Yo! Still alive? Me too!😎 Serving updates to all you poor souls.😎

I really want to finish this fic as fast as possible. Who knows, I might die tomorrow and leave you people cursing after me for not closing things up with a bow on top.🙄

My country is under lockdown. Human curfew everywhere. I live alone. So, there's lotsa panic around. Me sad potato.😒

Stay alive and safe, 'kay? Eat lots of vitamins, hydrate, take every precaution. Stay indoors as much as your life allows you to be. I don't know you but I pray for you every night.❤️

Hugs and love to those who left comments and votes. That's the only reward for us amateurs.😍❤️

Off with the read, then!

See ya next week!

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Chapter-7

Zhan had no idea for how long he had been sitting there in his son's room, in the dark, staring into nothingness, spacing out. A snuffling noise from the bed pulled him out of his thoughts. Xing had kicked his blanket down in his sleep. Zhan tucked him anew and patted his chest softly, making shushing sound. After a bit of ear scratching, Xing stilled again, breathing slow and deep.

He looked at his son's innocent, sleeping face, blinking.

He was prepared for today, prepared to confront, to tell YiBo the truth, to accept the blame, to set the grounds. But turned out, he was far from that. To see this new YiBo in their old home, to hear those same old accusations from that changed, mature face, twisted up in disgust, crushed all his resolve. Turned out he still wasn't strong enough to see hate in those eyes that once used to look at him with so much love.

He hadn't always been this nervous mess of a person. He had fended off Wang YiBo's, the lover boy extraordinaire's, advances for one long year before accepting after all. But years of anxiety over his career, losing his love, getting his life turn upside down, having and raising a baby alone had wrecked havoc on his psyche. The bouts of panic attacks, meltdowns were way better than they were in those early days but they were still there, waiting for a trigger to activate.

Am I a bad parent? I did separate Xing from his other father for this long but...

But what was he to do? To say their relationship was going through a rough patch at that time would have been an understatement; they were rocky at best. Arguments, hurling insults at each other, screaming, YiBo's insistence on going official, upon Zhan's repeated rejection his boyfriend's completely baseless suspicion of an affair between Zhan and Talu- it was the worst of times. And then, he conceived Xing. It was not only unplanned but also was probably the result of an angry make up sex.

When Zhan discovered his pregnancy, the problems between YiBo and his had already reached its crescendo, so much so that the mention of a break up had been raised a couple of times by both of them.

YiBo was always the more passionate, more courageous one between them. He always wanted to make them officially out and together. While gay couples were not uncommon in their industry, settling down at the peak of one's career would have been a fatal step which Zhan could not let his boyfriend take. YiBo was 22 at the time, taking the industry by storm with his vivacious, intense persona, rapidly reaching the height of his acting career.

If news of his having a non celebrity, still struggling boyfriend with whom he had been living in for almost five years, of them having a baby out of wedlock were to get out, YiBo's career, for which he had worked so hard so long, would have been butchered overnight.

How would Zhan have let that happen? His boyfriend might have doubted it by the end but Xiao Zhan had never loved anyone more than the boy that once cornered him with a smile and said, "Zhan Ge, I like you. Will you give me a chance?"

So, Zhan gave him a chance. For a better life.

He wanted to tell YiBo about the baby the moment he found out but feared that even this would be taken as the proof of Zhan's cheating, which he wouldn't be able to tolerate.

And the boy was only 22! A rising star. How could Zhan burden him with fatherhood when he never even hinted at planning to have kids?

Panic was never rational.

Talu, his only friend at that time, had tried to convince him not to take the decision, had begged him to tell YiBo, threatened him even. But Zhan never listened.

Was he selfish? He didn't know. All he knew that he was a fool in love, thinking he was sacrificing his life for the happiness of his boyfriend. The baby was still a presence on paper; the responsibilities that came with parenthood were still a foreign concept for him. He was also 24, naive, scared, depressed and full of mind addling pregnancy hormones.

Then he left one day, covering his track with careful planning.

Leaving behind the person with whom he had dreamt of spending the rest of his life.

His only strength was the part of YiBo that was growing inside him. A physical manifestation of them both. Someone that would bear the best of them.

Although, he had always planned of returning one day, of giving Xing his complete identity, of giving YiBo an explanation.

