"the most interesting thing happened to me today," hoseok says at the dinner table with exaggerated nonchalance. jimin perks up.

"at work?"

"no, in the magazine aisle at the store." jimin slumps back down, having seemingly lost most of his interest. "anyway, there i was, minding my business, browsing cosmo or whatever, and in walks kihyun."

yoongi stops eating to frown at hoseok. he raises his hands.

"and i get that you're over and done with him, you had your closure, so i tried to contain the rage seething within my very soul that seeing his snake face triggered -" yoongi rolls his eyes. "- but then he approached me. he was like, hey, hoseok, long time no see, and i was like, hey, how's hell been? how's satan? and he was like, please, i get that you don't like me, but i'm trying to be civil here, and i was like, what you did to yoongi was anything but civil, and he may have moved on from your unfeeling serpent ass long since, but i'm still willing to throw down right at this second if you try to act nice and chummy like we're still friends after what you did -"

"hoseok," yoongi interrupts. hoseok blinks at him. "the point."

"i was just getting to that," hoseok says. "so then, he says, i get that this means nothing to you, but i really am sorry for what happened, and i was like, you're right, it means nothing, and he was like, but i wanted to tell you that anyway, and i saw yoongi and his boyfriend the other week, and i'm glad he's doing fine, and i won't bother him or you guys because things have clearly moved on."

hoseok pauses to breathe in theatrically.

"yoongi and his boyfriend. so, i was obviously taken aback, but being the quick thinker on my feet that i am, i played along, and spouted something about how happy yoongi is now, and in a stable, fulfilling relationship with his new boyfriend who's a better boyfriend than he ever was."

yoongi attempts to stuff the noodles into his mouth and ignore the fact that hoseok's gaze is burning holes through the top of his head.

"so, i was just wondering. why would he think you have a boyfriend?"

"that is interesting," namjoon says from the end of the table. yoongi turns his head enough to glare at him. "who were you with, that day?"

all eyes turn to jungkook, despite neither of them saying anything. he looks like a deer in headlights.

"how - how did you know it was me?" he asks in a small voice.

"hmm, who would yoongi act boyfriendly with," jimin says with a shit-eating grin. "who in this household would be voted most likely to be mistaken for a couple?"

"you and tae," replies an unenthusiastic choir.

"true," jimin says and reaches to high-five taehyung across the table. "but you guys are our strongest competition."

"i don't know what you're talking about," yoongi says, and jungkook looks slightly bewildered. jimin shrugs.

"it's just an observation." he leans slightly forward. "did you know that some high school girls came up to me at the bookstore and asked me if my cute co-worker is dating the blonde guy who comes around a lot just to talk with him?"

yoongi freezes momentarily. the noodles slide off the chopsticks and land in his bowl with a quiet splat. he can't quite bring himself to look at jungkook at the corner of the table.

"and," jimin continues talking like someone fucking asked, "they asked me if i could give him their phone numbers if they aren't dating. i didn't, obviously. they probably weren't even legal and even then, i don't think jungkookie would be interested. anyway. i think they might think you're dating now."

jungkook makes a strange sound, and for a moment yoongi thinks he's choking, but it's just him clearing his throat very loudly. yoongi chances a glance, and finds that jungkook is turning a pretty shade of red. it's contagious. yoongi feels heat on his cheeks, and busies himself with the noodles to keep from murdering his housemates.

namjoon corners him about it a few hours later. he sits down next to yoongi on the couch, and watches yoongi write down lyrics for a while. jimin is working the club tonight, taehyung went with him as per usual, hoseok has a night shift at - wherever it is that he works, seokjin is on the phone. jungkook is taking a shower upstairs.

"what happened when you saw kihyun?" namjoon asks. yoongi shrugs a little bit.

"a closure, i guess. it made me realize i really don't give a shit anymore. i don't hate him anymore. i don't feel anything. i'm glad to be where i am, now."

namjoon hums.

"that's good," he says. a pause. "what happened with jungkook?"

yoongi stares at the point where the pen meets the paper and sucks his bottom lip into his mouth.

"he kissed me outside the grocery store," he says. he doesn't look up, but feels namjoon shift beside him.

"dude. how could you not tell me?"

