[ lumiere over me ]

. . .

au
what would a mother
not do for her child?

. . .

PLAIN, white snow.

It was all Fei could see from his window. His bare hands were on the glass, slowly becoming cold and numb. He continuously darted his eyes from left to right, as though he was searching for something outside. And he was searching for something, apparently.

"Fei? What are you doing?"

The young boy's bedroom door made small creaks as it opened, also revealing his father, who had a stack of papers in his arms. More paperwork, Fei noted. Even during the holidays, Asurei Rune remained a workaholic. Adults are very strange.

"Just looking outside." Fei answered.

With a small frown, Asurei said. "Your hands will be cold if you don't wear gloves."

Fei dismissed him with a wave. "I'll be fine, dad."

Asurei snapped his finger as he remembered something. "Oh, that's right. I received a call from the Evans' household. It seems Saryuu's parents will be away for a few days. Do you know what that means, Fei?"

At that, Fei hastily faced his father, his eyes widening in excitement. "Saru's staying over?"

"Bingo." Asurei answered with a small wink, "Now, get ready, kiddo. He'll be here soon."

"Okay!"

"I prepared a bunch of cookies earlier, in case you ever get hungry," Asurei added, "I'll be in my office if you need me."

"Thanks, dad!"

Fei scrambled about his room, grabbing clothes, blankets, and other things. Excitement kept him moving. And he stopped momentarily, eyeing his window.

What if it'll show up when he's not looking?

What if it won't come again?

Shaking his head, Fei exited his room. He just had to convince himself that it's nothing.

&

"EARTH to Fei?" Saru poked the green-haired boy, who, yet again, had his face on the window.

They were in the kitchen, sitting on the small nook, with Saru sitting away from the window—he preferred to sit in front of Fei, instead of beside him—and with Fei, although was meant to face Saru, facing the window with a troubled expression. They were feeding themselves with the cookies Asurei had prepared. Well, only Saru was eating. Fei seemed preoccupied with whatever's outside. Saru began to feel impatient.

"Huh?" Fei looked at the silver-haired boy from over his shoulder, only realizing that he had been called.

Saru closed the book in his hand, sighing. "Okay, what's up with you? No, what's bothering you? No, what's out there?"

Fei glanced outside briefly, before properly settling himself on his seat, completely facing the other boy. Saru forced himself to patiently wait for him to speak, which made Fei thankful.

"Promise you won't judge me?" The green-haired boy asked with much seriousness.

Saru only smiled at that, casually resting his cheek on his gloved hand. "Oh, precious Fei, do you really think that lowly of me? You know very well that I'll never betray your trust." He stated calmly.

Fei suddenly felt bad and guilty for the doubt and mistrust that was spreading ever so slightly in his chest. Saru was his best friend after all, and he was anything but a traitor.

"Yeah, sorry about that." He looked outside again, a frown forming on his face. He took a deep breath. "You see, every year—no, every winter rather, I always notice something outside."

"Something?" Saru inquired, raising a brow. "Care to elaborate?"

"I don't know what it is. It's just... it's a moving something, Saru." Said Fei.

Saru reached for another cookie from the bowl, taking a small bite. "Well, if it's moving, it could be anything, let's say, a squirrel perhaps... or maybe you're just being delusional?"

"No, I'm not!" The boy exclaimed. He leaned closer to Saru, slamming his palms on the table in frustration. "And it's not a squirrel. You haven't seen it like I did."

After seeing Saru's surprised expression, Fei immediately slumped back on his seat, with his face red. "I didn't mean to raise my voice like that. I'm sorry."

"It's okay." Saru softly said, "It must be something else, since you're very tense about it." He tapped his finger on the table as he considered what to say. "What exactly is it that you see, Fei?"

Fei took a sharp breath. "I think... it's a person."

"A person?"

"Yeah," Fei replied, "a woman."

Saru blinked at that. "A woman?"

"A strange woman."

"Interesting." Saru mused, smiling. He buried his hand deep in his bag, later revealing a small notebook and a pen. He started taking notes. Always prepared, Fei thought as he watched his companion in awe.

"Can you describe this strange woman?" Saru questioned.

Fei wondered of the peculiar lady he always saw.