But not like this. Not like the heartless villain he now felt himself to be. On the verge of losing the last piece of sanity.

What would happen if YiBo actually took him to court and challenged for Xing's full custody? Would Zhan's history of mental health issue be able to withstand the legalities and keep his son?

XOXOXOX

He had a son. A life made of his own flesh and blood. Someone that shared his own genetic imprint. And he had gone this long without knowing anything about it. Never even thought of the possibility. And what was more shocking was that he would have gone his entire life not knowing about it at all!

Would have gone his entire life not knowing about his son. His own baby.

YiBo closed his eyes to stop the burning. He had returned to his own condo after that disastrous confrontation. He went to win a battle, to squeeze out the truth, to accuse...to hurt. Because he was hurting. He had been hurting ever since he was left behind with broken pieces to pick up; he had been hurting all along and wanted to hurt back just as much.

Then he saw Zhan getting out of the car from their balcony and all his scripted, calculated moves and composure flew out of the window. They were back to what they once called their home, where it all started. Just this time not as two young lovers but as two experienced, hardened adults with an ocean of bitterness in between.

That flat was a shrine to YiBo. A burial mound of memories. A place that made him crave and crumble at the same time. He had lost count how many lonely evenings he had spent in those empty rooms, surrounded by the echoes of their presence. And to his ex being back there, standing at the door of their bedroom did weird things to his heart. For a moment...for a moment he had thought he might be wrong. Xing might not be his child. Maybe Xiao Zhan had moved on to a happier ending.

That would have been heart wrenching too but not as much as knowing the he had been deliberately kept in the dark, being deceived. Who knew that having a cheating boyfriend would have been less painful than having someone that thought you unworthy of being a parent of your own child?

How could someone be so cruel? How could Zhan be so cruel? In his memory, the man was the epitome of kindness. Then again, no kind heart would have left like that.

Had YiBo not loved? Had he not given his everything, his life, his soul to the man? He was 17 when he first fell in love. A young, dewy eyed youth who thought as long as he loved with every ounce of his existence he could find his happily ever after. And he did. He did find happiness after chasing for a year, only it wasn't for ever after.

If only he could go back and tell that gullible, smitten boy that his glass house would break only after five years....

But deep down he knew the truth. He knew that if given a second chance he would still choose to love Xiao Zhan. He would always choose him. Always.

Even after all the deception, after the heartbreak, after the abandonment, today when they first stood facing each other, his first instinct was to run and embrace him. Hold him close, inhale his smell and just......just.......

A watery breath left his mouth as he stared at the dark ceiling.

"Why did you do this to me.....Zhan ge?"

When did you stop loving me?

When did you start hating me?

What changed?

Have you never thought how it would hurt me?

I have died a hundred deaths while you were away.....raising our son alone.

But were you really alone?

His heart lurched up as the thought resurfaced. Was Zhan really alone? Or was that Talu Wang with him all along? Raising his kid? YiBo's kid? Doing what was his to do?

He sat upright from the wave of maddening rage that coursed through him.

Before the break up, they were having problems. They were fighting, rowing every damn day. YiBo was getting projects after projects, his career finally taking off whereas Zhan's fashion designing was yet to see the light of success. YiBo never thought any less of him because of it and Zhan never hinted that he was jealous of YiBo's success. And to be honest, YiBo still wasn't sure if Zhan Ge was capable of being jealous of anything. But the man was getting more and more disheartened every day. He still remembered one night coming home to a teary eyed, inconsolable Xiao Zhan lamenting about how, despite being the older one, he could not take care of his lover, how he felt like a burden in this relationship, how he could not even support his parents and what an utter failure he was.

YiBo's heart broke to pieces seeing his boyfriend like that. To him, it was Zhan Ge that was the pillar of their relationship. He was the anchor, the grounding force, the strength behind YiBo. That night YiBo realized that he needed to buckle up. He needed to act like the mature one, the older one for once. Would have to become someone on whom his Zhan Ge could lean on without worry.

And so he began to create opportunities for Zhan. He would refer his name to his connections without telling either party or would ask in for a favour. He did all this to bring back the waning smile of Zhan's face.

But things worsened after that. Zhan didn't take his intrusion well. Accused YiBo of taking pity on him, asking him if YiBo was dissatisfied with his failure of a boyfriend.

The first cracks appeared.

