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NOTE:
This is the edited first chapter and I hope you enjoy. If so don't forget to vote, comment, and share. Also point out any errors or give criticism if you think it'll help!

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0 1 | Until There Was You

There was this uneasiness that subsided in the pit of Jude's stomach. To him, his mind could hardly fathom what horrific fantasies played in his head—betrayal claiming his reality over and over again. To him this was a well put together scene in a comedic movie. Well, bra-fucking-vo. To Jude this wasn't real. It couldn't be. It was all too false for his own paramount. And visibly, he had to deal with the image that stayed glued in his mind—how fucked up was it to see such feeble tragedy? Careless. Careless. Careless. They were both too careless in their actions, and that smudge of acknowledgement made Jude feel like less of a human—less of a person.

People surrounded him watching as Jude's eyes glossed with disdain and hurt. They chanted. They peered. They urged for the two guys to fight. It was their mindset from the beginning, soaking in the drama. The rest was more of a lost cause—drama that could have been handled anywhere else. Jude tightened his fist, knuckles brushing pale and colorless. He was borderline pissed. His hair was dangerously messy, gingerly disheveled as if he tugged on those rugged tresses more times than he could count. His face was flustered, cheeks dancing in humiliation and unconditional pain from his mortifying discovery. His stormy, gray irises soaked up a storm, a hurricane of sorts. Then, with clenched teeth and a courageous outlook he finally spoke.

"You were my fucking best friend," he said, biting his lip. A tad of blood withdrew from this action, but Jude didn't care because he was far too concentrated to even notice it. "—and you were my girlfriend. How could the people I trust the most pull something like this?"

How could I have not noticed? He thought.

Stupid, Jude. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

Everything around him froze and all he could hear were their silent words and his throbbing heart. It slammed in his chest. He wanted to scream every curse word in the dictionary. He wanted to smash every locker with his fist. He wanted to punch Seth, his ex-best friend, with every ounce of his being.

"Why'd you do it?" he questioned, searching for some kind of answer, some kind of explanation. His attention was on Beverly, his former girlfriend and the catalyst to his demise. She couldn't meet his eyes, but Jude understood why: why she couldn't look at him, why she cheated, why they were there at all.

He wasn't good enough.

And she didn't love him the way he loved her. Something about that demeaned Jude's self-esteem, even if it was exceptionally high at one point in time. Now, it was below rock bottom and standing there only decreased it. He was showing his feelings and becoming weak. Because of her. Because of him. Because of them.

Beverly's words couldn't quite reach the withering air as her lips quivered to form a coherent sentence. She had nothing to say, neither a thought of how to explain it. Her eyes were glossy like none of it had been her fault. News flash it takes two to fucking tango.

"We didn't mean for you to find out this way," Seth said, accompanied with a genuine frown. Jude scowled, finding it hard to believe that this entire confrontation was genuine. It seemed like a load of bullshit, and he believed that this whole situation was sickening. If he hadn't said anything would they have continued behind his back?

"Why didn't I see it before?" Jude muttered, mostly to himself pacing in semi-circles like a psychotic maniac. The realizations were settling in all at once.

The looks. The touches. The flirty smiles.

It all made sense now. It was like a dagger plunged his heart. And for some reason, he felt himself losing all control. He lunged forward and tackled Seth to the ground. Seth fell back with a loud oof, and Jude could already analyze the fact that the impact had hurt Seth. He hadn't cared because in that moment there was a fire blazing in his asphalt eyes. He wanted Seth to feel the pain he was feeling, the hurt, the anger. With each swing he took, it started to hurt less.

He took it all out on the bruised being in front of him. Jude was throwing blow after blow, his fist colliding into Seth's near fractured jaw. Then, the melancholic voice of Beverly snapped him from this trance, and his heart flooded with emotions.

