1998, 16. September

Last week, Yoongi got invited to Namjoon's birthday party. Not many people were present because apparently, Namjoon's parents didn't allow him to invite many people. But Yoongi was one of them and therefore he was very proud.
There were only four of them and were free to play whatever they wanted. Namjoon and Yoongi drew a bit while the others played in the sandbox.

Namjoon had beautiful crayons and coloring books with dinosaurs. Yoongi was allowed to pick any picture he wanted and he also was allowed to paint with every color.
While they drew, Namjoon's mom offered them bananas, strawberries and melon. Yoongi loved strawberries. Sometimes his mom prepared self-made strawberry milk for him.
Even though they only had spent a couple of minutes at the sandbox, Yoongi found a crab form, which was Namjoon's favorite one. This one reminded him of Taehyung.
Everyone was kind and it was almost like a dream when Namjoon's mother told Yoongi to come again next weekend.

Namjoon even lent him the crab form. Only because he looked so happy about it.
But a little,it also made him kind of sad. He wondered how Taehyung was doing.

Nevertheless, in kindergarten still, no one really liked playing in the sandbox so Yoongi was on his own today, luckily.

"Wow! You did awesome.", Mrs. Lee said. She sat on the edge of the sandbox. This time it was her group that joined Yoongi's and as soon as Yoongi spotted her, he ran up to her and begged her to build a sandcastle with him.
Sadly she couldn't help him but she sat besides him and talked with him. Her pup was still secured by her chest and sometimes whined, but then Mrs. Lee patted the pup's butt and the girl stopped.
Yoongi was allowed to touch her small nose whereupon she scrunched up her face.
Mrs. Lee laughed then and explained that her pup had a sensitive nose.

"Tae builds better sandcastles.", Yoongi said, his voice a bit weaker now.
"Is Tae a friend of yours?", Mrs. Lee asked and tilted her head slightly. Yoongi wasn't sure how to answer this.
He didn't speak to Taehyung ever since they left Jeju. He wondered if the boy was happy. So he only shrugged. He couldn't ask Taehyung if they were still friends. So he didn't dare to speak his heart.

Yoongi had already built a tower and the main castle. He had spent a lot of time on the building. He was proud of it. He explained Mrs. Lee every single segment and where the princess' room was.
"Where did you get the crab from?", Mrs. Lee asked and stroke back her hair.
"Namjoon gave it to me. I will give him the form back this weekend!"
Mrs. Lee hummed, looking interested.

"Is he a friend from your neighborhood?" This time Yoongi could say for sure if they were friends. Namjoon already told him a couple of times.
"My daddy promised to drive me to him again. He's my friend."
"I'm glad to hear.", she said and smiled.
"I bet Namjoon is going to be a good friend for you."

Suddenly one of the other kindergarteners called out to her.
"Wait a moment, I will be right back." Mrs. Lee stood up and walked up to the other kindergartener. Yoongi was alone. He looked after her though.
He really liked her. She was kind and reminded him a bit of his mommy.

Yoongi would wait for her to come back.

Yoongi stuck his tongue out of the corner of his mouth. He tried to get the form of the crabs perfect,therefore, he needed to concentrate. He leaned down slightly, poked the legs of the crab which was about to crumble.

He just finished one piece, when he heard someone yell. Yoongi looked up to the kids who were playing soccer.
He wasn't able to recognize anyone though, because suddenly a ball crashed into his face.
Yoongi whined and covered his nose as soon as the ball jumped back.
A choke escaped his throat and shock ran through his body.

He looked down and saw his sandcastle, or rather what remained of it.
The ball must have dropped into his castle as well, and almost every tower was destroyed.

The ball still laid in the sandbox. Red and shiny in between the yellow sand. Yoongi's face hurt horribly. Yoongi sobbed and looked up again. He was searching for the one who caused all of this and suddenly Hoseok ran towards him.
The boy frowned and hesitant climbed into the sandbox.

He eyed Yoongi critically before he stepped up to the ball.
Yoongi was searching for any signs that would show Hoseok was sorry, but the boy just huffed. Hoseok walked closer and then stepped on his castle as well.
Something cracked under his foot.

