep sense of completeness surrounded him.

He would not have to suffer alone anymore.

There would be someone waiting to catch him when he fell.

Exhaling the tension, Zhan stepped out of the room and of the walls he had built around him.

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I can finally climb down now!🙃 Sooooo, how was it?👉👈

And here's Xing because I'm missing my grandson terribly!🤧