Pairing: Boxer!Tom Holland x Reader
Summary: After Tom gets hurt in a bad fight, you realize how dangerous boxing is and choose to distance yourself from him until he has another match
Warnings: Angst, blood, mentions of injuries, fluff

The most cathartic thing in the entire world is the sound of a match-ending bell. It rings through the entire arena and it is like you can breathe for the first time in a decade. Every piece of you just relaxes, your shoulders fall forward, your arms relax, your fingers stop fidgeting. It is like every piece of you can finally come to peace with everything you just witnessed, even if it's bad. It's cathartic because it's over.

Being friends with Tom, that's always been easy. It's always been so easy and simple, since the day you met. It was just like you guys clicked, almost like magnets. And even as your feelings developed and you ended up in this almost kind of relationship still friendship thing, it's been easy. But, then he got his first fight and it got a little difficult. And then he got another fight. And another...and another. And it's just gotten harder because you're just standing there watching someone beat the shit out of him. It's scary and it's not that you didn't believe he'd ever make it as a boxer, it just...wasn't real when you became friends with him. He was just some guy training. But now it's real and it's scary. One bad fight and that's it. And that's where you're standing now, after one bad fight.

Tom's laying in the hospital bed, you by his side waiting for him to wake up. The fight was ugly. Just, ugly. Blood spilled from his nose and head, his wrist is broke, his ribs are bruised, and he has a concussion from being knocked out. His nose is broken yet again and both of his eyes are black and blue from the blows and broken nose. It breaks every part of you to see him like this. You've helped bandage up some cuts and he's had plenty of cuts and bruises before, it just comes with the territory but nothing like this. Even the broken noses don't seem as bad as this one. He's just an absolute wreck from it all and it's taken its toll on you.

"Hey." Tom mumbles, voice hoarse as he opens his eyes and looks at you.

"Hey." You let out a breath of relief. "How're you feeling?"

"Like shit." Tom chuckles softly before wincing. "Ow."

"Yeah, you got hit pretty hard." You say, just looking over him wondering how you're supposed to keep watching this happen because you know this won't be the last time.

"Felt that." There's still a cheeky grin on his face making you shake your head.

You look to your fingers, fiddling with your nails. "You're gonna keep fighting aren't you?"

The grin dissipates as he looks fully at you, brows pinned together. "Yeah...why-why wouldn't I?"

"Because now you're in the hospital." You state, almost like he should have known that would be the answer.

"Happens." He states.

You shake your head and let out a sigh. "But it shouldn't."

"What'd you expect?" Tom asks, voice now laced in annoyance.

It's a fair question. What did you expect would happen? He'd win every fight? Escape the sport unscathed? Would not want to fight after one bad one? You know he doesn't work like that and yet, you had hope he would.

"I don't know." You shrug your shoulders. "Not this, I guess."

Silence consumes the room between the two of you. You've always been supportive which is what leaves Tom so confused. You've never said a word, you've just always been there. You come to every fight, cheer him on, you've learned how to wrap his hands for him. You've learned the rules and different techniques. You've even helped him train one day when Harrison was sick, not that Tom trained hard with you but some training is better than none. Tom never knew you thought he'd quit. And it just doesn't make any sense.

Tom opens his mouth but you start talking first. "I'm glad you're okay." You say as you suck in a breath, putting your hand on Tom's, Tom nodding in response. "But, I think I'm gonna go home, get some sleep and stuff."

You go to get up but Tom moves his hand onto yours, stopping you. "Stay." He says, his eyes begging but his voice still weak and a bit hoarse.

You chew your lip as you shake your head. "I, uh, I can't call off, ya know? So, I should really go home." You lie.

Tom lets go of your hand, defeat in his eyes knowing he can't ask you to skip work for him. "Right." He nods slowly. "Uh...was just wondering if you wanted to have a movie night or somethin' when I get outa here? Get take out, just us."

Maybe this is what is making it so hard to watch him fight and watch him lay in a hospital bed. It's like you two have been a little bit in limbo. It's like you both kind of know you have feelings for each other and you act like it, you basically go on dates just without specifically calling them dates, and neither of you really have said anything. You've been happy just doing what you guys are doing for right now but maybe that's the problem because you do like him, you more than just like him and being in limbo and watching all of this unfold is too much. It's too painful.

"Um...I think...." You let out a sigh. "I think I just need some space."

"Oh." Tom says, disappointment in his voice. "W-why?"

You gesture at him, feeling tears swell in the back of your eyes. "This." Your voice breaks a little.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Tom's bows are furrowed and you can see the pain in his eyes.

Your mouth opens but you don't know how to just blurt it all out. "I just....I don't know if I can stand by and watch you get hurt all the time."