"Jude stop! Y-you're hurting him," she shouted at the top of her lungs, and that's exactly what Jude did—he froze right on the spot. Beverly's soothing voice had abruptly halted his vile actions. He remembered that voice—one of the things he loved most about her. His mind was in a puddle of chaos and sultry, caving at his insides, and all Jude could do was feel it happen. Though this opportunity didn't go to waste because sure enough Seth took this as an unkempt attempt to fight back, reversing the painful moves in a rather violent recall.

Slowly, bruises started forming along his jawline, his eye turning a peculiar color of black. Jude's lip had a small cut and his nose started to run, blood droplets crawling down his nostrils, causing him to whimper from the impact of Seth's aggressive punch. He believed this was the end of his corrupted life with each thrashing punch after another.

Beverly didn't speak a word as the world spun onyx and he saw stars.

Fortunately for him, Principal Howard came down the hall, nostrils flaring, deciding to interfere at an inconvenient time. With force he separated the growling boys from each other, eyes between the both of them. Everything went completely silent as both boys climbed to their feet, vile looks of terror and threat drizzling in their eyes. Especially Jude's as his nose dripped and he wiped away the evidence of him getting his ass beat.

"Off to class now! Do something productive with your lives?" his voice projected through the wide corridor. Slowly, the students departed, peering over their shoulders for any last minute action. Principal Howard turned toward the two boys, and noticed that Beverly had still been there, breathing heavily, completely anguished with innocence dwelling against her angelic features.

God, she looked so vulnerable, Jude thought. And quickly he turned away because he couldn't force himself to look at her. All he saw was betrayal, and inside that was what killed him the most.

Suddenly, a sickening substance formed in his mouth. He realized it had been his blood. He swallowed it, Adam's apple bobbing profusely—from that mostly, and the nervousness of the upcoming consequences. His parents were definitely going to kill him. And football? He could forget about that everlasting starting position. And his reputation? Well, that was now scathing and tarnished.

"You three in my office now!" Principal Howard demanded as he started down the corridor. Jude, Beverly, and Seth slowly trailed after. Belatedly, Jude noticed the proximity between Seth and Beverly while they walked down the hall, shoulders rubbing against each other. It burned as he watched, and realized he couldn't do anything about it.

When they arrived at the office, Jude uttered curse words under his breath. Principal Howard handed him a tissue before sitting down. Jude focused his gaze on the floor as if it would open up and save him from this taunting exposure. Jude was positively sure he'd get the full blame. After all, he did throw the first punch and start the whole conflict. It sucked that it had to end with his vision blurred, streams of heavenly light invading his consciousness.

He wasn't a coward, but these particular circumstances made him want to hide, because the outcomes would be explicit. If he had reacted calmer, thinking with his head instead, this could have been avoided. But that wasn't Jude, Jude wasn't calm.

He was like a glass explosion. Splattering shards at whoever was in his path. He hated himself so much for that, and for not being good enough for Beverly. Of course, Seth was better. He was star quarterback, while Jude was only a running back. Seth was loved by all the teachers, while some of the teachers seemed more annoyed with Jude than anything else. Seth made excelling grades without even trying, while Jude worked his ass off to at least get average grades. Seth was better at socializing, flirting, and the list could go on, really. He always questioned why they were ever friends in the first place because Seth had always been better. He even had the one thing Jude cared about more than himself. Beverly. And now in a flash, it was stripped away from him. Just like that. His normal life was tarnished.

Principal Howard was shooting daggers at the three of them now, Seth and Jude especially. Jude somehow felt belittled in that small room with that eerie window. If he could shimmer over to the next corner and hurdle himself through the window, he could escape. However, the damages he'd cause would be celestial since he was already walking on eggshells. So, he stood there with his arms crossed, asphalt eyes draining all the energy he had to look at Beverly and Seth.

"What the hell was that? That stunt you pulled out there Westbay was absolute madness. It could put this school's reputation on the line," he growled and shouted. You could practically see the vein popping out of the top of his forehead. Jude couldn't help but allow his eyes to trail there with his lips furled between his teeth, avoiding the laugh that was surging at the back of his throat. Jude had been mostly glad that the principal didn't target him first, but he knew it was coming, sadly.

