NODUS TOLLENS: THE REALIZATION THAT THE PLOT OF YOUR LIFE DOESN'T MAKE SENSE TO YOU ANYMORE

"You know what, I'm not in the mood for a joke right now," I said as he was staring at me vacantly, eyes unblinking. The air was putrid and growing heavy around us with each second passing by. He surely didn't look like he was kidding, we didn't have some sort of relationship to crack jokes with each other anyway.

"You don't understand," he finally choked out, a slight tremor in his voice. "That day in the rain, you were the person I was looking for..."

I took a step back. The water from the wet gravel seeping in through my flats. I took a long inhale and thought to myself if it was he who was drugged or me who got drunk after only a glass of beer. If the latter was the case, I'd never take a mere sip of alcohol in my life again.

Because this conversation felt too vivid, real. I couldn't tell if he was lying. I myself could barely say a word, as if my throat had constricted on its own, the muscles in a spasm.

"I can show you proof. We can sit down and discuss rationally."

The boy looked too unfamiliar, like a hologram or a projectile image standing there with a black umbrella on his hand. I instinctively took another step back. Nothing he was saying was rational. His brows raised and met themselves in the middle, his expression screaming despair.

"Please, this is for your own good. Everyone else has failed. You are his last chance!"

He was possibly crazy, a madlad. Why was I even listening to him anymore? Even a small behaviour that was out of place should've made me run, that's how my sense should've grown after everything that had happened. Yet, my legs were stuck, like I was standing on quicksand. The gravel was swallowing me in a whole, his words devouring me.

"Who?" I barely managed to say.

He opened his mouth to say, then closed it again. Then he said the words and I could feel the oxygen from my lungs getting knocked out.

"Lee Hoseok. Wonho."

How did he know his name?

My knees felt weak under my weight. "Sun Hee," Hyungwon called out my name, his hoarse voice cutting through the thick air around us.

I almost felt dizzy, a vague sense of nausea hit me. Though thankfully I could feel my bodily senses coming back. "Stop! Don't say a word," I wanted to shout but the sound came out almost inaudible.

He heard it, nonetheless, I was sure.

Shooting him a judging glance from head to toe, I dashed toward the staircase, and I almost jumped my way through the rooftop. While I was unlocking the door to my place I could feel my hands shaking tremendously. I dropped the key too once. All I could think was that he would reappear from the back and— I couldn't think any further, I didn't know what else would happen but it seemed like a nightmare already.

When I got inside I immediately locked the door, and all the windows, and only after that I sat down on my bed. I was drenched in cold sweat and my hands and feet were clammy. Nothing made sense, he was spewing out some nonsense, crazy ideas, and if he wasn't only depressed or anxious, he could also be schizophreniac.

I shouldn't be overanalyzing him, or diagnose him with something on my own according when I wasn't in the power or had enough knowledge to do so.

Just everything felt out of place. Him, what he was saying, and the way I was feeling right now.

Maybe because I had talked to him about those time travelling shows, and how much they intrigued me, he had decided to pull that prank. But then, how did he know my real name, I was sure I had told him I was Sunny, not Sun Hee, or Wonho's name, or Changkyun's and Hanbyul's name?

I was feeling so terrified and nervous that sleep didn't visit me until it was dawn.

***

It was a busy day next day, and I kept myself more occupied than ever to forget the whole ordeal that had happened the previous night, but I couldn't. I could feel myself tumbling down to a world filled with sleep only to see Hyungwon's worried face, and hear his words as clear as the daylight.

"From the future . . . Last chance . . . Wonho."

"You don't seem okay today," A voice spoke and I jolted up from my slumping position. I had to scrunch my eyes and scrutinise the boy before me for a second, the constant pounding on my head had made me forgetful to the surrounding reality, me situated in the library and Wonho before me.

"I'm sorry. What time is it now?"

He checked his phone and said that it was ten o'clock. There wasn't anyone else there and I could've kept the library open for an hour or two. But my body could barely keep up, my eyes stung and the bones on my back cracked as I slipped out of the register's table.

