The sound of car jerked Swara out of her thoughts. Sanskaar is here. Swara quickly wiped her tears and rushed to wash room.A glance at her face .. Sanskaar would know.She quickly splashed water on face and dried it off with hand towel.

Shona ...

His voice came in...Swara gazed at her reflection in mirror and stepped out .

Sanskaar leaned back on sofa closing his eyes .. What a tiring day it had been,meeting after meeting chalking out plans, assigning teams for their new project .

'Shona' ..he called out again and faint sound of her anklets brought a smile on his lips.Just a glance at her everything would be fine .

Sanskaar..

He opened his eyes and there she is 'his Shona' with that lovely smile adorning her face with a glass of water.He glanced at her for long before he took glass."Bahut tired lag rahe ho ..bahut kaam tha kya " she softly stroked tips of his hair as he took few quick sips of water. "Haan woh naya project hain na .." he placed glass back on table.

"Main chai lekar aati hoon." she turned to leave and halted as he held her hand. "Sab theek haina Shona."His question had her worried. She was glad he couldn't see her face.She quickly composed herself and turned back " Ji nahi ..kuch bhi tho teek nahi hain" and that earned her a quick frown and she could see worry taking him over. Sighing Swara sat on his lap .

Sanskaar quickly adjusted himself making them more comfortable as her arms wound around his neck and then he was staring into most beautiful eyes of his love. "Kyunki aaj Shona ne apne Sanskaar ko bahut miss kiya ..iss liye" .His frown turned into relieved smile " Acha ! Kitna miss kiya Shona ne Sanskaar ko?" he asked his hands gently brushing loose tendrils off her face .

Smiling Swara pulled him more closer cradling her face below his neck

" Itna..aur iss be bhi jyada.."

He hugged back softly," Ek message kar deti ..ya ek call, sab chod ke aa jata" his lips brushed her hair softly.

"Iss liye nahi kiya" she replied meekly.Nothing offered her more comfort, nothing made her feel more safe ..than being in his arms.

After a while ..he brought her out of hug "Aaj doctor ke paas gayi tha na ? Reports mil gaye, Kya kaha doctor ne..Sab teek?" he asked gently caressing her cheek .Swara guarded her expression"Haan .. woh doctor bol rahi thi blood pressure thoda jyada hain,"she rushed with her words before he could probe her further "Tension waali baat nahi hain. Diet aur medicines lene se teek hojayega" She looked at him for a while..she knew he will have more questions.

"Offo ,Sanskaar,sab theek hain .. bahut tension lete ho tum... ab woh chodo aur.."she snuggled back into his arms,her fingers gently trailed on his neck in soft strokes" I told ,I missed you" she whispered against his skin,her lips softly brushing base of his neck and she felt his breath quicken. Her fingers quickly undid few buttons,opening his shirt up little. She heard him murmur her name, his fingers curling into her hair as she pressed her lips on his chest, her fingers slipped inside ,sliding over his planes and her kisses didn't stop "Shona .." Sanskaar murmured again trying to get hold of all sensations shooting straight up him.His hand in her hair curled into a soft hold he tugged her gently, his face just an inch above hers " Are u trying to seduce your husband ,who is just back from work" he whispered against her lips, the mild enquiry in his eyes turned warmly teasing .Swara lowered her eyes as her cheeks warmed up with tint of blush.This is first time she had taken lead and she had no clue if he .. "Look at me"he said softly compelling her gaze back to his.His lips curved up slightly,gauging her apprehension "you have me sweetheart" he whispered and leaned forward pecking her lips softly first , then deepening the kiss and she returned it with equal fervor. " Mind joining me for a shower?"he whispered as they parted falling short of breath ,then she had no clue that would turn out to be most sensual experience she ever had.