"it was just pretend," yoongi says, his entire face burning, "he pretended to be my boyfriend so that kihyun would leave me alone, and... things escalated."

"it was pretend? do you honestly believe that? hyung, he one hundred percent did not need to kiss you for that act to be believable."

yoongi lets out a miserable whine. he lets the pen and the notebook clatter onto the coffee table, and drops his face into his hands.

"i'm fucked, namjoon. namjoon. why was it the best fucking kiss i've ever had? he didn't even use that much tongue. it was just his lips, and his... his hands -"

"that's, hmm. that's more information than i needed, but okay," namjoon says. yoongi raises his head and looks at namjoon. he's aware he must look absolutely miserable.

"i can't ice them. i tried but i can't."

"what are you trying to ice," namjoon asks, confused.

"feelings," yoongi bites out, like it's the most terrible, unspeakable thing in the world. he listens for the sound of water running. jungkook's still in the shower. "this is going to mess everything up."

namjoon licks his lips.

"i knew you had a thing for him, but. this bad, huh?"

"namjoon," yoongi hisses, "i sleep in the same room with him. every day he gets dressed and undressed in our room and i just have to fucking sit there like i'm not affected at all. i am affected. i've taken more cold showers this week than i took the entire last year. why do you think i'm sitting out here right now? because he's going to come out of that shower in nothing but a towel, and last time i accidentally touched his pec. i had to think about dead puppies for twenty minutes straight."

"again, this is too much information," namjoon says, but yoongi is not done.

"and it's not just that. if it was just physical, that would be manageable. but it's not. i can't stop fucking thinking about him, about his stupid face, his gigantic eyes, his fucking smile. he hums when he draws. i know he's a good singer, but i'm scared to ask him to sing because i think i might kiss him right then and there. every time i smell candy apples, i think of him. and the more time i spend with him, the more i realize that i want to know everything about him, and the more i learn about him, the more i realize that i'm entirely, absolutely fucked."

yoongi shuts up. for a while, there's just his own breathing and the water running upstairs.

"no, mom, that was just one my of housemates confessing his love for another one of our housemates," seokjin's voice sounds from his and namjoon's bedroom.

yoongi feels like he might cry.

"you've been holding onto that for a while, haven't you," namjoon says slowly. yoongi groans weakly.

"shut up, okay? don't try to tell me it's not a mess, because it is."

"everyone agrees you two already act boyfriendly," namjoon shrugs. "would it really be such a big leap?"

"that's assuming he wants the same thing i do, which - he told me very clearly he doesn't want anything to change. besides, when has dating your roommate ever been a good idea? you and jin tried, and you didn't work out," yoongi says, recalling the brief period after seokjin had just moved in, when he and namjoon tried dating.

namjoon has a strange look on his face, kind of like he's counting to ten in his head.

"first of all - yeah, we didn't. but we're okay. being lovers wasn't for us, but we still love each other as friends. nothing got messed up." yoongi knows he's right. if anything, they are closer than ever. that does nothing to reassure yoongi, though. namjoon inhales deeply. "second of all, you guys are so painfully, painfully oblivious. how are you still alive?"

"what are you talking about," yoongi says.

"he kissed you."

"to help me out. it was pretend. fake."

seokjin walks out of the bedroom with his phone clasped in his hand just in time to stop namjoon from smothering yoongi with a couch pillow.

"my mom says good luck with your love confession," he says, "she says young love is a wonderful thing."

"i'm moving out," yoongi says.

"no, i'm moving out," namjoon says, throwing up his hands. "you stay and work your shit out with jungkook. or don't. i don't care anymore."

/

that night, jungkook sort of seems like he's lost in his thoughts. yoongi might be imagining it, but he also might not be, so he asks, to be certain,

"that, at the dinner table... the guys saying it looks like we're dating. you weren't bothered by it, right? they were just being assholes."

jungkook looks up, blinks.

"no, i'm... it doesn't bother me."

his hair is still a bit damp from the shower, messed up by a towel. the light flush on his skin is probably from the shower, too. he's wearing the thing he always wears to bed, a stretched-out white t-shirt and boxers, and even though yoongi likes to think he's gradually getting used to it, if he were to be honest with himself, the only thing he's getting used to is his chest feeling too tight.

if jungkook says it doesn't bother him, yoongi believes him. but yoongi keeps getting the feeling he's bothered by something. it's the way he's fiddling with his fingers, and the way he keeps glancing at yoongi.

