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2 1 | Until There Was You

Jude skipped school the following day to escape the overwhelming sensation that strangled his mind. Of course, Waverly was the one who influenced him to do it by means of having a quiz she hadn't studied for. Jude told himself that he only agreed not because it was Waverly, but because he needed the haze of relaxation and calamity that the city possessed and the school lacked. They both had valid reasons for not attending school that day. Unsurprisingly, it wasn't the first time Jude skipped school before.

He skipped along with Beverly, Seth, Lincoln, and Bridget all before. It seemed like centuries ago when they were all a jubilant bunch—talk of the school kind of affiliation. He remembered the casual conversations, the delicate way Beverly would lean against him, the laughs they'd share. All of it was nostalgic and bittersweet.

Sometimes Beverly would accidentally brush her lips against Jude's jaw and he'd allow his hands to run through her hair. They weren't problematic then, but Jude had to remember that while they had always been wrapped in that affectionate embrace, Seth was always somewhere nearby and completely aware. Who knew how long their fling had been going on?

Jude felt he was suffocating beforehand with the pressures of being perfect. When they left the chambers of that hellhole, stuffing their faces with Antonio's pizza instead, Jude couldn't have been more satisfied. David, the current owner of the building, stepped out and served the two rebellious teens pizza, but eventually he collected a seat at the booth with them. "What are you kids doing out of school? Is it some national holiday I don't know about?"

Waverly laughed and Jude looked at her as if she held up the world, the sun, and its orbit, twisting galaxies in her hand. She realized Jude had been looking her way and didn't bat an eyelash. That was Waverly for you. Jude didn't hide the fact that he'd been staring either.

"Something like that," she grinned watching Jude reflect her beguiling smile. It was almost as if they were gazing at a mirror, matching their actions and inflicting the same motives. Jude was more than glad they skipped rather than attend school. School was shitty and people were shittier—there was absolutely nothing waiting for him in that massive building.

"I'll never understand these trends you kids have these days," David sighed. "I still don't understand what the pause challenge is. It sounds ridiculous if you ask me."

"What the hell is that?" Waverly wondered and David made a face at her word choice. The use of hell stinging like poison to the older man's ears.

"Language," he pointed out.

"My bad," Waverly apologized.

"I don't even know what that is," Jude admitted, leaning back in his chair and finishing up his slice of pizza. He had eaten so much that his insides started to churn.

In actuality, Jude had no clue what the pause challenge was, or why anyone would want to do that for entertainment. It was stupid and sounded unrealistic. However, it made Jude wonder what he could do if he were able to pause everything around him for while. Would there be anything he'd be willing to change? To do?

Would the unwavering behaviors of his peers be a fit that didn't need alternating? Maybe, it wasn't everyone else. Maybe it was Jude himself that led him to believe that he mattered more than someone else once upon a time. Being popular had that effect on you. Everyone worried about what he did every second of every hour, breathing down his neck constantly. Jude was far from the quiescent shift that made it clear why he sat there—why he was with her. Weirdly, it filled his own mind with degrading pity because it wasn't the complete truth.

Had the events that occurred, hadn't happened, where would he be?

Slowly, he pressed his palms against the table, ingesting the crookedness of the air. His head spun while he collected his surroundings—a spirited lift from his chaotic thoughts. Jude was halfheartedly listening to the conversation unfolding in front of him, but concluded that David wasn't that bad to talk to. If anything the guy was chill. He was cool to be around and to talk to, as Waverly put it hours before entering the pizzeria. He took her word for it, believing the truth in her statements.

David went on about his family and his years as a raging teen and his constant phases that changed like the moon each day. Jude learned quickly that David didn't have kids or a wife, but insisted that his pizzeria was enough to make him happy. He also learned that David was quite the charmer in his younger days. Hence the idea of dating easing onto the table. Jude's face turned a ghostly white from the shock, then a feverish shade of red afterwards.

"Have you tried speed dating?" Waverly insisted but David brushed the idea off.

"I'm fine being alone. Speed dating isn't a thing people do anymore," he generalized. In some forms of the area the statement was true. Over the years, the idea of speed dating slowly started to die out. What was the point of it when there were online dating apps that replaced the sole purpose of communicating in person? "Do you young folks even call it dating anymore?"

David looked at the both of them, awaiting an answer.

"Why wouldn't we?" She replied as if they had come up with the most ballistic name for dating in the dictionary. Quite frankly, Jude could hardly think of any, or one for that matter. "But dating isn't my thing, so I hardly look into it. Last I check it was the same."

David agreed, then looked down at his wrist where his watch sat and began standing up.

"Well, would you look at the time? I think I've overstayed my welcome at this table," he realized with a mismatched smile. "It's been fun talking with you all, but I have to get back to the kitchen before rush hour."

Jude nodded and gave a little salute as David walked away, disappearing in the back. Waverly responded with a 'see you around' then it was back to being the two of them. Every atom in him suddenly feared the thought of being alone with Waverly again. He had to remind himself of everything and seclude himself from nothing to fully understand his emotions.

