Heyo! Update time. Sorry for the lack of interaction. Going through this quarantine all alone is hitting me harder than I've anticipated.😣

I hope you guys are all right wherever you are. I wish your country, your people recover from this crisis soon.❤️

Readers who leave comments and votes are literally the driving force behind this story.❤️ Because when I can't summon up the mental capacity for writing, I read your comments they motivate me like nothing else. Thank you so much.😭

I hope you enjoy the chapter.

Off with the read, then!

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Chapter-9

All YiBo wanted was to dig a human sized hole, crawled in and die there. He couldn't believe what he had done last night! Just what the fuck was he thinking? Clearly nothing good, his inner voice mocked. It wasn't like he was that drunk or else he would be lying in a ditch somewhere now, riding that bike.

Maybe that would have been better, he thought. In fact dying would have been thousand times better than turning up here like this. God, the humiliation. He should be thankful he wasn't handed over to the police. Just what the fuck happened to him? He was never prone to drunken brawls. What an impression he had set upon Zhan.

He chanced a glance at the said man, making breakfast at the kitchen while he sat on the couch. He was offered eggs, toasts and coffee and had declined the first, accepted the second. Xiu Ying was coming to pick him up personally and YiBo had to do something in between. Gulping down coffee sounded like the best option.

They hadn't talked must. By much he meant anything, except for answering questions like, where was he, how did he end up here and then uttering stammered apologies. He watched as his ex boyfriend worked on the kitchen island, his back facing YiBo. He mapped that slender profile, apparent even in an oversized plain white t-shirt and a beige pajama bottom. His mind conjuring up another such sight from another time as he looked on.

And then there was a sudden high pitched yell comingfrom upstairs.

"PAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAAAAAAA!"

Zhan looked up and yelled back, "Papa's down here. Take the slide. Be careful."

YiBo must have looked puzzled as in the next moment Zhan addressed him, "I've installed a slide beside the stairs. Saved me from an early grave when he learned to walk."

And both of their faces froze at that mention.

There were times when Xing had started to sit up, to crawl, his first steps. First words....And YiBo had missed it all, everything. He had missed his first born's, and probably the only one, most precious years. He had been denied to watch his son grow up.

He wanted to be angry but couldn't; couldn't summon even a flicker of heat. As though after last night all his anger had been evaporated into thin air. What remained now was an ocean of hurt.

He looked at that stairs and sure enough, there was indeed a narrow, shiny slide installed there. And the next moment Xing was sliding down it, a grey and white plushie clutched to his chest, face alighted with happiness that only children could manage to get in the mornings.

"PAPAAAAA!"

He hopped and ran towards the kitchen the moment his feet touched the ground, giggling uncontrollably all along. But then his feet bounced to a stop as he spotted YiBo sitting on the couch, staring at him.

Xing blinked rapidly a few times, eyes going rounder, clutched the plushie tighter and higher, then made a beeline for his Papa; eyes never leaving YiBo.

He grabbed Zhan's pajama with one hand and plastered himself to his leg, still eyeing YiBo.

"Good morning, sweetheart," Zhan greeted, ruffling those unruly curls. When he didn't get any response back, he probed further, "Did you sleep well? What is it?" But nothing seemed to divert Xing's attention.

Zhan exhaled loudly and YiBo watched him glance his way, then, he looked back at his son again. "Daddy has come to see you, XingXing. Won't you say hello?"

The more Zhan coaxed the more reluctant Xing looked, hiding behind his legs.

And YiBo couldn't take his eyes off him. He didn't have much idea about children but he was certain of never seeing a more adorable and beautiful baby ever in his life. If he was biased...well, he was a father after all.

And then it slammed into him by the force of falling meteor. He was a father! A parent! That little kid, peeking at him, that was his own son! He knew Xing was his but meeting him this time made that knowledge truer somehow.

A pointed throat clearing took his attention from Xing to Xing's Papa. Zhan was mouthing something at him. It took a moment but he understood what it was: "Talk to him." Zhan was telling him.

YiBo was at a loss. What could you say to your own kid whom you had scared off the very first time you two met? He opened and closed his mouth a few times and looked at Zhan for clue, who just gave him an encouraging nod. Big help.

"Um...h-hello?"

Xing held the plushie higher, hiding almost his entire face behind it; only his eyes could be seen now.

