The smell of coffee rouses Taehyung from his slumber, causing him to disturb Yeontan, who is snuggled up on his pillow. The animal lets out a little huff and then moves to the end of the bed. With a laugh, Taehyung clambers out of bed, throwing a shirt on, and then he makes way out into the hall.

It's six in the morning, yet Yoongi has gone through the trouble of getting himself up early once more, just as he had been doing the last four days. And just like the last four days, they had awoken in separate beds, with an awkward tension hanging in the air.

Taehyung gets it. They had sex. It was incredible and so intimate. Yoongi isn't used to being so vulnerable, letting someone in so quickly. So of course the elder is probably trying to draw back a bit— the nurse had expected as much.

That's why it came as no surprise when he woke in Yoongi's bed the morning after to find his patient bristly and short-tempered. It was if Yoongi was trying to distance himself from him, but there were moments throughout the day that Taehyung caught the man staring at him for too long or Yoongi would do something affectionate only to catch himself and immediately cease the action.

He wasn't being rude to the nurse, but he was acting cold, and the way Taehyung sees it, it's perfectly in keeping with his patient's personality. In a few days time, things will warm up again and everything will be alright. They might even be able to talk about what exactly the nature of their relationship is; whether they intend to go further with it or try to keep things slow and steady.

If he's being honest, Taehyung doesn't know what the best approach is, all he knows is that he wants to be with Yoongi, wants more of their late night conversations, wants that smile directed towards him, wants to hear Yoongi's thoughts about the world, wants to be Yoongi's person.

It's only been three weeks, but Taehyung is in love with Yoongi. All Yoongi needs now is time to decide the same for himself.

This morning, the nurse finds Yoongi in the kitchen making coffee. His patient is still dressed in his pajamas, having just pulled himself out of his bed and into his chair. His hair is a mess and his eyes are half-lidded as he stares at the coffee machine blinking away on the countertop.

"You're up early again."

"Couldn't sleep," Yoongi explains, his voice rough.

Taehyung yawns and runs a hand through his hair. It's dry and getting longer and he's pretty sure his roots are showing. He probably needs to bleach it again. "You've been having trouble with that recently. You sure you're ok, hyung?"

"I'm fine."

He doesn't sound fine. He sounds exhausted and on edge.

Moving further into the kitchen, the nurse leans against the fridge. "If this about the other night—"

"Tae, I'm too tired right now," Yoongi bites out. "Let's not do this, ok?"

Taehyung would be lying if he said that his patient's harsh words don't sting. "I just— I want to make sure that you're ok with what we did. If you're upset about it—"

"We had sex, Taehyung. It was incredible. You're... incredible," Yoongi whispers, still blearily gazing at the coffee machine.

"Oh... then is this about Jimin-hyung coming home in a few days? Are you upset about me leaving this job because we haven't really discussed it—"

"Taehyung." The words falls from Yoongi's mouth in exasperation and the nurse quiets. His patient doesn't even turn to look at him when he speaks next. "Why.... do you like me?"

Taehyung arches a brow and hums at the question. "Oh? Well, because I really respect you as a person. Underneath all your... pain, you really care about those in your life and you see the world in such a unique way. You're a hard worker and you've come so far from the accident. You're sweet and kind and considerate when you want to be. I guess I just really admire you... Sorry if this doesn't make any sense. I'm not really good with words. I just like you because you're you."

"That's it?" Yoongi questions. The coffee machine beeps. He doesn't even blink.

"Yeah.... why? Did I do something, hyung?"

Had they moved too fast?

"There's no other reason that you care about me? When you first saw me, you saw my potential and not something else?" Yoongi is looking at him now with a strange hardness in his eyes. It's unnerving and Taehyung doesn't understand what his patient is truly asking but he nods anyway.

Maybe he's still struggling with his self-esteem and is having trouble understanding why the nurse wants to be with him. That must be it. In that case, Taehyung will just have to reassure him that he wants Yoongi for the right reasons.

He can do that.

"You promise?"

"Of course, hyung. I told you, I'm yours."

For some reason, he expects Yoongi to smile at this, maybe even roll his chair over for a hug or a kiss, but instead, his patient reaches up on the counter to grab a mug and fill it with his coffee before heading to his studio without saying anything else.

When the door shuts, Taehyung lets out a breath.

Yoongi just needs time, he tells himself.

