8. SONDER
SONDER: THE REALIZATION THAT EACH RANDOM PASSERBY IS LIVING A LIFE AS COMPLEX AND VIVID AS YOUR OWN
If one knew how to enjoy weekends properly I guess it would be heaven for them, for me it was always the overdue chores that I had been pushing around all week to do later and movies on my watchlist I had procrastinated on, or had the lack of time and energy to dig through.
Which meant, weekends were tiring on their own for me.
The sunbeams prickled my eyes as I stood on the rooftop. After taking in the fresh morning air I started hanging up the clothes and my bedsheet I had just washed, and that chore was overdue for at least three weeks.
My back muscles ached, cracking my neck I saw a tall person slowly ascending up the staircase and soon I saw it was the new tenant with the same sunken eyes, pallid face and chapped lips, though there was a difference, his hair wasn't as long anymore.
Even from the other side of the rooftop, it was quite evident that the lad had chopped off his locks all by himself, it looked like a tousled mope of a jet black nest on his head. His hair still reached his neck, messy bangs sat on his forehead.
The sunrays were brighter than ever and even his eyes were scrunched, a crease appeared between his eyebrows when he came lumbering towards me. He raised his hand on the air for a nanosecond before dropping it, a very awkward attempt to acknowledge my presence.
"Good morning," I said in my groggy, morning voice.
"Morning."
It didn't escape my notice that even the simple and short word had made him choke up.
I did not know what his story was, how he ended up malnourished to the point of fainting and landing on the hospital on my watch, and how I strangely found him a week later on the very building I lived in.
This was all a coincident, though I couldn't help but think the world had to be such a small place to meet him again.
"I have introduced myself to you before. If you remember?" I inquired and he simply nodded.
"Is your health better now?" I asked, he gave a short nod again.
I hummed to myself, this was getting a little awkward since it seemed like the new guy wasn't so keen on talking, and my aching back was missing the softness of my bed already.
"No one lives at the ground floor, the landlord uses it as his storage. You live on the second floor and I live at the rooftop room." I raised my index and pointed at my place on the side of the staircase to which his eyes followed. "That means there are only two of us in this whole building and-"
And if you attempt any funny business with me, I will break your neck.
I couldn't really say it and he was staring at me inquisitively.
"And-" I stumbled on the word again.
And avoid coming up to the rooftop, as much as you can because this is my territory.
Now it seemed like as if I was the one choking up. There were a few ground rules I decided to set for us and I had recited them a few good times to myself last night, hence I didn't know if failing to utter them was because the shows kept me up all night to convey my words in a prim and proper way, or because I couldn't bring myself to act that harshly towards him.
"The staircases and roads on this area are ascending and high and since you fainted last time, thankfully on a non-risky road, please be more careful this time," I uttered out in a chirpy voice with an awkward amount of giggle instead. And then I flailed my arms around to the sides as I trudged towards my room. "Good amount of exercise on this neighborhood. Lots of high places."
After I had went inside, I looked back at him and he was still standing there on that very spot like a statue. "Do knock on my door if you bring rice cakes and stuff, you know, the causalities being a neighbor."
He tipped his head towards me and immediately with that, I shut the door on his face. Him muttering his name and a few words to me last night felt like a fever dream as he was completely mute today.
Maybe he just wasn't a morning person like me. I hurled my body on my bed.
His radio silence made me act unlike my usual self or maybe it was because my first meeting with him was so strange.
Or it could be the reason that whenever he was close I would feel this strange connection to him, as if I had seen him somewhere before.
Utter bullshit. Trying to stop myself from overthinking I closed my eyes. Staying up all night with my laptop's lit screen sitting close to my eyes had taken a toll on me.
I was so exhausted that I did not wake up until it was evening.
At a lot of points in my life, I had woken up to utter confusion at sunsets or sunrises wondering which one it really was at that moment (my sleeping schedule often was a wreckage), and this was an evening like that.