"I'm your Daddy." The words felt so foreign and yet blissful. He tried to give a warm smile but wasn't sure if he managed. His face muscles felt strained.

"It's all right. It's just Daddy. You know Daddy, XingXing, don't you, sweetheart?" Zhan kept coaxing. And after a long moment of intense staring, Xing's small body seemed to relax a bit, getting out of his hiding.

"Hello, XingXing....I'm Daddy."

Xing took a very tentative step forward. YiBo's heart jumped in anticipation.

"I'm sorry for making you cry the last time." YiBo was pretty sure it wasn't appropriate to bring back those memories but what else he was supposed to say? He had absolutely no idea.

Xing took another step forward thoughtfully and opened his cupid bow mouth, "Papa kwai."

YiBo's eyes went to Zhan immediately, who looked a shade pinker.

"I'm sorry to make Papa cry," he apologized sincerely.

Xing blinked then took an ear of that soft toy into his mouth.

Then, while YiBo waited with bated breath, Xing took several steps and came to stand before YiBo. Not near but not far either. YiBo was still sitting on the couch all along to maintain a semblance of eye level. Now, he too, crouched down on the floor.

"Daddy?"

And he wanted to weep suddenly. Due to his profession, he had done a few roles where he played a parent, hearing kids calling him dad or papa or ba. But that small, mumbled utterance from that milky voice made him feel something that he had forgotten to feel.

A sense of belonging.

He had to swallow and blink quite a few times before he could manage a smile and say, "Yes, I'm you Daddy. I'm your Daddy XingXing."

Xing swung his head towards his Papa and must have gotten what he was looking for, because YiBo couldn't be bothered to look anywhere else, and mumbled a, " 'Kay."

A giggle bubbled up YiBo's throat, unbidden. He let it surface on his face and held out a hand towards the toddler but Xing quickly took a step back.

Alarmed, YiBo immediately retracted his hand and said, "Okay okay, I won't, I won't."

Xing cocked his head to one side like a curious little bird and observed him some more. YiBo sat through his inspection patiently, eagerly.

Then Xing stretched his tiny arms holding the plushie; it was a grey, black and white husky. "Dagon."

"Oh?" YiBo mimicked surprise and was about to take it but Xing moved the toy out of his reach, clutching it to his chest again.

"Dagon."

"Hello, Dragon." YiBo greeted dutifully. And no sooner his words left his mouth Xing turned and skipped and ran towards his Papa again, hugging his legs, looking up.

Zhan picked him up, "Good boy! My brave little prince!"

As they rubbed their noses together and exchanged meaningless sweet words, the room was filled with a childish laughter.

YiBo's thought there wasn't air enough in his lungs. But the feeling was not that of a pain. He felt.....happy. Inexplicably so.

XOXOXOX

Zhan couldn't decide on a single emotion he was feeling. One hand he could feel his entire being melting away. On the other there was this excruciating pain surging within his heart.

Happiness for what it was now. Pain for what it could have been.

Despite his initial polite rejection of having breakfast with them, YiBo was sitting at the table, a plate of toasts and eggs in front of him. The reason behind his sudden change of heart? Well...it happened a few minutes back.

Xing sat on his high chair, not in the least bit interested in eating his runny eggs and veggie rice paste.

YiBo stood awkwardly a few feet away from the table. Reluctant to go back to the couch as it would put distance between him and Xing but not comfortable enough to sit at the table with them without actually eating.

Taking pity, just when Zhan decided to renew his offer, Xing piped up. Looking straight at Daddy, he said in a very authoritative tone, "Beffat."

It took a moment for YiBo to understand what was being demanded of him and he immediately replied, "Of course. Breakfast. I love breakfasts!" And took a chair to sit in.

And that was how they had this impromptu family breakfast.

Zhan's chest felt tight at that thought. It was a family breakfast; only they weren't a family anymore. Only two units that would be sharing a child.

He looked at his son, babbling away illegibly at YiBo, giving his Daddy a crash course in Toddler Speech. It surprised him a bit watching Xing this comfortable. His son did have a friendly nature but due to not meeting many adults, he took time to open up with strangers. But when it came to YiBo, Xing took initiative unprompted, it seemed.

The bond of blood was indeed mysterious.