Yoongi gasped when he noticed the boy had stepped on the crab form.
Suddenly his heart became incredibly heavy, he was barely able to breathe.

"Stop crying, ugly.", Hoseok spat and then quickly turned around and ran back to his group of friends.
Yoongi looked after him but only when he looked down at Namjoon's broken crab form, he noticed the blood dripping from his nose, and when Mrs. Lee came back to the sandbox and asked, "My god, Yoongi. What happened?" - he started crying.

The other kids were laughing from afar.
Mrs. Lee's hands on his head didn't make him feel better.

1998, 20. September

Yoongi's dad dropped him off at Namjoon's like he had promised.
Yoongi had mixed feelings. On the one hand, he was excited to see Namjoon again. They'd play all day, and Namjoon's mom promised to make lunch and snacks for them.

On the other hand, Yoongi still felt guilty. He had collected all pieces from the crab form and took it home. His mother told him he shouldn't worry, but Yoongi thought she didn't really understand what the form meant to him.

So once he stood in front of Namjoon, he was nervous. Namjoon hugged Yoongi clumsily and his cheeks blew up like two small balloons when he smiled.
"What did you bring?", Namjoon asked and looked at Yoongi's bag curiously.

Yoongi packed his bag with snacks, his favorite water bottle, and a puzzle Namjoon and he could piece together. And the crab form.

Yoongi set down the bag and opened the zipper. He reached inside and searched for the form. His mother wrapped the form into a cloth. He pulled it out once he got a hold of it and presented it to Namjoon. His friend tilted his head slightly, obviously confused about what he should do with the cloth.

Yoongi pouted and felt his eyes burn. "I'm sorry, Namjoon," Yoongi said and unfolded the cloth. "It broke.", Yoongi cried out, "I'm so sorry." One smaller piece fell out of the cloth and on the floor. Namjoon leaned down to pick it up. He looked at it and then at Yoongi. He looked obviously surprised. Yoongi felt tears form in his eyes. He was so scared Namjoon would hate him now.

Namjoon placed the small piece back into the cloth and then wrapped the broken pieces up. He took the small package out of Yoongi's hands. "Yoongi, don't cry!", Namjoon said before he stroke over Yoongi's head, hesitantly. "I'm not mad at you! You don't need to worry."

Yoongi pressed his lips together and tried to calm down. Namjoon seemed so calm about it. Yoongi thought he'd be angry or tell Yoongi to go home again. But instead, he smiled at him softly.

"My god. Yoongi, why are you crying?", Namjoon's mom said and kneeled down beside them. She looked at him with worry in her eyes and gently rubbed his back.
"I lent him my crab form and it's broken now.", Namjoon explained and gave the cloth with the pieces to his mom who looked at them carefully.

She then laughed. "Yoongi, dry your tears. It's just a sand mold. We can replace that."
Yoongi snuffled and looked a Namjoon's mom with sad eyes. "Really?"

Namjoon's mom nodded and stood up. "Of course, Yoongi. Let me throw this away." She walked into their kitchen before Namjoon grabbed Yoongi's hands and squeezed them. The gesture gave Yoongi the warm feeling of reassurance. Namjoon then bent down to Yoongi's bag.

"I'm really not mad, Yoongi. What else is in your bag?"
Yoongi wiped away the wetness from his cheeks and eyes before he swallowed the lump in his throat.
"I brought a puzzle.", Yoongi said when Namjoon already pulled it out.
Namjoon looked at the picture with penguins and fishes in a snowscape. "Yes! I love the picture.", Namjoon said before he pointed over to their coffee table.
"Let's do that here. We have enough room there." Yoongi agreed and helped Namjoon to spread the puzzle pieces.

He was thankful Namjoon didn't push him away.

He made sure to bring one of his favorite forms next time and gift it to him.

1998, 05. October

Yoongi was sitting on the coffee table at kindergarten. Miss Choi gave him a cookie and milk. While he was munchingon the sweet pastry, he drew a penguin on the paper in front of him. No other kid was in the kindergarten. It was late already, it was about to get dark outside. They had the lights on so Yoongi could see clearly.

Yoongi had asked if he could play outside but it started to get cool outside and when the sun disappeared, so did the warmth. Yoongi was now wearing socks in his slippers. They were scraping over the floor while Yoongi swang his legs back and forth.