————————

Jimin will be coming home tomorrow and Yoongi still hasn't told him about the surgery. It's scheduled for in a week and a half, but he's hesitating to let his best friend know.

For one, Jimin would immediately council him against the idea, especially since the surgery was suggested by his father who Jimin isn't too fond of. The second thing would be that Jimin honestly doesn't understand why Yoongi would risk his health for a chance at walking again.

His best friend is very sympathetic but he simply doesn't know what Yoongi's life is really like. Jimin is adaptable, always has been, and to him, every obstacle in the road can be climbed over and then moved on from. But you can't climb over obstacles with limp legs and Yoongi shouldn't have to accept half a life if he's got another option. Sure, it's fucking terrifying, but if he doesn't at least try, he'll never know. He'll spend the rest of his life trying to live in world that won't accommodate him knowing that he just gave up on himself, just like all those years ago when he got in that car.

If he thought he couldn't live with himself back then, angry at what he had become, Then he certainly couldn't look back in twenty or thirty years and be happy with himself for not even trying. Who cares if it was his father that presented him with the opportunity, an opportunity was an opportunity.

Bringing a cigarette to his lips, Yoongi inhales deeply, letting the smoke pool in his lungs. He's gone through nearly an entire pack today just out of sheer anxiety, hiding himself in his studio.

Another reason he hadn't dared to talk to Jimin much is because he knows the younger man will ask about Taehyung and what should Yoongi tell him?

That he's fallen in love with his nurse in three weeks time, has told the man his life story and opened himself up in ways he never thought possible? That they shared several intimate moments and actually had sex and it was amazing— so much so that Yoongi cried out of sheer joy?

Does he tell his friend that he discovered Taehyung's dead girlfriend looks exactly like him and that he feels like some cheap replacement for her? That he doesn't believe a damn thing coming out of Taehyung's mouth now?

No, he doesn't dare tell Jimin about his hard feelings. Because his best friend will try to be logical and point out all the obvious things like the fact that Taehyung had no idea who he was applying to work for when he showed up here. It's not like he was searching for someone who looked like his first love and found Yoongi and decided to stalk him. No, it was purely coincidence, but that does little to ease the anger roiling in Yoongi's gut.

The fact is, Taehyung saw his face and had thought about his girlfriend and then he had stayed, probably with the intention of trying to figure out why his patient resembled her so much. It's innocent really, but how does Yoongi know that the nurse has developed feelings for him genuinely or if he developed feelings because he looks so much like his girlfriend? Even if Taehyung thinks he's in love with Yoongi, he could be blind to his own desperation and that's what hurts the worst.

That's why Yoongi hasn't talked to him about it yet, instead choosing to steep in his own self-loathing. He knew this was too good to be true. He's known it the entire damn time.

This is exactly why he never told Taehyung about the surgery being scheduled either. At the time his father had brought it up in front of the nurse, it was merely a fantasy, a formless idea, but now it's reality. There were several moments where he had wanted to say something, to have Taehyung comfort him, but he always held back. He feared that the nurse, like Jimin, would tell him it's unnecessary, that he was loved just the way he is, and Yoongi didn't want to hear it.

He doesn't want other people to settle for him as he is. He wants to genuinely be wanted, and he thought he was several days ago, lying in Taehyung's arms. He honestly thought about calling off the surgery, but now...

Now he supposes it doesn't matter either way, but at least now he can do this for himself rather than for some future with the nurse. He supposed he needed this slap in the face to get his head on right.

No one will ever see him as a second choice again.

He'll make sure of that.

With a long exhale, Yoongi blows smoke out of the window of his studio. In the distance, Taehyung is calling him and Yoongi puts on a brave face.

————————

It's silent in the confines of the car. Even the traffic of Seoul fails to break the bubble that has settled over them over the last day, and Taehyung doesn't know what to do about it.

It's not that Yoongi is being particularly mean to him- it's quite the contrary actually. His patient is just being unusually quiet and reserved, almost as if he's in a constant state of contemplation.

After their strange conversation in the kitchen the other morning, Taehyung has been trying to wrap his head around what could be bothering Yoongi, but nothing comes to mind except their new level of intimacy. He said he would give him space and time to figure it out, so he is.

It's just killing him inside.

He wants to be there for Yoongi, to listen to his fears and soothe him. He wants to hold him and kiss him and wind up back in that bed and feel the man beneath him, on top of him— everywhere.

