It is one night. Zayn is sitting alone on the couch. Disney Channel is reruning Toy Story. Zayn unconsciously forces a bitter smile when there was that part when Buzz Lightyear and Woody was having a fight. It jogs his memory. That night when it all began and ended. He didn’t remember the reason it occurred. He was fighting with Liam. He smacked Liam. The poor boy growled in pain. His face was glittered with unsaid word, but Zayn didn’t have time to make it out. He was too busy at shouting and going all the way with the brutal fists.

Zayn can feel the tears threaten to stream down his pale face as Buzz and Woody make up in the movie. Yeah, it is in the movie that they remain friends, but why isn’t reality as simple as that? Life has taught him a different story, for Liam and Zayn can never be the same. The curtains have been closed, and the door has been violently slammed in front of him. Liam is with Niall now. They moved in some days after the fight. Niall went to his house to pick up Liam's stuff. Zayn has met Liam several times by chance after the breakup. Everyone’s been telling him Liam is suffering a rough time and he needs Zayn there to console him, not Niall. But it is, to Zayn, lies, considering he has never seen Liam cry ever since. How he wants to say sorry to Liam, and how he wants to injure Niall and receives a life sentence, Zayn can’t. He was one who hurt Liam. Not Niall. Not anyone. And Liam seems to go on well with his life, his perfect life with his new boyfriend…

Zayn absently picked up his phone and dialled Liam’s number, which was still top of his list. He had never felt such tingling sensation of calling Liam. He knows it will be a sign of weakness. Hasn’t he promised Simon that day he will quit Liam so that the band can still be on top of the chart? Hasn’t he promised Liam’s family to leave Liam now that he can carry on with his spotlight? Hasn’t he promised himself not to give in to his heart? It was his choice. And it still is. Although now he doesn’t exactly know if he has made a mistake or not. It was 2 years, wasn’t it? He is still counting everyday. Every bit of his pain, everyday of his missing Liam.

It is raining outside. If his mind doesn’t play trick on him, it was the same the day Liam left. He had stood on the balcony, ignoring the pouring rain which was splattering in his face as he proceeded on walking out in the fading sky, looking at Liam’s running figure. He remembered how his heart clench as Liam suddenly fell on his knees, how Liam looked into the grey and screamt at the top of his lung, how Liam sobbed inconsolably. And Zayn stood there suffering the torment for hours before managing to reach out for the phone.

Zayn called Niall.

He knew Niall was the one who would give his everything to be with Liam. And he wasn’t making a mistake as it didn’t take long for Niall to rush by Liam side, having him wrapped up in a blanket, rubbing his cold soaked face and whispered endearingly into his ears. Zayn saw everything. And at that rate, his heart died. He was still smiling, though. In pain.

Zayn drives out of the house in the rain. He reaches a small apartment, which he believes Niall and Liam are living in. Liam didn’t move into another apartment after the day Zayn kicked him out and that assured Zayn he is staying with Niall. Zayn looks up to find the curtains are closed, the TV is on and two men are sitting on the couch, one lying and one sitting straight. Zayn heedlessly sighs.

He sits still in the car for hours, smirking at Liam and Niall’s sweet figures. Hardly do they know they are under Zayn’s observation.

“You have to settle this right, Zayn, once and for all. You can’t continue living like this. This is a vicious circle! Even Liam move on!” Zayn talks with baited breath and mentally slaps himself for his idiocy.

He took a deep breath. “Maybe it’s better to die in heaven than live in hell.” Smile as Zayn picks up his phone.

And the bell strikes

“H-Hello?” A small nervous voice on the other line. “W-Who’s there?”

“… Long time no see Li. How’ve you been?” Zayn tried to suppress his sob. You’re not supposed to come across weak, Zayn. Be strong.

“Zayn?”

“Correct. 1-0”

Silence on the other line. Zayn looks up to find no sign of Liam’s sitting. So far, he has left the room. Yeah Zayn guesses it's for Niall’s sake. No boyfriend wants to see his boyfriend talking to an ex. Especially someone special like Niall. Yeah, someone special.

“Where are you now?”

“What do you mean?” Zayn quickly responds and peers his head out of the window. He wants to make sure Liam can not see him there.

“I heard the rain. Are you at home? Are you on the street? Why are you calling me? Are you ok now?” Liam’s voice is fulled of concern and it breaks Zayn a little. Liam has always been such a gentle man. Why did Zayn ever let him go?

Without thinking, Zayn replies. “I’m looking at you from your yard Liam.”

