RUBATOSIS: THE UNSETTLING AWARENESS OF ONE'S OWN HEARTBEAT

The most anticipated day in my life had arrived, perhaps it was. I couldn't recall the last time my stomach recoiled like this, probably when I got into Hankuk university but this was different.

I could feel the staccato of my own heartbeat, the blood pumping organ going out of rhythm with every spiraling thought and then me reminding myself that it would be alright. The soft music playing in the cafe could not cover the beating of my own heart knocking on my ears.

It was the day of the date, Sunday, 4 pm, in the moon rabbit cafe.

I texted Wonho after I had received his number from Changkyun. Changkyun, that boy had judged me viciously, and made a few jokes when I asked for Wonho's number.

Fifteen minutes earlier I had arrived wearing my burgundy red blouse and blue knee length skirt. This was not me, this was not what I would typically dress in a typical day. This was anything but a typical day. Even when I'd wear the dullest, most prosaic colored outfits that did not require or provoke any thoughts, a special occasion called for something brighter.

This was just a date.

Was it?

The weather was vibrant matching with me, a genial afternoon when birds would sing gallantly, flowers would bloom until they'd ache and sakura trees would smile with their blushing petals at the strangers that would pass by them in the streets.

My fingers danced on the menu lying on the table before me and mindlessly I looked up to see him entering the cafe.

The dull and empty cafe with minimal furniture consumed him in, the tall boy with an ivory sweater and blue jeans, mess of dark hair on his head that bounced with every light step he took.

"Hi, I am sorry for being late." He nervously fiddled with the hem of his sweater with his hands clasped together before him.

"You're five minutes early," I replied and with a short pause we both were seated. The afternoon rays directly fell on his complexion from the glass wall that sat by us, his pale face glowing in the golden beams. "Are you feeling better now?"

"Colds are nothing. I recovered fast enough." When he smiled for a short second I took in how it made his eyes turn into moon crescents, and his cheeks morph into the softest pair of marshmallows. "How are you?" He asked.

"I am good, never been better." Please, for the love of mozzarella sticks, calm down my erratic heart.

"What would you like to order?" Putting on a brave facade I grabbed on the menu, but he only glanced it for a second.

"I will go for an iced americano but for you, I might recommend their frappe coffee, they make those fantastically."

"Shouldn't you be drinking something warm? You just recovered from a cold." When I said that his calm countenance immediately tuned into a perplexed expression, I wondered why, but I continued. "How do you know their smoothies are good?"

Hearing the teasing tone in my last remark his shoulders went loose and he let out a small pinch of laugh. "I used to work part time here, before I went to the army."

My jaw almost fell off by the slight information, it was the coincidence that baffled me the most. That I really picked this cafe on a whim because the name of the place rung a bell inside my head, maybe for it was named after a fairy tale of some sort. Yet this was where Wonho used to work.

"You came back from army a few months ago, yeah? From what I've heard of Changkyun."

"Yes, and I caught onto the master's course of my major. I only worked for a few months here. The owner had changed, lots of decorations also. I'm not sure if the frappuccinos are still as good." His mellifluous voice overlapped the distant piano music dancing around the air. "At least they still play nice music."

It was a very mellow, rhythmic and merry piano tune reverberating in the glass walls. "It does sound nice," I complimented the music.

"The piece is called fur Elise by Beethoven, but it gets more complicated before it reaches the end. There's a rumour that he made the piece for a novice student of his, that he was truly fond of her. But she suddenly got engaged. Enraged as he was, he changed it from such a simple piece to such complicated notes, just so his amateur student would never be able to play the whole of it. I'm sorry, I am boring you with my talk."

I saw how his eyes danced with his 'boring talk' how the nectar in his eyes were filled to the brim, how specs of gold adorned his features and his voice wavered with the slight intensity.

"Boring? Please! I'd love to hear more." I could hear him speak for the rest of my life, if it made him feel so alive.

He bit on his rose colored lip and looked down with hooded eyes. "I listen to all kinds of genres, all kinds of music in my free time."

"You must love it for your major?" I urged him to speak more but he was hesitant again, the rays were not falling on his face anymore as the sun had moved. The sky outside stilled in sorrow.

"Yes." He looked up again, showing me a small smile. "How about you? What's your major like?"

"I...." My eyes wandered around the empty cafe, looking for something to catch up to, somewhere to start. "I grew up in a small village in the Gwangju province. From I was little, I really wanted to get out of there, explore more. I wanted to see different countries, cities, places and cultures. I wanted to witness the desserts of Arab, diversities of India, beautiful ethnicities of Africa, streets of London, rain showers in Paris, an alleyway of Tokyo even where they sell street food."

When my eyes fell onto the boy before me after they had traversed through the dreams of adventures, I could not help but sink in my seat feeling shy. Wonho was drinking in my each word, his head leaning closer as if I was not prattling about myself but telling him the tales of neverland.