Looking back now, Taehyung wonders how he ever thought of himself as solely attracted to women; Yoongi has opened his eyes to a whole new world, to new thoughts and feelings and he's so grateful for it.

He just wishes Yoongi felt the same way.

Time.

He just needs more time.

It's rainy this afternoon, and they are heading back to the apartment after a doctor's appointment. Taehyung had inquired about it, but Yoongi just said he needed to get a checkup for something and so the nurse had not pressed. They exchanged polite conversation in the lobby and then when Yoongi was done, they resumed their terse silence back in the car.

It's not so bad though. The radio is on and Taehyung is humming to the tune of an older girl group song and he just caught Yoongi smiling out of the corner of his eye.

"What?" the nurse asks, changing lanes. "Is my singing bad?"

Yoongi snorts a little. "No, I worked on this song, that's all."

"This one? Isn't it old?"

"I was just an assistant back in university, but yeah," Yoongi explains with a rather wistful look. "First track I ever worked on."

"Well good job then." Taehyung grins as he says this, and even though Yoongi is being careful around him, the elder smiles back, a light dusting of pink tinging his cheeks. "It's a really good song."

"I didn't do much, but thank you."

It's nice, the way Yoongi grins to himself, looking out the car window while he chews on his thumb. Taehyung can tell that he probably is craving a cigarette, but the nurse had made a comment about how weird it would be to kiss someone who tasted like nicotine yesterday night and oddly enough, Yoongi hasn't had once since. But even now, he seems closed off.

They haven't kissed, not since they had sex.

"Hey, is everything ok?" Taehyung finally asks after they get stuck in gridlock traffic. A few blocks away there is an accident causing the sudden stop. "I know we talked a bit the other day but I want to see if there's anything else bothering you."

"Yeah, I'm fine." Yoongi says this in a tone that insinuates that he is in fact, not fine.

The nurse tries to let it go, he really does, but how long were they going to dance around like this? Maybe Yoongi just needs to know that Taehyung is willingly to listen to his concerns. "Hyung, please talk to me. I'm worried that I did something wrong."

"You didn't do anything— I just... It's nothing." Yoongi stares out the window. His voice is quivering slightly, all rough edges. "It's just something I have to think about, that's all."

Taehyung swallows down his fear. He knows that Yoongi needs time to process their relationship, but the way his patient is talking sounds more like he's regretting letting Taehyung in, like he's trying to figure out how to let him go.

No, that couldn't be it, the nurse tells himself.

They really like each other. They've grown so close and Taehyung feels something, something incredibly strong for the elder. Yoongi had acted like he felt it too. Why would he suddenly want to end it?

Maybe because he's still struggling with the realization that it will be difficult to continue after Jimin comes home, which is happening tonight. The man is taking a late train in from Busan but he was adamant that Taehyung stay a few days just to figure some things out, like how they will end the contract and if Jimin still wants to assume the role of Yoongi's full-time caretaker.

Jimin didn't let on that he knew about their relationship between his best friend and the nurse, so Taehyung wonders if Jimin will ask him to stay permanently, not knowing how Yoongi dislikes the idea of his sort-of boyfriend being responsible for him like that.

Taehyung wouldn't mind, of course, but it does make things weird if he's getting paid to care for the person he's dating. Yoongi was right when he said that there was no clear cut path for them now. If the nurse takes another job, would they even be able to be together? He has to make a living somehow and right now, this is his career.

Then there's the obvious dilemma with Jimin taking care of Yoongi who once had strong feelings for his friend and might still have them in much the same way that Taehyung does about Yoonji. The feelings are different from what he feels in regards to Yoongi, but they still affect him and having Yoonji around now while he's with someone else would certainly be difficult. Would Yoongi constantly think about Jimin if he was always near? They are ready so close, so familiar with each other.....

"Is it about Jimin-hyung coming home?" Taehyung chances to ask. "Because you know I'm staying for a few days to figure things out. You don't have to be upset. I'll be here."

"No, Taehyung, it's just—" Yoongi stops himself and presses his lips together. He looks exasperated and so tired and Taehyung really wishes that they had been on good enough terms to share a bed. He would make sure the other got a good night's sleep in his arms.

"Hyung, please tell me. I want to know what I can do. What we did... it was amazing and I feel so much closer to you now and it hurts that you've just shut me out."

Yoongi sighs and rubs his temples, still staring out the window as the traffic begins to clear. "I know, I know, I just...." he trails off and shakes his head before turning in his seat to look at the nurse. "I don't believe you. I don't believe that you want me the way you think you do."

