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Hope you enjoy the read!

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Chapter-6

A glossy black car came to a stop at the parking lot. Within the privacy of the dark, tinted windows, the driver sat frozen, hands still on the steer, gazing towards the non descriptive building that stood at distance.

Xiao Zhan had never thought he would be back here ever again.

It was quite funny how time changed the perspective of things so drastically. What used to be the warmest, safest place in the entire world for him, the sight of it today only succeeded in filling him with dread. He had tried so hard to leave this place behind. Even when he did it physically, he never could do it emotionally. Even after having built a home of his own, a tight family unit of his own, this apartment, those two rooms with a patch of balcony still remained with him as a 'never to achieve yet forever to crave' Utopian land.

Their spot.

The beginning of them.

Also, the end.

To be honest, his shock was deep when YiBo had told him to meet here. After what happened between them, Zhan had thought YiBo would probably erase this place from his mind. But apparently, he was wrong.

But was he expected to actually go up? Or wait where he was now? They didn't talk or communicate one way or other after the brief exchange this afternoon and Zhan had no clue as to what he should do. After dithering between calling Xuan and just waiting out in the car, he got out.

One swipe of the surrounding told him there was no trace of his ex boyfriend. He checked the time- quarter to seven. Due to his agitation he was unable to sit still at home and had come earlier. Would this come off as him eagerly anticipating the meeting if YiBo knew he was this early? Biting the corner of his lip, he again looked at the building. Maybe....maybe he should go up, after all. Maybe that would take his mind off the anxious restlessness he was experiencing currently.

He was pretty sure YiBo had meant the place and not the building itself. This was on the outskirts of the city, less chance for his famous ex to confront any media hound or fans; also a common place they both were well acquainted with. A convenient meeting point indeed.

And though he had convinced himself he would never want to go back down this particular memory lane.....one look would not hurt, would it? He'd go and just......

And just what? Stare at the door to their flat? Where nothing of them was left anymore? Just how pathetic was he? He kept on breaking his own record. However, he knew he wouldn't rest well if he let go of this one, and probably only, chance.

Looking around once more, Zhan began walking towards the building.

XOXOXOX

The cherry wood door was the same.

Logically, nothing much should change in three years, but in Zhan's mind, somehow, the gap felt like that of thirty years. It felt bizarre that something that was a part and parcel of the life he used to live remained the same while he had changed so much.

His hand rose on its own to touch the polished wood. The rooms beyond this barrier were their secret keepers; witnesses of the beautiful phenomenon of two lives intertwining to become one.......then separating into two once again.

There were probably new tenants now, wiping out every trace of their presence. Suddenly, he was overcome with this intense urge to see the flat with his own eyes, to push the door and enter.

His brain must have been addled with the overwhelming emotions as his hand did just as he wanted- it pushed at the door.

To his surprise, the wood creaked and moved to give way. Stricken that he had intruded to some stranger's house, he stood there waiting to be enquired by the new occupants. But none came. Not even a sound could be heard from inside.

Succumbing to his curiosity, throwing caution to the wind, Xiao Zhan opened the door and entered. Nothing that might have happened on a film script happened here. The interior didn't suddenly reverted back to the time when he was living here; he didn't start hallucinating the younger versions of himself and YiBo laughing, running around the room, lost in love; the room didn't spin around him, rousing a cacophony of memories.

He stood in the middle of a quiet, empty room, with its walls bare, stripped down of any and every mementos that used to hang here and there. A few cardboard crates were piled at one side. The windows were curtain-less, closed.

While imagining this moment when he would accidentally be back- because yes, he had imagined such things on his weaker moments- he had always imagined himself to breakdown at the sight, tears filling his eyes, or his knees giving up and falling down.

But now that he was actually here, standing in the past which he could never get rid of, he felt..........nothing. No tears, no melodramatic reaction, nothing. As though his heart and head had been emptied out of emotions and of thoughts all of a sudden. This blankness around him could not connect him to the time long gone, leaving him feeling aloof.

To the right corner of the room stood another door. Their bedroom. He slowly paced over there and was surprised to see it locked. Why would anyone lock a room in an otherwise empty flat? His fingertips brushed over the cool metal of the lock.

A faint sound came from behind and he whipped around to see YiBo's lithe figure appearing from the opened door of the balcony. And what this room couldn't do, the sight of that presence did.

A deluge of memories crashed down on him.

XOXOXOX

"Move in with me."

"Move...move in?"

"Yeah. My lease is gonna end soon and am looking for a flat. So...why not live together?"

"Oh, so, you're looking for a flat share?"

"Eh? Oh! Oh no no no, that's not what I meant! You don't have to think about the rent at all. That's all on me."

"Mmm."

"I just want to shack up with my Zhan Ge."

"Shut up."

"Sooooo....is that a yes?"

"Maybe."

