So one of the things that I've  been wanting to talk about is, the old me. You know those weird kids that think they're so funny but everyone thinks they're just stupid? Yea...i used to be one of those kids. I used to bring my word search books to school and work in them after finishing tests, whenever i made a joke i was always the only one who laughed but i still though everyone else thought it was hilarious to, i used to think i was SO SKINNY because i never actually looked at myself. Back in 7th grade i realized i was becoming someone i didn't want to become. I was majorly fat and my jokes were dead. And that's when i became severely self conscious. Everything i wore HAD TO BE baggy and then i went online and looked up a bunch of jokes and stopped hanging out with all my old friends and tried going to the others. It took me 2 years to realize that i was STILL not someone i wanted to be, i was acting like everyone wanted me to act. So finally in 9th grade, i broke loose. I started doing my own thing and...well, a lot had happened that year and i became VERY depressed and, long story short, i went to a mental hospital for 8 days for suicidal thoughts and depression.

You're probably wondering why the hell I'm telling you all this. And it probably sounds really random. But my point in this is, sometimes you have to go through things to become who you want to be without even noticing you're changing. I went from the super quiet kid that no one really knew or liked, to the person EVERYONE knew and most of the time liked. So if you have a friend that's super self conscious or if they're going through something....don't try to get completely in it. You can hold their hand, but that's it. Be there for them and listen to what they have to say BUT let them go in alone and come out stronger. I was really dependent no my old BESTFRIEND...i remember there were times when i thought that if i ever lost him, i would kill myself, that's how much i loved him and depended on him. But now he's not here, and I'm struggling on my own. I'm having a hard time dealing with things that I've never dealt with alone. And if he wouldn't have been there and carried me through all of it, i wouldn't be struggling right now. I'm not saying you're gonna leave your friend like he left me, BUT you never know what life will throw at you.

I honestly don't know where I'm going with this...I'm just feeling really down tonight and i decided to get on here and write what I think.

Till Next Time...

-R

Like Me by Jake Miller