VELLICHOR: THE STRANGE WISTFULNRSS OF USED BOOK STORES

As time went by I realized how much intensity was growing in my chest and how much I was getting fond of Wonho. My heart trembled just by thinking I was going to meet him and it wasn't anything too special too. It wasn't anything romantic, extraordinary but a simple conversation or a silent presence of his that would make all the glum in my world go away.

There wasn't any name for our relationship. At this point we weren't friends nor were we partners. It didn't matter anyway. None of us were ready on our feet to make our positions clear.

In my mind, though, Hyungwon's warning remained. I just didn't fully know what to do. Getting closer to Wonho seemed like the best option for now.

"Hey, wanna go see my workplace?" I peered my head inside Hyungwon's place. His door was almost always open now that I often made unannounced visits. He would be always hunched against the small coffee table of his, scribbling shapes, and maths, and formulas on paper.

His hair grew quite fast, unattended clumps stuck out everywhere. He glimpsed my way, the area around his eyes dark against his pallid face.

"Come along! It's a nice evening today!"

The summer had only come around and brought along rain and mud and crickets chirping every night after the rains, and of course, the scalding heat of Seoul paired with fine dust in the air.

I pretty much hated summer.

Though there was something placid in the spontaneous showers, colors blooming under the blistering sun at morning and noon, the stiff air suddenly blowing away under the winds of coming rain, the cicadas that sang until their hearts were full at lazy afternoons, all seemed vivid to me.

The afternoon glow today made me feel warm. For once, the ruminations were away. I was ready to drag Hyungwon with me since he never went under the sunlight, and his room was always pungent with hot summer air, stale cigarette, and burnt coffee. He ought to grow sick and hospitalized again if this went on. Resulting in me pinching in for his bills again.

He was short on money, that's what he said to me when I told him to buy a small electrical fan since his room wasn't air-conditioned.

Said he brought gold when he first traveled, as he didn't know if the currency had changed in thirty years back in an alternate universe. I thought he was joking, he didn't look like he was.

Surprisingly it didn't take much convincing for me to tag him along. He changed into a black t-shirt and blue jeans, and without a word, he locked his door and ambled on the street alongside me. I guessed he got tired of his small room too.

If it was Changkyun here instead of him, he would've immediately attacked me for trying to dress up. Hanbyul would tease me and then make comments on how she liked my jeans skirt, or the white blouse and the small hairslide. Hyungwon paid no attention to those.

"Do you want a part-time job here?" I asked as I opened up the shutters of the old bookstore, he gave me a hand. "I actually am supposed to work four days a week. I fill in seven days because there are no other part-timers."

Hyungwon had a furrow all the time on his face ever since he got outside. His eyes were scrunched up, lines against his skin. I realized I had never seen him outside when daylight was out. Like a vampire, he wasn't accustomed to the sun.

It took him some time to really get back his usual unexpressive face when we went inside the library. It was cooler inside, immediately a smell of old books and magazines washed over to us. Hyungwon didn't show much but he seemed to like this place. He was maneuvering inside, his tall self surveying the even taller shelves.

I placed my bag on the counter and moved towards him. "There's also a coffee machine since you like caffeine so much. I don't think the owner would like it if you smoke inside, so when you feel the urge you can take a break and go outside for a smoke. No one really comes here much."

The owner was a jolly good man in his late sixties, who had probably seen a lot in his lifetime. He had a head filled with fluffy white hair that looked like a bunch of daisy petals. He always had a smile against the crinkles of his face. I had only seen him two or three times, since he liked to wire the pay straight to my bank account. But there was something to him that would make you want to trust him.

The neighborhood too was an old one, especially this street and all the way to the run-down buildings, one of which was home for me and Hyungwon. There was a restaurant, an electrical goods store, a pool place, and a swanky bar across the street to the library but like this place, those were also quite forgotten.

"What do you say?" I urged the unmoving Hyungwon, his eyes fixed on a Batman comic book. "You've also got to pay me back for your hospital fees."

This time he looked at me.

"I paid for you last time when you were hospitalized."

Slowly a look of recognition visited his features. Those days felt like long ago, even though that wasn't the case really. So much had happened in between that I couldn't help but look back as if it was some distant memory.

It was proved now that I was no do-gooder. I didn't actually need the money back from him, but I wanted him to join in something rather than staying attached to his work all day. I was supposed to find another part-timer but then I remembered no one was more suitable for this job than Hyungwon.

Right then the bell above the glass door chimed. I hurried back to the counter and put on my shoulder bag. Without looking I could tell who it was.

I always thought of Wonho as really tall, but now he looked smaller next to Hyungwon. In contrast, Hyungwon had a way thinner build than his. If Wonho wanted he could probably pick the latter up like a ragged doll made out of paper and throw him across the street.

The thought made me laugh silently. "Hey! This is Hyungwon, the one that lives on the second floor," I called for Wonho's attention. Instantly he looked at the tall male, who was staring at him without blinking for a change.