"you can tell me anything," he reminds jungkook, and nudges him with his toe, "even if you think i might get offended."

jungkook gives him a small smile.

"yeah," he says quietly, but doesn't say anything more. yoongi doesn't want to push. he scratches at his neck, and gets off the bed.

"i'm gonna write for a bit," he says, "will the keyboard bother you? i'll turn the volume down."

"it's fine," jungkook says. when yoongi turns to glance at him, he's flopped down onto his side, curled up loosely into a ball. "i like hearing you compose."

yoongi makes a noise that's supposed to be a hum, but comes out as an unidentified, strangled sound.

when he decides to call it a night almost two hours later, jungkook's asleep on top of the covers, in the same balled up position. yoongi doesn't want to wake him, tries to tug the blanket from underneath him as carefully as possible, but the younger stirs anyway.

"did you finish your song?" he mumbles as yoongi lies down next to him and throws the blanket over both of them.

"not yet," yoongi murmurs, "got a good start, though."

jungkook shifts closer, and it has to be unconscious since he's barely awake. he drapes an arm over yoongi's waist like it's the most natural thing in the world. yoongi sighs, and it's for many different reasons. he wonders what was bothering jungkook earlier; whatever it was, he's clearly forgotten about it for now.

/

for someone who doesn't care anymore, namjoon sure likes to give yoongi long, exasperated looks whenever he catches yoongi staring a little bit too long.

it's a daily occurrence. it happens when jungkook tries to teach seokjin to slow dance in the living room. it's a disaster, seokjin steps on jungkook's feet more than the floor, and they both have trouble controlling their laughter. their interlaced fingers make yoongi feel something he does not want to acknowledge any further, something unpleasant and completely unwarranted. he actually considers asking jungkook to teach him, too, despite the fact that he already knows how to dance, before catching himself.

a look.

it happens when seokjin, in turn, teaches jungkook to cook. it's sort of a disaster, too, but mainly because seokjin won't stop calling him jungcook, and jungkook comes pretty close to stabbing him with the kitchen knife. yoongi can see it in his eyes. jungkook cuts the vegetables with extreme focus, with his bottom lip caught between his teeth and his sleeves rolled up, and yoongi may forget to move or blink for a while.

a look.

it happens when yoongi comes home soaked from the sudden downpour, his clothes sticking to him, cursing at the cold. he shakes the water from his hair, drags a hand through the blond tangles, and when he looks up, jungkook is staring at him, looking sort of dazed, his mouth slightly open like he was in the middle of a sentence. before yoongi can even greet him, jungkook snaps his mouth shut and proceeds to pretty much teleport upstairs. that's how fast he ascends the stairs.

a look.

"what," yoongi snaps, then stomps over to the couch so he can talk to namjoon in a quieter tone. "i didn't even stare, this time. i barely saw him at all, before he vanished into thin air."

namjoon's eyes are trained at him, but it somehow feels like he's looking straight through yoongi's skull, at something very far, far away, and yoongi thinks he might actually be witnessing him astral projecting.

he still catches jungkook looking at him strangely. once or twice, jungkook starts to say something, but then one of the guys interrupts, and he plays it off like it was nothing important. yoongi would maybe believe that if it hadn't been going on for several days now. the only times they are by themselves are at night and in the morning, pretty much, but jungkook doesn't say anything then, either, and, well - yoongi doesn't ask. it's not like things are weird otherwise, it's just that the unreadable looks jungkook gives him make his skin tingle with vague nervousness and something else.

/

yoongi should probably be setting boundaries. he should probably be telling jungkook not to sleep so close at night, should not be visiting the bookstore so often. not that he really thinks doing any of those things would help him cool his feelings off, but -

he should at least be avoiding situations that include him getting pinned to a wall by jungkook.

that one seems like it should be self-evident. you'd think.

it's a thursday. way too fucking early. jungkook's not working today, and yoongi only has a gig in the evening, yet they are exceptionally awake, courtesy of hoseok singing in the shower loudly and off-key.

jungkook says, "let's tail hoseok to work."

yoongi says, "okay," because jungkook is once again on his side of the bed, his face inches from yoongi's, and yoongi would've said yes to anything he suggested.

they slip out of bed quietly, get dressed. jungkook is way into this whole pretending-we're-professional-spies thing, so they dress in all black.

