Zachary should have just shut his mouth.

     At least that's what he couldn't stop repeating to himself in his head throughout Tuesday and Wednesday. He'd gone and muddled something that was doing quite fine with his dumb spur-of-the-moment declaration of love. It was like when he was younger, and everyone would be having fun and doing fine, and he couldn't just ride out the pain for an extra half hour. He just had to complain that his chest felt funny, that his head hurt, or that there was a sharp pain in his stomach. He just had to say something to ruin, something that was already fine with his impatience.

     Leroy had seemed frazzled the rest of that Monday evening and had all but run away when he'd decided to go home. The whole evening had been painfully awkward. They hadn't even said goodbye to each other, and Leroy avoided looking Zachary in the eyes when the older man walked him to the door.

     He spent most of Tuesday and Wednesday throwing himself at work, and even when his fingers started to cramp up and his vision began to blur staring at his laptop screen, he switched to penning down his ideas for the project. He just needed his mind to be on something—anything but be idle enough to think of the stunned look on Leroy's face when he had admitted the feelings he'd been dealing with for a while. He couldn't help wondering that maybe he'd scared Leroy off—that maybe he had just truly been an experiment for someone who was down in their luck dating women. No matter how often he tried to convince himself that Leroy probably felt the same way about him—or at least was building up to it—the little voice at the back of his head made him doubt that by insisting that there was no way that was the case.

     Why would Leroy even love him?

     What would be the appeal?

     He was average-looking and had just gotten his first job at thirty. He might even lose it in the coming months, but he didn't want to think about that. He wasn't the most interesting or the most outgoing. They spent most of their time curled up in bed because Zachary was in some level of pain. They had never even gone for a walk.

     Zachary didn't think he could manage a walk.

     And that was pathetic in a way that made his eyes burn and his confidence wane.

     "Fuck," he sighed, noticing his vision blur even more from the thin sheet of tears that were starting to cloud his gaze. "Why did I have to ruin it?" he scolded himself, blinking back his tears before putting his work aside. He was done for the day. It was a bit early at three o'clock in the afternoon, but he would sign out, anyway, and let his teammates know.

     He spent the rest of the afternoon reading and trying to get his mind off stuff. He and Leroy didn't have their daily over-the-phone chat—it was the second day in a row, and he was starting to feel a little depressed.

     Maybe this was the end?

     Would Leroy reach out to him at the end of the week and put him down, or would he let things slowly fade until they weren't talking to each other much at all? Sometimes Zachary would pick up his phone and toy with the idea of messaging first, but after having a back and forth with himself he would drop the plan, deciding that he didn't want to make things more awkward than they already were.

     It was safe to say that Zachary spent most of his time trying to read, worrying, and pacing instead. He settled on curling up in bed with his back against a wall of pillows he had built behind him and his legs sitting on top of his duvet. He was still not paying much attention to the novel he had opened on his lap in front of him, but now he wasn't going to hurt himself by pacing too much or pulling at his hair.

     Zachary had all but read two pages when his phone buzzed, and the hairs on his skin stood tall when his screen flashed bright beside him. Aside from his sister who texted him infrequently to relay news, only one other person texted or called him.

     Zach bit down on his bottom lip, fighting the urge to look at his phone. He stayed still, like a deer caught in headlines as the screen went dark again. He felt himself relax a little and then he started panicking, wondering what the text could possibly be about. Maybe Leroy didn't want to be in a relationship anymore—or maybe he had sent the dreaded 'we need to talk' text. Well, whatever it was, Zachary clearly wanted no business with it. He was fine living in a world where Leroy thought he was amazing, smart, and attractive for a bit longer.

     Zachary must have sat in what was his personal hell for about an hour before curiosity got the better of him and he picked up the phone. A sinking feeling in his stomach formed, and he got nervous as he unlocked the phone screen before tapping the icon of the messaging app.

     When Zach did see the message at first, he'd been confused, wondering if he had read it correctly. He blinked a couple of times and re-examined the message, and only then did he believe what his eyes were telling him.

     Message from: Leroy.

     I love you. I really do.

     Wednesday, 7:13 PM.

     Zach's face flooded with warmth, and he could feel his heartbeat against his ribcage as he reread the message over and over and over again. He fixated on the message, letting his eyes hyper-focus on the word 'love'. Leroy was saying he loved him—Leroy loved him. His head felt as if it was spinning as he soaked in the reality of the situation. At first, he tried to type out a message but gave up, deciding to call instead.

