SABAISM: THE WORSHIP OF THE SUN, MOON AND STARS

I was dozing off until my name was alluded and through my bleary vision and a hazy state of mind, it took me an entire minute to come back to my senses and realize I wasn't in a reverie, but this was indeed reality that Wonho was standing in front of me.

"You work here?" he asked, his eyes wide and immediately they arrested my attention. There was a book in his hand which he gently put on the desk after getting a sheepish nod from me.

"Yeah. I'll close off soon," I mumbled. Midnight meant closing down the library. I had been fairly okay with the job the past week as hardly anyone came to rent or read anything after sunset.

Again, I had to ask myself if I was really dreaming because I was never lucky for mere coincidences. Perhaps the stars were aligned for me today as even in my sleep I was thinking about the very guy, standing in front of me wearing his baseball cap.

"Brief history of time? By Stephen Hawking?" I couldn't help but laugh.

Wonho nodded, a faint smile playing at the corner of his blushing lips. "I thought I could read some complicating books at night, just so it would bring me sleep. Though I can tell I would not be able to comprehend a single line of it."

"You can't sleep?" I gave him his library card back after checking it. "What's that?" There was a small bag on his other hand. He hung it high on the air after hearing from me.

"This? I rented a DVD and a few comics from an anime shop."

"All packed and ready for the weekend and sleepless nights I see."

"I have nothing else to do anyway. Some days I'd sleep for two or three hours and sometimes for two days straight, there's no in between."

His voice was raspy, tired and the lustre of sweat on his forehead made me wonder if he was practicing kendo till this late. After doing such strenuous physical activity, a sound and good amount of sleep was needed. Him having trouble with sleeping troubled me as well. When looking closely I could see a vague pair of shadows under his eyes.

"Shouldn't you consult a doctor about your sleep?"

"I will be fine." He rubbed the back of his neck with a hand. "I didn't know you worked here. I had gotten myself a card way before but I barely ever visited."

"I started few days ago. Why?" The thought of teasing him suddenly visited my already corrupted mind. "Would you have showed up here more if you knew?"

He stared at me for a good few seconds, until he blinked harshly a few times and then looked away. "N-no, I mean yeah, yes but I-"

His words came out in violent stutters and they took him nowhere. A smirk was now on my face and to save him from the embarrassment I stepped up. "It's okay. I would love for you to come and visit more."

And when he looked directly in my eyes again I could swear I had already seen stars brighter than the entire universe could offer, and they were dotted right in his eyes.

My heart did a thing that I was never aware that it could. I did not think I was capable of completely being mesmerized by someone. I was bewitched.

"Do you mind if I walk you home?"

My place was close from here and even though walking alone such late at night would often make me cold in sweat, I didn't need someone to protect me. When it was him I was more than ready to spend more time, just with him.

Outside a breezy night surrounded us and a musty smell of the rain shower that was coming hung in the air. Wonho had by then pulled off his cap and the wind sometimes ruffled his locks, played with the ends of dark hair.

"What DVD did you rent? What's our anime boy watching?"

Immediately I felt flustered with the name for him and frustrated because I spoke it aloud.

Wonho laughed only, a small sound of giggle that vanished soon after. "It's a movie called your name. I've watched it a few times already."

"How is it like?"

"If I tell you anything I might spoil the whole movie," he said as he gave a glance my way. "It's a story about saving someone you love, I guess."

"Must be really emotional." I mentally took notes, memorizing the name of the movie to watch in the future.

"It is. The stars look pretty today."

He already had his eyes taking pictures of the sky above as he walked on. When I followed, it indeed was, hundreds of stars dotted across the black canvas, glowed. Suddenly I felt very small against this, a colossal universe had wrapped itself around a small particle like me, and perhaps, beyond this was even more universes.

Universes, where the same of us lived. The same pale boy who glowed in the dark night just like the stars he admired and the same me who admired him.

I didn't know why I suddenly got this thought. I only asked myself if there indeed was another me in another universe, was she just as lucky to have her heart constantly fluttering by someone like Wonho.

"Do you think if someone dies they can live among the stars?" He turned his gaze towards me, eyes alluring. "When I was a kid and my grandmother died, my mom told me she would live among the stars. A lot of kids hear those, don't they?"

He laughed at the end of his words but I couldn't help but feel a sad nuance to it, or maybe I was looking too much into him.

"Stars are just balls of gas waiting to explode, right?" He added.

I immediately burst out in laughing, so did he. Indeed I was overthinking about his actions and words.

"Yeah, but I believe even when someone dies they don't completely go away," I said after I had sobered up, shuddering a little when the chilly air knocked on my skin. "I believe that they just take a different form, or shape. Something so beautiful and complicated like a soul can't possibly vanish, right?"

He stayed silent for a moment. "I hope that is the case."

As his eyes left me and turned to the starry sky again I remembered our interview from the other day. He hadn't only lost his grandma, but his brother too. My heart suddenly felt heavy and I pondered on it, if I should ask about his brother or not.

"And if they really live with the stars I hope they like it up there," he mumbled to himself, I heard.

"Anyway." He laughed and took a step ahead."Isn't your name cool? Moon Sunny, you have both the sun and the moon in your name."

Seeing that we had derived from the topic I did not press further. I did not want to make him feel dejected thinking about his brother, as well.

"You think so? Sunny was what I came up with. From Sun Hee, to Sunny."

"Your brain works in an amazing way."

The fifteen minute walk to home seemed way too short and by the time we were ready to bid each other bye, the stars were hidden behind gigantic and ominous grey clouds, the sky grumbled ever so lightly.

"Do you have an umbrella?" I asked and then I remembered even if he didn't, I wouldn't be of much help because I had lent mine to the guy in the hospital almost two weeks ago and even after reminding myself to get a new one everyday I fail to recall it.

"It's in my backpack. Seems like you got yourself a neighbor." From below his eyes were up at the staircase attached outside the three storied building. I lived at the rooftop room but there was someone unpacking a few boxes at the second floor, only their back could be seen from below.

"I think so. That place has been vacant for a good while."

A shudder again past me by. Not for the chill air now but remembering the person that once lived there, and the events that surrounded the second floor.

That moment I wanted Wonho not to leave but stay there. I could almost go up to him and hold his hand tightly, I couldn't however. I had a caprice temperament but not I wasn't that impulsive.

After he was gone the clouds seemed darker and memories started to shroud my clear line of thoughts. I could hardly lift myself up the staircase and ascend to my point.

My static thoughts were disrupted when I saw a pair of shoes before me. My eyes did their work and followed to find a pair of long legs, a thin body, a small face and a bunch of long hair.

Though what made my unprocessed brain reel again was his ocean eyes, the unique look I had only ever had on myself once. Eyes that spoke a level of sadness even the sea couldn't measure.

I had known him. Maybe for a longer time. "You-"

The sadness in his eyes remained but his lips were formed into a vague smile. "Nice to meet you. I am Chae Hyungwon."

---
A/n: here's the song I've been listening to nonstop during my sleepless nights. It inspired me to write this chapter.

It's the suicide prevention month and I'm here to say that anyone who survived it, or thought about it and still here, I'm very proud of you. Thank you for being here with me.