"hold on, are we spies or ninjas," yoongi asks as jungkook dons a black scarf that covers the lower half of his face, and tugs at yoongi's turtleneck to pull it over his mouth and nose. "you're getting your concepts mixed up."

"we're ninja spies, whatever," jungkook says, "don't question it."

yoongi tugs the turtleneck back down right away, but that's just so he can breathe.

they wait until hoseok leaves the house, and they follow him. they stick just close enough not to lose him. apparently hoseok walks to work since he's not heading for the train station. and apparently work is in fucking siberia because soon it's been fifty minutes and they're still walking and hoseok's only stopped twice, to get a coffee to go and to chat with someone.

"is he fucking human," yoongi grumbles, "he walks this distance every morning?"

jungkook stops him with an arm across his chest. yoongi notices hoseok's stopped at a red light. jungkook looks around, and then tugs yoongi along and down behind a hot dog cart. the vendor gives them a look. yoongi nods at him.

the hot dog smell reminds yoongi of the fact that they didn't even eat anything. his stomach rumbles. jungkook shushes it and flattens his palm against it like that would help, and it's so ridiculous and adorable that yoongi laughs out loud. jungkook clamps his other palm over yoongi's mouth, and suddenly it's less funny and more like something out of one of yoongi's fantasies, and he's not laughing anymore.

then they are moving again. yoongi is not all that familiar with this part of the city. he looks around, at the cafes and shops along the street, the off-white walls of the condos above them, the short stretches of dead or dying trees planted on the curb, and tries to figure out what the hell hoseok could be doing here. but it's not like a building is going to have a huge sign that says JUNG HOSEOK WORKS HERE, and yoongi gives up quickly because he's cold and hungry.

he's about to complain about being cold and hungry when a voice cuts through the air.

"hoseok!" someone behind them shouts, and they both freeze. yoongi sees what's about to happen, the reel flashing before his eyes frame by frame, much like one's life flashes before one's eyes in a near-death experience. hoseok would turn. they would be busted. yoongi would tell him that they just had the intense craving for coffee from that very specific coffee shop over there fucking three miles from home on this crisp thursday morning.

none of this happens, though, because a hand grabs his arm and yanks hard, and yoongi is being tugged into an alleyway. yoongi nearly trips over his own feet and falls headfirst into a dumpster, but jungkook has his arm around his chest in a second, fist tight in the collar of yoongi's leather jacket, and he pulls him back forcibly. he isn't able to stop their momentum, though, and yoongi's back hits the brick wall none too gently. he would probably groan in pain, had the impact not stolen the breath out of his lungs.

jungkook stumbles against him, his fist still caught in yoongi's jacket, catching himself with a forearm against the wall beside yoongi's head, barely managing to stop himself from crushing yoongi. jungkook breathes out a small "oh", and yoongi can feel his warm breath on his face.

well, this is like a fucking rom-com, yoongi thinks, and then with increased desperation, or maybe more like a torture horror film, as jungkook shifts, and yoongi realizes he's got a knee between yoongi's legs. yoongi squirms a little bit, which is a mistake, because he just rubs against jungkook more. instead of letting him go, jungkook's fingers tighten in his collar.

this isn't worth it, yoongi decides at that moment, this absolutely one hundred percent isn't worth it. he'd rather walk into the street right now and tell hoseok in his face that he has no idea what he does for a living than be subjected to... this. his hands come up to jungkook's shoulders; to push him away, he thinks. although they seem to be very weak, suddenly.

"hyung," jungkook whispers, and yoongi looks up at him. yup, he's very close. they've been close before. at night, mostly, and when they fucking kissed, but this - "i need to tell you something."