     Zachary dialed Leroy's number and pressed call, listening to the phone ring as he waited for the man to answer.

     "Leroy?" Zachary muttered into the phone when the other man picked up.

     "Yes?" Leroy said from the other end. He was a bit muffled, but he seemed to be moving about—possibly in bed—from the sound of clothes rustling.

     "Eh, I got your text," Zachary said, blinking before looking out through the window. It was getting dark now, and the sun was nowhere in sight. "I just thought I should call to make sure..." Zachary trailed, looking up at the ceiling as he sighed. "Do you mean it?"

     The line was quiet for a while, and for a moment panic ran through Zach's mind as he wondered if Leroy was going to take it back—call it a mistake—break his heart within the same hour he had lifted it—

     "Yes," Leroy said, making Zach blink. "I love you. I really do."

     Hearing the words instead of reading them made Zach's stomach do a peculiar thing. It was in between a flip and a churn. It was probably because Zachary was so overwhelmed with happiness yet suffering from unquenchable anxiety. It didn't matter if he felt weirdly ill due to the whole ordeal, though, because just knowing that Leroy felt the same way about him was enough to ignore the feeling of nausea dipped in butterflies.

     "Oh my God," Zach said as he dropped his phone on the bed beside him. He brought his knees to his chest and covered his eyes with his palms. "Oh my God," he repeated, feeling his eyes sting with tears of joy and relief.

     "I love you so much," Zachary said, trying to taste the feeling of the words on his tongue when they weren't laced with guilt and uncertainty. "I love you so much, fuck," he repeated, blinking back his tears before aggressively rubbing his eyes with the sleeve of his sweater.

     "Zach—"

     "You don't know how much I've been worrying..."

     "Zach—"

     "I thought you were going to break up with me. It felt like I was losing my mind," Zachary continued, blubbering as he tried to compose himself. "I'm so relieved."

     "I'm sorry," Leroy said from the other end. "For all of that—for doing this to you—twice," Leroy mumbled, reminding them of the last time they'd barely talked for days. "I just overthink things, and take space, and I know it's hard on you..." Leroy trailed. "I really do love you, though. I think about you and all I want to do is make sure you're safe, that you're happy, and that you have everything you deserve..." Leroy said. "It's clearly not just a physical thing at all, and I needed time to process all that."

     The call went a bit silent for a bit until Zachary spoke up.

     "I want to see you," Zachary mumbled into the phone line when it was quiet.

     "You can see me now, I can drive over or come get you, and you can stay at mine," Leroy said, and Zachary thought about it for a bit but noticed the time—well past eight. It was a bit late, and Zachary had done everything except relax for the past two days. He needed sleep and didn't think staying up with Zachary would be a good idea—even if he really wanted to meet Leroy, so he could give him the deepest kiss possible while it was fresh on his mind. Gosh, he'd probably die if Leroy told him he loved him in person.

     "Maybe the day after tomorrow. I really need sleep," Zachary said after a while.

     "Oh okay," Leroy muttered. "Why not tomorrow?"

     "I have to go for new prescriptions," Zachary said. "Nothing too fancy. I'm stopping at the doctor's for a brief check-up."

     "Why can't I take you?" Leroy asked. "I could drive you."

     "I'll take a cab," Zach muttered. "You have work. I'm going in the middle of the day."

     "I can call in for lunch—"

     "It's okay, I promise," Zach said, cutting the younger man off.

     The call stayed quiet for a while before Zach spoke again.

     "You know, I'm pretty sure you told me when we were still getting to know each other that you had your license but didn't drive a lot because you were afraid of getting into accidents," Zachary said.

     There was a sigh from the other. "Well... Err, yeah. I guess wanting to take you places led from one thing to the other," Leroy said. "I just—not wanting to drive because I'm afraid of road bumps is a bit silly when you need to go to the doctor or hang out."

     Zach wasn't sure what to think about that. "Even if you don't like it?"

     "I don't like driving, but I like driving you around," Leroy said, and Zachary could feel the edge of his lips twitching into a smile.

     "Leroy."

     "Hmm?"

     "I love you."

     The words were firmer this time—more assured and drenched in sweetness. Hearing himself say each word after the other gave Zachary such an unimaginable thrill. He could say it again just so he could feel himself swoon—he would say it again just for the adrenaline rush. Again, and again, and again.

     He loved Leroy, and he was so incredibly happy he got to express it.