He flipped his cell phone in his hand and realized it was in fact about to be three, which meant loads of intense traffic. For a second, Jude was considering telling Waverly what had been going on in his mind for the past couple of days. Yes, he needed a distraction. Yes, Waverly was there, but the depth of that seemed to seep deeper beyond what Jude told himself. The way he was feeling wasn't good for them or their relationship; he would jeopardize everything they created.

Dating isn't my thing was the only echo in Jude's head. Of course, it wasn't. She was too spontaneous, too free for dating.

"So, you're not a fan of the whole dating concept," he started off in that confident voice that didn't break the mask he was hiding behind. Behind that voice there was fear.

Waverly was peeling a pepperoni off her pizza when she looked up, dark eyes gradually maximizing Jude's thunderous ones. There was a spark of lightning in his irises when he looked at her.

"No," she assured and narrowed her eyes. "What are you up to?"

"Nothing. I'm curious," he stated and she responded with a lift of an eyebrow, crossing her arms over her chest. "Was it a guy that changed your mind?

"Are we playing twenty questions now?"

"Are you answering a question with a question?"

"Are you?"

After a while, she added, "why do you want to know so bad? Is it that kiss that has you so invested?"

Then she winked and Jude grinned.

"Maybe," he said.

"If you must know it has nothing to do with a guy," she informed.

"Then what are you afraid of?"

Waverly laughed. Her hair was a wild mess over her shoulders like vines in a jungle: bouncy, beautiful, and unexplored. He waited patiently for an answer Waverly didn't seem to want to give. There was some truth in Jude's statement, kissing her to reassure himself really.

"Not you, if that's what you think," she reminded him.

Jude leaned over the table, their noses almost touching like their mouths should have been. Jude's heart was beating so hard that his chest would burst from the growing thrusts pounding against his skin.

"Then let me kiss you, and if you hate it slap me," he whispered almost to her lips. Waverly didn't flinch and smiled as they gazed at each other. Jude didn't care about the faces staring and leaving, watching and waiting, hoping and pleading. He didn't care if anyone saw—if the entire world did. He just knew what he wanted. If it were up to him he'd lean forward and do it without hesitation, but he couldn't afford any damaged limbs when playoffs were right around the corner.

His Adam's apple bobbled and he gripped the edge of the table to keep himself balanced. When he knew for sure he was only making things worse he pulled away. That uncivil heartbeat of his continued to smash each of his ribs, begging to be released—wildly and passionately.

"Tempting but no. You annoy me too much," she insulted when he pulled away. He laughed in response.

"And you love it."

"Actually, I don't," she retorted and Jude ignored that comment and changed the subject for his own good. He became an expert at doing that.

"What's next on our list of things to do?"

"The store," she implied and it felt like that fateful night.

Apparently, it hadn't been the same store Bridget worked at. Jude was relieved but got annoyed when Waverly forced him to take directions toward another store. It was about twenty miles from that one. The process was a lengthy one and Jude had to continue to be reminded that the end result wasn't completely useless. Whatever that meant.

When they entered the store Jude was oblivious, then Waverly required him to toll a cart around to help. He followed her with the cart in boredom, watching as she went aisle after aisle tossing items in. A backpack. Deodorant. A toothbrush and toothpaste. Boxes of granola bars and bottles of water. Jude started to wonder where she got the money to afford all of that stuff.

"I've been saving for a while," she told him, tossing in a blanket. Jude's face twisted into befuddlement, unfamiliarity, and question. Finally, she grabbed a jar full of pickles and placed a pint of ice cream into the cart, which had no real relevance to what Waverly was initially doing. When they finally purchased the items and exited the store, Jude had the hunch to ask what was going on.

"What's all this for?" he questioned as he put the bags into the trunk and the backseats.

"After graduation," she informed him. Which gave Jude more context about why she was doing any of it.

"Graduation isn't until a few months."

"I'm preparing now, Lockhart. I have everything mapped out," she told him, leaning over the front of the shopping cart, gazing at Jude and his slow attempt at storing her stuff away. "When, where, how."

"What about the pickles and ice cream?"

"That's for now," she added, taking those specific things out of Jude's hand. She didn't break eye contact with him and carried those things with her while she adjusted herself in the passenger's seat. When Jude completed his own tasks and entered his car, a smelly odor filled his nose. He scrunched his face in disgust, holding onto the dear grasp of clear air he had. He looked over at Waverly, noticing that she had dipped a whole pickle into her chocolate ice cream.

"You and those goddamn weird combinations," he muttered and shook his head.

"You love it," she teased, repeating what he said earlier, leaning the drippy pickle in his direction. He inserted the key, cranking the engine to life. Then, he let his window down, but before he could put his gear in reverse Waverly stopped him.

"Try this," she told him and Jude shook his head instantly. Never in a million years would he try something so vile and unpleasant. Even the smell had him throwing up in his mouth.

"I'm not eating that," he stated.

"Come on, trust me on this. It may look gross, but it tastes amazing," she encouraged. "Try it, Lockhart."

"I'm not getting a stomach virus," he told her.