"what -" yoongi starts, and he can feel himself slowly slipping towards hysterics. "now?"

he rips his eyes away from jungkook's face, bites down hard on his bottom lip, wills himself to calm down a bit. he turns his face to the side, tries to focus on anything that isn't jungkook, like hoseok's voice on the street next to them coming alarmingly closer as he talks to whoever called out to him. now's the time jungkook's deciding to come clean about whatever it is that's been bothering him?

"is this really the time? we're about to get -" yoongi turns back to jungkook and promptly forgets how he was going to finish that sentence, because jungkook is looking at him the same way he looked at yoongi right before he kissed him in the parking lot. yoongi forgets to breathe.

"oh," he says, and then hoseok says, "how did sunday go for you?"

the fact that yoongi can make out each word means he's right around the corner. he's talking about work, yoongi realizes distantly. hoseok's work. the reason they came here. yoongi's heart thuds, and not only because they're about to get caught. he digs his fingers into jungkook's shoulders, jerks his head towards the street, tries to signal with his eyes that hoseok's right there. jungkook blinks; he seems to remember where they are because his eyes widen a bit and he goes very still.

"it was going fine until someone had an accident," hoseok's co-worker is saying.

"that's a shame, but it happens," hoseok says, "you still got paid, though?"

"sure," the co-worker says, "what, you don't tell them to pay you beforehand?"

"when you're as good as me, you can trust you're going to get paid afterwards," hoseok says, and yoongi can hear him smirking.

what the fuck, jungkook mouths at him. yoongi has no idea, but he does know they need to get out of here before hoseok discovers them. he nudges at jungkook with his hip, tilts his head towards the quite literal light at the end of the tunnel, the short stretch of the alley.

jungkook looks quite conflicted. we're so close, his eyes are saying. it's not gonna do us any good if we're dead, yoongi replies. or something like that, possibly less dramatic. non-verbal communication really isn't that accurate.

yoongi nudges at jungkook again, a little bit more forcefully this time, and actually sends him staggering back a step. run, he mouths.

finally, finally jungkook's hand slides out of yoongi's jacket; jesus, that was an intense, prolonged moment they spent in each other's space; but yoongi has no time to get used to the lack of jungkook against him as jungkook's hand finds his wrist instead, and tugs him off the wall. not a second later they are sprinting down the alleyway. they run until they reach the end of it and turn the corner, and it's only then that jungkook lets go of his hand.

yoongi immediately leans a hand against the wall, trying to catch his breath, and thinks, wow, i'm out of shape. but then he decides this probably has nothing to do with how long or fast they ran. his heart's been in his throat for the past five minutes. he squats down, leaning his back against the wall.

jungkook is looking down at him, red-cheeked and biting his lip.

"i had another plan," he tells yoongi.

"what was it?" yoongi asks, still feeling half dead.

"knock the dumpster over and yell 'diversion'," jungkook says, "i have no idea what we would've done after that, but the compelling part was, you know, hurling a dumpster at hoseok."

yoongi squeezes his eyes shut, and laughs.

of course they lose hoseok after that.

"let's admit our defeat and go have breakfast," yoongi sighs when they've managed to get themselves semi-lost, his feet aching. but jungkook looks genuinely upset the tailing didn't work, and yoongi thinks he'd do anything to wipe that look off his face. he holds out a hand at jungkook. "come on. i'll buy you a hot chocolate with whipped cream."

this makes a small smile spread on jungkook's lips, and he takes yoongi's hand.

this is certainly not the way to go about cooling off his feelings, yoongi thinks, sitting across from jungkook in a random diner, sharing a plate of pancakes and watching him consume an inhumane amount of hot chocolate. impromptu breakfast dates also seem like the exact kind of thing yoongi should not be doing.

"what was the thing you were going to tell me?" he asks jungkook. immediately, jungkook looks down at his pancakes, and just plays with them for a while.

"it's... i'll tell you later, hyung."

"kook," yoongi starts, because he's not so sure later will ever come. jungkook looks up, then, bottom lip caught between his teeth.

"i'll tell you later. i promise," he says softly. pauses. "sorry."

"no, don't -" yoongi sighs, runs a hand through his hair. "you don't have to apologize. just... remember what i told you, yeah? that you can tell me anything."

jungkook's lips part, a breath falls from them. there's that look again, the one that's been driving yoongi crazy.