"This is the first time--"

"Not for me." You cut him off. "This isn't the first time I've watched you get hurt. A black eye after every fight, okay but now you're getting cut up and the bruises are worse than ever before. You've gotten kicked so hard you couldn't walk the next day. I've seen bruises form almost instantly and now you're in the hospital. I don't know how can I watch this happen again and I don't know if I can watch it all keep happening."

"You knew that when we started..." Tom trials off and it's like it all hits him at once.

What did you start? You started as friends but this isn't...whatever is happening between the two of you. The dates that aren't dates and the movie nights that always end in cuddling and the stolen glances while you're out with friends. The way you look at him and he looks at you. This isn't friends. And he knows you know that, too.

"Started?" You ask, the room suddenly seeming so quiet you could hear a pin drop.

"I don't know." Tom shrugs.

It just goes completely silent. That's just kind of the end of it because Tom isn't willing to just ask now. He doesn't want to know what you started, not with wanting space suddenly and him being n the hospital. It's hard for him, too and you don't even realize it. He's the one in the hospital and this is his passion, the career he chose. So, maybe, if Tom just shuts up and lets you have your space, it'll give him time to process what this all is and where it's even supposed to be going.

"I'm...gonna go then." You say and all Tom can do is nod, looking away from you.

And that's just it. You walk out of the hospital room and head home. You know there's something unsaid in that hospital room but you're afraid to as and maybe the reason you're afraid to ask is because you know the reason. He feels the same way you do but he's afraid of something. You're afraid of watching him get hut and losing him over it, but what's he so afraid of?

He sits in his hospital bed and it's like everything is swirling around, just circling the drain. You really thought he would quit? One bad fight and you just think he'll quit? It's almost insulting. Just almost because...you thought he'd quit. So that means, all this, all the training and conditioning is taking its toll on you. And how's he supposed to be the one to do that to you? If you're constantly worried about him, how are you ever supposed to be happy? So, maybe whatever the hell has been going on with guys, isn't supposed to go any further than this. Maybe it was just what it was, friends. Friends to almost something. He can't do that to you and if he were willing to, what if allowing himself to really be in love with you, distracts him?

He definitely is not going to give this up. He loves it more than anything in the world so he will not give it up. But he won't ask you to stay and he won't ask you to wait. And he's so scared that he allows himself this tiny bit of happiness, this tiny bit of something, he'll be more cautious and in this sport, he can't be cautious. It is ruthless. He can't worry about you worrying in the crowd or at home. He needs to focus so maybe this space thing is a good idea.

The space thing, for you, you weren't sure how long you'd intend for it to last. It was definitely longer than a week but a week has gone by and the only thing you can think about is Tom. Being away from him hasn't been the stress-reliever you were hoping for. Sure, it's been nice not having to worry about him but...maybe you're just not worrying about him because you know he can't fight or even train right now. You know he'll be out until he's healed. It's being away from him, not talking to him, not seeing him. Just left completely in the dark that has you realizing, your fear of him getting hurt isn't really worth being away from him.

So, you text him. And then text him again. And again over the course of a few days and all you get is read receipts. So, you call and you get sent to voicemail where you leave a voicemail but never receive a phone call back and you can't help but think, you just ruined everything for asking for space. Which isn't quite right either because you have the right to just ask for space and it was only a few days but in those days, Tom seems to not only accept you wanting space but also, participate in growing the space between you.

Luckily though, Harrison is also your friend and he keeps you updated. He lets you know that Tom is healing fine and he's still the same old, just itching to get better and get a fight again. And when he's all healed up, Harrison lets you know that he got the all-clear and training started again. Then there was the text about his next fight, more than four months after you had last seen him. And, to be honest, you wouldn't go but if you don't, you'll never forgive yourself if something happens and you're not that, and Harrison says you should. Because, even though Tom is ignoring you, he'd want you there.

So, you go.

Tom's in the ring and he's ready. His adrenaline is pumping and he's so thrilled to be back in this ring, he doesn't even feel the slightest bit of nerves. But, then he looks to the crowd, right where you would normally be and you're not there. And, it hurts but he can't focus on that right now because he has to fight but...he really thought, somehow, you would just know and you'd show up.

Little does Tom know, you waited. You waited until the bell rings for the first time to go towards the front and watch. Based on everything you know about Tom, if he were to see you before the fight, it might distract him and of all times, you don't want to distract him from his first fight back. So, you just kept your distance and showed up late just to make sure you wouldn't run into him. Just to be safe and it seemed to work because before you know it, the anxiety that always floods your veins is over with the last bell and Tom is the one jumping around this time, proud of his win with his first time back, still showing off some bruises and a few cuts, but happy and proud of himself nonetheless.

