Note* It's a story about Jin Ling's suffering. ZhuiLing will be added later. At first, it will be the uncle-nephew story. Don't kill me. I told you before reading and if I didn't here it is, "Read at your risk. It will have no happy ending. Don't blame me for reading this. Thanks for reading this. I suck at angst, but in my POV it's angst. The plot is filled with angst in my mind." Also, there's an OC mentioned but has no scene. Beware of OOCness!

Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5n1AEkgURh5X2WUcJZrnRJ?si=3b7367347d1f4e1a

Don't mind the three Bangla songs. I just can't ignore them. They much with this story! Especially "Bibiya" matched a current part...

Happy Reading~

"Did you heard that the fearsome Sandu Shengshou died?"

"What?! How?!"

"No one knows that. Only Sect Leader Jin knows what happened. It is said that when other Sect Leaders came they saw Sect Leader Jin standing there and staring at the dead body of Sandu Shengshou with a blank emotion."

"Did Sect Leader Jin told what happened?"

"No, he didn't talk with anyone after this."

"He must be really sad after his uncle died in front of him."

*

*

*

The news of the dead of Sandu Shengshou- Jiang Cheng, Jiang Wanyin the Sect Leader of Jiang Sect, spread like water.

On the other hand, the young Sect Leader of the Jin sect, Jin Ling, Jin Rulan, still see nightmares. The good memories of his are now a nightmare. Many things he didn't even know he knew are his nightmare now.

Tonight, he woke up again in the middle of the night. Sweating, tears are threatening to fall

The song his uncle used to sing when he was a child when he had nightmares floods in his memory. Although his uncle's voice wasn't good, it helped him to sleep.

He cries silently and mutters, "Uncle..." for a moment he sees his uncle in front of him. Only for a second. He chokes on his sobs. "Uncle, I wish I would have asked you before..." he sniffs. "How did you remained strong when Lotus Pier was burned down, the people you loved died... How did you stay always strong?" he sobs again.

It is too late to ask. He regrets now for not asking. Memories flashed in his mind like it just happened yesterday.

He was sitting next to his uncle, Jiang Cheng who finished his works early just to spend some time with Jin Ling. He didn't know that he worked hard to spend time with him but he knows now.

Jin Ling asked many questions and Jiang Cheng answered them. At a point, he asked, "Uncle, how was mother like?"

Sadness flashed in his eyes which the child didn't understand at that moment. But Jiang Cheng didn't let emotions control him. He said how Jiang Yanli, his mother was like. How kind she was. How much she loved him.

Years after, when Jin Ling was 16. He asked some questions to his uncle. Jiang Cheng answered them. He - for some reason - missed the child Jin Ling who asked many questions non-stop. Now, Jin Ling asked only a few questions and they all are mostly related to Cultivation. But Jin Ling didn't know it, he even doesn't know it now.

One moment, he stopped asking questions. So, one day, Jiang Cheng asked, "Don't you think you should ask a question?"

"What, uncle? I don't think I have any questions. Should I ask a question?" he asked. That moment he didn't ask the most important question he should have, and Jiang Cheng knew it. Now he understands what his uncle meant.

"Nothing." was his answer.

The flashback ended. He sobs. "Uncle, you knew I will be in this kind of situation, don't you?" his voice broken.

Now he thinks, why is he like this? Is it because Jiang Cheng has died to save him? The memory flashed in his mind again.

Covered in blood, Jiang Cheng's hand reached to touch his cheek. Jin Ling's eyes widen. Everything happened so fast that he didn't even realize it. A moment ago, Jiang Cheng was right in front of him, scowling. Now, he's covered in blood, his face pale.

He doesn't know what to do. "U-Uncle..." he called. In response, Jiang Cheng smiled. He said in a low voice, "I am sorry... Stay safe, A-Ling..."