I felt a bit remorse within me for letting Wonho be by himself. He had spent the time there reading a book, like he often did sometimes. Maybe he adored the solitary environment of a long-forgotten and year old library. He would talk to me in his whispery voice (even though there would be no one else beside him) whenever I'd approach him.

After locking the shop, I turned to him abruptly and watched his face grow baffled.

"Would you like to walk me home tonight?" I requested.

A huge grin lit up his entire visage. "I thought you'd never ask or permit me to do so again."

"I just feel too tired to walk alone today." I gave him a weary smile, he nodded curtly.

"So you would not let me walk with you unless you're too exhausted."

His remark made me gape at him, and he shrugged nonchalantly before letting out a humorous laugh. "Okay, yes, you don't want me to wear myself out. Either way, can I ask what you've been so intensely thinking about?"

"What am I thinking about?" I asked back. The road seemed to grow very short whenever I walked with him, and the chilliest night too seemed warmer.

"You're overthinking about something to lose sleep and grow so tired."

"Do the eyebags look too prominent?" I pushed a lock of short hair behind my ear and gazed up at him from the side. He turned away and focused ahead.

"You look fine to me."

We both halted as the walk had come to an end. The steep staircase of the high road laying below us, and the three-storied, obtrusive building where I lived looming over to us.

"You don't have to tell me whatever that's bothering you if you don't want to," he spoke softly against the wind. We both stood there in the middle, with a lot of unspoken words between us.

I really wanted to tell him all about my troubles, but I didn't know where to begin. As I looked up at the second floor and saw that the light was off, the windows dark and broody, my heart thudded louder inside. I wished Wonho didn't have to leave so soon.

"I hope that you get a good sleep tonight," he said and I knew our moments together for tonight was thinning in, coming down to the end of a tether.

My thoughts were jumbled up, everything in a hotchpotch together. I didn't think much about it before I grabbed his hand, and I held it with mine.

"Sometimes I feel too left out. Alone, and empty. I thought everything would be fine once I'd leave my hometown and chase my dreams but-" I contemplated on my words, and while I did so I watched his wide eyes fixed on our locked hands, and then slowly growing smaller when he looked back up at me.

"I just don't know what I'm doing right now, I'm sorry that I'm prattling on. I want to tell you about so many things, that every day in this city I feel scared and empty, and I know going back wouldn't change a thing."

I couldn't say anymore, I didn't know how to go from there. Words never helped me when I tried to speak, I was a little better at writing them down, but that never helped when it came to situations like this.

I only realized that my hand had gone loose from his when I noticed that he was rolling down his long sleeve on one of his hands, and then he peeled off a small bracelet that was clad against his skin.

It was decorated in many tiny and mismatched beads, all of them different colors and sizes. It was handmade, that I could tell. Seeing him handing it to me, I gave him a questioning glance.

"You're not alone. It's one of those friendship bracelets, if you'd keep this I'll be sure that you think of me as a person close to you."

I took the tiny bracelet from him. It looked somewhat old, but the beads still glistened and shimmered in the streetlight.

"It's my brother's. I told you that he was a little different. He used to panic a lot, and he always felt scared. So I made this for him a few years ago. It's not that aesthetic, frankly, it's pretty ugly looking, and he made fun of it too. Yet he wore it from time to time." He chuckled silently reminiscing his past.

My heart ached, he looked sad even while laughing. "This is dear to you. I can't possibly keep it."

I offered it back to him but he gently pushed my hand back. "No, please. It's dear to me that's why I can rest if you keep it."

There wasn't anything else I could tell him after that. I pulled the bracelet down to my wrist, and it fit almost perfectly.

"Thank you," I said with my adorned hand raised up in the air for him to see.

Next second, I did something. Something I couldn't blame on my sleep deprived state, because I clearly knew what I was doing but I only couldn't control my sudden urge.

Before I knew it, I was on my tiptoes and giving him a chaste kiss on the cheek.

He was startled for sure. "Thanks to you too...," He stumbled on his words after I had moved back.

I wasn't there to see more of his reaction because right that instant, I bolted towards the rooftop.

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A/n: it's starting to get colder here! Please stay warm and safe!

ALSO PLEASE WASH YOUR HANDS REGULARLY

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF OR I'LL FIGHT YOU