"And Lockhart, you need to learn how to control your damn temper! Whatever it was you all were fighting over could have been settled like adults, or you could have taken it out on the football field. But a fight inside my school? It's embarrassing and completely immature!"

"Principal Ho-" Seth tried to intervene, but Howard hissed and scowled at him aggressively, ignoring his mere input.

"I'm not done, and you do not speak unless spoken to young man! Now for your punishments—three days of suspension, a month of after school detention, and suspension from Friday night's football game. You two will no longer be playing Fr—"

"No, this isn't fair. The team will lose without me," Seth said with pleading eyes. "My parents were supposed to come to that game."

Jude closed his eyes. He had believed if he closed them hard enough, thought long enough, that this wouldn't be as real as it felt. Only when he opened his grey eyes it was exactly the opposite. He was still there.

"Well, you should have thought about that before you decided to fight in my school."

Beverly gazed at Seth, then at Jude sympathetically, hoping that Principal Howard forgot her presence in the room. Her fingers had been clasped neatly inside her lap, brown hair falling in front of her face like a curtain. She was looking at the scene underneath her short, yet curly eyelashes, feeling sorry for the two lovesick boys.

"As for you young lady, after school detention for two weeks for egging on the fight," he demanded. Of course she had it easy, she wasn't the one fighting. Beverly replied with a low nod, tucking heaps of hair behind her ear. Jude watched as she did so, and knew how much he would miss tucking her hair away from her face. He knew how much he would miss her.

"Now all of you get the hell out of my office," he snapped, hands urged against the desk, sending scowls in every direction. Beverly was the first to scatter out, bumping into Seth's chest during the faulty process. Then, it was Seth, trailing behind her like a protective bulldog, and lastly there was Jude. Sad and pathetic Jude. In the hallway, Jude could hear Seth and Beverly talking. He told himself not to listen, not to hurt himself even more, but refused against it because there was nothing else that could change. He was permanently scorched, like a burning building, and the heat from each ration was excruciating to an extent of pure pain.

Seth and Beverly were just around the corner, but just from the sounds of their voices, Jude knew they were standing close with their voices lowered in secrecy.

"Seth, I didn't want to hurt him like that," she whispered and Jude could hear the sincerity in her voice. Of course, she didn't. She was Beverly. The delicate girl who wore too many bracelets at a time, and believed that headbands were the latest trend. She was dedicated to debate club, choir, and several other things. She was Beverly Greyson, the girl he had plans of marrying; she was the only girl for him.

"Me neither, but he would've found out eventually."

"I feel guilty."

"He's Jude he'll be fine. Where else does he have to go?"

Jude leaned his head against the wall, cheeks pressed against the coldness with his forehead dipped low. His stomach juggled as he recalled the numerous encounters that heeded in retrospect. He didn't understand. Why wasn't he good enough for her? For himself? For anyone? Jude didn't think he would ever see himself being 'fine.' What was the definition of it again? And maybe Seth was right. Outside of their friend group where else could Jude go.

"Seth, I'm scared. My parents are going to freak when they find out," she said.

Jude wished he could hold her, and tell her she was overthinking it. He wanted to tell her that her parents loved her too much, just as he did. It was just detention, she went before. But he couldn't say those things anymore.

"We're gonna get through this, okay?" Seth replied.

Jude balled his hands into fist, eyes prickling with hurt. He couldn't bear anymore. It was over for the trio of friends. They were too corrupted to revert back to the normal evenings of hangouts and recalls of humor. So, Jude pivoted on his heel, walking in the opposite direction with his head hanging low, and his fists burning with eagerness to make contact with something. He wasn't sure what he would do on his early vacation—known as suspension.

However, he knew one thing, and that was that his heart was shattered, and at that point he was empty.

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TO BE CONTINUED

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