She woke up with her head aching, eyelids heavy, and she was afraid to open them. Still, she opened her eyes slowly, frightened thinking what she might see.

The first thing she noticed was a white wall. She was lying on a bed. A machine making an annoying monotonous sound and a disgusting yet sweet medicine like smell. The smell of hospitals which she really hated.

She tried moving her eyes around. Her head gave a sharp pain and she shut her eyes close for a moment then opened them again. She tried to rise up and realized there were several patches on her face. Bandages covering her arms and legs.

Jungkook was sitting in front of her. Watching her with a lost look on his face, the same look he had on him when she fainted. "Are you okay now?" He asked with his deep voice low.

She stared at him blankly. Was he really there? Or was it just her imagination.

"Your aunt and uncle are here. They will come soon," he whispered for no reason.

She kept silent until she spoke after a few quiet moments.

"I... I thought you said you came back from coma after three weeks."

Her voice sounded hoarse. It was hurting even to talk. He couldn't be her imagination, he just couldn't. Everything about him felt real. His existence felt real.

He blinked watching her. He didn't think she would catch on this fast. Sighing, he balled his fists. This was going to be hard to explain.

"I did came back. But I died later," he paused for a second.

"Three years ago I died in a bus accident. 18 people including 17 passengers and a passer by died. I was the passer by."

Her world spun around and she felt out of breath. She couldn't scream 'I don't believe you,' or 'stop joking' even though she wanted to. Because inside, somehow she knew what he saying was true.

"It was a tragic accident and people mourned for days. Candles, memorials, they left so many things. I remember you visiting with other peoples including my parents." He continued.

"I remember because I was the only one who got left in that place. I was the only one who had to stay after the accident."

Silent tears escaped her eyes without her realizing, as she watched him saying everything as he was looking down on his fists. He looked so real, yet he wasn't?

His name. Did it feel so familiar because his name was written everywhere in newspapers and tv channels when they showed the dead's names? Her eyes glanced over that name so many times when they showed her mom's name with the others.

"Why?" She asked with her voice shaking.

"I..in my case it wasn't an accident." He clenched his fists so hard that his knuckles turned white.

"I attempted suicide, again."

Before she could ask he continued, "I was disappointed in myself. I tried so hard but nothing changed. I couldn't go back to how I was." His body shook and she knew he was crying.

"Everything changed. Everyone was nice to me after I came back from the coma but it all felt like a lie. I wasn't regretting back then. I regretted why I didn't die!"

How could he? She wanted to cry out loud. How could he attempt it again.

"I couldn't try living anymore. It was so hard. Dying felt easier than going through the same shit every day. People looking down on me, do you think I couldn't feel it?" Anger rose in his voice.

Tears trickled down his cheeks and Soojin felt a strong urge to wipe them herself but she didn't and looked away crying. "Then why do you regret it now?"

"Because if I didn't die I might've changed something. If I tried harder. Dying changed nothing. My parents cried, my brother cried but everything went back to normal soon." He was shaking but felt calmer than before. "Meanwhile I was the only one who lost his chances."

"I was 17 at that time. If I was alive I would be 21 now. My bullies, my classmates, they go to college now. I thought I was the only one going through depression but I wasn't." He wiped his cheek again as a teardrop fell. "The world doesn't revolve around me."

"Being stuck here. What did it change? People moved on. Those people that died in the accident with me all went away immediately." He looked in her teary eyes. "Including your mom."

"I stayed, not because it was a suicide. Because I regretted it. I thought I didn't but deep down I did, seeing everyone having their life while my time had stopped right here. I wished I could go back again and maybe that was the pay for my sin."

"Then," water kept falling down her eyes but she still managed to talk. "Then why did you say you are going away today?"

He bit his dry lips and looked down. " I wasn't sure at first and I thought I would be stuck here until the end of time. But then I met others like me and I was told it was only for three years."

"After the mournful days, sinners like me who are stuck here are given three years to atone for their sins. If they go past their regrets and forget they can move onto after life." He sighed giving a frail smile. "At least that's what they told me."

She ignored his weak smile as she could only feel how much it hurt him all these years. "And if they.. don't?"

"They become phantoms or something like that. Stuck here until time stops or the world dies. They forget their identities but can't forget their regrets. Most people can't go past their regrets so that's what happens to them."

"That will happen to you..?" Her voice cracked.

"I don't know. It was my last day here and I was prepared for it until I saw you."

"I knew you would have the same fate and I wasn't that strong to get you out of it. It was all happening and I saw you all night there getting prepared to die." His deep voice filled the air and she grasped each word.

"As I said, that place was my favorite and I've seen you many times there before. I was always in front of you, you know." He smiled a little. "But you could never see me just like other people."

"Then... How?"

"I don't know. I knew it would be pointless to try talking to you since you wouldn't be able to listen. But I just couldn't sit back and watch when the train started approaching you. So I gathered all my willpower and attempted to talk to you." 

"And you saw me. For the first time in three years, someone looked in my eyes. I don't know how it happened. But then I realized maybe it was a chance that life was giving you. I lost all my chances but I didn't want You to lose yours too."

"So I stayed with you. I wanted to show you your chances to live, by hearing your wishes. I wasn't the one granting them. I just listened and I was surprised myself. But then I realized," he paused again.

"That it was my chance too. Life was giving me another chance even though I no longer lived."

"As I spent time with you and your death wish faltered slowly a little by little. Your aunt contacted you, you didn't have to think of dying anymore. This was the only day I completely forgot about my regrets spending time with you."

"After three years this was the first time I felt like I was living again."

She silently cried hearing it all and after a moment she felt his hand touching hers. She held onto it.

"Your hand is warm." He said feeling her warmth passing through her hand. Unlike her, he didn't have any temperature. "Never try to die again Soojin."

This was the first time he had called her by name. "Life is full of chances, you just have to find them." His grip got tighter. "And grab onto them like this."

"You sound like an old man." She said smiling yet crying.

"I am! I feel like a very old man staying here doing nothing for three years." He smiled showing his teeth. "Can you imagine?"

She shook her head laughing and found a sound of the door creaking open.

Her aunt, uncle and a doctor came inside. "She woke up!" Her aunt screamed and ran to her crying. She looked tired and older than the last time Soojin saw her. "Soojin ah everything is okay now." She held Soojin in her arms.

The doctor called for a nurse and it soon started getting busy. Her aunt was saying things, that Soojin's dad had hit her head but he gained consciousness and was in police's custody. And saying how much she regretted leaving soojin with that beast but none of that mattered to Soojin.

Her eyes were only looking for him. And he was gone.

When she realized he won't be coming back again she broke down in tears and everyone thought she was having a sudden mental shock.

The police left to start their investigations later and her aunt tried calming her down. The doctor asked to bring sedatives since she was going crazy.

But she wasn't. She was only crying for the last time since she thought of living again. She was only crying for him.

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a/n : epilogue coming tomorrow. Feel free to ask if you have any questions.