A/N

So my sister came over for the holidays, and I got her to play Undertale, and then fangirl with me over it.

Now, she's already pretty deep into the Transformers fandom, and, when she learned that I write UT fanfics... this happened.

Just a couple things I think oughta be noted before you begin-
1) most of this was written very late-- err, early, as in, after midnight.
2) it was intended to be a CRACK FIC, but then... Sans and Sideswipe took it and ran with it.
3) All of it was written just by passing a laptop back and forth, switching parts.
4) it's probably SUPER typo-y because of notes 1 and 3, but I really don't feel like editing it now.

Anyway! Enjoy!

§

"Sunny... There's a skeleton. And it's not dead. Is that normal?"

Sans looked up at the massive robots. "hey. speak for yourself, pal. last i checked, giant robots weren't exactly normal either."

Sideswipe struck an offended pose as his yellow brother muttered, "Don't call me 'Sunny'," behind him. "Ex-cuse me! I come from a whole planet of giant robots! We're as normal as you get!"

"oh. well. i'm from a country of monsters. so that's, uh, pretty normal."

"Oh. I see. And there's another skeleton over there. Any relation?"

Sans looked again as said other skeleton neared. "hey bro. whassup?"

Papyrus started to speak, but then stopped, apparently only just noticing Sans' company. "Sans, are those... giant robots?"

Sans blinked slowly, his unmoving grin somehow appearing vaguely amused. "looks like it, yup."

"Why is everyone so surprised to see us all the time?" Sunstreaker groused. "I mean, if they come from a world of monsters, doesn't seem like robots would be that uncommon..."

"No idea. Either way, though... As interesting as living skeletons are, though, we should get moving..."

Papyrus looked a little crestfallen. "But we've only just met! I haven't even-"

Sans nudged Papyrus. "bro, I don't think they have time for your traps. they look puzzled enough as is."

Papyrus glared. "Sans. No."

Sideswipe snickered. "That was a good one."

"Almost as bad as you, Sides."

There was a distant roar, and the two mechs flinched.

Papyrus glanced around nervously, fingers twitching. Had anyone looked closely, they may have noticed a flicker of Magic around his fingers. Just as a good Royal Guardsman should be, he was ready to immediately summon an attack for defense.

Sans' expression, meanwhile, didn't change. "what, have we not metal of you giant robots?"

Sunstreaker's worried expression morphed into one of exasperation, then quickly back to worry when another roar sounded, closer this time. "Nowhere near. Whole planet, remember? Though the one who's coming now, you probably don't want to meet yet. He's... in a very bad mood."

"Yeah. Hence our hasty retreat."

And with that, the two robots simply seemed to fold, and in their places sat two shiny Lamborghinis, one red, one yellow.

Despite not actually having eyes, the taller of the two skeletons still had an incredibly starry-eyed expression. "Wowie! Sans--!" Papyrus gestured inarticulately at the sight of something quite nearly his dream car right in front of him.

Filling in for his brother, Sans stepped over to stand beside Sideswipe. "hey, mind if we tag along?"

The two powerful engines revved simultaneously, and the shorter skeleton's question was answered by the red car's doors swinging open. "Sure. As long as you get in right now."

Sans scrambled into the car, flopping headfirst into Sideswipe's driver seat, and Papyrus followed closely, albeit much more carefully.

The yellow mech had taken off already, and the red one followed suit, tires squealing as his doors slammed shut.

As Sideswipe shot forward and Papyrus just grinned, too enamored with the whole situation, Sans more or less sat up in his seat, hands having never left his jacket pockets. "so, uh, you mind cluing us in on what's going on here? cuz, uh, we're kinda driving in blind here. I mean, I don't wanna steer you wrong, I really appreciate that you let us trail along, but-"

"SANS!" Papyrus interrupted. "You're horrible!" Not quite sure where to address his next comment, as he seemed to be inside the person he was talking to, Papyrus continued while looking more or less ahead. "I apologize for my brother's awful sense of humor."

Sans snorted. "aw, c'mon, pap. throw me a bone. it's not that bad, and I put a-"

"Sans! No!"

"skele-ton of work into it!"

Sideswipe's laughter emanated from the speakers. "Well, see, I might have made Ironhide a teensy tiny bit irritated."

Sunstreaker's voice, with a hint of static, came through next. "'Might? Sideswipe, you put glittery, neon pink paint in his cannons! Prowl's gonna put us in the brig for months."

Papyrus looked slightly mollified- he was suddenly reminded of the time Sans had balanced a bucket of blue paint on top of a door, and waited for Papyrus to walk in.

Sans, meanwhile, snickered. "sounds like you really had a blast. I cannon't imagine how that must have looked."

Sideswipe snickered in reply, and the snickers slowly grew into full on belly-laughs. "Oh my Primus! Sunstreaker, can I keep him?"

The yellow Twin growled lowly over the comm. "It looks pink. And glittery. And like you're about to die. And no, Sides, you can not keep him."

Papyrus, who had decided that getting a good scope of the situation was more important at the moment than scolding Sans, (but there was no doubt about it that he would be scolding his older brother later,) said, "So, just to be clear, you put paint in... Ironhide, you said?... You put paint in his cannons and now he's chasing you down?"

"That's about it!" Sideswipe said cheerily.

The edges of Sans' grin lifted. "sounds like one wild ride!"

Papyrus let out a growl of frustration. Sunstreaker did too.

"Hey, We've gotta keep entertained somehow! It's pretty boring around the base, sometimes."

"Sides, personally, I think there are better ways. Ways that don't involve me getting my aft kicked for something you did. Why do I always get roped into this stuff, anyways?"

"you mean he trails you along?"

Papyrus steadfastly ignored Sans' pun. "Ugh! I know what you mean! One time Sans stole Undyne's spear, and she spent an hour talking to me about how I needed to talk to him! I mean, how am I ever supposed to be in the Royal Guard if I always have to take responsibility for my brother?"

"Well, I bet that doesn't beat the time Sides stole Prowl's favorite datapad right before a huge meeting. Prowl was late - not by much, but that doesn't really matter to him - and then had to find the slagging thing, and then he threw us both in the brig! Tell me, how does that work?" Sunstreaker rumbled.

"Or that time," Papyrus continued, "Sans hid hotdogs in the trees near the Dogi's sentry stations, and drove them nearly wild with the smell! Sans, you can't torture poor dogs like that!"

"hey," Sans interjected, "i gave them the h'dogs eventually. i'm not that cruel."

Papyrus threw up his hands, sighing exasperatedly. "That's besides the point! You distracted them from their jobs for nearly four hours! How is anyone supposed to get anything done with you pulling pranks all the time?!"

"Sideswipe hacked the basewide comms system once, to make anyone's voice who talked over it extra squeaky. Everyone was so busy laughing that they barely heard that the commander of the base was issuing an alert that 'Cons were at the walls, and was ordering everyone to their battle stations. We almost lost that battle... which would have lost the base to the-"

"OKAY, enough of that now!" Sideswipe interrupted. "Ironhide is still on our tail, and we need to duck and cover somewhere until this blows over a little!"

Sans leaned forward in his seat, looking out the windshield at the passing buildings. They had, some time ago, entered a city of sorts.

He pointed up the street at a quickly-approaching turnoff from the road. "there! turn there."

Tires squealed as the Twins rounded the corner just in time to pass through a light turning red. "What's this way?" Sideswipe inquired as they sped on, far above the legal limit.

"shortcut." Sans responded simply. "now turn there!" Then he thrust out a bony hand again, pointing to an alleyway that looked as if the twins would only just barely fit through it... and even from the road, they could all tell it was most definitely a dead end.

Used to responding immediately to authoritarian voices and sharply issued commands, two incredibly fancy, expensive cars fishtailed as they turned into the narrow crevice between two tall buildings, then abruptly squealed to a halt as a brick wall rose in front of them.

"Um. Shortcut?" Sideswipe intoned sarcastically. "This most definitely does not look like a 'shortcut'."

"don't worry. it is. keep going."

"Um."

"I am NOT scraping my paint for these... these brainless bones, Sideswipe," Sunstreaker snarled.

"aw, come on!" Sans protested. "i mean, it's a no-brainer that you would be a little nervous about driving full-speed at a brick wall, but I really do like to think that I'm more than a bag of bones, if only a little! it is a shortcut, I promise!"

Papyrus glanced a little at Sans, surprised. He knew how his brother hated making promises.

Sideswipe's engine revved nervously. The two skeleton monsters wondered how an engine rev could sound nervous, but this one somehow did. "Sunny, just... try it? Could be a hologram of some sort."

"Sensors say otherwise."

"A super advanced hologram?"

"Sides, even we don't have tech, that good. There's always a tell."

"seriously, guys." All the humor was gone from the shorter skeleton's voice. "not a prank. not a joke. not a hologram. it's a shortcut. I can get us outta here, easy as that, if ya trust me."

"Well," Papyrus interjected helpfully, "I trust you, Sans!"

Sans flashed him a wink. "thanks, bro. I guess, if you two really don't trust me, you can just let us out here, and we can be on our way. but, uh, sorry as I am to say it, i'm pretty sure that by the time you back outta here, your friend will have caught up to you."

Sunstreaker, the Twin farther up the alley, rolled forward slowly. "Forgive a bit of mistrust. Our species has only been in a war for an eaon or so. Trust doesn't come so easily, nowadays."

Despite the words, though, the two mechs moved forward. Sunstreaker's front bumper touched the wall - then went through it.

For half a moment, everything went black, and there was a peculiar sound, like the shwf of a small hole being torn in the fabric of spacetime before sealing itself back up. Then, with a flash of cyan-blue, the two mechs found themselves rolling out onto a road in a deserted countryside.

Sans leaned back in his seat, folding his hands behind his head. "see? told ya. shortcut."

"Well. Certainly some shortcut!" Sunstreaker exclaimed in a rare moment of non-growling.

"Reminds me of the one time I was doing jet-judo on Skywarp and he teleported." The whole car shuddered under and around the two skeletons. "Never. Again. But this wasn't that bad. Where are we, anyways?"

Sans shrugged. "not sure, exactly. things are so much bigger up here on the surface, and I really don't have all the geography memorized yet. it's pretty easy to, uh, get a bit lost. somewhere... idaho, I think? kansas? are those places even near each other? I dunno. but hey, point is, I got us outta there."

Papyrus, on the other hand, was not quite so laid back. "Sans! I was supposed to meet Undyne for a sparring match today! How will I get there on time?"

"And I go on duty in an hour!" Sunstreaker remembered abruptly. "Fraggit! I'm not getting in trouble for being late, or even not there at ALL on top of your slag with Ironhide, Sideswipe!"

"And we're in Iowa. GPS," Sideswipe said. "On the eastern border... near a town called 'Fruitland'." There was a moment of silence, then the red mech continued. "We're one thousand, nine hundered, and sixty miles from Mt. St. Helens."

"One thousand... FRAG YOU SIDESWIPE!"

"wow." Sans breathed. "one thousand, nine hundred, sixty miles? I didn't even know I could go that far."

"But you can get us back, right?" Papyrus asked. "I really don't want to be late!"

"i..." Sans shrugged. "i honestly don't know. I could try... but i've never gone this far before, and on top of that, i've never taken something so heavy as two cars through a shortcut before. i'm not entirely sure I have enough energy to make it back safely."

"Frag."

"I'm... just gonna comm Prowl."

"Sides-"

"What? He's gonna figure out sooner rather than later... best just to get it over with," Sideswipe said with a sigh. "And you guys mind getting out? I kinda want to stand up."

The two skeletons hurried out of the car, and the two mechs unfolded and stood up.

Sideswipe opened his comm, then made it audible for the benefit of the two non-mechanoids.

"Prowl here."

"Hiiiii, Prowl."

"If you're trying to get out of the mess with Ironhide, Sideswipe-"

"No, he's trying to get out of a different mess now, Prowl," Sunstreaker cut in.

"... Different. Sideswipe, you have an unbelievable, innate ability to get into messes."

Sans snickered.

Sideswipe sighed.

Sunstreaker scowled.

Papyrus just looked between his brother and the red mech, not for the first time noting a variety of similarities between them.

When no response was forthcoming, Prowl prompted, "What kind of mess could possibly warrant you comming me after you did...that to Ironhide?"

"Well... Um. We're kinda one thousand, nine hundred, and sixty miles from the Arc."