Once I had draped myself over with a cardigan, yawning I opened the door to the rooftop. The bright orange sun hung low in the horizon. The crispy air played with my short unruly hair and then I noticed the lanky boy ascending again from below, a package on his hand.
"I bought rice cakes from a seven eleven store," he said meekly, reminding me that he did have a voice.
"What time is it?" I rubbed my eyes. The sun was now dipping low on the sea of tangerine clouds, ensuring me that it indeed was evening.
"Approximately five or six, I am not sure."
"There's a watch in your hand though."
He shot me a wide eyed look but didn't check on his wrist, the jaded leather belt was wrapped around his skin right there and if the clamoring of the birds flying to their nests wasn't so loud, I was almost certain I would be hearing that ticking sound of it.
"Do you want coffee?" I inquired and after a silent second, he nodded.
He had gone mute again.
I was not sure if Hyungwon (I recalled that was his name) liked instant coffee but there wasn't any other option anyway, the sugary, unhealthy drink had to suffice.
Hyungwon was sitting outside on the bench and staring blankly ahead somewhere that went far beyond the railing. He didn't move when I sat next to him maintaining at least a three feet distance between us. I pushed one of the mugs towards him and unpeeled the wrapper of the food he had bought.
"So," I commenced. A good five or ten minutes had passed by yet he was still silent.
"I don't necessarily sleep all throughout the day and wake up at evenings, I had watched a sentimental movie called your name yesterday. And after watching it I was feeling so depressed, you know," I said, he turned his head towards me finally. "I then watched a twelve episode series called orange and made myself more depressed."
I had went through a massive whirlwind of emotions last night and after sighing, sniffing and sobbing to myself for hours I had realized it was already crack of dawn.
"You know, the concept of parallel worlds and time travelling intrigued me so much," I said. Hyungwon flinched to himself, perhaps it was because of the night getting darker and the air, colder.
"I searched it up and got introduced to another anime series called steins gate. Twenty two god damn episodes, guess who binge watched it the whole night?" I stared at him for a few seconds and answered my own question, "me! Yes, me! And I am still hung up on everything I had watched."
The weather had gotten windy and I drew my cardigan closer, shivering a little. Hyungwon was probably imminent to getting swept away as he was so bony.
"I keep thinking about it, what if there's another me in another world, sitting on the rooftop right now and talking to another version of you, it provokes many other thoughts inside me. What if there are actually time travelers that we don't know exist? What we could really send something of us in the past? What would change?"
It was silent like it always was with him but this time I heard a rattling sound. Turning to my side I saw Hyungwon taking deep breaths to himself, his hands gripping on the edge of the bench as he sat with his head leaning forward, his bangs covering up his face.
"Hey! Are you okay?" I couldn't help but feel concerned. A sudden memory visited me, Hyungwon's prescription. He had anxiety.
I did not know how to deal with someone with anxiety and I started growing anxious myself thinking if I should touch him or not. I did not want to invade his personal boundary.
"Do you need help? Are you feeling sick?" Instead I grew closer to him on the bench. His haphazard breathing had gotten slower, I held my own breath.
"Your name is going to be your favorite movie," he muttered to himself, voice almost inaudible.
Feeling like my lungs would combust I finally let out the breath I was holding. "It is a very likable movie. I might give it a second watch."
"You will watch it way more than twice." His head drooped low, his voice hanging in the gloomy atmosphere sent a chill down my spine.
Before I could respond with anything the dam above in the sky had burst and a sudden rain shower befell.
"Holy shit!" It took me a second to process before I lurched upward. "Shit! My dry clothes!"
I was in a hurry to retrieve my bedsheet and outfits that were getting wet while hanging on the wires. When I glanced at the bench again, Hyungwon had disappeared.
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A/n: I definitely recommend all the anime shows I've mentioned in this chapter.
Your name is wonho's favourite movie irl if anyone doesn't know!
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