"You're missing out," she replied and placed the pickle into the ice cream, taking a bite. Jude cringed and reversed the car to pull out of the parking space. Just as suddenly his phone vibrated and he received a text from Beverly. He couldn't get a good glimpse of it, but when he dropped Waverly off and helped her sneak the bags into her house— because her mom had no idea of her after-school plans—he checked the message.

Let me explain everything. Please. Meet me at my house tonight.

That message screamed all kinds of wrong. Everything in him was screaming to text back no, but his fingers had lingered too long and he was thinking too much for his own good. Somewhere deep down he had missed her and wanted some kind of closure. Maybe then he would be able to move on. He texted back a simple okay and hoped for the best.

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Before going over Beverly's house, Jude prepared himself, then told his mother he'd be going over Beverly's house just to be cautious. But as Jude was walking out of the house his mother stopped him before he could gain any more steps.

"Your school called and said you weren't there."

"I was sick this morning, so I stayed home," Jude lied, leaving his mother sighing heavily in the doorway. There was really no point in telling his mother the truth when she couldn't tell him and his father the truth. And so he left.

Finally, after minutes of driving and gazing at the scenery, he was in front of her house. He dialed her number and told her he was outside, flickering the headlights in the driveway to get her attention from the window. He remembered doing that same action months before when they'd go on dates, shouting for her to hurry before they were late. The end result always made Jude smile because she'd come out and smile at him, beautiful and cheerful. He wish he hadn't remembered it. He wished he could have forgotten about her and their memories as he lingered there.

He wasn't even proud of the fact he still had her number saved in his phone. Even if he deleted it he still remembered it as if it were his own. After a few moments of waiting the front door swung open and Beverly stepped out with her arms wrapped around her body. Jude sucked in a breath and exited his car tentatively. Suddenly, he felt every particle in the air, every step beneath his feet, every unsaid word at the tip of his tongue. Jude leaned against the car, crossing his arms with Beverly standing in front of him. It was such deja vu.

"You came," she reminded him. Jude didn't look at her but fixated his eyes on the ground and the houses that stretched out. He thought about the way it was structured, all big and glamorous. Rows and rows of hard work and dedication. Anything to distract himself from the girl who was standing right in front of him, forcing him to rethink everything he had done.

"Beverly, I just want the truth. I want to hear you say it to me. Face to face."

"You know the truth, Grey. That isn't why you're here," she assumed and Jude felt his patience stripping away like paper. What was wrong with him? He knew he was over Beverly, but he found himself falling at her feet over and over again as if none of the things she did matter.

"Of course," Jude said through a fake laugh and reevaluated his lanky posture, straightening up instead. "I don't know why I came here. I should have known."

"None of it's your fault," she told him. "Going after Seth was the worst mistake I'll ever make because now my life is completely different and I don't know what to do. I shouldn't have changed anything between us. But I don't think I can ever tell you why I did any of those things. I can't even tell myself."

"Then why am I here?" he questioned. "The truth was that you didn't love me, but you're trying to convince yourself that you did."

"That's where you're wrong. I loved you so much, Jude. I loved us...I believed in us."

"Not enough," he mumbled and watched as she flinched.

"My original plan was to get an abortion. I couldn't go through with it. I have no choice but to tell my parents and they might kick me out. It's my own fault."

She gave a weak smile. Jude pitied her. Really, he did and maybe he could help her like he always did, but instead, he averted his attention because now he couldn't. And maybe that made him a bad person, but Seth was there and Jude was finally moving on.

"I wish you the best," he told her at the same time she spoke.

"I want to give us another shot as friends, you know. Not dating-wise," she reminded, throwing her hands out for emphasis. "But if you hate me too much I understand."

"Bev," he sighed. "I don't...I don't hate you."

He rubbed at his temples, feeling that area tense up as he continued to stay there longer and longer. "I was pissed at first. Pissed for a long time actually, but I don't hate you. I don't think I'll ever really forgive either of you, but it doesn't mean I can't move on."

In a way, Jude realized he finally found some closure in their conversation. He could move on. For good.

A silence skipped and Beverly lowered her eyes as if she were afraid of what would come out of her mouth next. "That girl, Waverly, do you like her?"

Jude's head quipped up at that, unsure why she was being dragged into the mix.

"If you do, I'm happy for you. It's just I see you around her so much. You always look so happy, and different from when you were with me. Happier," Beverly continued. "You don't have to answer that. Maybe, that was a little too personal."

They were silent for a while, listening to the sounds of the night, nocturnal and hidden. Quite frankly, Jude wasn't going to reply, but he found himself doing the opposite. The words spilled from his lips like liquid.

"I like her more than I should," he finally admitted aloud. "—and she might just break my heart."

He knew those were the words you didn't want to say to your ex-girlfriend, but things were different now. Everything was and Beverly wasn't Waverly. Waverly Clarke could break his heart and Jude would let her if she wanted.

"I hope she feels the same way."

Jude almost told himself that he was absolutely positive she didn't, but he restrained himself because there was always that sliver of hope. And that sliver of hope was how he got to where he currently was.

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TO BE CONTINUED

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