VIEW BETWEEN VILLIAGES one

For several weeks, Julie had been in a downward spiral of crappy tumblr quotes and junk food. Bella had stopped functioning the night they found her in the woods, freezing on the forest floor. Somehow, Julie managed to find an emotion in the deep trenches of her mind that wasn't sadness, it was pure, unbridled rage. There he was just three days earlier, wiping her tears and helping her through a panic attack, Next thing she knows, he's dumped her sister and left her in the middle of the forest. She was channeling all of the anger Bella wasn't letting herself feel. She was so deep in depression that there was almost no ability within herself to function. It left Julie and Charlie with nobody who knew how to cook food, and she was quickly growing tired of take-out.

She was also worried for Bella. Her current 'Julie state', as the younger girl had dubbed it in her head, did not seem to be alleviating in the slightest. In the first three days, everything that had not been on lockdown before was hidden away from Bella's vacant eyes. Julie was finally privy to a few of her dad's hiding spots, since she had grabbed everything while Bella was in her room and dumped it on the table. Her words rang clear, "I don't want Bella to do what I did." It kicked Charlie into high gear, removing his bullets, locking his gun away and even managing to jerry rig the knife's closed drawers. Julie had never been so grateful for locked drawers in her life.

Two weeks later, she sat staring at her phone.

[ Cowboy Bebop ]

[ Pretty Princess ]
why did you leave me like this

[ Pretty Princess ]
Bella isn't doing well
Edward left her in the forest
tell him if i ever see him again
Ill kill him, after what he did

[ Pretty Princess ]
i don't know what to do
without you and rose, jazz

[ Pretty Princess ]
i miss you

[ Pretty Princess ]
all of you. maybe even edward.

She heaved a great sigh, looking over all the messages she had sent him over the past few weeks. There were matching ones to Rose, Emmet, and Alice, and a few messages to Carlisle about her arrhythmia not being treated properly by the new doctor. She knew she seemed desperate; she was able to catch that much, but it didn't stop the terrible ache in her chest whenever she thought of the people who had abandoned them. She had gotten a subpar explanation from a note in her room. She would never forgive them. Unless they decide to visit, then maybe she will.

She shook her head and tried to forget about it. Thinking about the Cullens will only serve to make her as depressed as Bella. Which is something she never thought she would say. There was a delicate ecosystem within the bounds of her relationships. She was the delicate one and everyone else pitied her. She had come to realize it when she had first been pitied by Bella. She hated being pitied but she was used to it; she had no idea how to be in her sister's position. She sighed, glaring down at her phone, before slamming down a text and sending it before she could think.

[ Pretty Princess ]
I dont think I can forgive you for leaving us

She chucked it to the other side of the room before standing and making her way to her sister's room. "Hey, Bellie." She calls, and her sister only looks up for a second before looking back up at her ceiling. "Can you sit up?" She asks, her voice almost meek as she looks over her sister. She had barely eaten anything in the two weeks since Edward left her. Julie wasn't faring much better. For once, though, she was eating more to maybe convince Bella that wasting away wasn't the best option. "I'm gonna brush your hair."

Bella doesn't answer; she only sits up and scoots forward enough to let Juliette's small frame sit behind her. The bed felt like clouds as she sat, feeling Bella's warmth brush against her knees as she grabbed her small brush off the nightstand. She looked down at it. It was lilac with darker purple lace details on it. It was the exact opposite of something Bella would buy. Alice must have gotten it for her. Julie resolved to get her a new one.

Gently, as to not cause Bella's tender head any pain, she lifted a small lock of hair and started detangling the bottom. It was a fairly simple task. Despite her sister taking close to zero care of herself, her hair was still smooth as silk and just as pretty. No matter what she did to herself, Bella always managed to have this plain beauty to her that was more than plain if someone took a moment to look past it. Sharp jaw, almond eyes, full lips and a warm smile. A smile that was no longer on her face. All because of her desperation and loneliness. All because of Edward.

With a nearly silent sigh, Julie rested her forehead against Bella's back. This was wrong. Bella was the happy one. Maybe not a bundle of sunshine like others! Bella was still happier. Awkward and fumbling and completely fine with a boring life. She enjoyed her books, her music, and her simpleness, which kept her wrapped in her own little bubble. This, this numbness, was not her big sister. This entire exchange was backwards. She had never hated Edward more in that moment. She hated how he left her sister, how he left her, and how she so dearly missed his presence like a warm blanket on a cold winter night.

She wrapped her arms around Bella's waist and squeezed, hating how she felt the curve of her sister's hip bones that dug into her skin. "I miss them too." She whispers, finally acknowledging their departure to Bella. She felt her sisters back bow as if hacked down by an impossible weight, then collapse altogether into her embrace. She had always been skinny, sharp, and cold, but now her spine seemed to jut into Julie's sternum. Her shoulders shook with sobs and for the first time in two weeks, Julie saw Bella fall apart.