"Hi." He waved his hand at Hyungwon, a shy smile featuring his face seeing that Hyungwon was gawking at him nonstop. "Nice to meet you. I'm her friend." There was a slight pause there. "I've heard about you from her."

Hyungwon didn't move. Then it occurred to me, it could've been his first time facing Wonho head-on, the man he was determined to save.

Not once did Hyungwon mention that he had met Wonho during his travels, he said a few times that he didn't know him.

I went up and touched on Hyungwon's arm. In an almost mechanical way, he moved his head towards me. I saw that his breathing pace was faster, it reverberated from his skin to mine. His condition wasn't like the one I had seen once on the rooftop, I could never forget that one. I felt worried nonetheless.

"Do you want to go back to your place?" I asked in a soft and low voice.

He shook his head indicating a no. In a flash, his breathing pace got back to normal, not before he had taken a long inhale. "Do I start working here from today?" He talked for the first time of the day.

"Yes." I smiled at him. "If you wanna. It would be a great help since I was thinking of going out."

He nodded his head to me as if he understood. He didn't say a word to Wonho all that time. Wonho didn't seem to mind. Moreover, he seemed concerned about Hyungwon when he asked me if the boy was going to be okay.

I recalled that he knew about Hyungwon having certain conditions and that before I had asked for help from him. Those days too felt like long ago.

"He will be," I answered, and I hoped so too. Wonho was wearing a baseball cap, white shirt, and grey trousers. Seeing him, it dawned on me that we were going for an evening jog to a park he often ran during his free time. He wanted me to see it because it was also the famous 'rabbit park' and he said that after sundown a lot of bunnies came out to play.

"Shit," I cursed under my breath.

He gave me a horrified look, it was merely an act since the next second he laughed it away. "What's wrong?"

"I just realized I am not properly dressed for a walk in the park. I'm wearing a skirt," I said, embarrassed both for swearing out loud when I hardly ever did and for my outfit.

He gave one glance at my bare legs then looked up. "Why you look cute in skirts." I saw his adam's apple bob up and down.

"White is my favourite color now," he added next.

The rest of the time he couldn't really talk to me, nor look at me clearly. It was a ten-minute bus ride to the park and judging by his red ears when he sat by my side on the transport, I figured he was just too shy to strike up a conversation.

By the time we were strolling in the park, it was dark in the evening and street lamps were begin to light up. The trees casted long shadows on the red-bricked road made for people to walk. Occasionally I stepped on the grass too. I was wearing flats, and I could feel the tips of the grass tingling my skin. The hot air had toned into a cooler one. The branches of the trees swayed ever so faintly in the light evening breeze.

"Hey, there," Wonho's voice was alarming but surprisingly very low, only for us to hear. He had his finger pointed at an open space nearby. In the shadows of the distant lights, two white little balls moved curiously.

I was almost ready to jump on my feet but then I noticed it was the bunnies. We were in a rabbit park after all. There were other people taking walks but it was the first time we had spotted the said rabbits since we got here.

"Do you want to take their pictures?" Wonho whisper-shouted, as excited as a five year old getting candy after his visitation to the doctor was over. I could see his ember eyes glowing even in the dark.

I was feeling too giddy myself. People were forbidden to feed anything from the outside to animals here, but taking pictures wasn't prohibited. I was fumbling around in my bag for my phone as we're taking cautious steps towards the opened space.

"Well, they're gone." By the time I had fished my phone out of the bag Wonho commented.

"Don't be disheartened, they'll come back. I always see a few here right at this spot," Wonho assured me, noticing my dejected face.

"I'm sure I would've clicked the photo with a flash accidentally and they would run away anyway. Something always goes wrong."

He chuckled at my feigned despair but didn't say anything. Stars were nowhere to be seen above in the sky, as it was filled with grey clouds moving in a slow manner. The smell of grass and trees floated in the air, along with the low chirping sound of cicadas and occasionally the call of the birds huddled safely in their homes for the night.

Wonho and I walked again. His eyes were moving around the place to find the rabbits but I only had eyes on him. A reoccurring thought was passing me ever since I had stepped in here that Wonho could pass for a bunny too. I didn't know why I thought of that.

"Have you been in love?" I asked making him face me. We didn't stop walking.

He thought to himself for a second. "I don't know. I don't think so. I've dated people in the past, mostly in high school but none of those were serious."

I nodded and went silent. So he asked me back.

"What about you?"

"Everyone in my hometown says I used to date a kid my age when I was nine years old. Frankly, I can't remember. He supposedly moved away and I cried a lot."

He laughed out loud at that, making me laugh with him.

"Later when I first arrived in Seoul for university and got myself that rooftop place, I guess I got infatuated a little by someone. That didn't work out either," I said.

"What happened?" He asked in a tone and gave me a face that suggested he was quite interested.

"I'll tell you someday else."

"Okay, Shahrazad," he said, giving me an eye smile.

I almost asked him what he thought of me, but I stopped myself. I didn't know why. I guess more important things were at hand, such as another pair of bunnies that Wonho pointed out for me.

The question remained hanging in the summer night.  

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A/n: that rabbit park really exists in Seoul and wonho loves it.