"Uncle! Uncle!" he holds Jiang Cheng. Tears formed in his eyes, "Uncle, uncle... I-I am sorry... Uncle, I am sorry! Please don't die! Please... Don't..." he choked a sob.

Jiang Cheng smiled as a single tear strand fall from his eye. "Sorry... Be happy A-Ling. Thank you for being a part of my life." that's when he breathed his last breath and closed his eyes in Jin Ling, his nephew's arm he died. He died to protect him. Jiang Cheng has no regret for his death. He is happy he protected his nephew till his death like he swore a long ago.

"Uncle... Uncle!" he called him but no matter how much he called, he didn't get any answer. Jiang Cheng never woke up.

After that, he doesn't remember anything. When people came, he was standing there and staring at his uncle blankly. His golden uniform is covered in his uncle, Jiang Cheng's blood. He just remembers, Wei Wuxian taking him away from the cultivators. Lan Sizhui and Lan Jingyi stopped the cultivators from asking him any questions.

"I should have asked you this before..." he mutters, bringing his knees to his chest as he continues to silently cry.

"I told you so." a voice said.

Jin Ling laughs bitterly. He's becoming crazy. He is hearing his uncle's voice.

"Live for someone you love and care... Just like I lived for you after A-Jie died."

"For whom should I live? I have no one left I love and care about," he asks.

"The Lan boy."

"..." he becomes silent. The Lan boy... Who is his uncle talking about? It's not Lan Jingyi, if it was him Jiang Cheng would have said 'the wild Lan boy'. Lan Sizhui? Does he have any feelings for him?

"Uncle... Was it worth it?" he asks. He wants to know if it was worth enough for Jiang Cheng to die or not. It wasn't.

"If it's for you, always yes."

Suddenly he feels like someone embraced him. But there is no one. It feels like just that time when Jiang Cheng embraced him...

He laughs feeling he has become crazy. He is dreaming a lot. He sobs.

"But uncle, you left me behind. You died. You lied." then he hear someone entering his room. He starts wiping his tears.

"It's ok to cry," Wei Wuxian says and comes near him. He decided to stay with him for a few days when he took responsibility for Yunmeng Jiang Sect's duties, thinking it will distract him and it did during the day. But at night. It didn't help.

He will manage until Jiang Ying Yue, the person Jiang Cheng chooses to take over the Sect after him, comes back from Gusu. She is taking lessons in Cloud Recesses.

He remembers asking Jiang Cheng why did he choose the Sect Heir...

"Uncle," Jin Ling called Jiang Cheng. He was 17 at that time. Jiang Cheng looked at him. He continued, "Why are you choosing a Sect Heir?" he was genuinely curious about this.

He sighed, "Because I need an heir, idiot." He was still confused which Jiang Cheng understood. So he continued as he rolled his eyes, "It will be troublesome to choose a Sect Leader after I die. If I choose one who is potential before I die, it's much better and will progress faster."

Wei Wuxian comes close to him and sat beside him and pats his back. "It's ok to cry. Crying doesn't make us weak, it makes us human," he said.

He continues when he gets no answer, "That's what shijie, your mother said." Wei Wuxian can still hear Jiang Yanli's voice while saying this. He pats his back like Jiang Yanli used to do with them, Jiang Cheng and him.

Jin Ling starts crying silently again. Wei Wuxian hugs him and whispers soothing words as Jin Ling continues to cry on his shoulder.

That night he cried to Wei Wuxian silently. As well Wei Wuxian cried silent tears which Jin Ling knows. The whole night passed with them crying silently.

10 years ago, when Jin Ling was 12 years old. He had a fever. That night, he had a nightmare he didn't remember what was the nightmare about but he remember he woke up saying 'uncle!'.

Jiang Cheng was beside his bed, sitting on a chair. Hearing him, he asked, "What?"

He was sweating, "Uncle?" he said and took deep breaths.

It is written on Jiang Cheng's face 'Tell me or else I will break your leg.'