Somewhere in the kitchen, nearby a radio was playing. Some tune Yoongi always heard when his mommy brought him to the kindergarten in the morning. And he wondered where she was. Miss Choi told him they'd wait for his mommy together but at one point she left. Yoongi couldn't really say he was feeling lonely without her. She made mean comments about his drawings, but Yoongi refused to draw his penguins in anything than pink.

It was silent and for once Yoongi enjoyed it. Today, they had their first class. They talked about different animals because Yoongi would go to school next year and he was introduced to local animals today. Yoongi's parents often took him to the zoo but he never saw a cow there. So he was amazed when the kindergartener showed them videos and pictures.

Namjoon had a big book with pictures of animals. His favorites were penguins and giraffes. But they changed often, Namjoon said. Yoongi wasn't sure if he had any favorite animals. He liked dogs, but they could also be scary. Yoongi also wanted to decide on a favorite animal soon, but for now, he just wanted to draw penguins for Namjoon. He hoped he wouldn't laugh at him. Yoongi wasn't confident in his drawing skills.

These days, Yoongi was still scared to go to kindergarten, but he also knew that his mother was stressed. He could feel it. So he tried not to mention it. But somehow he knew his parents knew. They knew something was going on.

Hoseok was still mean to him and the other kids started to pick on him as well. Yoongi barely spoke these days. Not even when the kindergarteners asked him something. He was scared someone would appear out of thin air and mock his tiny voice. He was soft-spoken now. Never spoke his mind as he did back in his old kindergarten.

He had met Seunghee a couple of days ago on a flea market. His mother wanted to look for toys for Yoongi but all Yoongi wanted was to be back home. It was raining that day and Yoongi's socks were wet. His mother had sighed when she discovered the hole in his gumboots later. But while Seunghee told Yoongi about all the adventures Yerim, Youngjae and she had, Yoongi felt a weird twist in his chest. He was jealous that his friends had so much fun without him while he was basically caged in his own kindergarten. But he was also glad that they were happy.

So Yoongi enjoyed this. The silence. No kid was around him, nobody screamed and ran around. Nobody laughed at him or pushed him around.

Yoongi's feet stopped when he heard someone climb up the stairs to their kindergarten group. From the heavy steps, he knew it was Miss Choi. When she stepped through the door, Yoongi looked up and placed the pen on the table.

"Your mommy will be here any minute. We should dress you up.", Miss Choi said and walked over to him to pick up his half-empty glass of milk. Yoongi snatched the rest of the cookie before she could take it too and pushed it into his mouth. While she walked off into the kitchen, Yoongi lifted his picture and ran over to their shelves. Everyone had their own one and Yoongi stored his pictures there. He worked on a few ones. Maybe he could continue it tomorrow.

Miss Choi turned off the radio and walked back to pack up all the pens. Yoongi tried to help her but in the end, he only placed one pen inside the pen box. Miss Choi shooed him downstairs and Yoongi quickly sat on the bench to change his slippers for boots.

He stuffed the slippers into his bag and pulled the hook and loop fastener on his boots tight. Miss Choi then helped him to pull over his coat and she closed up all the buttons when the front door opened and Yoongi's mom stepped inside. She had rosy cheeks and a smile laid on her lips. Yoongi instantly smiled as well. "Mommy!", he yelled and jumped off the bench before Miss Choi could close every button of his coat. He ran up to his mother who picked him up immediately and hugged him close. "Hey, pup. I'm sorry I'm late." Yoongi didn't know if she was apologizing to him or to Miss Choi, but he didn't care as well.

It felt good in his mom's arms, so he curled up against her, pushed his face into her warm neck and closed his eyes. He was happy his mother would finally take him home.

"Thank you for taking care of him. I know I caused trouble but I couldn't leave earlier and my husband is still at work.", his mother explained and threw Yoongi's bag over her free shoulder. "I'm really sorry.", she said again and tried to bow a little. "Don't mention it. But we would appreciate if this would stay a one-time thing.", Miss Choi said in a calm voice but Yoongi felt that she didn't smile while she spoke. "Of course.", Yoongi's mom said and laughed. "Good evening."