There was a long silence. Sunstreaker continued scowling.

"Um. I take full credit for the thing with Ironhide, Sunny wasn't in on it. And. Um. This is probably kind of my fault too, since we were running from him."

More silence.

"Um. Not sure how it happened, exactly... um."

"Sideswipe..."

While this conversation was going on, Papyrus was quietly berating Sans for getting their "new friends" into this trouble. For the sake of humoring his younger brother, Sans spoke up.

"uh, quick question."

"Sideswipe, who is that?" Prowl asked over the comm after a short moment of silence.

"ah. okay. question answered, you can hear me through your comms. now, uh, you're... prowl, right?"

"Yes. And who are you?"

"i'm sans. sans the skeleton. and, uh, I may or may not have accidentally led these two through the shortcut that took them so far from vancouver. so, uh, I guess an apology is in order. sorry."

"I'll transmit my location now, Prowl... Coordinates sending now."

There was a pause. "A... skeleton? Shortcut?"

There was a soft click, and Sideswipe winced. "He just cut the line. Should I try him again?" Sunstreaker shrugged. After a pause, Sideswipe shook his head. "He's not answering."

"I'll try him," the yellow Twin sighed, but he too shook his head after a moment. "No answer, no response."

The two exchanged a glance. "He might have crashed," Sideswipe offered slowly.

Sunstreaker nodded. "It is a pretty illogical situation."

"crashed?" Sans asked, head tilted questioningly to the side.

"Happens when something illogical happens and his processor and battle computer can't come to terms with it. Price of super-advanced, super-not-tested equipment being installed when he was really young," the red Twin offered, then turned to his brother. "Maybe we should try Jazz?"

"Do it."

Sans flopped down on the ground, laying back and folding his hands behind his skull. "welp. I guess now'd be as good a time as any. i'm takin' a nap."

"Sans, no." Papyrus groaned. But it was too late. Sans had already closed his eyes-- however that worked out, what with skeletons not having eyelids.

"Siders! Man! Saw Ironhide a minute ago! Heh. Hope you ain't somewheres he can find ya. He's fragging pissed!"

"I'm... well. Unless he can teleport like, almost two thousand miles, I doubt he'll be able to find me."

"... Come again?"

"Yeah, well, we met some folks while, um, escaping, and they, um, helped in a kind of, um, odd way, and um..."

Papyrus picked up Sans under the arms and shook him lightly. Whether Sans actually legitimately was so deeply asleep that he didn't wake up, or he was just pretending, Papyrus didn't know, but Sans was unresponsive.

"Helped in an 'odd way,' eh? How odd are we talkin', here?"

"Well, odd enough that we ended up one thousand, nine hundred, and sixty miles away."

"Sides, yer bein' really evasive here."

"Well, I think I crashed Prowl. I'm also trying to not get Sunny in trouble."

Realizing that Sans was not going to wake up, or open his eyes if he was pretending, Papyrus gently settled his brother back onto the ground.

"Well, goin' by the bit that Ah know, Ah wouldn' be surprised if ya did crash Prowl. Why ya callin' me now, though?"

"Well. Sunstreaker has a shift in an hour."

"Hm."

"And it's, like, a twenty nine hour drive back."

"Ah can see how it'd be a problem."

Papyrus decided that, if he was going to miss his sparring session with Undyne, he could, at the very least, make the most of the time he had here, and practice a bit. Summoning a bone-shaped attack to his hand, he proceeded to use it like a staff, fighting an imaginary opponent.

"Yeah, it's a problem."

"Soooooo... Why are ya callin' me?"

"Um. You're next highest to Prowl, and can... help? Maybe?"

No response.

"You... Owe me?"

Again, no response.

"Um. Okay, maybe I owe you. Um. A lot. But..."

"Ah'll take Sunny off th' roster fer th' day. Other'n that, Ah'm not sure Ah can do much. Not without dispatchin' Skyfire, an' Ah'm assumin' ya wanna keep this's down-low 's possible?"

"Um. Yeah."

"Ah'll take care'a Prowler, too. BUT!"

Sideswipe winced and muttered quietly, "There's always a 'but'."

"Ya owe me an explanation, Siders. An' it better be good!"

"I can do that. Thanks, Jazz!"

Papyrus, sensing the end of the conversation nearing, dismissed his weapon and picked up Sans, slinging his brother over his shoulder.

"Welcome, Siders. Drive safe."

The comm line clicked off. Sideswipe exhaled loudly and smiled at his Twin. "There! Got you off the hook. Are you still mad at me?"

Sunstreaker rolled his optics but otherwise didn't respond.

"So," Papyrus began, hoping this would be a good time to speak up, "if you two are heading back to Vancouver, could we come along? Because, otherwise, I'm kind of stuck here until Sans wakes up and manages to take the right shortcut to get us home... And, well, if this is evidence enough... He's still getting the hang of things on the surface."

~o0o~

Undyne thought this was going to be a good day.

She had had a good lunch, and was now on her way to the park to meet Papyrus for a sparring match. Afterwards, she was heading over to Alphys's place to have a marathon of some new anime or other that the saurian monster had found.

All in all, it was shaping up to be a great afternoon-- and evening, too. Possibly early morning, depending on how many episodes the new anime had.

And then she turned around a corner, and there it was. A massive robot. It was slightly less intimidating what with the way it had what appeared to be pink, glittery cannons, but if watching anime had taught the fish-warrrior-monster anything, it was that giant robots- no matter how pink- should not be taken lightly.

Ironhide turned around when he heard an odd noise. Behind him stood a strange creature, like no human he'd seen before. As a space-faring race, Cybertronians had seen many races before, and Ironhide was no green soldier. He'd seen his fair share of aliens. But it wasn't very common to see aliens just wandering around on Earth. Actually, now that he thought about it, he hadn't seen any aliens, other than the other Cybertronians, on Earth.

"What manner of planet did you come from?" he demanded gruffly. One alien on Earth could mean trouble, after all, and Ironhide was not going to let that happen to this new home of theirs.

Fins twitching slightly, Undyne peered up at the robot, a flicker of turquoise playing across her palm. With a smallest twitch of her hand, she could summon her spear and be on the robot in an instant. "I'm from Earth." She replied, just as gruffly. "And I'm ready to turn you to dust if you threaten it." Undyne's bright red hair waved dramatically in the breeze.

"Hey, I'm one of the good guys. It's the 'Cons who are threatening Earth, FishLady. I'm protecting it," Ironhide growled, cannons whirring but not activating at the almost-threat.

Undyne didn't stand down, instead taking a step forward, the fingers of her right hand curling slightly, as if gripping something. "Prove it."

"Well, unless a Decepticon just happens to show up, I'm not sure how I can do that." His cannons were heating up now, a spark of bluish light barely visible in their depths. "But I don't have time for this now! I'm hunting down the one who did this!" The (mostly) black mech waved the pink and glittery things attached to his arms and revved his engine angrily.

"Well I can't just let you go! For all I know, you could be evil!" The space between Undyne's curled fingers glowed with a turquoise light.

Ironhide growled again. "FishLady, proving you're 'good' or 'evil' isn't just something you can just do. And every second I waste is another that Sideswipe is getting away! He's a fast little fragger, and I have to get him while I can!" the mech roared, then mumbled, "I already lost the idiot joker and his brother, probably."

"Okay, first of all my name is Undyne, so stop calling me fishlady. Secondly, trust isn't something you can just get, and, as Captain of the Royal Guard, I am sworn to protect the innocent, and I don't know if you're threatening the innocent. So until I either trust you or decide I can't trust you, I'm going to treat you as a potential threat."

"Well, I'm an officer of the elite of the Autobots, Guardian of the Prime, Adviser of the Prime, weapons master, and training overseer of the entire army, and as a follower of the Prime, I'm sworn to protect the freedom of all sentient beings!"

Undyne didn't relax at all, keeping at the ready, her spear in easy reach, but she grinned widely, showing off her sharklike teeth. "Well then. I'd say we're not all that different."

"No. We're not. Except you're not painted pink with glitter, and you're not hunting down an elusive prankster."

Despite her wariness, Undyne laughed, loud and rambunctiously. "No, but I won't say I haven't been in a similar situation a few times!"

Ironhide grunted. "Pranksters, I've found, are a universal constant." His cannons whirred again, and he gave them a long look. "I'd better go... do something about this, though, before the paint dries. It's worse after that happens. And Sideswipe has to come home eventually..."

Undyne was about to respond, but then her phone went off. She recognized the ringtone; Papyrus was calling her. Pulling out her phone, she accepted the call, and listened as Papyrus told her he was going to have to cancel their sparring match, because he and Sans had run into two giant transforming robot-cars, and then they had ended up in Fruitland, Iowa.

"Papyrus, hang on a second." She looked up at Ironhide. the eyebrow above her good eye rising questioningly. "You wouldn't happen to be looking for two Lambroghinis, would you? Red and yellow?"

"Those are the ones. Mainly the red one, but the yellow one is usually along for the ride."

Undyne nodded, saying goodbye to Papyrus and she'd call him back later. "Apparently, they kidnapped my friends, who then kidnapped them back, and now everyone's in Iowa."

That brought Ironhide up short. "Iowa? That's..." A moment passed while he checked his GPS. "Like, one thousand, nine hundred miles away! That's impossible. Two mechs and two fish people couldn't travel that far that fast!"

"Fish people? No, my friends are skeletons. And one of them, a certain prankster has the uncanny ability to be anywhere but where you want him to be when you're looking for him."

"Huh. That sounds a lot like Sideswipe."

There was a long pause. The two beings looked at each other, blinked, then started. "Oh no."

Undyne shook her head, groaning. "At least Papyrus is almost able to keep Sans mostly in check... Please tell me yours has some sort of something or other to stop him some of most of the time."

"Well, 'stop' might be a strong word to use, but Sunstreaker, his Twin, usually... restrains him slightly. Or at least provides a voice of reason, if not the actual restraining force."

There was another long pause as the two considered the nightmare of combined pranksters with teleportation abilities and willing partners in crime.

"I think I'd better... call someone," the black mech said after a moment. "We might end up with an international incident if we don't."

"That's probably smart." Undyne said, flipping through the contacts list on her phone. "I should let the king know..."

"... Yeah, Ironhide here," the mech said out loud, obviously talking to someone not physically present. "Yeah. We may have an issue. ... No, I didn't kill Sideswipe, but it does involve him."

Undyne, meanwhile, grimaced when the phone picked up. "Uh. Asgore. We might have a situation. ... No, it's not another human incident-..."

"Well, apparently there are more than just humans living on Earth, and Sideswipe met one of them while he was running from me."

"... These giant... Robot-car-alien-transform-y things-- No, this is real, not anime!- and Sans apparently met up with another prankster."

"Yeah, no, they didn't get into a fight. In fact, it seems he found a kindred spark. ... Yeah. And apparently they ended up in Iowa. Somehow. Not clear on that yet."

"And now the skeleton brothers, along with these, uh, giant robots are all in Iowa. Sans' doing, according to Papyrus. And, uh, Sans and this prankster are getting along just peachy."

"Prime, I don't know! All I know is I had the fortune of meeting a friend who knows the prankster Sideswipe met. She seems to think it's possible that they're there. ... Well, have someone hail him on long range frequency, maybe?"

"And now, Sans is apparently 'too tired' to get them all back. So they're taking the long way, a twenty nine hour drive back. ... No, Asgore, you don't understand! Imagine Sans, doing his worst, times two. .. Yes, this could be a problem!"

"Oh, so now Prowl is crashed, Sunny is off duty, and Jazz - Yes, I'd say we have more than a problem! We had a problem before, called Sideswipe. Now we have two!"

"... No, the Royal Guard weren't able to do anything before, so now there's no way they can do anything to stop him now!"

"Well, then, dispatch Skyfire! Sideswipe causes enough trouble here, alone, much less with a fellow prankster wandering the country!"

"What-- ... I don't think there's anything that anyone can do, but prepare for the storm that's coming!"

"Okay. Okay, good. Can I personally- ... oh. Alright. Well, Prowl's justice is usually good enough. Ironhide out."

"Nnnnnngh! No I-... Yeah. Okay. I'll talk to Papyrus. But I don't think that'll do anything! ... Yeah, see you later, Asgore."