"Once I got an opportunity to study in an university here in Seoul, I grabbed it. I went for my major because it gave me an idea that maybe I could be a journalist who would travel across the globe, write about different cultures, places, food, and most importantly, people. The oddities and the prodigies. It was hard to get out of my village to achieve my dreams, because my parents wanted me to go to a community college there and spend my life in that small place. I'm here now anyway."

The specs of gold were glittering his curious eyes again, floating on his dark nest of hair like magic. "That is brilliant! How do you like journalism now?"

Wonho must be a man of passion, and dreams but I wasn't to judge so soon, I wanted to learn more about him.

"When I first started, I was an aspiring dreamer. I even made a nickname for myself, from Sun-Hee I became sunny. But reality caught up soon." I couldn't but let out a nervous giggle. "It's hard, living in Seoul it is. After spending three years here I'm still new to things. My major is hard. We barely have time to breathe, the newspapers, magazine, arranging seminars, attending them, lot of courses and even more fieldwork on top of assignments. The teachers are really strict, the seniors are even harsher. But I'm getting there, I'm still working toward it."

"I really hope you can achieve your dreams and I know you will be able to. It was tough, but you made it till now by yourself. That alone is inspiring." Wonho said bemused. My heart felt lighter to finally let it out, complain to someone about a portion of my struggles, someone who listened to it without being skeptical of me.

Then I realized I had spent minutes just talking about myself, nothing else. "I need to learn more about you. Please tell me about you, but first I think we need to order."

"Yes, sure." He sat up straightening his backbone and threading his tousled hair with a hand. "You want to start on the interview, right?"

Seeing me grow surprised, he questioned further. "The school magazine?"

I let out the breathe I was holding. "I did not tell you to come here for the interview, it is saved for some other time. I wanted to take you out on a date."

The gravity of my statement hung in the air for a second before it draped me with embarrassment, and him into giving me the most surprised look he could probably manage.

"Taking me out on a date? Why?"

"As a thank you? Because you helped with the umbrella?" I nearly shrieked but he couldn't get his head around it.

"That was mere courtesy. I still thought this would be the interview."

"Because you looked safe to me, alright? You radiated the vibes of spring and I couldn't believe a person could be the embodiment of a season."

There, my mouth went and did it job again, vomiting out the thoughts in my head. There was no point in turning back now, taking back my words so I searched for an answer from him.

Wonho was silent until the intense piano music stopped, they had been playing fur Elise on repeat and it really had a difficult tune in it that made my mind jumble up with the string of notes.

Then he burst into a fit of giggle. "I- I can't believe you said that. How funny it is because my birthday is in spring too!"

For the second time my jaw dropped on the table. But my stomach was twisting in knots, heart beating frantically hearing his laughter. Though he sobered up soon.

"When was your birthday?"

"It was three weeks ago, March first." He wiped the corner of his glinting eyes with the sleeve of his sweater. "If I knew this was a date, I would've dressed up better." A huge smile bloomed on his face here and there in between his words.

"For your birthday that has gone by not too long ago, and as the thank you, let me treat you today." I offered with my face aflame, thankfully I had dabbed my cheeks with red to match with my outfit and he would only notice it as a part of my makeup.

Wonho instantly refused but I insisted, saying that he could pay next time.

While I walked up to the counter to place the order an unknown number called me, it was the hospital and they asked if I was the guardian who admitted the unknown stranger that day.

My joy was vanquished with an uncertainty trudging close to me. I never liked uncertainty.

The monotonous voice said that the male had woken up, but needed to stay another day to recover.

I didn't answer much and when I cut off the call I only wanted to focus on Wonho, whom I asked various questions later and with whom I talked to until the blush of dusk adorned the streets in purple, and night followed.

Wonho walked me to my place. I learnt that he was twenty seven years old, that the cafe he worked at was called only the moon before but the owner changed it to moon rabbit because the lovely lady said Wonho resembled a bunny.

That he liked watching movies, and he liked ramen a lot, he loved working on the projects for his major, that he had two cats, bom and yerum but bom had died two years ago and yerum was alone now, that it was okay because yerum had him, and that he liked flowers, animated Disney characters, ice cream, and doing physical activities.

He also said that he sometimes liked his iced coffee mixed with coke, I gagged in that but laughed anyway. It was fascinating to hear him talk to me as if I was someone close to him.

Because he felt just as close to me, as if I'd known him for months and years, not three days.

Before we parted, Wonho told me that I made him laugh and talk a lot, and he hadn't laughed like this for a long period of time.

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A/n: I took some days off because it was eid and I needed time. Hopefully will update more now!

I want to tell you guys that the wonho in this story is a lot based on irl him. He really cries over disney, loses his brain over ice cream and ramen, he giggles like a dork. And he mixes his coke with iced coffee (like ew but you do you bro)

I also want to tell you that I'm mysha and I'm wonho's #1 hype bitch. I don't show this side of me to people here but never in my 21 year of life I've cried for a GUY like the way I cried for wonho