After that Zhan seemed to shut down and began to spend more time with that bastard friend of his. YiBo remembered the feeling of being on the verge of losing the most precious part of his life. He was scared out of his mind. And thus, out of desperation he asked Zhan to get engaged and come out as an official couple. He was going ragged from stress. Shooting for fifteen to sixteen hours daily, coming home to either a gloomy, tense Zhan or to an empty flat. He could feel his sanity was slipping away.

Then the suspicion slithered in.

While he knew Zhan, as a quiet, shy person, did not have many friends and Talu Wang was his oldest, closest one but realizing that his boyfriend preferred Talu's company than YiBo's, felt more comfortable with, was a blow YiBo could not take.

By nature he was territorial and maybe because they started dating so young, he had developed this intense sense of possession over Zhan. He wanted to be the only one Zhan would think of first and foremost when he was distressed. The only person Zhan would call when he needed something. The only company Zhan would prefer over anyone else's. But his schedule did not leave him with much time and what he was left with was either refused or ignored silently by his boyfriend. It wasn't that Zhan was never there or he ever pushed YiBo away actively but YiBo could feel him pulling away.

The only time they felt truly alive and connected was when they had sex. Most of it was of angry, make up variety.

Things became stagnant and began to rot. YiBo, frustrated and hurt, expressed his fear through rage and venomous accusation. Zhan, instead of hurting back or explaining things, began to clam up. And finally left, leaving just a note behind. Four years of togetherness ended up with a few lines.

YiBo's world plunged into darkness that day, killing a large part of him.

They were so young. So stupid. So hurt in love.

In later days, he had often thought if he was wrong assuming Zhan having an affair with Talu. Even Talu called him names for even suspecting it when he went to him after he couldn't find Zhan Ge anywhere.

So, he had doubted and blamed himself sometimes.

But apparently, Zhan Ge kept in touch with Talu all along. Maybe they were really having an affair behind YiBo's back. Maybe Zhan thought Talu to be not only a better boyfriend but also a better parent. For raising Xing.

For Raising Xing.

Someone else would raise Xing? His Xing? A part of him? A part of his Zhan Ge?

Oh no. Not again. He had let go once. But not again. If anything that hadn't changed a bit in these years was his territorial streak. And Wang YiBo would take what was his.

And make Xiao Zhan give it to him.

XOXOXOX

YiBo was pacing back and forth with the kind of manic energy that came from not sleeping for god knew how many hours. He had a charity event this afternoon. Some government related thing that could not be rescheduled. His makeup artist had been tutting and grunting the entire time she was working on his dark circles and gaunt cheeks. YiBo told her to fuck off. Nicely.

His and Vanessa's team had decided to release a statement about their botched wedding and how they were handling this crisis together. After today's charity he would withhold his public appearance for a while citing recovering health. He had a quick talk with her this morning but as his mind was elsewhere the entire time, Vanessa told him, without sugar coating, that they would talk only when YiBo got his shit together. He admired that woman a lot.

But what he would like to admire the most at that moment was Xiu Ying's face telling him he got what YiBo asked him to find. And Xiu Ying entered the room right on cue like a Godsend.

"You got it?"

Xiu Ying was in the middle of taking a deep breath and he instantly deflated, expression clear: I'm not getting paid enough for putting up with this. "Yeah, I did but the resources I had to burn for this was pretty great."

"I don't care-"

"You should though." Xiu Ying was a quiet guy; when he stressed his voice YiBo generally paid special attention like he did now. Xiu Ying continued, "Because the way things are going, in coming days you'd have to depend on your favour bank a lot more than you like."

It wasn't that YiBo was not aware of it. He knew once things began to unravel his reputation would be on the line. But knowing and acting on it were two different things. He was in a frenzy at the moment, couldn't stop even if he tried to.

A slip of paper was handed to him on which was an address. His heart thudded loudly once.

"Do not go running off to his house," Xiu Ying warned him. "In fact do not leave unless absolutely necessary for a few days. Don't use your car. I'll hire one for emergency. The paps and fans will be hounding you once the press release goes online. You have to be very, very careful."

YiBo nodded contemplatively, eyes still on that slip of paper. Setting aside his restlessness, he himself knew the coming days would be rough for everyone of them. They'd need to calculate and pre plan every step.

Now there was a baby to consider. His baby.