Ironhide watched as the not-really-human-femme hung up her phone, then told her the good news. "Optimus Prime - the leader of the Autobots - is dispatching a shuttle to fly Sideswipe and Sunstreaker back. Pretty sure he's picking up your troublemaker and his brother too. So at least we don't have to worry about an international incident. Just... a local one. Wherever they are, Iowa or whatever."

Undyne nodded. "Well. That'll work on the condition that Sans doesn't... Do that thing again and take them somewhere else..." She growled. "I'm going to kill that skeleton!"

~o0o~

"-not to mention the time that he got the queen to help him! He had her pretend to slip with a knife, and stab him between the ribs! And he started bleeding! Except he had actually put a ketchup bottle in his ribcage, so ketchup went everywhere! And then there was the time he just kept taking my clean socks out of my sock drawer and replacing them with dirty socks."

Sideswipe would have grinned as he listened to Papyrus and Sunstreaker commiserating over being pranked. Sans, he began to think, would be a terrific friend.

"Papyrus, that has nothing on the time that Sideswipe hacked my code and made it so I could only talk in rhymes. No one could figure out how to solve it. For a whole. Fragging. Groon. Ah, that's our planet's month, sorry."

Papyrus was about to respond, but Sans suddenly yawned and sat up where Papyrus had left him in Sideswipe's passenger seat. "heya. what'd I miss?"

"Not much," Sideswipe offered. "Our brothers have been exchanging information on our escapades. Oh, and we passed a bunch of farm fields. Anyways, I think you and I will get along spectacularly, Sans. You're a boneafide prankster, just like moi!"

Sunstreaker groaned over the comms. Papyrus groaned with him.

Sans, meanwhile, laughed. "oh, good. we can drive people crazy together! by the way, where are we?"

"Well, we were in Iowa. And we still are. Just, closer to the middle of it," the red Twin answered. We've been driving for a while now. "

"huh." Sans reached into his jacket pocked, withdrawing a ketchup bottle that probably shouldn't have been able to fit in his pocket. After taking a quick drink from it, he continued. "y'know, all this driving is really getting under my skin. I think we should take a break. go have some fun."

"Well, I mean, we're kinda in the middle of nowhere at the moment. The most fun we could have... hm."

"Sideswipe. I know that 'hm'."

"Hm?"

"And that one. That one is the 'I'm trying to sound innocent' one. The one before that..."

"i'm REALLY liking where this is heading."

"Well. We are aliens. And we're near a lot of, um, crops."

"Sideswipe. No."

Sans was snickering now. "i vote yes."

"No." Papyrus insisted.

"i can even get us to the middle of a field without tracks to the road or anything." Sans continued, still laughing.

"Perfect!"

"Sideswipe-"

But it was too late. Sans winked, a slight flare of blue flickering then dying in his left eyesocket, and everything went black. Only half of a moment later, the four of them found themselves in the middle of a field.

Papyrus let out a loud, irritated sigh.

"Sweet!" Sideswipe shrieked, and, using the momentum carried across the shortcut, immediately began doing donuts, plowing down corn rows until a large circle was scoured in the field. Sunstreaker remained where he was, in the center of the crop circle, engine idling in an almost nervous fashion. "Next circle, please!"

Laughing louder than he had in a long time, Sans happily obliged. They were enveloped in darkness for half a moment again, and then Sideswipe was doing donuts in a different spot.

"WHOOOOOO!" the red Twin yelped as he again spun around and around his yellow Twin.

Papyrus, meanwhile, was sitting stiff in Sideswipe's driver seat, screaming half in fear, half in irritation. "STOPSTOPSTOPSTOPSTOP!!!"

And then Sans took another shortcut to yet another location a little ways away.

Sideswipe kept spinning.

Another field.

Another circle.

Another field.

Another circle.

Another field.

"Hey, Sides, that looks like Skyfire up there..."

"What?" Sideswipe asked, not even pausing in his donuts.

"skyfire?" Sans asked.

"Oh, just a shuttle-former. Usually transports us. Wonder what kind of mission he's on?"

"uh, maybe he's here for us?"

"Oh, thank goodness!" Papyrus sighed. "This means we can go home!"

"But we're having so much fun!" Sideswipe said, half laughing, half whining.

"don't worry." The edges of Sans' permanent grin lifted. "i got this."

And once more, everything went black for half a moment, with that peculiar shwf sound. When the darkness rose, though, they were not in another field, but in a quiet suburb, lined with cute, small houses.

Also as soon as they left the shortcut, Sans slumped forward, yawning. "man, that was a big one... wonder how far..." He drifted back off to sleep.

Sunstreaker growled lowly. Sideswipe, still spinning, screeched to a halt, leaving long, curving arcs of burned rubber on the pavement.

"Well, we seem to be in Seaford. Delaware," the red Twin offered.

"Great. Even farther away from home," Sunstreaker groused. "And out teleporter is unconscious again!"

Papyrus also groaned. "And knowing him, it's going to be a good few hours until he wakes up!"

"Soooo... what do we do until then?" Sideswipe inquired inquiringly.

"I think we should try to go home!" Papyrus responded, a note of optimism in his voice.

"Well, that's so far away..."

"I'm calling Skyfire."

"What? No, don't do that!"

"Why the frag not?"

"Well-"

"Sides. We have to get home."

Sideswipe sighed.

Sunstreaker opened a comm. "Skyfire? Sunstreaker here. ... You were coming to get us, good. Well, we're in Delaware now, apparently. ... Yes, I know we were just in Iowa. ...You blacked out for a second? No, I don't know about that." He sighed. "Just... come and get us. Please. Quickly."

"Well, then," Papyrus asked, "Are we going to wait here?"

~o0o~

"OPTIMUS! THERE ARE WEIRD FLUFFY THINGS OUTSIDE THE ARC! AND A FISH THING! THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!"

Optimus Prime sighed and gave a sideways glance toward Ironhide. "I'm guessing the 'fish thing' is your friend from earlier?"

"Probably. I don't know of any other fish-like things that would just walk up to the Arc. Plus she said she was bringing her king with her."

The Prime nodded. "Red Alert," he answered the comm, "Those are the guests I mentioned earlier. Please let them in."

"BUT-"

"Red Alert."

"... Fine. Opening the doors."

"Good. Please notify them via the intercom that we will be there presently."

"... Yes, sir."

Moments later, Undyne grinned as she saw Ironhide, along with two other giant robots, approaching. She could practically feel the surprise of the two large, furry BossMonsters, King Asgore and Queen Toriel, standing behind her.

"Undyne. Welcome to the Arc. This is my Prime, Optimus, and his bondmate, Elita-One."

The two mechs nodded in greeting.

Undyne nodded respectfully in turn. "This is King Asgore, and Queen Toriel."

Each of the goatlike BossMonsters gave a slight dip of the head in turn.

"Well. Welcome to the Arc," Optimus Prime intoned. "Ironhide has led me to believe that we may have an incident brewing where our resident troublemakers have teamed up."

It was the queen who responded first, laughing. "So it would seem. I do not believe they will cause any real harm, though. Sans is mischievous, but he is not dangerously irresponsible."

"Except for that one time..." Undyne began.

Toriel dismissed her words with a wave of her large paw. "That was a singular isolated incident."

Optimus Prime and Elita-One shared a glance. "Like ours," the femme offered, "Sideswipe doesn't mean any harm, but... accidents happen. Often."

"That is understandable." Asgore said slowly, glancing at Toriel. "Accidents happen to everyone."

Toriel glared back at him.

Elita-One and the Prime shared a meaningful glance - these two had just gone through an argument. A big argument. The two ancient beings settled in for a bit of a show, entertainment in this time of... odd stresses and problems.

"Uh, regardless," Undyne interjected before Toriel started berating Asgore, "we do have a big of a problem, one that probably needs dealing with."

"Indeed," Ironhide rumbled. "We still have to get our mechs back, and we have to prevent what could and probably will become..."

"Well, it is Sideswipe," Optimus offered. "And if your Sans is anything like Sideswipe... they very likely will accidentally cause incredible problems simply in the name of fun."

"Especially when you consider how Sans has gotten so much less lazy since the Barrier was destroyed." Undyne added. "He was bad before, but now he's actually going out of his way to prank people... The sooner we can find them and stop them, the better."

"There is the matter of Sans'... shortcuts, though." Toriel said thoughtfully. "He can just..." She gestured slightly. "move them out of there before we can catch them."

"That!" Ironhide announced as the connection was made, "That was how they were suddenly in Iowa!"

Optimus Prime held two fingers to his temple, indicating to the others he was receiving a text-comm, then sighed. "And how they are now not in Iowa, because Skyfire saw them... 'shortcut,' you said? Shortcutted away. Sunstreaker commed him, said they are now in Delaware."

"Delaware?!" Undyne spluttered. "They crossed the entire country in just a few hours?!Since when was Sans in good enough shape to go that far?!"

"You have to consider," Toriel responded, "the possibility that he began to have more hope just in meeting another prankster."

"Hope?" the pink femme asked, "What does hope have to do with this... shortcutting?"

"Ah, um."

The monsters shared a glance. Finally, Toriel began to explain. "Monsters are... Magical beings. Our bodies are composed of more Magic than physical matter, and, thus, our bodies are closely tied to our Souls... So, if a monster has more hope, or HP, the stronger their base level Magic is. Sans... I am not sure quite how low it was, but when we were stuck in the Underground, he did not have very much HP. Since escaping to the surface, he has begun to hope more, but last I heard, he was still in rather poor condition."

"Hm," Optimus Prime rumbled as he considered. "Rather like a mech can lose the will to live and his spark will fade away..."

"It seems like that would be the same concept, yes. and if Sans was still pranking people with such low HP, and now he has begun to hope more..."

"Rather like Sideswipe when he and his brother first joined us," Elita-One offered. "They were... essentially slaves before they joined the Autobots. When they first joined, they were very cruel, very distant... but slowly, as they grew to love and respect various mechs, they lightened up and Sideswipe began pranking. It really is a good measure of his mood, which is good, considering they're both berserkers."

"They were..." Asgore trailed off. "This situation may have just gotten a lot more dangerous. Sans does not have a lot of HP, but his base-level Magic is still very high. High enough..." Asgore hesitated, looking nervously at Toriel "... That I appointed him to be Judge."

Toriel looked shocked.

Undyne looked even moreso. "You WHAT?! You can't-- You can't possibly mean SANS!!"

"Judge..?" Ironhide inquired hesitatingly.

As Toriel began to lecture Asgore on the wisdom- or lack of- of his decision, Undyne began, in a reverent tone, explaining to the robots. "The Judge is one of the highest positions in the monster kingdom- some say even higher than the king, and some aren't even sure the position exists. They act as the last line of defense for the monsters in an emergency, and is sworn to protect the king. On top of that, the Judge is tasked with sentencing the guilty-- and ensuring that the sentence is carried out. I-... I never even tried to apply for the position of Judge, I knew I didn't stand a chance!"

"I see. An emergency last line of defense... An interesting concept. Perhaps we should consider something like it?" Elita-One said as she looked at her bondmate.

"I think that's the Matrix, seeing as how it chooses the mech..."

"You have a point."

"Either way, Ironhide interrupted, "We're here for a reason. Let's do this."

Undyne nodded once, sharply. "Right." Then she paused. "... So, uh, what exactly are we doing to stop them?"

~o0o~

"Shhh!"

"Don't give us away!"

"Hurry up, Sans!"

Sans glanced over his shoulder at the mechs standing a little ways away. He had his hood pulled low over his face, and, at a glance, he appeared human. Stepping up the sidewalk, he approached the door of one of the houses. Stepping up to it, he paused for a second. Then, he reached out, and hit the doorbell, taking a shortcut some distance away.

The mechs, crouched and hidden behind a row of decorative trees, snickered as Sans appeared next to them and a confused and tired human male in boxer shorts opened the house door.

"Wha...?" the human stuttered, looking around for a moment, before shaking his head and walking back inside.

"This is fun," Sideswipe said with a grin.

Sans didn't miss a beat. "pranks are a door into a whole 'nother world of enjoyment. you'd have to be a real ding-dong to not enjoy them."

"I am not a ding-dong, Sans." Papyrus said firmly.

Sans grinned up at his younger brother. "well, okay. anyone who's not you, pap. so, that house next?"

"Yes!" Sideswipe crowed with a grin and a playful clap.