He remembers telling Jiang Cheng about the nightmare but he doesn't remember what he saw.

He just remembers Jiang Cheng sighing after listening to him and he hugged him which only lasted for a few seconds. He said to him, "Go back to sleep."

He closed his eyes but can't sleep for a while. But before he slept he remember hearing, "I am not dying. I am not leaving you behind. I am just living for you. Every morning I woke up for you and I will always wake up for you." then it become silent again.

*

*

*

The next day starts like every day since Jiang Cheng died. Jin Ling working and forgetting to eat. Wei Wuxian have to remind him to eat or else he never realized it was time to eat. But, today, Wei Wuxian didn't come to remind him to eat.

Someone knocks on the door.

"Enter," Jin Ling said. He thought a disciple came.

"You should eat, Sect Leader Jin," hearing the familiar voice, Jin Ling turns to see Lan Sizhui.

"Lan Yuan?"

"Yes," he smiles at him gently which made his heart skip a beat. After that, he remembers the voice which is like his uncle's told him yesterday he loves Lan Sizhui. He shakes his head Like a friend. He is just my friend, right uncle? - He thought.

He was so busy in his thoughts that he even don't realize when Lan Sizhui places the tray which contains his food on the table.

"Sect Leader Jin? Sect Leader Jin?" he comes back to reality hearing Lan Sizhui's voice.

"Ah? Yes?" he blinks.

"You should eat. The food is getting cold," he smiles at him again. Jin Ling stares at his face for a while. He didn't even notice he was staring so hard that he even get close to him. Thinking deeply. Thinking does he loves him or not. Thinking why does he react like that before.

"-in? Jin Ling?!" Lan Sizhui raised his voice a bit which take him back to reality and he notice how close is his face to his. He quickly maintains the distance and coughs. His face is slightly red and he slaps himself mentally.

What was I thinking?! - He thought and start eating.

*

*

*

Wei Wuxian told Sizhui to stay with Jin Ling for a few days while he is busy.

A new rumor spreads after Wei Wuxian left...

"Did you heard about Yiling Laozu's sickness?"

"Sickness? That's the side effect of demonic cultivation."

"Yeah, it's said that he is losing memories and often think about old memories. I feel bad for Hanguang-jun. He has to take care of him."

"I heard he has forgotten about the dead of Sandu Shengshou! He thinks he is still alive!"

*

*

*

Words spread like water and come to Jin Ling's ears.

Is that why he left Lan Yuan here? - He thought as he continued to complete the paperwork. He sighs. Why is none of his uncle normal and happy?

Wei Wuxian, even though he was living happily but he still have guilty inside him. Was he always happy?

Jiang Cheng, he had to live with pain and hurt. Now... He isn't even alive.

Jin GuangYao, was he happy with everything he did at last?

Mo XuanYu, he summoned Wei Wuxian for his revenge. (Said by the author)

He left the desk for a bath.

*

*

*

"Lan Zhan! Lan Zhan!" Wei Wuxian calls Lan Wangji cheerfully with his brighter than sun smile.

"Mn," he responds.

"We should go and visit Lotus Pier. It's been a month since I got a letter from Jiang Cheng."

Pain flashes in Lan Wangji's eyes. Wei Ying... - He thought. How will I tell you?

"Lan Zhan?"

"Mn."

"What happened? Why do I feel like something is off?" he asks in a wondering voice.

"Wei Ying,"

"Yes?"

"You will be alright. Soon," deep down he knows there is no cure for Wei Wuxian's problem, but he will go to the end of the earth if his Wei Ying can remember everything. After the death Of Jiang Wanyin, his situation just... got worse. He is regaining his memories now and then forgetting them. He is getting mentally breakdowns whenever he remembers everything. Sometimes confused about why he is in Gusu with Lan Zhan.

*

*

*

Overworking never does something good. It may distract Jin Ling during the day, but it will also be not good for his health. Yes... He collapsed in the hall...