But what moved him most was how YiBo reacted to all this. Watching him so broken, hurt last night had made him reconsider the past. In the past YiBo used to try so hard never to show his weakness, never to admit that he could be vulnerable too. It wasn't like this from the start but nearing the end YiBo had become obsessed with being the stronger one. He had this fierce need to protect Zhan, to bear his every burden, to never let him know any of YiBo's own struggles. It felt good, heavenly even, at the beginning to have someone to lean onto. But gradually, it reached an alarming level of suffocation, imbalance. So much so that Zhan had begun to consider himself a useless part of their relationship where he was always the taker, never the giver.

But last night was something that had shed a new light to many of the things Zhan had experienced in those past years. Things which once made him believe that YiBo might not be as affected after he left.

Through the entire night he had thought high and low about it. Keeping Xing away from him was not even a consideration anymore. What he tried to think of was how to ease YiBo up into this sudden parenthood. People may say it wasn't up to him but wherever his son was concerned it was his duty to make sure things were all right and Xing would not experience anything unsavoury.

However, seeing the way these two hit it off, Zhan needed not to worry. Yibo's face when Xing went to him and called him Daddy was something that would stay with Zhan for a very very long time. There was surprise, there was shock, wonderment, disbelief and anticipation. So much anticipation. And his eyes looked brighter, as if they were glistening.

He looked at the two bowed heads, face strikingly similar, chirping together. Xing was showing him the yellow duckies on his pajamas and YiBo was showing an unhealthy amount of interest, latching onto every word that came out of his son's mouth.

Zhan glanced down at his uneaten food and suppressed a sigh.

Xing would have a loving Dad, if not a family. It was better this way...considering.

XOXOXOX

It was time to leave and Xing was having none of it.

"Daddy noooohhh!"

"You'll get to see Daddy soon," Zhan tried to placate but in vain.

Xing gave him a withering stare, then, turned to YiBo again, holding his arms up, "Up, Daddy, up. Up up up!"

YiBo was sure he never moved so fast in his entire life. He picked and perched him on his arm. That soft warm body of his son, that baby smell engulfed him with a flood of affection.

"I'll come soon, XingXing."

"Noooooh. Daddy go no no. Daddy, XingXing," he thumped his own chest, "pway."

At that very moment Wang YiBo realized the most vital thing of his life. He realized that what Xing's Papa couldn't do, Xing would be successful in doing- he would not survive Xing's absence from his life ever again. No, he did not developed parental instincts over a few hours but the immense love and affection just holding his son close had brought him had shifted something within him. It was like gaining the missing limb once more. It made him feel whole.

Made him feel a part of a whole.

"Sweetheart, I promise that I'll come by before you know it! And then we'll play and have lots of fun, okay?"

That cupid bow of a mouth quivered, lower lip jutting out as Xing looked at him with heartbroken eyes, "Daddy...pweeez."

And YiBo was done for. He looked at Zhan helplessly, who shook his head, exhaled loudly and came to the rescue.

"XingXing, if you don't let Daddy go now, he won't be able to come back later. Then how will you play with him, hm?"

No logic whatsoever. Just shamelessly taking advantage of a child's lack of understanding in wordplay.

"Papa," that same lip quiver was aimed at Zhan but he didn't even blink and took him from YiBo.

"I'll come very very soon," YiBo assured him again.

Xing looked betrayed but didn't protest again. After some sniffling, he held out his plushie to YiBo.

"Dagon," he said morosely.

YiBo dutifully patted the husky's head but Xing seemed to be pushing it in his hand.

"Dagon. Daddy pway."

Would it be unacceptable if he cried? YiBo's nose itched and eyes began to burn. He swallowed before shaking his head and telling Xing to keep it. But Zhan intercepted, quietly telling him to take it. So, YiBo did.

"I'll take care of Dragon very well and play with him," he gave his son the brightest smile his current emotional state could manage. Xing didn't react, just rested his head on Zhan's shoulder and watched him with sad eyes.

That was how he left. Etching those sad eyes into his heart.

Most of the way to his home, YiBo's nose was pressed into the soft woolly fur of the dog, trying to fill his senses with Xing's smell and touch and the residual affection he had been bestowed upon.

He had no clue about how to be a parent but instead of fearing it, he was eager to be one now.

"Xiu Ying, who's the best soft toy maker in China?"

"Eh?"

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Any thoughts?😶