~o0o~

A few hours later, the small group reached the end of the suburb, having ding-dong-ditched nearly every house on the street, Sans and Sideswipe enjoying every second of it, while Sunstreaker and Papyrus stood off in the distance, watching.

"At the very least, they're having fun." Papyrus said. "And not moving around too much. We haven't gone more than five miles since you called Skyfire."

"I know. That's why I haven't been complaining. And Skyfire should be here in about a quarter of an hour... We just need to get them to ding-dong-ditch another street."

But then Sans and Sideswipe wandered up.

"alright," Sans said, a note of tired amusement in his voice, "i'm getting too tired to pull many more shortcuts, even if they're so, uh, short. so, it's 'bout time that we hit the road."

Sunstreaker and Papyrus exchanged a glance. "Well, um, where are we going?"

Sideswipe grinned. "Well,toward home, I guess."

"Good," Sunstreaker sighed happily. "Lets get going then." He opened a private comm to Skyfire, ::We're moving. I'll keep you updated.::

::Roger that.::

Not long after, the two mechs were on the road, Sans and Papyrus both riding in Sideswipe, Sans just about passed out.

They had just pulled on the deserted highway (It was nearly one in the morning, local time.) when Sideswipe screeched to a halt and swerved to the side of the highway. "Sans. Sans. Sans."

"what?"

"This man needs a mustache."

Sans, suddenly wide-awake at the thought of mustaching a man, opened Sideswipe's door and peered out. There was a large billboard, with an advertisement for some men's tuxedo company.

"... you're right. we've goatee give him some facial hair."

Papyrus groaned. "noooooooo...

Sideswipe just transformed, grinned, and held out his hand, palm up. On it was as can of black spray paint. "Hop on, Sans. I lift you up, you spray."

Snickering, Sans climbed onto Sideswipe's hand. Moments later, he was eagerly giving the man on the billboard not only a comically large handlebar mustache, but also a top hat and a huge bowtie.

"Beautiful!" Sideswipe cheered. "Lets do another one!"

Sans eagerly agreed. "we're gonna have a lot of fun hair, I think! we can shave off a few hours here before moving on."

Sunstreaker hesitated, then decided against commenting.

Sideswipe laughed. Over the course of the next forty five minutes, six more billboards were adjusted, through the addition of varying facial hair, clothing changes, items in people's hands, and speech bubbles. However, the fun was cut short when a familiar figure shadowed the moon.

"What? Skyfire? How did he know where we are? My GPS is off!"

There was a quiet moment.

"... Sunstreaker?"

"What?"

"Did you...?"

"I want to go home, Sides."

"We've been gone a long time." Papyrus added, trying to sound at least a little sympathetic. "Why can't we call it a day?"

For a moment, there was silence. Then Sans murmured quietly to Sideswipe, "it's going to take him a few hours at least to take us back to Oregon, right?"

"Yeah. He can't shortcut."

"mmmkay. I'm too tired to shortcut any meaningful distance right now, but if ya give me a few hours... I can't guarantee a location, but I could probably get us around five hundred miles away at least. if not more."

"What?!" Sunstreaker shouted. "No! I'm going back to the Arc and going into recharge!"

Sans and Sideswipe shared a look. Sans winked. Sideswipe winked back. "Okay. Home we go," the red mech said as Skyfire slowly wheeled downward.

~o0o~

"Skyfire reporting. I have them."

There were exhalations of relief through the whole room.

"So that's one catastrophe averted." Undyne said after a moment. "They'll be home in... how many hours?"

Prowl answered, "About two and a half hours."

Undyne whistled. "That's fast flying."

"So it is." Toriel agreed. "Perhaps I should be heading home, with this crisis taken care of. It is rather late- er, early, really, and Frisk will be waiting for me." She turned to look at Optimus. "It was a pleasure to meet you, sir."

"And you. Should you wish it, you can reach my personal comm at this phone number, and Teletran-1 - that's our AI computer - at this one." He handed the underground queen a sheet of paper he had pulled from his subspace.

Toriel accepted it, tucking it away into her inventory. "Thank you. Can I look forward to continued good relationships between our people?"

"I should hope so!" Elita-One said with a grin. "It seems we have much in common. I would enjoy meeting up with you sometime to discuss relations between our peoples."

Toriel smiled warmly. "Of course. But, for now, I do have a child waiting for me, and, with all potential danger out of the way..." She glanced over at her two monster companions. "Come, we ought to leave."

The three monsters left, walking back towards the massive entryway.

~o0o~

"Almost to the Arc," Skyfire announced two and a quarter hours later. "You guys better sit down and get ready to land."

these words cut through the fog of sleep that had since overcome Sans. He yawned and sat up, looking over to Sideswipe. "now?"

"Yep!" The red twin reached out a hand toward the skeleton.

With a small chuckle, Sans pulled at his Magic, taking the four of them through a shortcut. There was the now-familiar moment of darkness, the sound of space stretching and folding, and then-...

It was a forest of some kind. In the mountains.

"SAAAAAAANS!" Papyrus shouted, annoyed. "What did you do?!"

"wellllll, my HP has been getting higher and higher, bro! i'm finally having some fun."

Sideswipe grinned. He didn't know what "HP" was, but he could see something changing in the skeleton's demeanor. He seemed... happier, since they'd first met. And if there was one thing Sideswipe loved, it was to make people happy.

And, apparently, this was enough to make Papyrus at least moderately accepting of the whole situation.

"so then," Sans continued, looking up at Sideswipe, "where are we this time?"

"Hm. Tennessee, seems like. Near Pidgeon Forge."

"so, what's that, the smoky mountains? heh. i really know how to pick a place."

"Indeed," Sideswipe said as they slowly began winding down the mountain road. "This is very beautiful."

Sans peered out the window, watching as they drove. "doesn't seem like there's a whole lot we can do around here, though. I think that's an okay thing, though. not sure how many shortcuts I could..." he trailed off.

"Aaaand, he's asleep again," Sideswipe said as he checked inside his cab.

"He sleeps a lot," Sunstreaker commented.

"Well..." Papyrus sighed. "He's really not in very good shape. Actually, I don't think I've seen him this... active in... more than ten years. He... He really wasn't doing well in the Underground."

"Not doing well? For what reason? How does a skeleton... not do well?" Sunstreaker inquired, genuinely curious.

"Well, um." Papyrus blew out a sigh. "He doesn't..." He hesitated a moment longer. "A monster's physical wellbeing is very closely linked to their emotions and... Well, Sans had started to give up hope. So, that made him weaker, and, well... he takes naps now."

"Hope is directly related to strength? How does that work?"

"Magic."

"... Magic? That's... real?"

"Yes, it's very real! Monsters are made mostly of Magic, and so are our Souls! And because of that, our Souls affect our bodies."

"Huh. Weird. Never knew magic was a thing. Cybertronians have Sparks. Um, humans call them the equivalent of souls," Sideswipe offered. "Basically, it's our self in physical form. Glowy ball in our chests."

"That's what a Soul is!" Papyrus nodded happily, glad that the mechs seemed to understand. "But humans, and, uh, alien robots, I guess, are made of less Magic and more physical matter, so their bodies are less dependent on their Souls than monsters."

"Huh. Well, without a spark, we're definitely not alive. Frame goes gray..."

"Yeah. Seen a few too many of those."

"Well..." Papyrus got a little quieter. "You still need a Soul to live... But monsters... Our Souls affect our strength, and so... If- ... If a monster doesn't want to fight, then their attacks will be weaker, and their defense will drop... and-... and if, in a moment like that, someone with a strong Soul, filled with a desire to kill, struck them..."

"Oh." There was a long pause. "That's... unfortunate. We at least have armor... but... if a bot loses hope... their spark is more likely simply to... gutter. and fade," Sunstreaker said.

"Seems to me." Sideswipe added, "that us bots are somewhere in between a human and a monster as far as soul power goes."

Papyrus nodded. "Yes, I think... I think you're right. And Sans-... He still won't tell me why, but he-... He lost hope. Almost entirely." Papyrus looked at his hands for a moment, silent. Then he looked up again, optimistic again. "But he's getting better now!"

"Good! What do you think is making him better? Just... being on the surface?"

Papyrus nodded. "I think so, but... For a long time after the Barrier was destroyed, he was still pretty bad. He's... You just have to be patient with him. He can be surprisingly stubborn for someone who works so hard at being lazy."

"He hasn't seemed at all lazy to me," Sideswipe said as they continued winding down the mountainside. "Actually, seems like he's go go go nonstop, until he has to sleep."

Papyrus laughed, a loud, enthusiastic "Nyeh heh heh!" "I know! Normally, the most effort he puts into his work is figuring out his schedule-- for the only purpose of knowing when his breaktimes are! not that it matters, because he sleeps through his job anyway. Except for his illegal hotdog stand. He actually made quite a bit of gold with that."

Sideswipe snickered. "Sounds like me and my high grade stills. Prowl's always trying to shut me down, but not really, because he knows it really does help with morale."

"Undyne went to shut him down once, but ended up buying a ton of hotdogs instead!"

"Haha... Prowl secretly uses Jazz to... acquire high grade from me for his spark-days, anniversaries, private parties... It's the worst kept secret of the army."

Papyrus laughed again. "Yes... I didn't like the fact that it was illegal, but it made Sans happy, an everyone liked his hotdogs, and it wasn't hurting anyone... So I guess it was okay."

"you guys talkin' about my h'dogs?" Sans yawned, sitting up yet again pulling his ketchup bottle from his jacket pocket.

Sideswipe's grin was audible in his voice, if not evident as he was in his alt mode. "Look who's up, after less than half an hour."

Despite the fact that Sans was, technically, always smiling, it was obvious that he was grinning. "well, good food helps." He tipped the ketchup bottle up to his jaw, tilting back his head.

"While I cannot complain about the color of the food you're... eating... Isn't that food supposed to be on top of other food?"

Sans just shrugged as he stuffed the bottle back into his pocket, wiping his mouth on the sleeve of his jacket. "eh. I like it better like this, and since it's monster food... anyway. anything I oughta know about? wanna help me ketchup on what I missed?"

Sideswipe snickered. "Nothing much, just discussing the matter of the power of souls and sparks. Us Cybertronians seem to reside somewhere between humans and monsters."

"oh. huh. that's interesting... I wonder..." He lapsed into silence, deep in thought.

"Eh?"

"well, I mean... if your soul is more attached to your body than a human's, would you be able to actively use magic? ...and... if ya have something resembling a soul would colored magic work on it?"

"... Colored magic? Magic is not only real, it has color?" Sunstreaker asked.

"oh yeah. all monsters have basic magic attacks, but it's possible to learn colored magic, too. colored magic is usually less of attacks, and more affecting souls. they also each associate with core personality traits."

"Hm. So you think that we might be affected by colored magic? How so?"

"well. uh. just like souls, I would assume. we can see, if ya want. pap is pretty dang good with blue magic."

"Okay. I'm curious. Let's see."

Sideswipe transformed at the next hairpin turn, kicking out the skeletons. Sunstreaker transformed as well.

"So. Colored magic. Let's see it."

Papyrus hesitated. "I don't... I don't know if this is a good idea, Sans."

Sans flopped down backwards, bracing himself against the ground with his arms. "aw, c'mon, pap. it'll be fine."

"I don't know, Sans. They don't have Souls, they have sparks. How do we know they're the same thing?"

"pap, you have the best control of your magic of anyone I know. it'll be fine. just pretend you're sparrin' with undyne."

Papyrus sighed, wringing his hands together. "If you're sure." Then he looked up at Sideswipe. "Are you ready?"

"Ready!" the red mech said cheerily, clapping his hands and rubbing them together.

"Okay!" Papyrus said, seemingly regaining his confidence. After a second, he thrust out his right hand in Sideswipe's direction. The red twin was suddenly enveloped in a soft blue glow, and when Papyrus gestured in his direction again, he collapsed suddenly to the ground. "look! It works!"

Sideswipe groaned, on his knees, and struggled back up. "Fragging... What the frag?"

Sans chuckled. "feelin' a little blue there, pal? a little down in the dumps?"

"What the frag is that?"

Sunstreaker was eyeing his Twin. "He's feeling... excess gravity. As though we were on... a different planet."

"But deeper than that. Spark is heavy."

"that is what it does, yes." Sans was still chuckling a little. "blue magic affects the gravity of soul-- or spark, I guess. theoretically, if someone was strong enough with it, they could also reverse gravity, or push people side to side, even maybe affect things without souls. sparks. whichever. but, uh... well. that would hafta be pretty strong. ... ah, bro, you can probably let him up now."