Yoongi didn't open his eyes when they left the kindergarten. Just when his mother helped him inside the car, Yoongi blinked up to his mom. He was a bit tired but still wondered why his mother was in such a good mood.

"Why are you so happy, mommy?", he asked, curiosity obvious in his voice. His mother smiled at to him, her eyes glistening a bit. "Yoongi, how would you like to stay at home after New Years' Eve?" Yoongi cocked his head. He always stayed at home a couple of days after New Years'. When Yoongi only looked at his mother in confusion, she asked again, "I mean how do you feel about staying at home until you enroll in school?"

Yoongi thought his mother was joking for a moment, staring at her with big eyes.

"Daddy talked to his boss today and he might be able to work from home soon.", she told him excited and the same excitement flew through Yoongi's body then. A smile grew on his face and only the seatbelt was stopping him from physically jumping up and down. And excited squeal escaped him and his mother laughed. "Figured you'd like it."

His mother told him there were only 88 days left. Yoongi couldn't count that far but his mommy told him that Christmas wasn't far away anymore. So he could sit that out. Yoongi was sure.

1998, 22. October - 70 days

Yoongi's mom lifted Yoongi up to cross the days in the calendar every day. And he felt lively knowing he could stay home with his daddy soon. He woke up and slept in with a smile these days.

He slept in his parents' bed more often. It was his mother who started to bring him with her into their bedroom. At first, his dad had complained but when Yoongi cried, he gave in. Now he was the one hugging Yoongi the closest in the morning. Yoongi loved the attention his parents gave him.

Today, his mother gifted him a plushy. Yoongi knew immediately that it was a and his mother sewed it all by herself. She always used the softest fabric and when they were on their way to kindergarten, Yoongi asked her to make one for Namjoon as well. She promised to look out for fabric.

When Yoongi jumped out of the car, he was a bit more excited. Maybe he could show Mrs. Lee his pretty bunny. But most importantly, maybe someone would ask him about his plushy. He'd love to tell Hoseok about it.

These days Yoongi thought of Hoseok more often. He was still wondering how he could make Hoseok like him. Maybe he needed some magic. Or maybe something else. He wasn't sure and slowly but surely, he got impatient.

Last week, Yoongi sat beside Hoseok during lunch and he was happy that Hoseok wasn't rude towards him. But whenever Yoongi touched Hoseok, the boy had pulled away and looked at Yoongi with a frown. Yoongi felt unwanted that day and maybe it was because Hoseok thought his hands were dirty. But he made sure he washed his hands before lunch. Still, whenever Hoseok was back with his friends, the distance between both of them became even bigger.

Yoongi still felt something pull him towards Hoseok. Something about his appearance, his clothes and just how he spoke made Yoongi so curious about him. So whenever Hoseok made him cry, he forgot about it so quickly again.

Because Yoongi has never been resentful.

Hoseok was pulling his shoes off when Yoongi entered the kindergarten. Miss Choi greeted his mom, but Yoongi quickly slipped away and sat down on the bench near Hoseok as well.

While Hoseok pulled on his play socks, he looked over to Yoongi with an unsure gaze. Yoongi placed his bunny beside himself and pulled his shoes open. He noticed Hoseok's gaze and looked over to his bunny. "Do you want to hold him?", Yoongi asked, a bit more confident than usual. Hoseok looked up to him and sucked his upper lip in. He shook his head quickly and pulled his other sock on.

Meanwhile, Yoongi's shoe slipped from his foot and fell to the floor. Hoseok's eyes land on Yoongi plushy once more before he jumped from the bench and ran upstairs.

Yoongi looked after him and sighed. Maybe he could offer him to hold it later.

He got distracted by his mom who joined him on the bench and looked through Yoongi's backpack once more if they forgot anything. She handed Yoongi his slippers and then closed the bag again.

"Daddy will pick you up later. Remind your father that you two need to prepare dinner, alright?", Yoongi nodded at his mother's request. Yoongi loved cooking with his daddy. He wouldn't miss out on that.

Yoongi's mommy took the bunny and stroke over its ears before he gave it to Yoongi. A soft kiss onto Yoongi's nose made him giggle. Her soft hands ran through Yoongi's black hair and made Yoongi desperate for his mother to play with his strands some more. He loved it when his mother ran her long fingernails gently along his scalp. Sometimes it made Yoongi shiver in a funny way. But besides that it was soothing.