Under jet of water, their damp bare bodies pressed against each other ,he captured her wet lips softly,teasing ,nudging and was soon lost in passion of her mouth and sweet torturous ache of her hands on his back. As the kiss deepened she sunk the fingers of one hand into the thickness of his hair and clung to his head, demanding more.His hands moved down her body in urgent need,his fingers curled into curves of her creamy waist and she moaned.When his tongue had completed a thorough exploration of her mouth, she stroked hers against it, and felt a shudder ripple over his body, fusing them even closer. Behind the mist filled glass doors ,as their hands slid over each other into sensual massage lathering, their breaths hitched ,sighs melting into sighs.Their kisses became deeper, longer and more intoxicating .His every touch , stroke and kiss ,drew soft low moans ,gasps of pleasure from her. She clutched him hard answered back touch to touch, kiss to kiss , stroke to stroke drawing deep groan of pleasure from him.Soon their breathing turned erratic, Heat built to incinerating levels, till they couldn't take it any longer and when they joined she cried his name shuddering with pleasure followed by him .

They held each other till breath returned to normal. He dried her gently, with soothing

touches calming her trembling body.He smiled mischievously at her remark of how they should try this more often as he carried her to bed in his arms.They quickly dressed up, had a light dinner for none of them were much hungry and found themselves in each other arms soon , this time just content holding each other cuddling up closer and they talked .Swara listened as Sanskaar talked about his project and his plans for their next trip but her thoughts were somewhere else. "Shona .. aaj itni chup kyu ho tum?" Sanskaar asked. He had noticed she had not been her usual self and he missed her bak bak.

Swara lifted her head from his chest and gazed into his eyes " Kya hua?' he asked softly. And she almost gave in for a moment "Woh Sanskaar,"but soon composed back herself "Pata nahi kyu .. ek ajeeb sa darr lag raha hain ki..ki," She paused,her fingers held his cheek "Tum mujhse kabhi duur nahi javoge na?"

Sanskaar rolled her down, leaned closer till their faces were a breath away.His hot breath fanned over her cheek"Itne paas hoon aur tum dur jaane ki baat kar rahi ho Shona,"he pressed his lips softly on hers and gazed into her eyes deeply " Tumse dur rehkar jeene ki himmat nahi hain tumhare Sanskaar main," he told softly . Swara's heart tugged at his words.. And that undying love in his eyes..

Sanskaar.. ..she took his name with emotions sweeping over her and kissed him softly..and soon a kiss followed another, another leading to a passionate union of their bodies and souls

Swara held Sanskaar close with sleep evading her and thoughts drifting back to doctors words. She gazed for long at sleeping form of Sanskaar, how peaceful he looked with that little smile on his lips. Should she tell him ..no, she decided against it. "Haq hai tumhara Shona, meri har baat jaane ka" She recalled his words and she is depriving him of same right.Would he ever able to forgive her knowing, she led him into this. No, he should never know ..it would ruin everything , she would lose him again and that thought scared her .She won't let that happen . "Kabhi nahi " she told herself and instinctively her hands tightened around him. Sanskaar stirred slightly pulling her close, and slipped back into deep sleep.

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Next day morning as Swara walked out of their room and saw Sanskaar busy with call " Ji haan ..4 0 clock ..ok fine .. We will be there..Thank you."

"Kis se baat kar rahe ho Sanskaar" Swara asked approaching him. "Kuch nahi shona..woh dietician se baat kar raha tha ,he replied ,"diet ka khayal rakhna hain na ..issliye.. Aaj shaym ko 4. Baje ka appointment hain..I will pick you up..tayyar rehna."

Swara become tensed hearing this. She would need to show the reports , what if .Her thoughts halted as Sanskaar gave her a quick hug "abhi mujhe late ho raha hai, naasta office jaake karlunga ..bye.. love u,"he kissed her softly on cheek and rushed out.

Swara stood for long and went back to check her reports. One page of report highlighted the complications of pregnancy for reference and very soon that page found itself in garbage bag torn into bits and pieces.