Papyrus glanced at Sans, then nodded. with another gesture, he dismissed the Blue Magic holding Sideswipe down. The blue glow faded.

Sideswipe immediately sprang to his feet. "Wow! That's cool! Wonder what it'd do to a seeker in flight?"

"Probably bring them down to our level."

"Hm. I do wonder, though... Our spark isn't exactly... whole."

"uh. that's probably not a good thing."

"No, no, it's... we're split-spark Twins. That means that when our carrier was carrying us, our one spark decided it wanted to be two, and split. We share one spark between the two of us... No one really knows how it happens, or why, or even how it's possible for a single spark to power two frames without guttering."

For a second, Sans had an incredibly odd expression. Then he shrugged. "huh. that's interesting." Then he looked up at Sunstreaker. "well? did it affect you at all?"

"What, the blue magic? I could feel what it was doing to Sides, maybe felt something, but... not tons."

Sans closed his eyes for a minute. Then he looked up again, standing. "welp, anyway. we should keep moving. sides, I have had a great idea."

"Oooh, I love great ideas!" Sideswipe said with a grin, then folded himself into his Lamborghini form. Sunstreaker followed, and the two skeletons quickly jumped inside Sideswipe's offered seats.

"yeah, but think of this-- forks in the road. forks."

There was a pause. "Forks, eh? Like, eating utensils? Or a place where you choose which direction?"

Sans snickered. "both."

"Both. Hm." Sideswipe thought again. "Both. Forks. I like this idea."

"Sides? What idea?"

"Please no." Papyrus said. "I don't know what you're planning, but I think crop circles, ding-dong-ditching, and billboards is enough. Can't we just go home?"

"Home? Home is a long way away," Sideswipe answered. "Might take the path less traveled and stop and smell the roses on the way!"

"smell the- ...! sides, I thought we agreed: when there's a decision between two paths, there's a fork."

~o0o~

The monsters once again found themselves in the Arc. Apparently, Sans had done his weird shortcut thing again, and Skyfire had lost them.

"How did you just lose them!?" Ironhide was roaring as the two royal monsters entered the briefing room, followed by the captain of the Royal Guard.

"I don't know, Ironhide!" the massive shuttle said, arms waving wildly over his head. Or as wildly as he could, seeing as how he had to walk with his helm ducked pretty much everywhere in the Arc as it was, he was so tall.

"It is not incredibly surprising." Toriel said, picking up quickly on the conversation. "While I must admit that I did not know Sans had so much energy-- that, or his HP has risen rapidly-- he is always full of surprises."

"Yeah." Undyne agreed. "He's weird like that."

Skyfire sighed. "I'm sorry I lost them. We were almost back, too."

"It's not your fault, Skyfire," Optimus said softly, resting a hand on the massive mech's shoulder. "Sans can shortcut from anywhere, to anywhere, it seems, even if he's flying. This monster, it seems, cannot be contained where he doesn't want to be."

"Unless..." Asgore began slowly. "... He's too tired to shortcut. We have a chance at wearing him out."

Optimus and Elita-One exchanged a glance. "How would one go about wearing him out?"

"Just... Follow them around, I suppose. Do not allow them to stop moving, so that he expends most of his energy in taking shortcuts, and is too tired to go."

The mechs nodded, but Skyfire shook his head. "No, that's what was going on before. The problem is, Sans can rest while inside Sideswipe. They can be constantly moving, while at the same time, he's resting."

There was a long pause.

"Well, frag," Ironhide offered.

"Is there anything we could use to lure him here?" Prowl asked, looking thoughtful. "Any reason he would feel a need to return on his own?"

The monsters glanced at each other. "Honestly," Undyne said, "I think he's pretty much happy anywhere as long as his brother's with him. Maybe if we could get Papyrus back here..."

"Hm. Papyrus... And Sunstreaker?"

"Indeed," Prowl agreed with his leader. "Sunstreaker has been the one letting us know where they are. Perhaps a personal comm to him, to tell him to let Papyrus ride with him... Then Skyfire can get close to them without letting them know, Sunstreaker can drift apart a little, Skyfire can pick them up... Then Sideswipe and Sans will have to come back sooner rather than later to be with their brothers."

"It is worth an attempt." Toriel nodded. "And if we learn that Sans can, in fact, take shortcuts onto moving objects, well, nothing was lost in the attempt but a bit of time."

"Indeed."

~o0o~

::Sunstreaker, this is Prowl. Do you read me?::

::Loud and clear.::

::Good. We have a plan to get you back.::

~o0o~

Sideswipe giggled as he upended the box of plastic silverware in the middle of the four-way intersection.

Nearby, Sans was holding a grocery bag full of boxes of plastic forks. They had stopped at a store not long ago and stocked up on the silverware, and had spent the last hour or so dumping a box at each intersection they came across.

So, forks in the road.

"Dude, this is awesome," Sideswipe said with a laugh. "Nobody is going to know what to think!"

Sunstreaker rolled his optics and folded himself back into a Lamborghini. "This is boring."

Sideswipe just laughed again and transformed as well, doors swinging open. "Come on guys, next one!"

Sans flopped into the driver's seat, definitely grinning. "i gotta say, this is one of the knifeest pranks i've come up with in a while. but we're gonna haveta stop somewhere, because spoon we're gonna run out of forks!"

Papyrus groaned. "Sans..."

Sunstreaker revved his engine. "That's terrible. Papyrus, if you'd like..." A golden door swung open. "Riding with me might be a tiny bit less... punny."

"Yes, please." Papyrus stepped towards the yellow twin, slipping hastily into the seat.

"aw, c'mon, bro. it's not that bad. i'm just tryin' to dish out some fun. it's not supposed to strain your temper!"

Papyrus just groaned, pulling Sunstreaker's door shut.

"Okay, good. Prowl, Optimus, and your king and queen have come up with a plan to get us home," Sunstreaker immediately said, quietly, once the taller skeleton had swung the door shut.

"Really?" Papyrus said excitedly.

"Yep. They realized that the only way to keep Sans from shortcutting away from somewhere would be to make him want to be there. So, they think the only way to get Sans and Sideswipe off this pranking spree is to get us back home, because they'll want to be with us."

Papyrus thought about that, one hand rising to his jaw. "Hmm. Yes, I suppose that could work. Are we going to tell them we're leaving, or just... Go?"

"Well, that's the clever part. We're going to wait until Skyfire gets close, figure out some way to get out of their view, get on board Skyfire, and then... Well, either they follow us back or Sideswipe eventually comms to have Skyfire come pick them up, after we're already back at the Arc."

Papyrus nodded. "Okay! But..." He trailed off.

"What?" Sunstreaker asked, normal growl softening into something kind at Papyrus' worried tone.

"Well..." Papyrus was silent a moment longer. Then his expression shifted to a somewhat more upbeat one. "Well, I was going to say that I was worried about Sans being on his own, but I'm sure that he'll be fine with a giant alien robot!"

Sunstreaker heistated for a moment. "Sides isn't... Well. Their pranking doesn't really have any malicious intent today, it seems. Sides can get a little mean sometimes, though it's not usually deliberate. They seem in just a mischievous mood today. And anyways, if they're that stubborn, or they get into really big trouble, we'll come and bail them out. Younger brothers, to the rescue! ... You are the younger, yes?"

Papyrus laughed. "Yes, I'm the younger one."

"Hah. Seems the older ones are always getting into trouble!" They followed along behind the red mech and his passenger for a moment without speaking. "Wonder what they're getting on at, in there," Sunstreaker absentmindedly wondered, and pinged his brother for a comm connection so the four of them could talk again.

"- and that makes me a little bleu." Sans was in the middle of saying. "other times, though, people will tell me that my cheese puns are grate. one time, a friend of mine told me a few puns, and when I repeated them later, he said, "you can't use those puns, they're nachos. really, though, I like to think that all of my cheese puns are pretty sharp. even if i havarti told them all to you now!"

Sideswipe burst into laughter. "Wow! That's awesome. Wanna hear the firetruck one?"

"firetruck?" Sans asked. "sure. go."

"Okay, it's a long one, so bear with me!"

"Oh, Primus, not this one," Sunstreaker muttered quietly, so only his passenger could hear.

"Okay. Why do they paint firetrucks red? Well, because firetrucks have eight wheels, and four people can ride inside. Four plus eight is twelve. Twelve is the number of inches on a ruler, but a ruler is not necessarily a device used to measure with; it can also be the leader of a country, like Queen Elizabeth, but Queen Elizabeth is not only the name of a queen, it can also be the name of a ship. Ships sail on the ocean, the ocean has fish, fish have fins, the Fins live right next to the Russians, and since firetrucks are always 'rushin'' around, they decided to paint them red!"

Sans' laughter was loud over the comm.

"I heard that from one of the humans that hangs around the Arc," Sideswipe offered.

"that's great." Sans said. "i need to meet this human."

"Eh, he's not actually that funny. He just passed it on from some girl he learned it from. He actually thinks he's super funny, but... no one else does. Which... is actually kind of funny," the red Twin said with a snicker.

Sans chuckled. "i thought it was pretty good."

"It wasn't." Papyrus said. "It was awful."

"awfully hilarious, you mean."

Sideswipe and Sans dissolved into boyish giggles. Sideswipe and Papyrus shared a long-suffering sigh.

"Cut the comm." Papyrus suggested.

"I would be more than happy to," Sunstreaker said, and the radio went silent.

There was a long stretch of no talking as Sunstreaker followed his Twin along winding roads and Papyrus stared out the window. The winding roads slowly merged, getting larger and larger until they pulled onto a highway.

Eventually, the quartet neared Sevierville, and Sideswipe reopened the comm. "Hey. Hey, guys, guess what I just saw a sign for!"

Sunstreaker sighed. "What, Sides?"

"The Forks in the River Parkway!"

"... No."

"... Yes."

"Just... no."

"aw, come on!" Sans pleaded. "it'll be fun."

"Without us," Sunstreaker said. "I'm not going to be involved in any more littering. We'll go the back way around. You guys go have fun forking around. Oh, Primus, you're contagious. I need to get away before my... condition gets worse!"

"Please!" Papyrus agreed. "Let's go!"

Sunstreaker veered to the side and took the next exit. "I'm comming Skyfire."

::Outside of Sevierville.::

::Good. Let me know when there's some distance between the two of you, and I'll come get you.::

Sunstreaker and Papyrus drove on for a minute, until they were sure Sideswipe and Sans were well ahead. The yellow Twin started to slow down.

Then he abruptly sped up again, tires burning out as he rapidly accelerated.

"Frag. That's not good."

"What-..." Papyrus began. "What's wrong?"

"Three aerials, incoming. Fast. The only ones who travel in threes and move that fast are Seekers. Decepticon Seekers, and the only ones on Earth who can move that fast is Starscream's Trine. Starscream is the Second in Command of the Decepticon Army." Sunstreaker pushed himself even faster, whipping around other, slower, human traffic, flying through red lights and stop signs.

"Oh." Papyrus said. Then, "Can we fight?"

"Not alone. Not all three of them. We could try, but Skyfire is still a ways out, and Sideswipe and Sans... Who knows? I'll comm them, though."

::Skyfire! Sideswipe! Incoming, Decepticons, Starscream's Trine! We need backup!::

The rumble of jets could be heard, even over the powerful thrumming of Sunstreaker's engine and the wind whipping around his frame.

::Skyfire! Sideswipe! Do you read me?::

::... Skyfire? Sideswipe?::

Static. Nothing more.

"They're blocking me. Somehow. They must have Soundwave with them."

"Um. What do we do, then? There has to be something we can do!"

"We'll fight. Skyfire and Sideswipe are close enough that they'll hear the commotion and come. We just have to hold them off for long enough. Think you can work your-"

But Sunstreaker was interrupted as a purple shadow fell from the sky.

"FRAG!" the Twin roared as Skywarp's sharp talons dug into him, hands gripping tight, his full weight coming to bear on the mech in alt-mode. Purple smoke gathered around the mech, enveloping his unwilling passengers. "FRAGFRAGFRAG!"

The Autobot and monster felt an odd pressure, then an uncomfortable pulling sensation as everything around them twisted. Colors bled together until they were surrounded by infinite, foggy grayness, then everything spun outward, and with a feeling of being shoved off a tall cliff, they landed. Skywarp immediately let go and pop!ed away.