When Yoongi's mommy left, Yoongi pulled on his slippers and rearranged his shoes under the bench. He then clutched his bunny against his chest and ran up to Miss Choi who was picking up toys from the floor and brought it to a nearby toy box.

"Where is Mrs. Lee? I want to show her my bunny.", Yoongi said and looked up at Miss Choi. The woman scared him a little less after all this time. She was a bit grumpy sometimes but Yoongi learned to leave her alone then. But most of the time she was kind of nice.

"Mrs. Lee is taking care of the other kindergarten group. I'm afraid you can't visit her now."

Yoongi looked down at his bunny and nodded. Maybe he'd cross ways with her today anyway. He was sure she'd appreciate seeing Yoongi's bunny and he really wanted to hear from her how pretty his bunny was.

For now, Yoongi needed to get through the day. He also walked upstairs, sat down and played with play dough for a while. The girl with greasy hair and a runny nose joined him for a puzzle and then later escaped to draw.

Yoongi sat on the puzzle for quite a while. The male kindergartener checked on him several times but Yoongi didn't talk to him much at first. But then he complimented him on his bunny and Yoongi decided maybe he'd like this kindergartener. So he started to tell him about his mommy and how talented she was and how pretty all of his self made plushies were.

Later the kindergartener invited Yoongi and a few other kids to read a book. They all cuddled up in the reading corner and when he asked what book he should read, everyone was asking him to read about the rabbit and the turtle. Yoongi would like to read another book because there were so many in the book box, but he couldn't read yet and the kindergartener often considered reading other books instead of Yoongi's suggestions. So he often only listened.

Sometimes Yoongi looked at the pictures by himself and imagined the story. While the kindergartener kept reading the book, Yoongi waddled over to the box and pulled out a book he wanted to read for a while now. On the cover was a fish with many colourful scales and a couple of them were shimmering.

Yoongi sat down in a corner all by himself. He seated his bunny in his lap and started to flip through the pages. He felt the smooth texture of the shimmering scales and started to tell his bunny about the pictures. He created his very own story and pointed at every fish, giving it a name and a voice.

Yoongi was happy to play until someone came up to him. The boy in front of him had a Rubik's Cube in his hands and turned it around and around. "What are you doing?", he asked with a deep frown. He looked Yoongi up and down and then at his bunny. He obviously thought it was weird what Yoongi was doing.

Yoongi knew he was Hoseok's friend. Minjun didn't talk to Yoongi before, so he was wondering what he was up to. He couldn't imagine he'd be nice to him. "Nothing.", Yoongi mumbled. Suddenly he was embarrassed to admit he talked to his plushy. Minjun would make fun of him for sure.

Yoongi looked down into his lap where his bunny sat. He just hoped Minjun would lose interest and walk past soon.

"Only girls play with pink toys.", Minjun said, and it hurt Yoongi. He didn't care about colors. Yoongi let go of the book and hugged his bunny close. "That's not true.", Yoongi said firmly and looked up at Minjun whose expression didn't change. "My sister has a bunny like this. It's ugly and only she plays with it. It is for girls."

Yoongi didn't know what to say anymore. Minjun was wrong but no matter how many times Yoongi would try to convince him otherwise, he'd talk back.

So Yoongi pulled his legs up to his chest and pulled his bunny closer to his chest. The book clattered to the floor and fell on the front. Yoongi just hoped Minjun would leave. Usually, nobody talked to him, especially Minjun. So Yoongi didn't really understand why the boy suddenly was trying to bug him.

"You are so weird.", Minjun said simply and finally, finally, walked away. It was a stupid insult but it hurt nonetheless. Yoongi looked after Minjun who dropped the Rubik's Cube when Hoseok walked towards him with a cowboy hat.

Hoseok smiled at his friend with sparkling eyes and round cheeks. Yoongi couldn't look away and of course, Hoseok caught him staring. When their eyes met Hoseok's smile disappeared immediately and the corners of his mouth turned downwards. Hoseok pulled Minjun around the corner and out of sight.