She didn't know what to do as Bella buried her face in the fabric of her shirt as she finally turned to her sister. There were no words she had seen in readers' digest that could fix the ache Bella felt deep in her existence. Bella screamed as she cried, pounding her fists into Julie's thighs as she tried to feel something other than morose rejection. Julie screwed her eyes shut and tried to will herself to be strong. She had never wished to be strong or make it to the next day, but now she asked a God she had long since stopped believing in to give her enough strength to see Bella through the pain. The heartache. She prayed for enough strength to forget about her own longing for the people she knew she would never see in the same light again. She gripped Bella's shirt in her weak fingers and vowed she would wake up every morning and make sure Bella was alive. She vowed she would find a way to make Bella start living.

She opened her eyes as her sister cried and placed a soft kiss to the crown of her hair. Her heart was shattering and her lungs were knotting off and cutting off her oxygen. Her father, Charlie, stood in the doorway, staring at his two daughters. She finally understood, on a base level, how he felt anytime Julie looked a little too long at a knife or a bottle of pills. Her heart dropped and stuttered, her expression broke as she held Bella. She stared at him with a new sense of longing. She wanted her sister better, she wanted her sister back.

She hated that Charlie felt that way about both of his daughters.

"It hurts," Bella whispers, her snot, spit, and tears soaking into Julie's skin, making her teeth feel like they would fall out of her head. She ignored the feeling and wrapped her sister tighter in her feeble arms. She wished she had the strength to protect her from heartbreak. She held her so tight, afraid Bella might crack and fall apart within her grasp. "Why does it hurt?" She cries out, her voice breaking midway through her plea-like question.

"I don't know," she whispers into her sister's hair as her eyes mist over with unshed tears. "I'm sorry, I don't know."

"Because it was real," her dad says, stepping into the room with a quiet shuffle. His eyes were locked on the floor. He looked like he hadn't slept in a week. "It hurt's because it was painfully real, grief is love with no place to go." His cheeks flush crimson when his youngest daughter gazes at him. "That's what Billy told me anyway." His voice was a hoarse whisper as he sat down behind Bella. His hand was rubbing comforting circles on her back. Juliette placed a hand on it, hoping to comfort him as much as he was trying to comfort Bella.

"Will it always hurt?" Bella asks, sniffing snot as she turns to look at her father from her safe space in Juliette's arms.

"In a way." He says this, looking down at Julie's hand. "It'll be a wound that'll eventually scab over and scar. Always there, but no longer painful unless you think about how it used to feel."

Bella nodded, leaning her head back against Julie's sternum, trying her best to collect whatever semblance of sanity she had before Edward had left. Julie saw her grasping at the edges of a gaping hole. One that wouldn't be filled. One identical to Julie's. "I'll be here." She whispers, her voice failing to work into a stronger octave. "Till you don't need me anymore." Bella looked up at her with her wide brown eyes. Eyes that were so expressive, she could almost read her mind.

"I think I'll always need you, Julie." Bella says in a broken whisper, her fingers gripping into the back of Julie's shirt.

Charlie and Julie stayed with Bella until she fell asleep, with her arm wrapped around her sister and her head leaned on her father's knee. She finally looked to be somewhat peaceful and not fragmented into pieces as she was in the world of the waking. Julie hoped she would sleep through the night. "You should go get some rest," her father says, his voice rough and tired. "I can stay with Bella."

She shakes her head and says, "You've barely gotten any sleep, dad."

"I won't be able to get a wink right now," he chuckles, looking down at Julie. "Too worried."

The youngest swan sighed and pursed her thin lips. "I don't know if i'll be able to either." She admits, looking down at her chipped nails and ripped nailbeds. She tries to clear her mind but the questions keep nagging her. Dragging her already fragile mental state, which she was barely holding together for Bella, into a state of frenzied worry. "Is this what it was like... with me?" She whispers, closing her eyes and waiting with baited breath.

"Yeah," he replied, moving his hand to pat her on the back. "It is."

She breathed a stuttering sigh as shame plagued her gut. She felt like throwing up as her throat and mouth went dry. "I'm sorry, dad." She whispers, reaching up and wiping away the singular tear she had realized had fallen at the admission. She wished, prayed again, and looked down as the hope she could make him worry less plagued her.

"It's okay, pumpkin,"

No, it's not. Her mind cries, her lips stay still, and her eyes cast downward. She was stuck there again, in a spot in her mind that she goes when she knows, just knows, people are lying to make her feel better. Her throat closes up as she tries to apologize and tell him she'll get better and that she'll try. The words can't claw their way up her throat and her eyes water. She won't lie to her father. She can't give him false hope just to appease him. She doesn't want to get better. She doesn't know what happiness tastes like anymore.