Surprised, Taehyung has to process the statement for a few seconds. "That's ridiculous— of course I want you," he counters. "I told you, only you and I meant it."

This is odd.

Why doesn't Yoongi believe him? Why is the elder looking at him now with his eyes narrowed but obvious pain swimming in those dark irises? Taehyung tries to think over the things he's said recently, if he's given his patient any indication that he wasn't being truthful...

"I saw your phone when it lit up. I saw your background picture," Yoongi admits. His tone is flat.

Taehyung can feel the blood in his veins freeze. He has trouble focusing on the flow of traffic in front of him.

He doesn't know what to say. He had forgotten that his phone background was Yoonji. He rarely ever changes it.

"That's her, isn't it?" Yoongi asks. "Your girlfriend... Yoonji? She.... looks just like me."

"It's not what you think..." Taehyung understands the gravity of this moment and he can only curse himself for being so stupid. He had so many opportunities to tell Yoongi, but he didn't want it hurt him, didn't want the elder to get the wrong idea.

Yoongi lets out a dark laugh. "You wanted this job so badly after seeing me. It's because I look like her, isn't it? That's why you're here, that's why you want me."

No, no, no, no, no....

"No, Yoongi, it's not like that at all! I—"

Yoongi cuts him off with a raised hand. "Isn't this why you fought to get this job? Because you were curious about why I looked like her? Don't lie to me, Taehyung. Do not fucking lie to me."

"I-I mean, of course I was curious, so I wanted to figure it out but it doesn't even matter now!" the nurse refutes. "I figured out pretty quickly that it was just a coincidence and nothing more. You're not her and I don't want you to be her. I've told you this before. It's just a weird coincidence that you look like her, I swear. I would've fallen for you regardless."

"But would you have stayed?" Yoongi asks, his eyes wide and imploring. His lower lip is trembling and Taehyung wants to reach over soothe it, run his fingers across the texture, but he's still driving. "After I yelled at you and said I wouldn't hire you? No, anyone would've just left and moved on to the next job offer, but I looked like her, so you had to have this job."

Frustrated, Taehyung nearly slams on his brakes at the next stoplight. "I was just curious! Do you think I saw you and immediately planned to seduce you based on the way you look? That I don't care about you at all as a person? Hyung, I didn't even know that I liked men!"

Yoongi laughs at this and shakes his head. "Do you not remember what you told me? That you fell for me the moment you first saw me? That you felt something that day?"

"I-I didn't say that—"

"You did. After our first date when you were giving me that massage," Yoongi retorts. "Also, you called me by her name. Honestly, Taehyung, if you're going to lie, do a better job."

Taehyung wants to cry. He's biting his lip so hard just to keep from sobbing because this is not how this was supposed to go. "I'm not lying! Yoongi... I love you."

"Don't!" Yoongi snaps, turning in his seat to point a finger right at the nurse. "Don't lie to me like that. You don't love me, you love her, and I'm just a fuckimg replacement. A shitty one too, since I can't even walk, but I bet you like taking care of me like you did her, huh? You're so... sick."

At the last word, Taehyung feels his heart clench and anger swell inside. "Are you kidding me right now? You honestly think that I've been here for nearly a month because I had some elaborate plan to woo you just because you happen to look like my dead girlfriend?" he questions, incredulous. "No! I was curious at first, I'll admit that, and I was going to quit, but then I saw you, Yoongi. I saw who you were as a person and I fell in love with you so hard. Everything about you— the way you think, the way you smile, even the way you fight me all the damn time, because that's real. What I had with Yoonji was great, but obviously it wasn't meant to be, otherwise she would be here. I know that now. That she died for a reason, that it wasn't a mistake. Her death lead me to you and I'm not ashamed of that."

Yoongi opens his mouth to speak, but suddenly the car fills with the sound of ringing, the display on the dashboard showing an incoming call from Taehyung's phone. He's been using the car so much that Seokjin finally showed him how to connect to Bluetooth.

The number is unknown, but it's not uncommon for him to get work-related calls from numbers like this, so he accepts the call hands-free in order to catch his breath from the argument for a few minutes.

"Hello?"

"Is this— Is this Kim Taehyung?"

Taehyung feels a weird sense of anxiety settle in his gut. He knows this voice— this is the very same man who left a voicemail awhile back, but there is something else there.... He looks over to Yoongi who is frowning while staring out the window once more.