Yoongi shrunk a bit more and looked down at his bunny again. This was okay. He nuzzled his nose into the fabric which held his mother's scent. Everything was okay.

Yoongi closed his eyes and thought about what his daddy would prepare for dinner. Maybe they could make potato pancakes. Yoongi really liked them, especially with strawberry jam. They didn't make it very often because his mother often said that the smell hung in the kitchen for way too long but Yoongi didn't mind. He liked going into a potato pancake smelling kitchen.

"Seems like some of you are tired.", Miss Choi said and Yoongi got scared a bit. He didn't expect her to be so close. He didn't notice her approaching while he was daydreaming.

He looked up at her with big eyes and didn't know what to expect. Would she scold him? But suddenly she smiled and looked through the room. "Get dressed, everyone. We are taking a walk.", she announced and suddenly everyone started moving.

Their walks have never been eventful for Yoongi. He was always the one who needed to hold Miss Choi's hand during their walk because nobody wanted to pair up with him. Sometimes Yoongi didn't understand one word from what everyone behind him babbled. They all talked to each other and Yoongi was trying not to stumble while Miss Choi dragged him along. He wondered what Namjoon would tell him or what they'd discover on their walk. But at the moment he was all by himself. He needed to leave his bunny next to his backpack - therefore he felt a bit lonely.

Luckily they walked their usual path. Yoongi knew they'd take a nap afterward. He couldn't wait for that. So he was also one of the first who prepared for their nap in the playroom.

Everyone helped to put away the . Sometimes everyone built a castle and jumped around on them but when they were laying around, not everyone was able to sleep in that room.

Yoongi was exhausted from their walk. Miss Choi had dragged him around a lot and his feet were tired. So once they closed the sun blinds, everyone cuddled up into their sheets. They got comfortable on their mattresses, Miss Choi pulled on the music clock which looked like an owl and the familiar tune started playing.

Yoongi closed his eyes and pressed his nose into his bunny. The song and his mother's scent lulled him into sleep and he was finally able to rest for a while.

In his dream, Yoongi made a flower crown for Namjoon. One with the white flowers Yoongi always picked up in their backyard. They were tiny but Yoongi liked to make a long chain out of them. He wondered if Namjoon would like a flower crown in all white or if he'd like to have some colorful ones in between. At least in his dreams, Namjoon was so happy, so he gave Yoongi the tightest hug.

Yoongi felt so happy at that moment he wanted to hug Namjoon back. But once he finally laid his arms around his friend, everything was dark.

He blinked into darkness and realized that he woke up. Yoongi shuffled and realized that his bunny wasn't in his arms anymore. So he started to look around but no matter how many times he lifted his blanket, tapped the floor around himself - the bunny was nowhere.

Panic stirred into Yoongi's belly. His bunny didn't run away, did he?

Miss Choi entered the sleeping room just when Yoongi stood up and collected the blanket in his arms. His bunny had to be somewhere. He couldn't lose it on his first day. He looked around nervously when Miss Choi approached him.

"Yoongi, let's go upstairs. You'll wake up the others.", she suggested and reached out for Yoongi's blanket. "No. My bunny is missing.", Yoongi said and kept looking around while Miss Choi folded the blanket. She hushed him and then walked around his bed once. "I'm sure your bunny is at your backpack.", she said but Yoongi didn't believe her. So it was no surprise when they stood in front of Yoongi's shoes and backpack and it were nowhere to be seen.

Yoongi huffed and frowned. This couldn't be. How did he lose it? Did his bunny really ran away?

Yoongi thought about it all afternoon. During lunch, he wasn't able to swallow his food. He was on the verge of crying. He didn't know what to tell his mommy. Luckily nobody talked to him or he would have freaked out. Yoongi was really deep in his thoughts when Miss Choi called for him. "Yoongi, your dad will pick you up in a bit. Will you get ready?"

Yoongi nodded and slipped down the chair he was sitting on, pens in front of him but barely any strokes on his paper.

Miss Choi told him to go downstairs and that he'd clean up for him. So Yoongi walked downstairs and towards the entrance. Going home without his bunny felt wrong. He didn't want to face his mother.