"'kay. Maybe is good too. I'll just ask again at the right time."

"Right time?"

"The perfect time."

"..........Fuck off."

"I plan to do just that."

XOXOXOX

"Before time?" YiBo made a show of checking the time, "Not bad. You exceed my expectation already."

"What?" Xiao Zhan, still reeling from the whiplash of that particular memory, could not catch up with the words. He felt dazed, brain slow in separating the warm, loving YiBo from his memory to this YiBo who stood in front of him with a mockery etched on his face. The difference made his breath stutter.

"You see, I didn't expect you to turn up at all. But lo and behold! Here you are."

The jagged edges of that condescending remark flayed at Zhan's skin. He closed his eyes briefly to get a hold of himself. This would not do. He was not here to show his vulnerability. They were opponents here and he could not, would not, let the other man know just how much he could still be affected.

"But then again, I never expected for you to turn up at my wedding either."

That reminder hurt. A lot. Fortunately, that pain helped Zhan to harden his resolve as well.

"I never meant to intrude like that. I received the invitation and assumed that it had come with your approval. If I knew otherwise, I would not have gone there. I deeply apologize."

Something flickered through that face but it was gone before Zhan could understand. And that smirk came back again.

"Because running away is more of your forte. That's what you do the best, isn't it?"

Zhan knew a provocation when he heard one and this was it. This was what YiBo used to do whenever they had their fights before. He would be angry, provoke Zhan, get him angry too and things would spiral down from there very rapidly. But that was before. Xiao Zhan had the advantage of experience now.

"Why did you want to meet?" He asked with practiced calm.

A moment passed with chaotic silence. Both staring, assessing each other.

"Did you carry him?"

Although Zhan was prepared to face questioning along the line of his son's identity, he still faltered.

"What do you mean?"

YiBo shot him a sharp look and started moving into the room, "Deliberate idiocy isn't cute but I will clarify for appearance's sake. The child you came with that day, the one you claimed to be your son, did you carry him yourself?" He waited a beat then added, "As in birthed him?"

The distance between them was shortening with every step YiBo took. Zhan knew he would have to reveal the truth, had never meant to hide it for so long in the first place, but his courage refused to buckle up.

"What made you think so?" He asked back instead.

YiBo stood a meter or so away, hands in the pockets, shoulders relaxed with calculated casualness, eyes on the floor where he was rubbing a spot with his right shoe-tip. "I don't know," he shrugged and looked up, "Maybe because the approximate age of your son is very coincidentally similar to the time span you left and went off the radar." Another step closer. "Or maybe you cheated on me, got someone pregnant, had a baby who very conveniently looked like me and called me his Dad. So, which option would you chose, Xiao Zhan?"

Maybe because he was cornered, maybe because the way YiBo spoke his name with so much derision that kick started Zhan's temper.

"Well, it wouldn't be the first time you accused me of cheating, so, I might as well go with the second, hm?"

All pretence of indifference evaporated from YiBo's demeanor and he almost rammed into Zhan, making his back pressed to the bedroom door.

"Was I wrong to accuse you? Didn't you just prove me right by leaving like that?"

Their faces were inches apart; the air between them thick with tension.

"No matter what my answer is, you have formed your own opinion long ago," Zhan shot back, face hard with controlled anger. This was how they fought- one flying into rage and the other shutting down.

"You never told me you were a carrier," with clipped and gritted voice YiBo chewed out the words.

"I never knew myself before I-" And Zhan realized he had answered the question and stopped.

YiBo's forearms were on either side of Zhan's, pressed against the wood. With such close proximity, Zhan could see the flare of his nostrils that puffed out angry exhales, the vein popping up on that otherwise smooth forehead, cheeks trembling from the exertion of suppressing the anger. All these small familiar details strangely stirred and soothed Zhan's chaotic mind.

"Is he mine?" Came the clipped question.

"......Yes." The answer was equally quiet.

A still moment.

And YiBo's face twisted up.

"DAMN YOU! GODDAMNYOU!"

Slamming the door viciously YiBo took a few steps back, putting distance between them again.

"Damn you, Xiao Zhan!...........How could you?!"

Zhan stood there, pinned by that glare of pure hatred. Inside, he felt hollow.

"How could you do this to me?! How the fuck could you?!"

What would he say to that? What answer was there to give?

"I...."

"How old is he?"

YiBo was panting and Zhan felt wretched. He never meant to hold it so long, to conceal. But those words felt fake even to himself. How could he, then, convince his ex boyfriend?

"Two. He has just turned two."

YiBo's face lost its fluster and went pale so rapidly that if it were any other time, Zhan would have been alarmed for his health.

"So you really did take away two years of my child's life from me."

Zhan wanted to speak up, wanted to tell him how the situation was, what pushed him to make such a drastic decision, how broken he himself felt and how, throughout the years, he had tried to gain enough courage to tell the man the truth.