"Yes, it is. Who is calling?"

"This is— This is Kang Minju.... Yoonji's father."

Taehyung nearly crashes the car. He has to swerve into a different lane just to keep them out of an accident. Beside him, Yoongi is gripping the door for dear life, his eyes wide in panic and shock.

Taehyung can hardly believe it.

"W-What do you want?"

The man sighs on the other end of the line. "Look, I know it's been a long time and we never really got along—"

"You hated me," Taehyung spits.

Yoonji's father takes a deep sigh. "I didn't hate you.... I was struggling a lot with the idea of my little girl growing up so quickly and then she gets cancer... I took it out on you and it was wrong of me."

Scoffing, Taehyung grips the wheel harder. He had considered that, of course, but what the man did to him was just petty bullshit, plain and simple. He constantly demeaned Taehyung for his family, his upbringing, for the way he talked, dressed, and looked. He tried to set Yoonji up on dates with other guys, would introduce Taehyung as Yoonji's "little friend" to other people. Would ask pointed questions about what Taehyung planned to do with his life after Yoonji broke up with him. Even worse, was the way he forced Taehyung away from the hospital every time Yoonji's parents would come to visit.

But that's not what keeps him up at night. That's not what has rage boiling in his gut.

"You banned me from attending her funeral," Taehyung bites out. "My girlfriend of two years, the woman I wanted to marry," he sees Yoongi flinch at this, "You wouldn't let me lay her to rest after everything I did for her. I couldn't even say goodbye. Do you have any idea what that feels like?"

"Taehyung, you know I do. Like you, I wasn't there when she... left us. We were too late."

"Then why ban me? Why?" There are tears streaming down the nurse's face now and he can sense Yoongi watching him intently.

"She loved you more than anything," Yoonji's father states. "Even so young.... She knew that she wanted you. I already felt like you were taking her away and then she was actually gone. Once again, I took out my frustrations on you—"

Taehyung has heard enough. "Is there a reason you called?"

"Actually... there is. We're having another memorial for her, to include all the people we excluded last time when we were grieving. We've had our time to grieve, and it's time we give everyone else that chance too."

Three years.

Three years of Taehyung not being able to move on and for what? Because this man found it easier for him to grieve while everyone else who loved his daughter suffered? And now he wants to offer this as some kind of favor?

The nurse clenches his jaw. "You... you can go fuck yourself."

"Taehyung, we're sorry! We really are. We even called your mother and grandmother to apologize as well. And... we want you to speak at the memorial. You deserve that much. After all, you were going to be my son-in-law one day, even if I was against it. Yoonji would've listened to her heart rather than me."

Stunned, Taehyung has to pull over and park. He can't even begin to process what he just heard. Did Yoonji's father really just admit that he was wrong about Taehyung? That he would've eventually accepted him into their family? He even called his mother and grandmother to apologize— The same women he called poor, unmannered, and unkempt.

And he's asking Taehyung to speak at this memorial, to talk about Yoonji like she deserved. To show everyone just how he saw her.

This man is offering him closure.

Taehyung doesn't even realize he's sobbing until tears begin to make dark spots on his jeans as he sits hunched over the wheel listening to the grainy call coming through the car speakers. Yoongi is deathly still beside him.

"You can think it over if you would like," Yoonji's father assures. "The memorial is on the eighteenth. We would love to have you and I think half the town is already expecting you."

"The eighteenth," Yoongi whispers under his breath and the nurse is confused by the forlorn expression on the elder's face.

"Just think about it and call me back, ok?"

Taehyung doesn't even reply before ending the call with a press of his finger to the red button on the display. For awhile, he just sits there and blinks at the screen, his eyes burning with tears.

"You're going to go, right?" Yoongi sounds so small, so broken.

"I don't know—"

"This is what you've been waiting for. After all these years, some closure. It's what you've always wanted, right?"

He needs to. He knows he does. For his own sanity, for his mental health moving forward with life, but Yoongi...

Yoongi is sitting there looking so shattered, nearly crumpled in on himself in his seat. There are tears in the corners of his eyes but the elder is refusing to let them fall.

"Yoongi, I want to go but what about you?" Taehyung questions softly, reaching out for the other man.

Yoongi pulls away from him. "What about me? I'm just the replacement, remember? Now you can go and get closure for the real thing, but don't— Don't come back to me."