-----------------------

Few months passed

Sanskaar rushed to Shanti Nivas frantically after receiving a call from Ragini. He rushed in and found Sekhar and Sujoy in hall with a serious expression " Baba, kya hua Shona ko?Ragini ka call aaya .. kaha hain shona?" Sanskaar looked around frantically " Shona..Shona .." He rushed to Swara's room and probably missed the smile Sujoy and sekhar exchanged behind him.

As he stepped in ,he found Swara seated on bed ..along with Ragini , Dadi and Sharmistha. Ignoring them all he rushed to her ,"Shona .. tum teek ho na? Ragni bol rahi thi tum behosh hogayi .." he asked all concerned.

"Sanskaar ..main " Swara tried to talk

"Chup raho tum," Sanksaar didn't give her a chance."Kitni baar kaha hain dyan rakha karo, khaana teek se khaalo ..nahi ,"he looked at Sharmistha "Maa, aap hi samjahvo iss ziddi ko .. meri baat hi nahi sunti.." he complained

"Haan haan jijali .. "Ragini intervened " Khaana tho khaana padega isse ,ek ki nahi ,ab do do logon ki," She held back her giggles watching confused expression of Sanskaar.

"Kyu tang kar rahi hain damad ji ko ," Dadi took pity on Sanskaar " Seedhe Seedhe bata na ki hamara Shona aur Sanskaar bahut jaldi maa baap ban ne jaa rahe hain." and Sanksaar went absolutely still for a second, next minute he looked at Swara.

Sach! He asked still coming in terms with sweetest new of their life.Her glowing smile, hint of blush on her cheeks as she nodded yes ,he got his answer.

Sujoy and Sekhar rushed to Swara's room as they heard his scream of happiness. "Baba ..aap nana bane waale hain aur maa aap nani ..aur Ragini tum .. and he went around room sharing his happiness "aur main papa"..he told proudly

Swara watched her family as they celebrated ..tossing sweets into each others mouth, bubbling with joy and happiness. Sanskaar lovingly fed sweet to Swara and oblivious of surrounding ,his lips lingered on forehead for long as he whispered a thank you and love you.Nothing seemed to contain his joy as he jumped around and next minute he bombarded Sharmistha with questions on how to take care .." Maa main toh kehta hoon, aap hamare saath aa javo ya dadi ko bhej do ..ya phir aap sab log aa jao ...Shona ka dyan rakhna haina .. aur mujhe kuch nahi pata..aap aaj vo bas and next minute he was listening carefully to dadi's instructions.

In all these months there were times when she wanted to confess to him , she tried too but something stopped her.She couldn't gather her courage, above all the feeling their world which is going prefect would crumble .. held her back ..but very soon she realised she was wrong.

---------------------------------

She still recalled the day, after they returned from her maayka .. how gently he lifted her in his arms , laid carefully on bed. She slowly snuggled into his arms feeling his warmth ..This is their moment, they couldn't get one with hustle bustle in gadodia house.,"Tumhe pata hai kitni khush hoon main aaj shona."He gently placed his hand on her belly "hamara bacha" His voice choked with emotions.Tears of happiness welled up his eyes ,hers as well. She smiled through tears as he bent down and pressed a kiss on belly and whispered " I love u baby" and they closed with a sigh as he kissed her even more softly.

As days passed Sanskaar had been more attentive and caring towards Swara.He treated her delicately as fragile as glass and would even hesitate to hug her , for the fear he might be too tight , Only after several assurances of Swara , he held her close and realised his arms gave her more comfort. He would cradle her softly ..and they discussed about kids for hours.

"Shona .. main soch raha hoon agar ladki hui na .. hum uska naam na diya rakhenge,who will light up our world aur agar beta hoga na .. prateek..symbol of our love ,kya kehte ho?" he asked one day as Swara gazed at him lovingly and nodded in consent "Aur main tho ye bhi soch raha hoon..." and he would go on and on.

Sharmistha and Dadi would drop in frequently , stay whole day ..till Sanskaar came back with Sujoy from office and then left with Sujoy,sometimes Sekhar would come in .Swara's tantrums were no longer paid heed and she had to eat a lot ... not that she minded all the pampering she received and above all there was her Sanskaar whose love just left her speechless.One day he dropped in with bundle of books about pregnancy and baby care.