They were surrounded by purplish gray metal. In a box, essentially, three walls metal, one electrified bars.

"Uh," Papyrus said in an uncharacteristically quiet voice, "what just happened?"

"Well. Skywarp can teleport. Seems to me that we're now going to be enjoying a nice stay in the Nemesis' brig," Sunstreaker said bitterly.

"That doesn't sound too nice."

"It's not."

"So what do we do?"

Sunstreaker sighed as he opened his door to let Papyrus out. "Not much. The Arc crash landed at the base of a volcano. The Nemesis crash landed in the middle of the Pacific. Even if we escape the brig... Getting to the surface, then to land, is next to impossible. So... we wait. We cooperate. We hope our mechs realize what happened and launch a rescue mission. We be prepared to help them and to run when they do show up. There's tech in here that automatically makes it impossible for me to get into subspace, so I'm down to the one dagger I carry actually on my person. Once we're out, though, I'll have access to my swords and guns again." He stretched upwards after transforming, twisting his neck to work out a kink.

"Well, it doesn't seem to be blocking my Magic. I can still summon attacks, I think."

Sunstreaker glanced down at his companion. "That could work to our advantage. For now, keep it secret." With a quiet groan, the yellow mech lowered himself to the ground and sat cross-legged.

"So..." Papyrus sat down, too. "We just wait here, then?"

"Yes."

~o0o~

Having successfully made sure there were many forks in the river parkway, Sideswipe and Sans decided it was time to rejoin their siblings outside Sevierville.

Unfortunately, Sideswipe couldn't raise his brother's comm.

It was worrying. Very worrying. Sunstreaker never did that.

Even worse, when Sideswipe tried to raise anyone, nothing happened. All he got was static.

That was even more worrying.

"uhhhh..." Sans said slowly. "not sure about you, but... I think this is a bad thing."

Sideswipe nodded mutely. "This is a very bad thing. The only reason Sunstreaker wouldn't answer is if he can't. The only reason I wouldn't be able to raise the Arc is that someone is jamming transmissions. Which means Decepticons, and more specifically, Soundwave."

"that's, uh..." Sans suddenly seemed to be having trouble breathing, despite being a skeleton and not technically needing to breathe. "i think-... I think I should take us back to the arc"

"That might be a really good - hey. Wait. I know those thrusters."

Sure enough, a massive shuttle roared over the horizon. Skyfire spotted them and dove, transformed, and landed on his pedes. His immense weight shattered the pavement under him.

"Skywarp took Sunstreaker and Papyrus," he said, his normally soft expression hard and angry. "They came out of nowhere, low, I didn't spot them until it was too late. And Soundwave -"

"Yeah, no comms, figured," Sideswipe growled. His fingers twitched and his engine revved. " The other Seekers and Soundwave?"

"Immediately scattered and were off radar in less than a minute. I figured since you're in the area, I'd better get you and let you know."

Sans stared up at Skyfire, his eyesockets completely dark, his grin blank. When he spoke, it was with a peculiar cold authority. "we are going back to the arc. now."

And then darkness. A soft shwf. And they were all in Vancouver again.

Sans didn't seem remotely tired, despite going farther with more mass than any other previous shortcut so far. "which way is the arc?"

"Ah, northeast, about sixty miles?"

Sans nodded. Another shortcut later, they were in the middle of a large expanse of land. Sans gestured. "mountain's over there. I could get myself there pretty easily, but, i've never been there before so... don't wanna risk displacing one'a you into the mountain." He looked at Sideswipe. "youre gonna have to get us the rest of the way."

Sideswipe grabbed the short skeleton in one black hand, took a diving leap forward, and transformed around him. His tires were already spinning as they hit the ground.

In Sideswipe's diver side seat, Sans leaned back and closed his eyes, relaxing. It was obvious, though, that he was not asleep, and ready to spring into action at any given moment.

The Arc was in view within seconds, the aft end of the massive orange Autobot ship sticking out of the base of the mountain.

"I commed everyone once we got out of Sevierville. They should be waiting at the gate," Skyfire commed down to the red Autobot and his skeletal companion as he soared above them.

"Good."

And indeed, a large group of mechs and monsters stood waiting at the open door of the crashed ship.

The second Sideswipe stopped moving, Sans was leaping out the red twin's door, the lights of his eyes scanning the assembled crowd. Despite never having met or seen the Autobot leader before, Sans looked directly at Optimus.

"Sir. I'm Sans, the Judge. You can contact the Decepticon leader for me?"

"Of course. This way," the red and blue mech said, voice rumbling.

He led Sans, and the rest of the assembled mechs and monsters, inside the Arc and to the control room, where one could use the main console to access Teletran-1. With a few presses of a few buttons, a waiting screen popped up.

Sans climbed to the top of a table specifically designed so the Autobots' human friends could use the vid-comm system.

It wasn't a moment before the waiting screen faded out and Megatron's face replaced it.

"Calling about your lost golden boy, Prime?" the gunmetal gray mech sneered.

"actually," Sans answered, "i'm the one who wanted to talk to you, about my brother, although I will assume sideswipe would like me to talk about his brother, too."

The warlord took a moment to realize who was talking, and when he saw the diminutive size of Sans, he laughed. "You? You called me? Hah!"

Sideswipe stepped up next to the short skeleton and laid a hand next to him. "Don't go underestimating folks, Buckethelm," the berserker warrior rumbled, optics tinting a dangerous indigo.

Sans tilted his skull, looking up and over his shoulder at Sideswipe. "thanks, pal, but I got this." Then he turned back to Megatron.

"listen. -megatron, right?-- there's something I want you to understand. my brother, is my entire world. my sole priority in life is keeping him safe. and, currently, you have him in your base, along with sunny. unfortunately, I have lost my brother more times than I care to remember, much less count, to something I have no influence over, much less be able to control. so listen to me, and listen well, when I say that I refuse to let my brother come to harm at the hands of a pile of scrap such as yourself. so, uh, you're really gonna wanna let my brother go."

Megatron snorted. "I am a leader of armies, bitling. I bear the title of Warlord, and it is something I earned, and earned well. I do what I want, when I want, why I want. And you, a little bitling no larger than my smallest digit, dare challenge me? Hah! What do you think you could even accomplish, you half-byte sparkling?!"

For a moment, Sans almost seemed to take the insult, laughing as if Megatron was right. "heh. y'know... yeah. you're a warlord. you're strong. you've got an army. but you also have my brother. and if you don't let him and sunstreaker go, now..." Sans looked down, eyes half closed, smiling. "heh. buddy. pal." Sans looked back up, eyesockets dark once more, grinning widely. When he spoke, his words had a dark power in them; they seemed so quiet, they were barely audible, but at the same time, they seemed so loud, they drown out all other sounds, muffling everything else to a dull hum in the background. "Y O U ' R E G O N N A H A V E A B A D T I M E ."

And then Sans tugged at his Magic, pulling himself and Sideswipe through a shortcut to the exterior of the Arc.

"Dude, whatever you did there with your voice was badass. Can you teach me how to do that?"

Chuckling a little, Sans looked up at him. "sorry, pal. you need magic to do it, and, even if ya had magic, I think it's just a skeleton thing." he paused. "anyway. I need coordinates to the nemesis. and I assume you wanna come along to, uh, help me give people a bad time."

Sideswipe's optics darkened again. "Of course I do. Making people's days - good or bad - is what I do best." He told the skeleton the coordinates. "I'm letting Sunny know we're coming. Oh. And something you should know. We're going down, too. The Nemesis crashed in the middle of the Pacific."

Sans closed his eyes a moment. "... well. that's okay. neither of us need oxygen, right? or should I try for some sort of room in the nemisis?"

"Either or. If you get outside, we'll blast in. Pretty sure my energon swords will cut through the hull. Inside just gets us inside quicker."

"inside, then. let's go."

One shortcut later, they were in a dark hallway.

"which way?"Sans murmured.

"Well, I've never been here, besides the brig and being broken out of the brig."

"so. left, then." Sans set off walking.

"Hey! Halt!"

Sideswipe glanced behind him. "Rumble. Frenzy."

Sans turned too, to see two Decepticons... both only his own height, one red, one blue. They had piledrivers attached to their arms, and both of their optics were covered by scarlet visors.

"so uh... who wants to take care'a this? you 'r me?" Sans glanced up at Sideswipe.

Sideswipe flicked his wrist and pulled a sword from subspace. The edges of it glowed eerie, electric blue. "Either or. Or both. Whichever you prefer. There will be more."

"so, both of us? okay. whenever you're ready."

The red mech leapt forward and swung his sword in a wide arc. The flat of it struck the blue casseticon in his midsection, sending the small 'con crashing into the wall. He slumped to the floor, visor flickering, then going dark.

Meanwhile, Sans leaped forward, thrusting his left hand upward. His left eye flickered cyan, rimmed with yellow. A blue aura surrounded the red casseticon, and he shot upwards towards the ceiling. Half a second after the impact, what appeared to be a bone speared through his chest. Then Sans released his hold on the Magic, letting the blue mech fall to the floor, limp.

"Hm. Easy. Let's go."

They continued down the hall in the direction they had been going before being interrupted.

They encountered no one else until they came to a door. Sideswipe palmed the controls, and the door whooshed open to reveal three fliers, obviously just coming from a rec-room as they were carrying cubes of energon.

This time, Sans just leaned forward, bracing himself on his forward foot. Three massive draconian skulls materialized out of thin air, eyes glowing a bright cyan, flickers of yellow crossing through. In an instant, the skulls' jaws dropped forward, beams of raw energy shooting forward, hitting each 'con head-on. When the Blasters disappeared a moment later, the Decepticons were left with half-molten armor.

They dropped, writhing.

Sideswipe whistled. "Impressive. I'm glad you're on my side."

Sans let out a dark chuckle. "you don't know the half of it, sides. c'mon, let's keep going."

Sideswipe grinned, happy with his new battle partner. "Are we looking for a map, or just keep looking and taking out as many 'Cons as we can?"

"well, uh, I figure we have as much chance as coming across a map as our bros, so, both?"

"Alrighty then." Sideswipe whipped his sword in a circle. "Let's keep on."

The next mechs they encountered were purple and green, and there were six of them. Most had obvious signs of the vehicles they transformed into; a crane, a bulldozer, a cement truck.

Sideswipe charged them, no hesitation, sword swinging in long, glowing arcs, pinkish energon spattering in shining sprays.

Sans, meanwhile, hung back, turning Decepticons blue, spearing them through with bone attacks, and hitting them with Blasters.

The six mechs were down within moments. The two intruders moved on.

The corridors were getting lighter, more well traveled looking.

"I think we might be going the wrong way," Sideswipe said. "This doesn't look like the brig."

They turned another corner.

Soundwave was standing there.

"Sideswipe, Sans; will not succeed."

"uh." Sans was still grinning as usual, but his eyes made it clear he was frowning as he glanced up at Sideswipe. "who...?"

"That's Soundwave. Telepath, creator and host of Rumble and Frenzy and the other casseticons, Third in Command," the red Twin murmured. "I won't be too much use in this fight. He's been in my head too many times, knows how I think too well. Picks up on it too easy."

Sans' frown turned into a malicious grin. "let's shake it up a little, huh?"

It was like both of the mechs blinked, and when they opened their optics, Sans was just gone.

Soundwave shifted and looked at Sideswipe. The red Twin shrugged. "Beats me, mech."

Then Sideswipe lunged forward. Soundwave lashed one of his tentacles out from under his plating, extending it and whipping the red Twin into the wall, where he crashed and fell.

And then things went black again, lit up again, and with a loud GUUUOOOOAAAAAAAH and a flash of light, the beam of a Gaster Blaster slammed into Soundwave's back. As soon as the Blaster disappeared, Sans was gone again with a flash of darkness. And, despite the fact that the blaster was gone, the charred, molten patch of armor on Soundwave's back continued to widen.

Soundwave staggered, put a hand out and leaned against the wall, but didn't fall. The wound on his back was mostly cauterized, but a few small trickles of energon trailed over his back plating.

It was only seconds before Sans appeared again, his left eye glowing as he slammed out his left hand. Glowing blue, Soundwave shot sideways, slamming into the wall. Dazed, the Decepticon didn't react in the second he had before a bone ripped through him. And then things went black for a moment again, and Sans was gone.