"I think I'll take a shower," she says, clearing her throat, trying to rid it of the tightness that shouldn't have stopped her. "Then I'll come back so you can rest." Charlie nods as she slips from Bella's arms. She doesn't look back at her father or Bella as she escapes to her room.

She closes the door behind her and places a shaky hand on her mouth. She had cried so much in the past two weeks, she wasn't sure if she had any more left in her, but the tears decided to come anyway. Her heart was in her throat as she collapsed to her knees. Her chest ached as despair clawed its way down her spine. It was the sickest form of torture, being reduced to a heap of bone and skin on the floor of a bedroom. She was trying so hard to be quiet enough to not let anyone know she was falling apart. Her muscles were failing to hold her together and her skin was tearing. She had never known a pain like this. She never wanted to know a pain like this.

She gasps, her lungs twisting and her mind racing so quickly that she feels like her head was split open. She heaved and cried, ripping at her hair and hitting her chest and her head. Her sobs are silent and her pain is terribly discreet. She curls in on herself as her breathing trips over itself and her heart stutters. She tries to make herself smaller. She wishes the pain would go away. Why did they have to leave? Her mind cries out. Why must I be so terrible? Why must I be so me?

Her phone buzzes from the desk; she had thrown it that way what felt like hours ago. She can't help but grasp onto the sound to try and pull herself from walking to her nightstand to grab the sharp razor. She couldn't hurt her father more. She couldn't hurt Bella. Her shaky hands grabbed the small thing as she nearly choked on her own spit. Her eyes were red and sore, she probably looked like Eric after he came back from the bathroom during lunch. She squints and tries to read what has been sent to her. Her heart drops.

[ Cowboy Bebop ]
I know.

The phone shakes, and her fingers can barely type out her response fast enough. She runs a hand through her hair and her scalp aches from where she hit herself. She moves like a phantom to her bed and looks at her reply with a grim sort of longing. She tries to compose herself. Her mind cracks. She can't hold it together.

The world is ending and it's all my fault.

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[ Pretty Princess ]
I hate you.

Jaspers heart was in his throat as he read the text. His eyes stung with the tears he could not shed. He tried to grasp onto the smile she had so easily granted him when he was near. The way he had felt love in her sad aura. He tried to grasp onto the laughter and the hollow threats, the few times he had touched her and felt fireworks. She was honeydew, warm mornings, beautiful nights, and flowers that existed beneath her skin. She was everything.

Edward was as still as a statue as his mind read everything Alice saw in her vision. The collapse, the way Bella was a husk of herself, the way Julie was trying so hard to be strong. He hated himself. He hated himself. His sister gazed at him, and Eleanor had her own form of torment on her face. Edward, she tried to get his attention, and you said it was better this way. He knew that, he knows that, so why does it hurt so tremendously? His heart ached with an ice he had not felt since his soul had been damned to haunt the night. He tried to follow Jasper's lead.

Bella's skin, Julie's smile, Bella's warmth, and Julie's laughter. Flesh, sinew, and bone! All human and completely fragile. He grasped their human features in the memory of the flush in their cheeks and the color of their eyes. Their breathing. Bella's steady heartbeat and Julie's stuttered heart. These were the things that kept them away. The things that kept him from running back to Forks to grovel on his knees and repent for the sin of hurting them.

"We made the right choice," Rosalie whispers, her own voice hoarse as she whispers. "We are protecting them from us." Edward could see the way her mind flashed through all of Julie's expressions, their conversations, and the way Julie was so fragile and innocent. Her mind was stuck on the night of the party. The way Julie had looked up at her with her wide and trusting eyes and said the words, Have you ever been told you would be a great mom? I think so, you remind me of the mother I never had. The way she remembers how she had thought. You are the daughter I never could have. Edward had never felt such incredible pity for Rosalie and Emmett. Finding a daughter in someone and having to leave to protect her. They had already made the greatest sacrifice a parent could ever make.

"I know." Both Jasper and Edward reply in tandem.

Jasper cannot help himself as he messages her again. His hands are shaking and his eyes are watering with tears that will never fall. If his heart was not already dead, he was sure it would have failed under the weight of his ribs. The cage around his lungs was suffocating him as he replied.

[ Cowboy Bebop ]
I know, darling.

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LMAOOOO LETS GO JULIE AND EVERYBODY ARE ALL WRECKS AND IM EVIL!! I just need to restate that this fic is mostly about Julie's growth as a person and her romance's are all a secondary plot, that ties into her story, Yes, she will fall in love and Yes, she will learn to love herself. It won't be because of them specifially. The only way I can describe it it through a slam poetry piece i heard a long time ago. 'Healing' by Nayo Jones. Look at it. It saved me when I was at my lowest once. It's going to save Julie too. (also reiterating that julie DOES NOT know about the vampires yet! nobody told her!)