"Sanskaar ye,itne saare ?"

"Mere liye hain .." he told her. He would read books to her as she would lie on his lap, his handly gently stroking her hair and would fall asleep holding the book sometimes . He bought toys one day , huge number of them, a set for baby girl and another for baby boy .. "Tab shayad time nai milega na, tumhare aur baby ke saath rehna hain na mujhe ..." and they had room full of toys.He even got rooms designed for them , Pink for girl with princess theme and blue for boy with superhero theme they decided and it had just been a two and half months,her pregnancy had been confirmed.

Sanskaar didn't protest much when Swara wanted to consult another gynec ..not Dr Sakshi .Though he wondered why " Woh Dr.Sakshi ne hi recommend kiya hain.. Swara told him "She might be out of town few weeks ..iss liye unho ne .. ye doctor bhi acha hai ..Ragini bhi jaanti hai .." and Sanskaar was convinced, didn't probe further .Sanskaar accompanied her for most of checkups , sometimes Ragini would join her when Sanskar couldn't.

Every thing would have gone smooth only if fate didn't play its stroke

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"Arey aap "..Sanskaar looked pleasantly surprised as he accidentally encountered Dr .Sakshi on his way back home.

"Hello! Mr Sanskaar"Sakshi greeted him back and they usually got in to chat. "Sheher se bahar? Ye kisne kaha aapse .. aur maine recommend kiya.. Lagta aapko galat fehmi ho gayi.." Sakshi's words startled Sanskaar. And Sakshi looked equally bewildered as Sanskaar broke news of Swara being pregnant

"Mr. Sanskaar..I clearly warned Swara about this, kamse kam aapko samjhana chahiye ki ye kitna risky hosakta hain ..but.still if you both have decided to go ahead...tho.."

"Kaunsa Risk Doctor?" Sanskaar cut her in between.

"Swara ji ne aapko bataya nahi? Yahi ki .."

-----------------------------------

Sanskaar screeched his car on reaching their place .He rushed inside with a file in his hand and pulled out all reports of Swara,turning pages frantically ."This can't be true .. Shona itni badi baat mujhse nahi chupa sakthi .. kuch galat fhemi huyi hain .. sab teek hain .. sab teek hain," he wiped sweat of his face as he went through reports trying to find what he was looking for and finally found it . He turned page after page .. his dread taking new proportions with every page he turned ...and as he found the last missing page in reports he got from Dr.Sakshi today..A read through it and he sank down onto bed.

Swara walked in after her trip to mandir with Dadi. Her Dada dropped her back but hurried as he had some other work to catch up. As Swara noticed Sanskaar car she smiled "Matlab aaj Sanskar jaldi aa gaya."She slowly made her way into their room which they shifted down on Sanskaar insistence. She smiled fondly recalling his words " Har baar tumhe apne godh main utane main yaha nahi rahun gana shona .. iss liye ..".

As she stepped in the room was pitch black ..."Itna andhera kyu hai? She turned on lights and there he was, on bed with files sprawled around him. There was no flicker of emotion on his face. "Sanskaar ..." Swara hurried to him " Kya hua?" He turned to face her , his eyes blank and all he said was

" Aaj mujhe Dr.Sakshi mili." and colors drained out of Swara's face. And Sanskaar got his answer . She knew this all along ..Pain and rage crossed his eyes at once .He took her hand placed a page of report in it " Ye pado aur batavo kya likha hai?" he said his tone icy and deadly . Swara didn't have to look at it . A glance at it she knew it's the same page which she had torn ,the same page which she read hundred times before going ahead with her decision of pregnancy.

"Sanskaar .. Woh ..Main ..ye report.." she tried to find words as her voice trembled.