"You know," YiBo carried on with a broken laugh, eyes downcast, "even after I had my suspicion, I told myself this could not be. Even you wouldn't be that cruel. But turned out I'm wrong one more time." He looked up and his eyes were blazing, "I'm wrong when you are concerned. I'M FUCKING WRONG ABOUT YOU EVERY FUCKING TIME!"

That hit a nerve that even Zhan's inherent calm persona could not ignore. Yes, you are indeed wrong about me. His anger flared up. "Yes. Yes, I have concealed the truth from you. Yes, I have hidden him away but it's not like you would have cared anyway!"

Zhan watched YiBo's mouth gaped open and felt a sadistic pleasure. But it was short lived.

"Would not have-....what the FUCK DO YOU MEAN BY THAT? I WOULD NOT HAVE CARED FOR MY OWN CHILD?"

"YOU NEVER SHOWED ANY INTEREST AND EVEN SHUT ME DOWN WHENEVER I BROUGHT THE ISSUES OF CHILDREN! RING ANY BELLS?"

"THE ISSUES OF OTHER CHILDREN! YOU TALKED ABOUT OTHER KIDS, OTHER PEOPLE HAVING KIDS! NOT MY OWN KID! NOT MY OWN FLESH AND BLOOD!" YiBo, then, visibly forced himself to calm down and when he spoke again, at least his voice was quieter. "That's your excuse for pulling this stunt? That I never encouraged you when you talked about babies? That's what you've come up with to defend against the dirty trick you played against me?"

Even in the haze of his anger, Zhan knew it was indeed a poor excuse but this was not the time to accept defeat. Instead, he landed his next blow. "Would you have believed me if I told you I was pregnant with your child at that time? The time when you were accusing me of cheating on a regular basis? Would you have accepted an unplanned baby when you were suspicious with even a scratch on my body? Would you have? Tell me. TELL ME!"

"WAS I WRONG? Was I wrong to suspect?" Both were stepping closer from their excitement and now stood with inches apart again. "In the end, you left me, didn't you? Left me and fucked off who knew where! You cut off all ties with me overnight and yet you stayed in touch with him!" YiBo's voice dripped venom. "And that's not the end! You even started a company with him! Started a new life together! While I was- I..." he couldn't seem to continue. "And you dare to point your finger at me now?"

Zhan felt cold, as if a huge chunk of ice was lodged inside him suddenly. Even after all these years, all the sufferings, he still had to face the same accusation? YiBo was angry and what Zhan did to him about Xing was utterly wrong. But he had his own demons to face. And after separating from his boyfriend for so long, he had thought, had hoped that maybe, just maybe, YiBo had regretted his actions, his words, his allegation in thinking Zhan as a cheat. But hearing the same accusations now, knowing that nothing had changed and he was still prosecuted without any trial stilled him into shock.

The man, standing opposite him in what used to be their home, cursing at him, raging at him, might not know, the world outside this threshold might not know, the people around him might not know but Zhan had loved YiBo with every fiber of his body, with every shattered piece of his heart.

At the beginning of their relationship, he had taken his time to commit, to say yes but once he had given in, he had loved most ardently, with all his soul. Even after he left, even after Xing was born, that love was still there. The thread was no longer visible but he had never let go of it completely.

But today, standing in the ruins of their love, when the scab on his old wounds was ripped off, the pain proved too much to bear.

"I can't do this," he refused to look at his ex. He couldn't.

YiBo, in the middle of his rant stopped abruptly, "What?"

"I can't do this. I have- I have to go." Zhan wanted to flee before he went into a panic attack. He needed to.

"Oh no, I don't think so. This time I won't let you faff off and have your way. I won't."

"Think whatever you want. I can't change your mind and don't even want to. But I'm not spending a single minute more with you."

"And what? You think this is it? That if you run away now I will let you go and take my son away from me again?"

Hurt, anxiety, anger boiled to the point of explosion within Zhan and he blurted out, "He's not your anything!"

YiBo's cold expression was scary, cruel. "Want me to drag you to court and prove it? Because I will."

Panic surged through Zhan like wildfire. With all his might he gathered enough strength to say, "YiBo, please, not now. We- will talk again. I promise I won't keep you from Xing but please, don't do anything rash. If not us, think about Xing." He was shivering; he could feel it in his voice. "Think about- just- I can't talk at the moment. Nothing good will come. I'm sorry. For-" it was getting more and more difficult to form coherent sentences. He would have to go. Now! "I'm sorry."

With a last desperate look at the man that was once his entire world, Xiao Zhan bolted from the flat, leaving behind a stunned, confused and equally hurt looking Wang YiBo.

It might be his bleary mind playing tricks but before going beyond the door a faint, "Don't go" reached him. He didn't stop. The Cherry wood thunked against the wall on his way out.

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