"Oh, I have shortlisted a few child custody lawyers-"

His head shot up at that. "Whatever for?" He frowned. Though he had threatened Zhan to make matters legal if need be but that was more of an empty howl caused by the heat of the moment than anything else. He had no intention to put either of them through the nasty business of legal matters if it could be avoided. Moreover, he hadn't told his manager about it either.

"For.....uh...custody issues...?" Xiu Ying trailed off, looking uncertain.

"No need for it. We'll settle it mutually. No need to involve more people than there already are."

Xiu Ying looked hesitant for a moment but did not pursue. Instead, he changed the topic. "You need to talk to Ms. Huang after we send the statement out. I've already talked to her manager about our plans and common scheduling. Go through them with her as well."

"Hmm. We had a short talk this morning. Will call her later after I get back. Have the official media of the event been informed that I won't be answering to any personal queries today?"

"Yes, I've personally talked to them. Also, Guo will go through their questionnaire for your private interview after we reach there.

"Good," YiBo nodded and went over to the desk to put the paper inside his wallet. The Wallet. He had no use of a wallet anymore but couldn't throw that thing away and only used it once in a blue moon. It was a gift. He brushed his fingertips over the worn out leather.

"Boss?"

He turned back to see a rare expression of sympathy on Xiu Ying's face. "It will be all right. You just need to keep your head cool and not keep me in the dark about anything."

With a chuckle and an affirmative nod, YiBo turned away.

Xiu Ying wasn't the most sensitive man. A man of few words and more action. Hard working, cutthroat, resourceful and efficient. He did his job well.

Only he was very unimpressed about not being told about Xiao Zhan and YiBo's history with him before all this happened. Not that the man was anyway interested in his affairs, not in the least. He just needed to know for handling things better.

Well, too late for that.

YiBo's reluctance for not wanting to disclose his past relationship was not born out of bitterness, not exactly. To him it was more like holding onto the last shard of memory all to himself. He didn't want to share. He was incapable of sharing what he considered his own.

And once upon a time Xiao Zhan was his own too.

Xiu Ying informed him that the car was ready and they left for the event.

XOXOXOX

"So, that's your decision?"

"......Yes, it is." YiBo's face burned with shame and embarrassment at Vanessa's following silence. Going back on his words was not something he did often, if ever.

"I can't say I'm surprised or haven't contemplated this outcome already but it certainly won't make things easier for either of us."

"I know and I'm- I'm sorry."

"Apology accepted. Based on my understanding of you, I believe you wouldn't have done this deliberately."

"I wouldn't have. If I had any prior inkling, I wouldn't have let you get involved in this grind, Vanessa." How was he to know that things would get this pear shaped? If only his insensitive mother could tell him beforehand...

"I trust you. Now, back to the matter at hand. I hope you know that we have to keep the facade up for a while before getting an "amiable break up." Her voice went mocking at the last phrase but not directed towards him.

Of course, he knew. He was in the show business long enough to know how these things were handled. "We definitely have to. I didn't have the face to ask you about it but I'm glad that you brought it up."

"Well, I'd like to avoid any mayhem just as much as you would. And we'll probably need to make some public appearances together soon. To show our unity."

"And throw in a few joint live streams as well."

"Yes, that too."

They both chuckled wryly and went silent for a moment.

"YiBo....forgive my intrusion but I suggest you to talk to your ex about these planning, if you haven't already. Because even though you won't tell me this person's identity, from what I've gathered from your account, I presume he is a non celebrity. And for someone outside the industry, these things might get misinterpreted severely."

"Vanessa, please, don't misunderstand. It's not like I'm intentionally leaving you out but it's just not my secret to disclose. And as for the second one....me and my ex, we don't share that kind of relationship. I didn't lie when I said we parted ways in the worst possible way. I don't think it will matter to him anyway how I proceed things with you."

".........I don't think so."

"You don't?" YiBo couldn't help but be surprised. Wasn't it obvious that Zhan wouldn't care about his arrangement with Vanessa?

"I'm probably wild guessing here but I think it would matter a great deal to him." She stopped for YiBo's rebuttal. When it didn't come she went on, "I mean, he came to our wedding probably thinking that this was your way of rubbing it on his face and-"

"And maybe he thought turning up would make him appear just how less he cared."