"Kyu Shona?" He asked his eyes spitting fire. When no answer came in

" Kyu?' he shouted which had Swara stumbling back."Itni badi baat chupai mujhse .. itni badi baat ki ..kyu Shona ..his eyes bored into hers , pain taking over rage " kya mujhe itna bhi haq nahi..bolo.. " his tone was enough to accuse her.

"Nahi Sanskaar..aisa nahi hain ..kuch nahi hoga ..ye tho bas .."

"Swara aur bache ki jaan dono ko khatra hosakta...kabhi jaan bhi jaa sakthi aur maa ko jyada khatara hain" Dr.Sakshi's words rang in his ears.

"Bas Shona ? he started at her in disbelief "tumhare jaan ko khatra aur tum keh rahi ho bas kuch nahi.."

"Kyunki main jaanti hoon, Sanskaar ye bacha hamare liye ,tumhare kiye kitna important hain , tumhe bacho se kitna pyaar hain ..aur ye bhi .." she tried to talk

"Iss liye tume decide kar liya ki yahi theek hain ..right! Naa poocha ,, naa bataya , you decided and led me into this..agar mujhe pehla pata ho tha tho," he paused

"Iss liye nahi batya,"she countered him "Agar pehle pata hotha tho .. tum mujhse dur hojate ..kabhi iss bache ke liye nahi maante ..lekin mujhe ye bache chahiye tha Sanskaar ..jo hamara ho ..hamara pyaar ki nihsaani ho ...aur.."

" Aur main Shona," he held her shoulder in gentle grip "Mera kya? Agar tumhe kuch hogaya tho ...main jee pavunga? ..ek baar bhi socha ? His eyes questioned her equally and the pain in his eyes and voice sliced through her "kaha tha na tumse .. ki tumhare bina jeena ki himmat nahi hain mujh main .. aur tumne soch bhi kaise liya I would give you a child which would kill you..You know it from start .. right! You could have told me .. we could have stopped this ...lekin .." he turned back..he could see tears at verge of her eyes.. And he couldn't take it .. the pain of betrayal , the pain of loss he might have to face.He cursed himself for all times he told her he loved kids , for all the dreams they shared together.. None of would make sense without her in his life ..none. Why couldn't she understand..he could do without a kid but not without her ...and even if kid survives he would never be able to love someone who snatched his shona away from him.

"Kuch nahi hoga mujhe Sanskar aur hamare bache ko bhi ,jab tak tum mere saath ho..kuch nahi.." she hugged him from behind.Pain trickled down his cheeks in forms of tears.He wanted to trust her words..only if he could ..he wiped tears off and turned back keeping her at arms length

" Nahi Shona ..ye sab sirf kehne ke liye ache hota hain jab ki sachayi ye hain ki kal kuch bhi hoksata hain ..iss liye ...kal subha,"his voice broke into pieces "..hum...hum hospital jayenge aur .. "he halted not able to finish and he didn't have to. Swara knew what he meant. She stepped back instinctively ,her hands curling around her stomach."Nahi ...Nahi Sanskaar ..ham..hamara bacha hain..hamara ..and next minute she grabbed his shirt tum aisa soch bhi kaise sakte ho ,ye galat hain Sanskaar."

"Nahi sochna hain mujhe.."he released her hold, and turned back "kya sahi kya galat kuch nahi sochna hain mujhe .." Scared he would crumble down give into the love he had for their child , Scared her tears would weaken him .It might be a sin .. but nothing mattered to him at this point..nothing "jo tumhare liye acha hai wahi karenge .." he concluded and turned to face her. She looked at him stunned as he continued "You made a choice then Shona ..now it's time for you make another as well." He paused and his words echoed in the room " ya tho main aur ye bacha..You can have only one in your life and I mean it ." He told with an unflinching stance and stormed out of room.

"Main ya ye bacha.."His words echoed in her ears , she sank down with silent sobs.

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Next Day morning Sanskaar found himself staring at letter by Swara... and she left him.

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contd......

Thanks a lot for reading . Do let me know your thoughts.We will be concluding in next part and an epilogue to follow.