Sideswipe took the opportunity presented and lunged forward again. He managed to land one hit - a quick slash across the shoulder - before Soundwave had recovered enough to retaliate and throw the red mech backwards, sending him sliding down the hall and into the wall.

But then there was a dark flash, and Sans was suddenly back, appearing in the air directly behind Soundwave, a bone-shaped attack in hand. As the skeleton fell downward, He swung the bone like a club, catching Soundwave across the back of the helm.

The blue mech fell slowly, falling to his knees, then crumpling with a clang.

"That, my friend," Sideswipe said with a grin as he lifted himself back to his feet, "was the fastest I've ever seen anyone take that fragger out."

"heh. we haven't started the real battle yet."

Sideswipe eyed him appreciatively. "Okay. Let's keep going."

The hallway continued on until it ended in a pair of massive double doors.

"Hm," Sideswipe said. "I think we made it to the throne room."

"should we go in? ask megatron for directions to the brig or somethin'? or just find it ourselves?"

The red mech snorted.

The doors swung open.

Megatron was sitting on a massive throne, set high above the floor on a stepped stage. Starscream, Thundercracker, and Skywarp stood behind him.

"hhhhhuh." Sans rocked back on his heels, hands in his jacket pockets. "if I didn't know any better, i'd say that looked like a boss battle waitin' to happen." He looked up at Sideswipe. "whaddya say we go find our brothers first, make sure they're okay, and come back here if we have time?"

"Sounds good to me. As much vengeance as I have to wreak on old Buckethelm, I rarely look forward to fighting him."

Sans nodded, and the pair turned to go.

Only there was a veritable army behind them, blocking the hall.

"Oh, do stay awhile," Megatron called. "We have some unfinished business. A threat that hasn't been carried out yet, by a certain bitlet."

Sans sighed, his shoulders slumping. Turning around, he stalked back into the throne room. "listen, pal. if I were you, i'd avoid this confrontation like the plague. because, y'see, i'm perfectly willing to forget this whole thing, if ya just let us go get our family. but, uh, seeing as i'm the judge... well, if you insist on being judged, and sentenced for your crimes, well..." He shrugged. "you are REALLY not gonna like what happens next."

Megatron just laughed.

Sideswipe stepped up next to his new-found friend.

Sans shrugged. "welp. might as well get this over with."

And then something strange happened. Around Sans, Sideswipe, and Megatron, the world faded from colorful to black-and-white-- not even greyscale. Black walls rose up around them, making it seem as if they were standing in a large, dark room. Another box appeared in front of Sans and Sideswipe, filling with white text.

* The battle begins.

Then there were four orange options: FIGHT, ACT, ITEM, and MERCY.

Sans immediately reached for the FIGHT button, looking at Sideswipe. "a quick explanation: hit the fight button, and attack. he can dodge, but won't be able to fight back until it's his turn. then we can only dodge, until his turn ends. when you get hit, your hp will go down a bit, but you won't be physically injured. if your hp drops to zero, you die."

"I... Die? I don't know if I like this kind of battle. I like the way I fight normally."

"actually, there are a lot of advantages to it. like, getting hurt won't slow you down in any way. and if you have any food in your inventory, you can eat it to restore your hp. and you have a minute to think between turns."

"Hm. Well, I'll be following your lead. What do we do first?"

"we fight." Sans again reached for the FIGHT button again. As his fingertips brushed it, it turned yellow. He looked again to Sideswipe. "alright. your turn."

"Um." The red Twin reached for the FIGHT button. "Right?"

"yep." The text box and the options disappeared. "got anything you wanna say to him? normally, on the rare occasion that I fight, I go with a pretty epic opening dialogue, but, if you wanna say something instead..."

"No, by all means, go ahead. Sunny and I usually just tackle people or stab them, so when it comes to witty banter with the enemy, all yours. Our battles don't really provide time to talk."

"alrighty, then." Sans took a step forward, now addressing Megatron, who seemed to have been more or less frozen or moving much slower while their conversation had happened. "heya, pal. it's a beautiful day outside. the birds are singing. the flowers are blooming. on days like these, mechs like you..." Sans' eyesockets went dark, and he did the loud-but-quiet voice thing. "S H O U L D B E B U R N I N G I N H E L L ."

And then he thrust his hand downward, his left eye glowing for half a second. Megatron plummeted downward, and was hit head-on by wave of Sans' attacks. Then Sans released the Blue Magic, switching instead to a set of Blasters in quick succession. Nearly each one hit Megatron, same as the bones. Sans stepped back. "alright, your turn." He snickered a little. "i don't think he knows what he's doing."

Sideswipe eyed the warlord. "I don't really either."

Sans gestured. "just... attack. you don't even have to keep your defense up, he can't hit you while it's your turn, he can only dodge... if he even realizes that."

"I get that. I just usually like... actually hit the guy. Not... um. Whatever this is." The mech swept his hand, sword still in it, in a broad arc across the expanse between him and Megatron.

To his shock, a phantom glowing blade whipped in front of the Warlord. Megatron was thrown backward a ways.

Sans nodded, a satisfied look on his face. "yup. that'll do it. and now, as soon as he figures out the fight mechanics, we just gotta dodge."

Megatron took a long time to press a button. When he finally did, the attack - a single blaster shot that came at them at about a snail's pace - was incredibly easy to dodge.

Sans turned to watch the attack as it passed. Then, as he reached again for his FIGHT button, he said, "hey, great job! that was pretty good for your first time. I mean, you took a lot longer to figure it out than sides, here, but still." And then he turned Megatron Blue again, sending another barrage of bones at him.

Megatron struggled, and managed to dodge a few of the bones. Not many, though.

Then Sideswipe had his turn. He selected the FIGHT button, and settled into a ready stance. It seemed to him that all one had to do was mime an attack, and something would happen. So, practice maneuvers. He swept his sword downward in a fast overhead strike.

Hundreds of miniature daggers rained down on the Warlord.

Sans nodded approvingly. "you learn fast. wonder if he will?"

Megatron seemed to try to say something to them, but was unable. With an inarticulate growl, he grabbed at the mech and monster.

"hm, never seen an attack like that before."

Ghostly claws made grabby motions at the two, but didn't touch them.

"wow, uh, you're getting closer there, pal. just, uh-" Sans broke down in giggles. "just keep trying."

Mostly out of curiosity, Sans went to his ACT button instead of fighting, and hit *Check from there.

*Megatron
Lv: 72 ATK: 100 DEF: 80 HP: 840/1000
*Warlord of the Decepticons
*Strong, but... Doesn't really know what he's doing.

Sans nodded at the text box. "and there ya go. a bit of info about our little bitlet."

Sideswipe snickered. "Does that do the same thing if I check it?"

Sans shrugged. "probably not. because, y'know, i'm the judge and all. it's my job to know things about people."

"Hm. So I'd get different information?" Sideswipe pressed ACT, then *Check.

*Megatron
ATK: 100 DEF:80
*Warlord of the Decepticons
*Used to be a nice guy.
*Now he's not.

Sideswipe laughed out loud.

Megatron went next. He lifted his arm, fusion cannon whirring. A blast fired toward them - still slow, still incredibly easy for the two of them to dodge (simply by taking a simple step to the side, watching the flaming ball roll toward them, then past them, then stepping back into place).

Sans snickered at the warlord. "hey, uh, don't worry, buddy. I'm sure you'll get it eventually. in the meantime," Sans, surprisingly, reached for the MERCY button, "you really aren't a threat, and, uh, you're not trying to end everything and everyone, so how about you let us go get our siblings and get outta your, uh-..." He paused, and looked up at Sideswipe. "hey, do you guys have some equivalent of hair?"

"Well, some people have fiber-optic strands, some people have sensor strands... Our helms come in different styles, too."

"huh. okay." He turned back to Megatron. "so, uh, yeah. I don't feel the need to kill anyone but the worst of the worst, and, uh, deep down... that's not you. i'm willing to spare you now."

Megatron glowered and lunged forward. Ghostly claws swept toward the skeleton, but Sans just leaned backwards, the claws swiping harmlessly above him. The word "MISS" appeared in the air, and Megatron stepped back as Sans stood straight up (or as straight up as he normally did.)

"My turn?" Sideswipe asked, and when Sans nodded, the Twin hit FIGHT. Once again, he swung his sword downward, sending a hail of blades falling on Megatron's head, most of which found their target.

Megatron, who was finally kind of figuring out this weirdness, snarled and swiped at Sideswipe.

Ghostly claws rushed toward him. Sideswipe fell backwards with a yell, and the claws swished over him. A miss.

"That was close!"

Sans shrugged. "well, I mean, I wouldn't know, since he was aiming for you. good job dodging, though." He reached for the MERCY button again, then looked back at Sideswipe. "oh, by the way, what i'm doing here? offering mercy? it's REALLY dangerous. because, see, since we've decided human souls are still stronger than sparks, when you offer mercy and someone refuses it, they can mercy kill you: an unavoidable, oneshot ko. i-... i've learned how to break some rules, though, and can dodge. so, uh, I would recommend not offering mercy unless you're sure they'll spare you." Then he pressed the button. "seriously, megatron. no one has to get hurt here. all I want is my brother, and, while I can't exactly say the same for sides, i'm sure he wants his brother more than revenge. right, sides?"

"Of course! If I got my brother back forever, no questions asked, no worries about him again... I'd go right up there and kiss that fragger myself!"

"y'see?" Sans gestured a little to Sideswipe. "just let us go. this is the last time i'm going to offer mercy before I decide to give you a taste of just what you're asking for."

The massive warlord didn't respond, other than to lash out again.

Sans just sort of leaned to the side, then back, reminiscent of a Neo-style Matrix-bullet-dodge.

The attack passed over him harmlessly.

Sideswipe's turn was next. He did the same as before, swinging his sword in a sideways arc. A glowing blade imitated it, smacking Megatron upside the head.

Megatron raised his arm, firing his blaster. The blast rolled toward them - faster than before, but still very slow. It was easy to dodge.

"okay, then." Sans shrugged nonchalantly. "i, uh, didn't wanna do this, but it looks like you really wanna to learn things the hard way." Sans hit FIGHT.

And then everything went black for half a moment. Megatron was flung against one of the walls of the dark box, a Blaster staring him down. An instant after the Blaster hit him, the world darkened into Sans' shortcut. Then Megatron was on the ceiling, and didn't move in the second he had before a multitude of bones speared down out of the ceiling. Blackness again. Megatron was on the floor again, caught in the crossfire of two Blasters. Then pressed against a wall as a wave of bones swept towards him. Then the same thing, but on the floor. Then another set of Blasters. And more bones.

Then, finally, Sans stepped back, ending his turn. "he should be around, oh, say, 450 hp now, with the number of hits he took. kr accumulation puts that at about 300 when the dust's settled."

"I don't know what that means," Sideswipe said cheerily as he reached for the FIGHT button, "but it sounds like I like it!" He hefted his sword and spun it. It began to glow an electric blue, and he lunged straight forward. A spear of light lanced outward. Megatron tried to move, but it still clipped his foot.

Sans reached for MERCY. "look, pal, we REALLY don't have to do this. you don't really want to kill everyone, do you? you don't really want to tear families apart, do you? because all we really want is our family. just accept my mercy."

Megatron raised his fusion cannon, but didn't fire it.

Sideswipe cocked his head to the side. "That's new."

Then Megatron fired.

"Okay, never mind."

Sans leaned away, and the shot blew by harmlessly.

Sideswipe swung his sword again, knocking Megatron aside once more.

Sans sighed. "look, megatron. as the judge, I have access to a lot of... information that most people don't. so I know for a fact that you really want to do the right thing, even if you... kind of think the wrong thing is actually the right thing. please. in the end, neither of us really want to fight. just let us get our family, and go." Sans reached for MERCY again.

This time, Megatron didn't fight. He didn't accept, but he didn't fight. He looked like he didn't know what to do.

Sideswipe eyed the mech. "Hey, Sans. I think that if we left now, he wouldn't stop us."

Sans closed his eyes for a long moment. Then he looked up at Sideswipe, the edges of his permanent grin lifting into a genuine smile. "yeah. c'mon, let's go find our brothers."

Sans reached for MERCY, then *Flee.

And then, he wasn't there anymore.