Jin Ling gets out of the meeting room. He curses under his breath. The elders are annoying like always. He wonders how his uncle talked with them to secure his position...

His head is aching and he feels weirdly weak during the whole meeting. He thought it started because of the elders. To his unknown, it is because he is hardworking as well. But if he made his mind up, who can change it? No one. Not even me or you.

His vision starts getting blurry slowly. He tries to focus on walking, but he feels weak.

*

*

*

Sizhui takes Jin Ling's food to his study room where he does his works. When he didn't found him, he remembers he told him he have a meeting with his clan (Jin) elders. So, he places the food on the table.

He will come back soon. I will wait here then. - He thought. Suddenly he remembers when Jin Ling come close to him yesterday. His eyes had many shades which he likes. It looked like he was thinking something.

Thinking about him, he feels his face heating up slightly. There's no way he will return my feelings. - He thought. He knows it since the first day he fall in love with him, since the first time he saw him. Ouyang Zizhen told him to confess his feelings, but can he? He is happy with what he already has... To be his friend. That's where he is wrong.

His thoughts are interpreted when he hears a sound. He gets up to check what happened.

He didn't think he will find Jin Ling on the floor. His face is slightly red due to fever.

*

*

*

When Jin Ling wakes up, it is already midnight...

He blinks his eyes to see the ceiling. Confused, what happened? Wasn't he on the way to his study room? Wasn't it daytime? Why is he in his room? What about his work? He slowly sits on the bed when a voice interprets his thoughts.

"You should rest. You have a fever," Lan Sizhui says with a gentle smile. His eyes are filled with concern, standing in front of his room's door.

"What- Why?" he finds himself asking the obvious but it's not obvious to him...

He sighs, "You were working too much, you should rest and eat something," He gets a bowl of soup, "Here, drink it. Then you have to take medicine too."

Jin Ling opens his mouth to complain but closes it because he was right... So he silently obeys him. He knows how stubborn a Lan can be when they decide to be, and it doesn't look like Sizhui will listen to him now from the look he has now. It will be useless to argue with him.

He finish the soup, it wasn't much. Then, Sizhui gives a bitter liquid medicine, "Here, drink this too," he says.

"It's bitter..." he says.

He sighs, "If you don't drink this, then I have to tell Senior Wei about your fever." it is a threat. He remembers how spicy Wei Wuxian's medicine is... He wonders how did his uncle eat them as Wei Wuxian said Jiang Cheng loved his medicine and became healthy in less than a day. He thinks that Jiang Cheng becomes healthy in fear more of those poisons or... Because Wei Wuxian would create lots of trouble and he have to fix them later.

He takes the medicine and drinks in a go. It lefts a bitter taste in his mouth.

Sizhui covers him with a blanket and sits on the chair beside his bed. Jin Ling stares at his face for a while before asking him, "Why are you here?"

"I told you before, Jin Ling. I am he-" Jin Ling cuts him off.

"Why? Why are you doing this? Because Wei Wuxian asked you to do? You could have said no. Doesn't it bother you? You could have done more better thing..." he asks all the questions he had.

"That's too many questions. Yes, Senior Wei told me to take care of you but I am also doing it in my own will too. It doesn't bother me at all. Also what else do I have to do besides cultivating?" he asks a question back.

"Still... You can't cultivate well because of me..." he says in a low voice. Then mutters under his breath, "I annoy you, don't I? You have to take care of me..."

Lan Sizhui chuckles softly which made Jin Ling's heart flutter. "What?" he asks in confusion.

"Sorry, I didn't expect you to be so cute when you are sick," after saying this realizes what he said, he adds, "No, y-you don't annoy me." He slaps himself mentally. What was I thinking while saying this? - He thought.

Jin Ling is grateful that he has a fever. It seems like his face was already red due to fever that's maybe why Sizhui didn't notice it. Truly, he didn't look at him to avoid awkwardness.