"What?" Taehyung feels sick to his stomach. "Hyung, I want you. You're not a replacement. I don't know how many times I can tell you this. I want only you."

"You want 'only me' because she's not here!" Yoongi snaps. "If she were to suddenly reappear, you would want her. I know it and I just— I would rather you just not come back. I can't do this anymore."

"Yoongi, listen to me, I love you—" At this, Yoongi tries to interrupt again, but Taehyung won't let him. "I do! I love you! And it seems impossible after such a short time, but I really do. And if she were still here—"

Taehyung has to stop, because it hits home, the realization that he doesn't know what he would do. Because if Yoonji were to return the same person she was and Yoongi were to be exactly how he is, how could he choose between the two? Neither one has wronged him, neither one has given him a reason to turn away. Yoongi isn't better than Yoonji and Yoonji isn't better than Yoongi.

They're just... different. No comparison. But Yoongi is asking him what he would do if he had to choose just one.

His hesitation is all the answer Yoongi apparently needs. "I knew it. You would have to think about it because I'm not the first choice that comes to mind. Your instinct isn't to automatically go with me and that fucking hurts, Taehyung. But I'm used to being pushed aside by now."

"What about Jimin?" Taehyung argues. "How do I know that you want me just because you can't have him?"

And it's the stupidest, frailest argument in the world, but Taehyung isn't perfect and he's being painted into a corner. He's scared and frustrated and doesn't know what to do. He just wants Yoongi to not hate him.

"You really don't get it, do you?" Yoongi seethes. "Do you even understand a fraction of how hard it was to let you in? That I could've fired you from day one, but I didn't? I didn't have to fucking share my life story with you or let you care for me or kiss me or make love to me, but I did. And it was hard! It was hard because I knew some shit like this would happen but I did it anyway! Because you were worth it! I don't want Jimin! I wanted you!"

"This is exactly the same thing I'm trying to tell you, hyung! I don't want Yoonji! I want you. I don't care about my past anymore, I've made peace with it just like you have with Jimin. And I just want you, I promise."

Yoongi shakes his head and pulls on his hair. "Oh? You've made peace with it? So you're not going to go to her memorial?"

"I mean, I've made peace with it in my heart but I still need to closure physically. You can't ask me not to—"

"I'm getting the spinal surgery on the eighteenth," Yoongi blurts out. "I wanted you to be there."

Taehyung stares dumbly at his patient. "What? You're going through with that? It's dangerous!"

"It's my only shot at walking again so maybe I can live some semblance of a normal life. So that maybe someone will look at me one day and think I'm worthy of being their first choice."

Oh, those words burn. They tear into Taehyung so badly and he feels more tears sting his eyes.

"You can't do it," he pleads. "What if you die?"

Yoongi looks away. "Then I guess you will know that you weren't meant to be with me either."

"That's not fair, hyung. That's not—"

"So are you going to come to the surgery or are you going to her memorial?"

"How can you ask me to choose?"

Yoongi just stares at him, jaw clenched, and it's then that Taehyung understands. Yoongi doesn't really care about the actual circumstances. He's asking the nurse to make a decision between Yoongi and Yoonji, to prove that he really wants the elder for him and that's he's not some replacement.

But it's not as simple as that.

"Hyung, I cant just—"

Yoongi speaks over him. "You know what's funny? I'm the disabled one, the one who physically can't progress with his life, but you're the one who is acting like he's crippled, Taehyung, and you're using Yoonji as an excuse not to move on."

The nurse is speechless.

"I don't give a shit about the memorial or my surgery, but you already know that," Yoongi continues. "I'm just asking you to figure your shit out and if you want to keep living for someone who isn't living for you, then that's fine. Just don't drag me down with you, I've been through enough."

Taehyung's lips are quivering. He can barely see through his tears. "Hyung—"

"Drive. I want to go home."

"Yoongi—"

"Taehyung-ssi, take me home."

Minutes pass.

No one says a word.

Putting the car in reverse, Taehyung has no choice but to comply. After all, Yoongi is his boss.

——————

It's late when Jimin returns home from Busan. He looks tired and worn, but his face still lights up when Yoongi rolls into the foyer to greet him.

"Oh my god, I've missed you so much, hyung," the younger exclaims as he hugs Yoongi tightly. He smells like the train and faded hints of aftershave. "I'm never leaving again."

"Please don't." Yoongi's voice cracks when he says it and Jimin leans back to look his best friend in the eye.