“What?” Liam was taken aback, Zayn can tell by the sound of his voice through the phone. “Wait a min. I’ll be right there.”

And the line goes dead.

No this is not what Zayn wants. He doesn’t want to see Liam in person. He is afraid he might break down in front of the boy and Liam will be too kind to reject and then they will have to live in pretence the rest of their life.

Zayn throws the useless phone to the backseat and gets out of the car. It’s still raining dogs and cats. He lets the cold hard water scratch his skin, soak his body, dull his memory, freeze his heart.

He stares blankly at the sky. Wow grey looks great on him. Zayn doesn’t know til now.

“Zayn what are you doing here?” Suddenly, a manly voice from behind him speaks.

Liam is there, only a few steps away…. And then he stops. Zayn looks at him nonchalantly. Liam didn’t change a bit. Well, his hair is different and his face is much paler than the last time they were together, but generally speaking, Liam didn’t change a bit. They stare at each other’s eyes. It was the same as some years ago…. Zayn’s are soulless while Liam’s are determined and caring.

“Can we get back together?” All of a sudden, Zayn breaks the ice. His face remains expressionless.

Much to Zayn surprise, Liam puts on a brave face, also shows no sign of emotion. “You chose to leave me and the band.”

“I couldn’t cope with the pressure.” Zayn lies. Well, half-lie. He can’t cope with the pressure of being with Liam and receives hates from everyone, including his own family.

“What makes you think you can now?” Liam reprimands.

“I don’t think I can. But I want to get back with you. I want you back. It will be a living hell without you.”

“It’s been two years-”

“Two years of living without knowing the reason of why I exist.” Zayn chims in. He knows what Liam is going to say, and he doesn’t want to waste time on listening to the rest.

“I’m with Niall now, Zayn.” His words are loud and clear.

“I know.” Zayn smiles victoriously. “And you should have stayed with him inside the house, not here with me under the pouring rain.”

“YOU were wet.”

“So?”

“I-I-” Liam stutters unspoken words.

“Sorry Liam.” Zayn says. He doesn’t know whether the water on his face is raindrops or tears, nor does he care. “You can go back to your house now. I suppose Niall is waiting for you. I’m just thinking of letting the feelings out in the rain. Hopefully it will be washed away. And I mean the guilt, not the love, for it was inscribed deeply on my heart. A scar that was rendered by you. Wow, I feel relieved for finally making it clear between us.” Zayn turns his back and suppresses a sob, walking straight to his car, afraid that he might just lie down and die because of a heart attack.

Without any warning, Liam’s voice cracks into million pieces. “You call that clear? You’re an idiot. Why must you always there when I try to- *sob*- forget.”

Zayn doesn’t know what has happened. “I hurt you bad, didn’t I?” He finally turns around. And needless to say, the two of them know the other is crying. Their tears blend in with the rain.

“You ARE hurting me.”

“That’s never been my intention.” Zayn exclaims.

“But you still do. Unconsciously do.” Liam weeps.

“I won’t do it again.” Zayn feels like he’s making a vow.

“How do I know for sure you won’t hurt me again?” Liam needs reassurance.

“You don’t know for sure.”  But Zayn can't give him.

“Wh-?”

“But I can guarantee I’ll take responsible and I’ll love you. Forever and always.” Zayn smiles. He knows that's what he can give.

“Do you?” Liam quirks his eyebrows suspiciously.

“I love you. Was. Am. Will.”

“…”

This is an unexpected result. He has never thought Liam can forgive him for the things he did. And it was more than a dream to him. Zayn giggles madly. “You can choose to go inside with Niall now.”

Liam nods his head in acknowledgement. “I would be going back with Niall right now to finish the movie. But since you’re wet and we’re all wet, I suggest going somewhere else warmer being Niall doesn’t like his house soaking. Especially when he got a date tonight.”

“What?” Zayn stares wide-eyed. He thought-. He has never read about it on the news.

“Niall got a date. Surprise?” Liam repeats with a mischievious smirk.

“So you’ll be mine?” Zayn finds himself dumb asking such question. He slaps himself, not mentally, literally.

“Was. Am. Will.” Liam’s voice is music to Zayn’s ears.

“W-w-wow. Thought I would never get the chance to hear that.” The sky clears up and it’s a cliché to see the tears streaming down Zayn’s face.

“Thought you would never ask me to return.” At this point, Liam succeeds in suppressing his tears. Guess all those days he’s in misery has really paid him off.

Smile. “I love you.”

Smile. “I love you too.”