"Sure but then he didn't have to bring his son with him too, unless ruining the ceremony was his plan all along."

"No, he-" YiBo had to interrupt because, "he isn't someone to hold grudges and act on it like that. He's really..." He trailed off awkwardly, stopping himself from praising his ex boyfriend to his still official fiancée.

"And if that's true then there are only two probable causes- either he wanted his son to see you, or he wanted you to see his, your, son without you knowing the actual truth. And in either causes, he doesn't appear to be someone for whom things are still bitter. On the contrary, it looks like he's still very much emotional about you. Otherwise, no sensible and good parent wants to involve their kids in a squabble. He took a great risk in bringing that baby."

YiBo was socked to silence. He didn't think this could be a possibility. In fact, he didn't think about anything else at all other than how he was betrayed about his son's existence and how Zhan affected his heart the same way as before. He had always thought that Zhan Ge must have hated him quite a lot and thus, YiBo had convinced himself to hate back........with utter failure.

But now looking at things from a third person's point of view, it actually felt different. Did that mean....could that be....

Vanessa's voice came and reminded him that they were still on call.

"I don't want to speak out of my terms but as someone who knows the value of a family, I want to tell you that if there is even a slim chance of you three becoming a family, go and grab it. Another chance might never come."

"But....what if there isn't any? What if I end up with a wild goose chase? It's been too long, things between us is too bitter. He....probably has already moved on."

"Hmm, probably. Just the way you have clearly moved on and now have a fiancée."

Touché.

"Vanessa..." YiBo didn't want to listen to it anymore. He really didn't. Because false hope was the worst punishment.

"Look, I'm not trying to convince you to do anything. But you'll never know unless you try."

True. But what puzzled him most at the moment was Vanessa's behaviour. She had never been someone who helped people voluntarily, especially when she might lose in the process.

"Why are you helping me?"

"I'm not. Giving a few words of wisdom is far from helping, darling." She then went quiet for a brief moment. "Maybe because I know how it feels to not have something you desire the most. I know how I look like to others: cold, unsympathetic, heartless. But I'm yet to sell my soul to the Devil. And there's a child involved in this equation. I hate adults but my sentiments are quite the opposite in case of children."

That reminded YiBo of the numerous child supporting charity causes Vanessa had lent her money and efforts to through the years.

"Thank you. I never thought I'd find a good friend in you."

"Bollocks. No such thing. I'll still get that compensation money."

XOXOXOX

The entirety of the next day went in a whirlwind of answering calls from people that could not be redirected to his managing team; going through plans of his and Vanessa's next move, rescheduling some events in the next few days and so on.

Evening had fallen when YiBo finally had time to sit in silence, with a snifter of diluted whiskey, and contemplate the things Vanessa had hinted about. That there might be a chance. He wasn't convinced and still thought Zhan had moved on but what if...

What if there was indeed a chance to be happy again? It had been so long since he was happy.

Determination forming inside, YiBo decided to give it a go. He would contact Zhan and propose a talk, this time like proper adults, and observe if Vanessa was correct in her assumption.

Maybe Zhan Ge really didn't hate him that much.

His phone rang. Xiu Ying.

"What now?"

"Mr. Xiao's lawyer has mailed us, stating that they are open to talk about custody within ourselves and that we should think things through before going to the court."

The warmth that that sliver of hope had ignited in him went dead cold immediately. So, this was what his image was to Zhan?

Without another word, he disconnected the call and stared at the darkness in front of him.

Yes, he was the one to bring up the issue of court but Zhan actually went ahead and acted on it? Not a phone call to him, not even to his manager but hiring a lawyer straight up to talk things through? Open to talk through legal binds?

This was the person Vanessa had called sentimental towards YiBo. Well, the joke was on him because he had believed her. For a moment.

He had fallen for the tricks of heart once again.

While he was thinking of a future where not only he could be a father to Xing but they could be a family, Zhan was planning a legal procedure against him. Why? Because YiBo had mentioned it when they both were busy tearing each other apart?

So, this was how low Xiao Zhan thought he was, that he would go and try to take Xing away, whereas YiBo couldn't even let Vanessa nurture the idea of Zhan having malice in his heart.

No surprise there. YiBo had always been the fool in love.

Abandoning the light amber liquid in the glass, he took the entire bottle instead. He needed to cleanse out the pain. Again.

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