Neither was Sideswipe. The skeleton had grabbed hold of the mech and pulled him through a shortcut.

They were somewhere else in the ship. Somewhere lower, dirtier, dimmer.

"Now, this is where a brig would be!"

"cool." Sans glanced around. "that way looks like it gets cleaner farther on, so let's try this way."

They tromped down the hallway. No one met them.

"guess everyone had to come watch us pick a bone with megatron."

Sideswipe snickered. "Pretty much, yeah."

They continued on.

"d'you think we should shout? like, would they hear us and be able to respond, or do decepticons keep their prisoners tied up, gagged, and drugged in some dark corner?"

Sideswipe was silent for a moment, before shaking his helm. "What a moron," he muttered. "All I really need to do," he said a bit louder, "is follow my spark." He sped up slightly, in the direction they were going.

"hey, slow down!" Sans shouted as he fell behind. "you're forgetting that you're like, the size of a house, and i'm short, even for my species!"

Sideswipe's answer was to pause until Sans caught up, then pick the monster up and set him on his shoulder. He continued on at his rushed pace.

"this works too." Sans chuckled a bit as he decided not to make a pun regarding being given the cold shoulder, before lapsing into silence.

The hallways got darker and dirtier. Then they came to a heavy door. With locks. Lots and lots of locks.

Sideswipe solved that problem by stabbing his electrified sword through the locking mechanisms, then through the edge of the door, then sweeping it up and down along the seam between door and frame.

The door swung open.

"Sunny! I'm home!" he called cheerily as he stepped inside.

Sunstreaker and Papyrus were sitting in one of the dingy little cells. Sunstreaker smiled. "Hey, Sides. 'Bout time you showed up."

"How about me?"

They whirled around.

Megatron was standing in the doorway, with a few of his soldiers behind him.

Sans' happy expression at seeing his brother slipped, but only a little. "oh, come on! didn't we already, like, half-murder you? can't you just stay down long enough for us to get outta here?"

Sideswipe sighed. "He's Megatron. That fragger never knows when to quit."

"welp. I guess we'll just haveta do it again." From his position on Sideswipe's shoulder, he addressed the red mech. "i assume we're gonna have to teach 'em all a lesson to get out of here, right? yeah? bad news is, I don't think I have enough influence on things to keep it in the battle gui full-time. so, uh, things are probably gonna get a bit messy here-- both in terms of the battle itself, and the battle rules. anyway," He looked back at Megatron. "i still have a bit of mercy left. are you sure you don't wanna just take that and go?"

Megatron growled lowly and raised his fusion blaster. The inside of it glowed a demonic orange, like the fires of hell.

"i'll take that as a no. like I said, it's a beautiful day outside." And then they were back in the black box, except now all of the Decepticons were there.

And Sans was already attacking, Blasters firing, bones slicing through the air. It seemed as though the rest of the Decepticons had gotten the idea of things from watching Megatron earlier, so while they weren't exactly good at dodging things, they didn't just stand there stupidly.

And Megatron himself seemed to have gathered his wits up about him- he was dodging best of all the Decepticons.

And then it was Sideswipe's turn, but the Battle GUI was fading, things dissolving into an all-out melee chaos.

Sans stood a little ways back, directing his attacks and flinging 'cons around with Blue Magic, moving no more than he had to to avoid anything aimed at him. He only occasionally had to shortcut out of the way of things.

"Now," Sideswipe snarled gleefully, "Now I get to show you how I fight!"

He whipped another sword from his subspace, one in each hand. With a flick of his wrists, both swords began to glow an unearthly electric blue. His optics darkened until they were almost purple.

With a roar, Sideswipe ran forward, swords flashing in the dimly lit room.

Sunstreaker was on his feet at the bars, cheering his brother on.

Sideswipe landed blow after blow. The area was small, so only a couple Decepticons could attack at a time, but not a one of them managed to hit Sideswipe.

And then, suddenly, everything was flickering back to black and white. It appeared that, apart from Megatron, only four Decepticons were still in action. And, it was their turn.

However, it seemed as though none of them were any better at attacks than their warlord, and all their attempts were easily dodged.

Once again, before Sans could attack, the Battle GUI faded, and everyone was back in the free-for-all.

Sideswipe was right there, ready to attack again, optics dark and menacing, swords flashing. He was almost in a berserker state - not quite, but almost, just enough to make him stronger, faster, better than anyone else in the room.

The four remaining mechs fell quickly to Sideswipe's and Sans' combined onslaught, and soon, it was only just Megatron versus the monster and twin.

The Battle GUI rose again, and Sans finally got his turn, smashing Megatron repeatedly into the walls with Blue Magic, hitting him with a good few attacks.

Then Sideswipe. He turned to Sunstreaker and grinned. "Sunny. Sans taught me a new way to fight. Watch this!" And he swung his sword, harder than ever before. A hail of blades slammed into the warlord.

Then it was Megatron's turn. This time, he brought out a weapon he only ever used on the Prime: his morning star. He hefted it easily, and with a casual flick of his wrist, brought it down in an overhead strike.

Sans expected it to be weak and slow, same as Megatron's other attacks.

It wasn't, and that caught him off-guard.

It slammed into Sans, sending the small skeleton flying backwards. He smacked against the wall, then fell. For a moment, he just lay there on the ground, and when he struggled to his feet, it was that exactly- a struggle. A bit of a softly-glowing red liquid seeped between his teeth, dripping down his chin.

And then, suddenly, his grin became one of real, genuine amusement.

HP: 50/100

"heh. I knew it was going up, but, uh. gotta say, i'm pleasantly surprised." Then, wiping his mouth on the sleeve of his jacket, he took a shortcut to land on Sideswipe's shoulder as the Battle GUI faded. "hey, sides, whaddya say we finish him off, huh?"

"With pleasure," the red mech growled, almost fully in berserker mode. He ran forward.

Only three Autobots could really equal Megatron in strength. Optimus Prime was given. The other two were Sideswipe and Sunstreaker in berserker mode.

And now, Sideswipe had Sans to shortcut him out of trouble and watch his back.

And the two of them worked together beautifully, practically making the fight into a dance as Sideswipe spun in and out of graceful attacks, the two of them stepping in and out of space and physical existence, bones and Blasters appearing and disappearing in flashes of light that just about matched the glowing blue of the dual swords in the mech's hands.

And suddenly, Megatron was on his knees, Sideswipe's swords at his neck cables, Gaster Blasters surrounding them with open, glowing mouths.

Sans hopped off Sideswipe's shoulder, taking a shortcut midair, landing right in the cell where Sunstreaker and Papyrus were both looking on in pride and awe, respectively.

"so then. that's taken care of. you guys ready to get outta here? i'm pretty sure I have enough magic left to make one more shortcut back to the arc."

"Yesssss," Sunstreaker said with a long sigh. "While that was pretty fun to watch, it's been a very long day."

"right, then. home." Sans' left eye flashed blue. There was the now quite-familiar shwf and darkness...

And then they were all crashing to the ground as Sans dropped them right in front of the Arc, too tired for a gentle landing.

He was not, however, too tired to hurry over to Papyrus and wrap his brother in a hug, which was readily and eagerly returned.

Sideswipe and Sunstreaker didn't hug, they just leaned in close, each reaching a hand behind the other's head, then bumping foreheads.

It was then that the doors of the Arc opened and a large group of Autobots came hurrying out, Optimus Prime in the lead.

"Um," he said when he saw the mechs and monsters sitting almost literally on the doorstep.

Sideswipe looked up and giggled a little. It wasn't often the Prime was speechless.

Papyrus, upon seeing what he could only assume was a very important person, attempted to let go of Sans and stand up straight in order to properly greet a respectable person, but Sans only clung tighter to his brother.

"nooooooooo, pap! i'm not done hugging yet!"

Sighing and definitely rolling his eyes despite not technically having eyes, Papyrus relented, lifting Sans into his arms.

Optimus Prime stifled a chuckle at the antics of the shorter skeleton. "Well met, Papyrus. I have heard much about you."

And suddenly, Papyrus's whole annoyed demeanor changed. "You have?!" then, in a marginally quieter voice, he said to Sans, "Wowie! The tall alien robot knows who I am!"

Sunstreaker snorted. "And you know who he is, Papyrus. That's Optimus."

Papyrus's childish expression of awestruck wonder only grew as he was rendered speechless.

Sans, finally lifting his face out of Papyrus's scarf, grinned up at his brother. "y'know, bro, this would be a prime time to crack a few puns, but I just can't seem to think of any optimal ones to suit the occasion."

Papyrus roared in frustration, releasing his grip on Sans and letting the shorter skeleton tumble to the ground.

Sans, still chuckling, just pulled himself back to his feet, dusting himself off. "worth it."

Optimus Prime, after a moment, burst out laughing.

Elita-One, next to him, shook her head. "Oh, Primus."

Sideswipe snickered, then gestured at the blaster in her hand, while giving significant looks to the weapons in the other Autobots' hands. "Going somewhere?"

"Not anymore," the Prime said, sobering. "You're back now, so our mission is now obsolete."

"Yeah, well, thank Sideswipe and Sans for that. They totally whupped Megatron," Sunstreaker offered, gruff and grim persona pretty much gone in the face of not only having made a friend, not only seeing his brother fight so well, but to see Sideswipe happy. And really, Sideswipe was happy, happier than he'd been in a long time. Sure, the depressive state they'd both been in had faded vorns ago, after they'd joined the Autobots, but now... Sides was happy like he'd been as a youngling, before all the... bad things happened. He could feel it echoing in his own spark-half.

"Well, I had Sans' help."

"Wait," Undyne called from where she was perched on Ironhide's shoulder, spear in hand, "You mean Sans actually FOUGHT?!"

"He did!" Papyrus replied excitedly. "He was very good, too! Better than you, even, Undyne!"

Sans, with the fatigue of the battle finally catching up with him, made no move to contradict his brother, instead just leaning happily against the taller skeleton.

Sideswipe grinned. "He taught me how to fight like you do. Then we fought like we do." The we was addressed to all the Autobots present. "It was pretty fragging awesome."

Sans probably would have agreed. He probably would have said something along the lines of how Sideswipe had a good instinct for the monsters' style of fighting, and how, when they had worked in tandem, he had come to anticipate and prepare for the shortcuts nearly as well as Sans himself, and how he was glad Sideswipe was an ally, not an enemy, because he knew that a fight between them would be an evenly matched one.

He would have said something along the lines of all this, if he had not already fallen asleep, slumped against Papyrus.

"Well," Sideswipe started again, "I guess him being tired makes sense. I mean, we just fought half of the Decepticon army and he took a lot of shortcuts... and one good hit. Megatron managed to land one really good hit on him, near the end."

Papyrus nodded slowly. "He... He had a lot more HP. I..." Suddenly, the tall skeleton turned, looking almost teary-eyed, to Sideswipe. "Thank you."

"Huh? What did I do? I just kept dragging you around causing trouble. Before all this went down."

"But..." Papyrus grinned widely, scooping his sound asleep older brother into his arms. "But you gave him hope. I... I know that... When we were in the Underground, he was only really holding on for me, and even though I tried my hardest to get him to hope more, he... And even since reaching the surface, his HP had only gone up by a point or two..." Papyrus paused a moment before continuing. "... But then we found you, and now his max HP is 100! You helped him to get better!"

Sideswipe listened, stunned. "I... Well. I'm glad."

"Yeah. And he helped you, too, Sides. No denying it, you're happier than before. You've got... well. Another friend." Somewhere, deep down, Sunstreaker felt a twinge of jealousy, that he couldn't do that for his brother... but at the same time, he knew that all he wanted was for Sideswipe to be happy. If Sideswipe was happy, he would be happy.

Sideswipe could feel all this happening in Sunstreaker, and grinned at his Twin.

"It seems to me," Optimus Prime began, looking down at the two goatlike rulers standing by his side, "that what we thought would be a disaster... turned into something rather good."

Both of them were smiling. "Quite." Toriel looked up at Optimus Prme. "Perhaps... we should move back inside and continue where we left off earlier in our negotiations regarding interspecies relations?"

Ironhide shook his head. "That sounds way too technical."

"Toriel," Elita-One whispered, leaning up to talk right into Ironhide's audial, "Is just suggesting we figure out how we can keep hanging out."

"Ah. Okay. Makes sense," the big mech said with a wink. Undyne, still sitting on his shoulder, just snickered.