Yoongi walked towards the bench with very slow steps. As if his father wouldn't pick him up like that. Yoongi looked over to the play area where they usually also ate lunch. Some kids out of Yoongi's group ran around the place. They were dressed up as cowboys and indians and danced in a circle. They laughed and giggled and at first Yoongi wished to be with them, but suddenly he noticed what they were dancing around and he froze.

In the middle of their dance circle sat Yoongi's bunny.

Yoongi gasped when he discovered that he was impaled on the stick of a broom which leaned against a chair. His left leg was missing. Yoongi saw it flying around in between people. The left ear was torn apart and the fiberfill was bulging out of the bunnies chest and Yoongi started shaking. Why would they do that to his bunny?

Independent from his trembling body, Yoongi walked towards the scenario. When a couple kids noticed Yoongi, the laughter and the indian war cries died down. The crowd parted and opened their way towards the chair on which the broom leaned on.

Yoongi swallowed thickly when he walked closer. His bunny also lost one eye and the other one was hanging on a thread. He couldn't stand this.

He started sobbing seeing his bunny torn apart. He wanted to grab the broom but suddenly Hoseok stepped up to him and pushed him backwards. A hiccup left Yoongi's throat when Hoseok stopped him. He was holding his bunnies left leg and wore a big cowboy hat which was almost too big for him.

"W-Why did you do that!?", Yoongi cried out and felt his knees buckle. He looked up the broom and his bunny looked sad. Yoongi wanted to hug it. It must hurt and Yoongi also felt the pain in his chest. His body grew hotter and hotter with every passing second and after a while he wasn't able to see anything anymore, tears blocking his vision.

"We needed a sacrifice.", Hoseok said casually. "You should stop sleeping with stuffed animals, ugly.", he added and this time Yoongi openly showed how much it hurt. He looked down and rubbed his eyes. Big tears were falling down his cheeks and he was choking on his own cries.

Around Yoongi, nobody moved. Suddenly nobody knew how to handle the situation. Yoongi never cried out loud for a while now. Especially not that loud. He whined and didn't hold back his voice. Hoseok stepped around in front of Yoongi, even a couple steps back. He threw the leg on the floor in front of Yoongi's feet. He looked a bit shocked but also didn't say anything.

Suddenly the mood around them shifted. Yoongi heard a familiar growl and he turned around. He needed to blink his eyes several times before he spotted his father who was walking straight towards him.

Yoongi almost didn't hear his father's words. He was sobbing way too hard to actually hear him scold the others. His voice was booming through the hall though. It resonated within Yoongi's body and he felt his father's anger. It almost felt like his own anger and Yoongi was scared of this. Because he was never angry before.

After a while Yoongi's body felt numb. His father had picked him up. Yoongi pressed his face against his father's shoulder. When he felt something soft and fluffy touch his cheeks, he pulled his torn bunny into his arms. His father bowed down a couple times, maybe to pick up the missing pieces. Yoongi cried even harder when he actually was able to grab the bunnies white fiberfill.

He couldn't believe this happened. He couldn't believe they stole his bunny while he slept and then used it for their game. Ripped it apart and had fun while doing it.

Yoongi's father yelled at Miss Choi and the other kindergartener. They apologized several times but nothing could stop his daddy's anger. He barely yelled. He also wasn't short tempered and Yoongi could fret his dad for hours. He'd eventually tell him to stop in a strong voice but his daddy never yelled. Yoongi was upset with it a bit. After a while he didn't cry because of the bunny anymore. He cried because his father didn't stop yelling at his kindergarteners. Just when Mrs. Lee showed up and tried to calm everyone down, his father eventually stopped. But there was a lingering anger underneath his skin. Something no apology or gesture could change. His dad was mad.

During the car ride, Yoongi stared down into his lap. He wasn't sure if his mother could fix his bunny. His dad didn't talk during the ride. He was driving a bit faster than usual though.

He sat down Yoongi on the couch while he made a call. Later when he joined Yoongi and pulled him close, he apologized for yelling earlier.

Yoongi cried some more then. It felt as if every pent up emotion broke out of him that day.

1998, 23. October - 69 days

Yoongi needed to go back.

Neither his daddy nor his mommy could bring him to work. Nobody would stay home with him. Tomorrow, his mother's promised he'd stay with Namjoon. Apparently, Namjoon's mom didn't work and didn't mind taking care of Yoongi as well. Yoongi didn't know Namjoon wasn't going to kindergarten.