She often wandered barefoot, seeming to have no set direction, through the garden. Her long white dress always trailed behind her on the frosted path, with her caramel brown locks flowing freely with the wind. Fei remembered how he'd watch her from the window, intrigued. He'd never made it more than a few steps on the snow with no footwear. He thought about the way the lady smiled at him when she saw him by his window, and the way she winked at him and held a finger against her mouth (as if to say "shhh") whenever his father was present in his room.

He'd never seen this woman on any other season, nor anywhere in the neighborhood. She always seemed to stay in their garden, during winter. She always showed up in winter.

Saru cleared his throat, catching Fei's attention. "Have you considered that you're actually seeing a ghost?"

The sudden realization hit him hard. The memory of how the strange woman never left footsteps after her on the frost, and how her breaths never misted in the chilly, winter air every time she exhaled flashed in his mind.

"A ghost?" Fei repeated in a whisper.

"Yes." Saru's mouth formed a grin. "Say, would it be entertaining for you if we do a ghost hunt?"

"You're willing to help me?" Fei asked, mirroring the silver-haired boy's smile.

"Of course." Saru stated, his eyes glinting in avidity. "I've always been fascinated by ghosts. And besides, two is better than one."

Fei laughed. "Saru, you're the best!"

"I know."

&

ASUREI had already tucked them both in Fei's bed, telling them to have a good night's sleep before leaving the room.

Both Saru and Fei knew that Asurei would still be awake in his office, and that he'll head to the kitchen from time to time to make cups of coffee. They also knew that he'd be checking on them to see if they were really sleeping.

It wasn't a problem pretending to be asleep. Fei was a natural at it, and—after considering the silver-haired boy's intellect—he assumed Saru was too. The real problem was figuring out when Asurei would retreat to his bedroom. So they had to choice but to wait, and wait, and wait, and wait. However, Fei's eyelids soon became too heavy; he was suddenly conscious of the comfort his mattress provided him. Not to mention his comforter gave him enough warmth to make him drowsy. Before he knew it, he was slowly going deep into slumber.

Until Saru slapped his face.

"Ow! What was that for?!" Fei exclaimed, and the silver-haired boy immediately covered his mouth.

"Shhhh, Fei." Saru whispered, "You were falling asleep, and in case you didn't know, your dad's finally calling it a day."

Fei shifted his gaze to his door, and noticed that one by one, the lights in the hallway were turned off. He heard his father's footsteps outside, and as well as the sound of his bedroom door being shut moments later.

"Initiate mission." Saru muttered from beside Fei, and he was the first to get out of bed. He was already searching through his bag for, what Saru liked to call it, "gears and supplies".

Fei yawned. "What time is it?"

"Hm, probably around 2 AM."

"Really?" Fei asked.

"Yep." Saru turned around to face him, a big smile plastered on his face.

"You're more thrilled about this than I am," Fei's eyes trailed from the goggles mounted on Saru's head to the winter boots keeping his feet warm, "and more prepared too."

"Oh, hush now, I'll bring you goggles next time." Saru dismissed the conversation with a wave of his hand. "Now, put on your gear!"

Fei obliged, picking up the clothes he'd hidden under his pillow.

"We only have four hours until dawn. We need to be swift." Saru murmured as soon as Fei was finished changing and was setting his pajamas aside.

"Dad can't possibly function with only four or five hours of sleep." Fei retorted, watching Saru failing to open the window in amusement.

Saru gave him a look. "You don't know what adults are capable of." Alas, he unlocked it, and jumped outside.

"Touché." Fei sighed, following after him.

&

THIRTY minutes.

That's how long they've been searching. Fei rued taking the cold for granted, as he was shaking non-stop. The other boy, however, didn't seem bothered by the freezing temperature.

"Pssst, hurry up!" Saru called after the green-haired boy, with his brows furrowed in confusion and impatience.

"Geez, calm down, monkey." Fei managed to say between shaky breaths. "Aren't you cold?"

Saru halted. "I am."

"What? Then why—you know what? Nevermind." Fei said.

"Hey, Fei?"

"What?"

"I have a great idea."

Fei narrowed his eyes. "Does this involve climbing?"

In response, Saru grinned. Fei felt his heart drop in his stomach. Before he could say anything, Saru was already halfway up on the nearest tree. He wasn't serious, was he?