Once the fight is over, you make your way towards Harrison, taking your shot at actually seeing Tom, if just to congratulate him on the win. And when Tom does see you, while he's so proud of himself, it's seeing you that makes him feel the most relieved. You came. But, you were supposed to be giving yourself space and maybe he didn't make it clear but he also wanted it so while he's relieved, the fear of everything about you is weighing on him and he just wants to know why the hell you're here.

So, once he's free from the ring to go to the locker room, he meets with you and he's covered in sweat and his curls are damp and he looks amazing, better than you remember really but he does not look pleased. And he definitely isn't by how he grabs your hand, pulling you along with him, to the room where he was set to get ready.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Tom asks, almost demanding an answer.

"Uh, supporting you?" You shake your head, appalled at the question.

"Didn't ask you to."

"What..." You stare at him, narrowed eyes, confused as all hell. "What are you talking about? I'm just..."

"You said you wanted space." Tom presses, his hands gesturing out in frustration.

"Yeah? And I know you got my texts and my phone calls and my voicemails. You ignored me."

"Because you said you wanted space!"

The frustration of the unknown and worry is just building and ready to burst out of the seams as Tom yells. Seeing you, that's his catharsis. He saw you and that was it, and it's always been like that, but this time, while you give him all of that relief, he remembers you in his hospital room and it all hurts all over again and it's so frustrating. Because he loves you and it's not fair that now he's so confused about how he's supposed to handle anything and what he's even supposed to do.

"And I got it! What is your damn problem!? You were the one who was pissed I wanted space and not you're pissed I don't want space? What the hell is going on with you?" You toss your hands up in annoyance, just wanting Tom to talk to you.

Tom huffs and scoffs and it just comes out. "I think I'm in love with you and that scares the crap out of me."

And there's that groundbreaking silence that takes over the room. What the hell did he just say? He's in love with you? And that's his problem? Why is that a problem and why do you scare him?

"W-what?" You ask, face just completely dropped in shock.

Tom lets out a sigh and he runs a hand through his hair. "I'm....I'm so scared of being in love with you because I can't give this up but 'm not gonna stop doin' it either and I don't wanna lose you, either. I'm scared that if you love me back....I'll be distracted cause you don't want me to do this and I'll feel like I gotta be more careful and I can't do that." Tom just blurs it all out before he actually has time to process what he's saying.

While you were realizing you were in love with him and you didn't want to be away from him, Tom was realizing he was in love with you but he did want to be away from you. Sometimes being in love with someone, isn't as easy as telling them and being together. Sometimes it's that people just need space to figure it all out and Tom just hasn't and seeing you and that scares him even more because he still doesn't get it and he doesn't know how he's supposed to balance all of it.

"I'm not gonna ask you to quit..." You say, your voice quiet, Tom barely able to hear you.

"I-I thought..you wanted me to."

"I mean, yeah I do because I worry but...for me. I want you to be happy and this makes you happy, that's okay and I'm still gonna be here." You chew your lip.

And it's so had to say it even though he just said it to you. You're scared because he just said he loves you because he's scared and it doesn't sound like he wants to be with you. So, if you tell him you love him, he might reject you anyway and is that something you can handle? But, you do love him, very much which is why you are willing to stick by him through all of this and maybe he should know that.

"I can't be distracted."

"I know." You nod your head. "I...I...I love you, too. I mean." You suck in a breath and decide to just let everything come out of your mouth. "That's why watching this sucks so much because I love you and I don't know what I would do without you but then I was without you and it was terrible. So, if being with you, friends or more or whatever, means I have to watch this and deal with it, then I will because being with you through this and getting this time with you is better than not getting any more time with you at all."

Just like that, just with your words, Tom's entire body finally relaxes. You're willing to stick this out for him, for his career, for his happiness. You're willing to watch him get hurt and help him through it because that's who you are and you love him and fuck does he love you, too.

"Are you sure? Because if you're not--"

"I'm positive. I wouldn't have come tonight if I wasn't. Don't worry about me."

"I won't be careful." There's a tiny hint of a grin on Tom's face as he takes a step towards you.

"Are you ever?" You quip, closing the space between you.

"Nope." Tom chuckles but you cut him off, kissing him, deeply but quickly. Tom's cheeks a cherry red when you pull apart but there's not an ounce of him that's even scared anymore because he has the reassurance that he can do this and he can do it with you by his side. "About that movie?"

"Are we calling it a date this time?" There's a cheeky grin plastered across your face.

"Yes, darlin'. A date." Tom nods, bushing his lips against yours before kissing you once more, and wrapping his arms you, pulling you close to him.