For now, Yoongi needed to withstand one more day.

And he didn't know how to survive it.

Yoongi's bunny was at home. His mother promised to fix it and told Yoongi that she'd make one for Namjoon as well.

So while Yoongi's dad spoke to Miss Choi, Yoongi sat on he bench. He didn't want to take off his shoes. He could hear his father's growling voice but Yoongi looked down his shoes. He didn't want to take them off. But he had to eventually.

Not his father's warm words or tight embrace made him smile this time. Yoongi thought about hiding somewhere. he wasn't sure where though and he wondered if he could sit here all day and wait for the hours to pass.

Yoongi had a bad feeling about this day. He didn't want to face anyone from kindergarten. Not Miss Choi, not the other kids and not even Mrs. Lee who offered Yoongi to join their group today. But most importantly he didn't want to see Hoseok. Only thinking about him brought tears to Yoongi's eyes.

On his way upstairs, he thought about Mrs. Lee's offer. maybe he'd go over to her group today. He didn't meet all of them yet. It would be probably more pleasant than every other day in his old group.

Yoongi walked into the bathroom and washed his hands as his father told him. He also needed to use the toilet. He sat on the bench for too long and his bladder was crying for relief. He could already use the big toilets but his parents always taught him to wash his hands beforehand and afterward.

When the door behind him clicked, Yoongi looked up. He saw Hoseok behind him in the mirror. Yoongi turned around on the stool he was standing on and stepped down from it. Hoseok wasn't alone. Minjun and a girl, her name was Jiae, stood in the bathroom now. Hoseok looked at Yoongi with unsure eyes. He looked him up and down while Yoongi clung to the sink. He didn't know what to expect.

He swallowed thickly when nobody really moved. All of them were unsure but then Minjun spoke. "My mom scolded me because of you yesterday!", he yelled and pouted. "We were only playing."

Yoongi didn't know what to say. This hasn't been a game. It wasn't fun. So Yoongi just stared back and hoped they'd stop. He didn't want to get involved with them.

"You are so creepy. Always staring at us and barely talking.", Jiae said and her high pitched voice hurt Yoongi's ears. When she said this, Yoongi looked down to his feet.

He felt his bladder more conscious now. He really needed to go to the toilet. So he started to shuffle around. He didn't want to pee while the others were in the room. They'd listen and laugh at him.

"Your dad is such a mad alpha!", Jiae said and Yoongi started shaking again. "He yelled at us for no reason. My daddy told me he's going to visit your dad if he's going to do that one more time."

He imagined how his daddy would get in trouble with other parents. He didn't want his father to get hurt.

"Nobody liked you from the beginning! We are going to be glad when you leave.", Minjun said harshly and Yoongi whined. He wanted to shrink into himself. Wanted to disappear. The fear made his feet stick to the ground.

"It wasn't even fun destroying your bunny.", Jiae added. "It's the most boring toy."

Yoongi was waiting for Hoseok. He was waiting for Hoseok to say something mean. Sometimes like that he'd be ugly or that he was unwanted.

But instead of saying something, Hoseok just turned around and pulled the door open just far enough so he could slip outside.

"Hoseokkie?", Jiae yelled after him and only looked at Yoongi for a brief moment before she followed Hoseok.

Minjun stayed a bit longer. He stared at Yoongi and then stuck out his tongue. "Don't come back, do you hear me?", he said before he also turned and ran away.

Yoongi was paralyzed. He couldn't move his feet or his arms. Maybe he couldn't even breathe.

But suddenly he felt something warm on his legs. Yoongi blinked out of the trance and looked down his body. A puddle was starting to build on the bathroom floor and it took Yoongi far too long to recognize -

he peed himself.

Feeling his pants stick to his legs made him so uncomfortable. He scrunched up his face and his bottom lip wobbled. "Yoongi? Will you join us?", Mrs Lee asked when she opened the door. She stopped immediately when she discovered Yoongi. A small gasp escaped her lips.

Yoongi was so ashamed. The moment he looked at Mrs. Lee, he started crying again.

Yoongi then realized he couldn't take it anymore. He just couldn't.