REDAMANCY: THE ACT OF LOVING IN RETURN

"Are you sure you have an idea of what you're doing here?" The curly haired boy spoke with a grimace, and it seemed like he had an eternal sullen look on his face for I'd never seen a change of expression on him, not even the furthest back I could remember when I first saw him with Wonho at this very age-old staircase.

"Precisely," I said as I struggled with the device in my hand, a camera. The model before us was Wonho, sitting on top of a stair and reclining his head back, watching the westering sun fading in the wide blue yonder.

I took a second to observe him. "Yes, that posture is great! Stay just like that!"

The boy in the yellow shirt flinched when he heard me. He spared me a puzzled glance then laughed. "I wasn't really-," he cut his sentence off in the middle and nodded with a smile. "Okay, since I don't know what else to do."

I struggled with the camera lens again, muttering only to myself, "me neither."

The annoying little prick by my side sighed loudly and snatched the camera from my hands. "I can see that!"

Perhaps my voice wasn't as inaudible as I'd thought it was. The boy, who was called Yoo Kihyun, Wonho's classmate from the music department and a senior like him, seemed like he knew exactly what he was doing. Fervently he knelt on the ground and put off his round specs (I wondered if those were for decoration anyway), he guided Wonho how to sit and face where. Kihyun's ardour in taking the pictures refrained me from retaining the camera from him.

"By the way." He pushed back the curls that messily fell on his forehead with his left hand as he gave me a momentary glance. "You could've told Wonho you needed him to send a few nice photos to include in your monthly— weekly magazine, or whatsoever, couldn't you?"

His voice was smug, so was his face and I could see that little, lopsided smirk when he was taking the photos. To Wonho it may have seemed like a civil conversation from that far up, but I was fuming in anger, and embarrassment here.

"I wanted fresh photos of him. I borrowed the camera from our club even!"

"Sure," Kihyun replied with a mocking tone, "As if I haven't seen you asking him out the other day. And at this very place even!"

I grabbed my unruly hair in frustration, a dancing mess on my head with the evening breeze wafting by. "Just do what you're supposed to do, please."

"I think these should be enough." He stood up from the ground, taller than me a little, but his eyes were down to mine in his pretentious manner. "It will be dark very soon and you won't be able to take many photos with this camera then."

With a scowl on my face and a snarl on my tongue I started on checking the photos he had taken. Surprisingly, they were good.

Good enough to be printed, or even being showed at an exhibition. Clearly some were meant for commercial purpose, with a method that made Wonho look like the model student he was and how much he deserved to be on the magazine. Yet there were those of a grand scenario, the fissure-decorated ancient staircase, the gloomy atmosphere of a sunset, and a picturesque golden boy in a yellow shirt admiring the death of the sun.

The brat did save me some great effort, and given me a chance to get praised. Suddenly all his misdemeanors were forgiven and I looked up to thank him, but he was nowhere to be seen. Wonho waved at me from the staircase and I ran up to him.

"Kihyun left. He has club meetings at this hour. I was surprised to see him stay," he said after I had approached him.

"What club? The photos he took came out brilliant." I couldn't help but be astonished and show it on my face.

He simply laughed observing my reaction. "Yeah, he's the founder of the photography club."

A great second passed by, my shocked face urged Wonho to gently pull at my hand and let me sit there beside him. "Oh," I finally uttered. "No wonder."

"Yeah, no wonder. How about me?" He asked with excitement. "Was I any good as the model?"

"You were amazing. The yellow shirt accentuated your figure well and the poses turned out great."

He sat there silent with his eyes on mine, golden hues painted across his white canvas of a skin, and even though the weather was fine my face started to warm up.

"Thanks," finally he said, "I didn't know what to wear actually. I didn't want to look too dressed up, yet not too comfy as well."

When he looked away, finally I breathed. "You have a great sense in fashion. I wear whatever I find in my closet most of the time. I have a friend, Byul, she tried a lot on changing this habit of mine."

"You're fine," he said as he propped his chin on the hand that was resting on his knee. "I think white might be my favourite colour now."

I was wearing a basic white tee, and right there it was confirmed that my suspicion was true, he did say red and blue was his favourite colours back then because I'd worn that on our date.

"You're flirting with me?" I stated-asked.

"I'm just telling you what's my current favourite colour," he replied with a mischievous glint dancing on his glimmering eyes.

"Sure." I slapped both of my hands on my knees for a dramatic interval. We stayed there watching the sun dip further into the horizon for the next moments, and then I commenced again.

"You know, the new tenant that moved in the other day, it's a guy your age and I-"

Abruptly I stopped, not knowing where to go from there. Should I start from the first time I had seen him, then visited him in the hospital, or that another male tenant used to live there before and— both were too big of a tale but Wonho was staring at me expectantly, thus I took a different approach.

"How do you deal with someone who gets anxiety attacks?"

Wonho exhaled and thought a little to himself. "You need to stay with him, don't tell him to relax or calm down because it can pressurise him. But you can encourage him with nice words, showing your concern. When you speak that moment, do speak softly and slowly, and remind him to breath. Engage in a conversation with him to keep him distracted but don't bring any surprises. Don't ask why he's panicking. Don't assume if he needs something, ask him."

Wonho had already matched two and two and realized it was the new tenant whom I was talking about. Nonetheless, Wonho's knowledge on this baffled me.

"My younger brother had anxiety and obsessive compulsive disorder," he said on his own before I could ask. "I guess, we cope with hardships differently. While he grew mentally ill, I changed a lot when I was a teen."

The sky was blue now, so was him. The crestfallen countenance had completely washed off his golden aura.

"Sometimes I...," He trailed off, his lower lip trembling, as if he was trying so hard to say something but couldn't.

I didn't know what to say, but then I remembered his own words. "I'm here for you."

Though I tried to say more encouraging words, I stopped there, and I realized I didn't know what else to tell him.

That alone brought him out of his trance and he laughed at me. "Thank you..., I'm sure you'll be off great help to your new friend."

The evening weather was getting colder with the night's footfalls rushing in. I drew closer to Wonho for warmth. "Do you want to watch Kimi no nawa together, some day?"

"Are you flirting with me?" He asked playfully.

"I'm just saying it's my current favourite movie."

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A/n: hey hey hey thank you so much for reading (if you're still here).

I want to tell you guys, that I'm here for you too. I'm incredibly proud of you and I'm sending all my positive vibes towards you. You're amazing and I believe in you, so much!