"hyung," jungkook says, but doesn't continue, just looks at yoongi intensely like he's hoping yoongi will read his thoughts.

"you have whipped cream on your face," yoongi blurts.

jungkook blinks. they stare at each other for a few seconds. jesus christ, yoongi thinks, and doesn't think he's ever been less impressed with himself. there was a clear tension, and he just... had to do something about it before his heart exploded.

"oh. um..." jungkook brings his thumb to the corner of his mouth, swipes it along his bottom lip.

"nah, the... other side."

jungkook tries again, but is left with a speck of whipped cream next to his upper lip. yoongi inhales. decides, fuck it. leans forward, reaches across the table. cups jungkook's chin with his fingers, while brushing his thumb against the corner of his mouth. jungkook's eyes are wide. yoongi's thumb catches on his bottom lip, lingers... only for a second, but lingers, still, and yoongi hopes jungkook doesn't notice. he swallows, pulls back. jungkook's still staring, kind of like he's forgotten to move.

yoongi doesn't think about it as he brings his thumb to his mouth and sucks the whipped cream off it. he hears a sound, like a strangled gasp, and when he looks, jungkook has his elbows on the table, face half-hidden in his hands, and he's not looking at yoongi but the aisle.

this sort of thing... probably shouldn't be such a big deal, given that they're close, given that they've kissed before; real or not, they've kissed. but it feels like a big deal, with the way jungkook's flushed deep red behind his hands, and yoongi feels his own cheeks burning.

jungkook clears his throat. yoongi is grateful when he changes the subject.

"what do you think hobi-hyung was talking about? it sounded dangerous."

yoongi leans back in his seat, his heartbeat slowly settling.

"it's probably not. hoseok gets scared by his own shadow sometimes. he's not going to have a super dangerous job. you can quote me on that."

jungkook's lowered his hands; he's still flushed faintly, but he meets yoongi's eyes, smiles softly, biting at his lip lightly. yoongi, as always, can't help but smile back.

/

the house is empty the next day, everyone but yoongi being at work. instead of savoring the rare peace and quiet, yoongi chooses to sacrifice hours of his life at the coffee shop with kim taehyung for some unfathomable reason.

a lot happened yesterday, jungkook hasn't brought up the thing he was going to tell him in the alley, and yoongi's reaching new levels of fucked. it's not that he particularly wants to talk about this with taehyung. but namjoon's done with him and keeps calling him an idiot and taehyung is, weirdly, the person yoongi goes to with relationship related stuff after namjoon.

trying to have a meaningful, serious conversation with taehyung is a wild experience. you never know what turn the conversation might take; sometimes yoongi ends up actually learning something valuable due to taehyung's unique take on most things; sometimes what started as a serious discussion about true love ends with taehyung trying to convince him sharks are basically covered in tiny teeth all over, and yoongi insisting they're not. they are. yoongi looked it up later. it's called dermal denticles.

it's with a healthy amount of cautiousness that yoongi asks him,

"did you ever think about actually dating jimin?"

it's a slow moment at the coffee shop, and yoongi's sat on the floor behind the counter while taehyung wipes the surfaces and hums along to whatever song is on the speakers. customers are technically not allowed behind the counter and this would cause taehyung trouble if, in taehyung's words, anyone gave a shit here. taehyung pauses to give him a blank look over his shoulder.

"what do you mean?"

"did you... you know, actually..." yoongi blinks. "wait. you guys aren't... really dating, right?"

"i... guess not?" taehyung purses his lips, shrugs airily. "we're us, you know. i don't think there's an existing label that suits us. he's my jimin. i'm his taehyung."

it should sound disgustingly sweet and cringey, but when taehyung says it, it doesn't. he says it like it's one of his national geographic facts. like it's a given.

"huh," yoongi mumbles, staring at the cupboard under the counter vacantly.

"hyung." when yoongi looks up, taehyung's eyeing him shiftily. "is this one of those things where it looks like you're asking about one thing, but you're really talking about something else?"

"no," yoongi lies.

"right," taehyung says, not convinced. "then why did you want to know if i've thought about dating jimin?"

"i was just... wondering what you'd do. in the hypothetical situation that you had feelings for... your housemate."

taehyung gasps faintly.