"Hyung, what's wrong?"

Yoongi doesn't know what to say. He just stares at the concern in Jimin's eyes and loses himself there, in how things used to be before he went and complicated everything. Before he dared to let Taehyung into his fragile heart.

"I just really missed you," he ends up saying, tears cresting over his cheeks. "I missed us."

"Oh, hyung, don't go too soft on me. You're not a pretty crier."

"Fuck you." But Yoongi smiles. He really doesn't think he could ever survive without this man.

Jimin seems soothed by their usual banter and Yoongi decides that an explanation of the situation can wait. He'll tell Jimin about the surgery later, let him know that things have gone to shit with Taehyung. But for tonight, he will just enjoy his best friend's company and be the source of comfort that he needs.

————————

Three days pass before Yoongi has the courage to come clean. Naturally, Jimin is furious about the surgery, but Yoongi is adamant about it, citing that if he doesn't get it, then he'll never know if he would be able to walk again, but the truth is that's he's numb to the idea. It's a very similar state to how he felt getting into the car that fateful night not knowing whether he would live or die.

To be honest, he doesn't really care. He just knows that doing nothing about his situation is no longer an option. And if he is forced to live, he might as well try to improve his quality of life.

What is there to live for anyway? This half-life that he has no choice but to settle for because that's what fate decided to give him? It hurts worse just thinking about what he could've had then it does to die. It hurts worse to wake up everyday and see other people live his life out there, pursuing their dreams and choosing their life path. If they want something, they just choose to go after it. They can quit that job they hate, travel the world, fall in love for real, go back to school.... walk.

But Yoongi, despite his family's money, is trapped inside his body. He works from home because of his mobility issues. He can't travel easily, no one wants him, and he can't even do the simplest of things without assistance.

Why would anyone want to live like this if they had a chance to do something about it?

He tells Jimin as much and though his friend is reluctant, he agrees that it's Yoongi's body and it's his decision to make.

So in the end, the surgery is confirmed, the flights are booked, and the time has come for Taehyung to leave.

Deep down, Yoongi had hoped that Taehyung would prove him wrong, that he would wake up one day to find that the nurse was staying for good, that he didn't need the closure he sought, that Yoongi was enough for him.

Realistically, he knows otherwise. Of course Taehyung needs to get closure. It's stupid of Yoongi to try and deny him that, but he can't help it. He just wants someone to choose him for once, to make it clear that he truly wants him despite his flaws.

He's never had that. His parents never chose him first, all those one-night stands never really cared, and even Jimin, whose love seems unconditional, is staying to care for him out of some sense of duty, because if he doesn't care for Yoongi, then who would? Another stranger who would undoubtedly hurt him again?

Just once, Yoongi wants to be enough for someone.

He wants Taehyung to choose him.

But he doesn't.

Jimin must've discussed as much with the nurse because the contract is re-written to release Taehyung back to his healthcare agency and the the nurse is making arrangements to head back to Daegu for the memorial.

Jimin tells Yoongi that Taehyung had been hesitant to leave this job, but that he wanted Yoongi to be happy and it was clear that the elder wasn't. The speech was something similar to the one he gave Yoongi after the falling incident, about how it was obvious his presence was doing more harm than good and that Yoongi needed someone who he didn't resent, and right now that was not him.

Yoongi had scoffed.

Taehyung was forever a martyr.

But the fact that he hadn't fought for him told Yoongi all he needed to know.

Perhaps it just wasn't meant to be.

It's raining on the day that Taehyung leaves, much like the day he arrived. The nurse is dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, and like always, has cherry lip balm smeared on his lips and smells of something herbal. Yeontan won't leave Yoongi alone, begging to get into his lap for cuddles.

It breaks his heart.

In the end, Taehyung is rather polite about the whole thing, shaking Jimin's hands and bowing to Yoongi. He says that he enjoyed his time with the both of them and that despite everything, he doesn't regret taking the job.

When he leans over to pick Yeontan up off the floor by Yoongi's feet, the nurse kisses Yoongi on the temple, his lips lingering for a few seconds.

"I wish I was enough for you, hyung," he whispers. "But I love you even if you don't believe me."

And it's baffling to Yoongi, why Taehyung thinks he's not enough, but the time for questions disappears when the door clicks shut.

Taehyung is gone.

"I'm sorry, hyung," Jimin whispers.

Yoongi says nothing.

There is nothing left to say.