"Saru!" The green-haired boy shouted in a state of panic. "Get down from there! It's dangerous."

"I'll be fine," Saru answered, "and besides, didn't you just call me a monkey?"

"Have you ever heard of nicknames?!"

"Come on, Fei! We'll find her faster if we're up here!"

Fei cast a nervous glance to the house, fearing that his father might wake up. But then again, he really did want to find the mysterious ghost lady.

Screw it!

"That's the spirit!" Saru laughed, as he watched Fei climb up. His glee abruptly died out when he realized that his friend stepped on a brittle branch. "Fei, no!"

But it was too late. Fei let out a short gasp as the branch broke from the pressure of his foot. He closed his eyes tightly as he fell, bracing for the impact that will bring him pain. However, it never came. Instead, he heard a feminine voice.

"All's well, my sweet."

Fei's eyes immediately fluttered open. He felt a great disappointment when he was instead face to face with Asurei, whose gaze held intense concern. The green-haired boy took a moment to realize that he was scooped up in his father's arms, with snow spread all over his body. Fei furrowed his brows in confusion.

What?

"Are you okay? You're not hurt, are you?" Asurei's voice was calm and collected. As expected of his father.

Fei shook his head. "No, I'm fine, dad."

He heard a thud nearby. It was Saru, and Fei noted how he hastily approached the two of them. He dropped to his knees beside Fei, and after seeing that he was unharmed, Saru turned to look Asurei with a deep expression.

"I'm very sorry, Sir Asurei." The silver-haired boy apologized, bowing his head. Fei almost laughed just by watching him. After all, Saru was never the type to genuinely show concern and remorse.

"It's okay, Saryuu." Asurei said quietly. His hand reached out to Saru's head, and he ruffled the snow away from his hair. He did the same for Fei. His hands lingered on their heads for a while. "I'm just glad you two are safe." He said, sighing in relief.

"But dad, how did you know?" Fei asked.

Asurei closed his eyes for a moment, another sigh escaping his mouth. He shifted his gaze to Fei. "I had a dream." Was all he said.

"A dream?" Both Saru and Fei inquired.

With a nod, Asurei added, "A dream about your mother." He ran a hand through his own hair. "I've never had a dream about her since she... since the day she died. But tonight, I saw her in my sleep. She was smiling, as always, and she told me you two were in great danger."

The young boys looked at each other, then at Asurei.

"Did she have brown hair?" It was Saru who asked the question.

They noticed how Asurei's eyes widened. "I... yes, she did."

"How 'bout her eyes?" Fei asked.

Asurei smiled. "Her eyes were beautiful. Hazel, like an angel's. They're the softest eyes I've ever seen." He paused momentarily. "Why are you asking me all this?"

"Fei said he kept seeing this strange lady in your backyard," Saru confessed, stopping Fei from answering the question himself, "I told him it's possibly a ghost, so I proposed to do a ghost hunt."

Asurei raised a brow. "And you concluded that two in the morning was the perfect time to begin the hunt?"

The silver-haired boy could only smile sheepishly at that. Fei's lips curled up as well. What sounded so majestic and exciting in Saru's words, turned out to be ridiculous when second thoughts were given.

"Come now. Let's head inside. I'll tell you things about her," Asurei looked around him, "Only good things, of course."

The three of them shared laughter as they headed back to the house. And Fei was eager to satisfy the curiosity he had about the woman who visited his father in his dreams, who indirectly saved him from harm, who whispered those reassuring words as he fell to his "doom".

He found it hard to believe that the strange woman, who he frequently saw outside his window, who always had a gentle, knowing smile on her face, was the ghost of someone important. Someone he'd never met. Someone who brought him to the world.

His mother, who carried enough light to make them feel warmer on that cold, winter night.

Even when her presence will be forever absent, she still lived on. In Asurei's memories, in hidden photographs, and in the hearts of many. Bits and pieces of her were scattered everywhere in their home, and Fei never knew until that very day.

Nanobana Kinako.

Dawn eventually came, and the name remained in Fei's head. He and Saru were tucked into the bed once more, with the latter already fast asleep. The green-haired boy glanced at his bedroom window one last time.

Fei smiled.

Maybe the strange woman wasn't so strange after all.

And he drifted off to sleep.

〆

[l.] - nothing can compare to a mother's love for her child.