"are you thinking about dating jimin?" yoongi scrunches up his face. taehyung's mouth quirks. "i'm kidding. it's no secret you have a huge boner for jungkookie. a heart boner. whatever."

"it's no..." yoongi repeats, but doesn't bother finishing, just slides down the wall a little bit. great. seokjin did say everyone but jungkook probably knows.

"so? are you planning to confess?"

"no, i'm not," yoongi says, "and don't say 'confess' like this is seventh grade and i'm about to give him a note that says 'do you like me, circle yes or no' behind the cafeteria."

"sounds like you've done that before," taehyung comments.

"shut up," yoongi groans. there's a pause, filled by the quiet sound of some english pop song pouring from the speakers and taehyung's phone buzzing in his back pocket. yoongi sighs. "you know what, forget i asked. i'll just... stop thinking about it."

"yeah, how's that going?" taehyung looks up from his phone to raise a sculpted eyebrow at him. yoongi only makes a face, which is an answer enough.

"you better not be texting jimin about my heart boner."

"actually," taehyung half-grins ominously and turns the phone screen to yoongi, "speak of the devil."

yoongi finds himself looking at a selfie from jimin; it's him and jungkook at the bookstore, jimin winking at the camera and jungkook with a slightly surprised but happy smile on his face. the picture has one of those snapchat filters on it, one that gives them bunny ears. yoongi is suddenly in physical pain.

taehyung takes the phone away, then turns his back to yoongi and holds the phone away from himself, snapchat camera on. yoongi spies cat ears.

"smile, hyung." taehyung takes the picture and then inspects it closely, letting out a satisfied hum. "i look good. you look sort of constipated."

yoongi groans and sinks a little lower.

"you make a cute cat though. you should get snapchat, hyung. you're missing out on things like jungkookie bunny selfies."

"i'm... i. uh. i'm good." the thought had never crossed his mind before, but now that it has, he wonders if jungkook sends a lot of selfies to the guys.

he sends yoongi pictures via normal chat sometimes. random selfies, like him walking on the street and the caption "it's so cold" or him at the bookstore with jimin doing a ridiculous pose in the background and the caption "save me". yoongi hates the way his heart jumps every single time. he may have some of them saved onto his phone. or all of them. but that's neither here nor there.

"oh," taehyung says, "jimin tells me you tailed hobi to work."

"tried to," yoongi mumbles, and his brain immediately conjures up the memory of jungkook pinning him to the wall. jungkook blushing across from him in the diner. "didn't work, whatever."

taehyung hums thoughtfully.

"you know, i watched this documentary about the illuminati last night -"

yoongi gives him a look.

"this is why you hallucinate demonic murder clowns in your room at night."

"that clown was real! i know what i saw." taehyung huffs, and shakes his phone a little bit. "i have photo evidence."

"you took a picture of a chair," yoongi says.

"well excuse me if my photography wasn't exactly top tier. i had a fucking murder clown standing in my room." taehyung narrows his eyes. "you guys never believe me! may twenty-fifth, around two a.m., the clown was there. when it comes back and kills me, then you will realize."

"isn't that a jaden smith tweet?"

"it's a kim taehyung fact. anyway -"

"hoseok's not illuminati."

"won't even let me finish," taehyung grumbles. "and how do you know? you don't."

"just because you don't know what he does, doesn't mean he's involved in an ancient conspiracy. and even if he was, wouldn't he still need, like, a day job?" yoongi frowns. "what do the illuminati even do?"

for the next ten minutes, they crouch behind the counter and taehyung tells him all about the new world order and lizard people and how beyoncé is supposedly a clone, and the conversation is officially sidetracked. yoongi doesn't really mind. it's taking his mind off jungkook's bunny selfies and jungkook pinning him to walls and jungkook. sort of.

"hyung," taehyung calls as he's leaving the coffee shop, having agreed that hoseok would indeed need a day job even if he was illuminati. yoongi turns; taehyung is leaning against the counter lazily, jaw in his palm. "you should know. jimin said jungkookie thought you looked cute in the picture. he asked jimin to send it to him. i don't think giving him a note saying 'do you like me, circle yes or no' would be a bad idea."