The night passed silently...

*

*

*

In the morning, like a Lan, Lan Sizhui wakes up at 5 A.M. He looks at his hand and finds Jin Ling holding his hand. He smiles at him. He finds him cute while sleeping.

He leans and kiss on his forehead subconsciously and regrets it later. "Sorry, A-Ling. Sleep well," he mutters and left to take a bath.

*

*

*

Jin Ling opens his eyes, he is still slightly feverish. He mutters subconsciously, "Uncle..." Soon, the realization hits him. His uncle isn't here.

"Jin Ling?" a soft, gentle voice calls him and a hand pats his forehead. He feels bad for him. He wants to make him happy but doesn't know-how. He wants to stay by his side. Always.

"Lan Yuan?" he sits, "I need to finish my works-"

"No, you should rest. You can start working from tomorrow," he says and lays him back.

"But- But I have many things to do. I am feeling fine now."

"No."

"Leave me!"

"No."

"I want to go for a walk."

"...Fine, then."

*

*

*

From the next day, Jin Ling starts working again. But he has to take care of his health too or else he will become sick again. 

As usual, Jin Ling is correcting the posture of the Yunmeng Jiang disciples. It makes him feel nostalgic. He remembers how Jiang Cheng teaches him. He scolded him when he did mistakes, he scolded him the most when he got hurt while practicing...

"Fast! You are too slow today!" Jiang Cheng told him.

That day Jin Ling was feeling weak. He was 10 at that time. A disciple called Jiang Cheng for some reason.

He left him alone only for a while but in that short moment he ended up managing to slip his practice sword from his hands and it ends up going far away magically or he mistakenly threw it far away. Who knows that.

Afraid of getting punishment, he gets to find his sword. The sword ended up in a tree. He still wonders how.

He climbed up the tree to get it. He almost reached for it when Jiang Cheng called him...

"Jin Ling! What are you doing up there in a tree?! Come down right now or I will break your leg!" he said angrily. But did he knew Jin Ling will almost break his leg himself if he didn't hold in time?

His foot slipped hearing his uncle's voice. He thought he will fall on the ground and break his leg before his uncle break it. He closed his eyes. But he didn't fall on the ground instead he felt someone caught him. Confused about why he didn't break his leg, he opened his eyes to saw Jiang Cheng.

"Idiot. Who told you to jump from there? Did you want to break your leg? Then you should have told me, I would gladly break it," he scoffed and put him down.

"Why were you up there instead of training? Where's your sword?" he asked.

"Up there," he pointed at the tree where his sword was. Looking at the tree, Jiang Cheng's eyes were unreadable. Many emotions were there which Jin Ling didn't notice. 

"How is that there?!" he asked. Jin Ling himself doesn't know. Suddenly Jin Ling started sneezing.

That is the freshest memory Jin Ling has of his training like it happened yesterday.

He walks back to the study hall with a small sad smile as he remembers these memories. He didn't notice Lan Sizhui was observing him.

*

*

*

Soon Lan Sizhui left him, Jin Ling, not going to lie, feel a bit lonely.

His days were normal. He remembers to eat now. During their time with Lan Sizhui, he realized his feelings for him. 

He debates with him whether to confess or not. For now, he decides he will go with the flow. He doesn't want to ruin the relationship they already have. No, to be honest, he is still afraid to accept he loves anyone. He is afraid, just like how his uncle thought, that they will leave him and never love him.

He finished his works today early. Jiang Ying Yue have come from Cloud Recesses a few days ago. So his works are less now.

He decides to go outside and check around. It's been a while since he last visited the markets. He calls Fairy, who comes to him happily.

He didn't realize before how much he missed Fairy until now. From now he will like to be Sizhui's friend forever. 

*

*

*

Walking through the market, Jin Ling didn't expect to see two people.

Fairy barks and run toward them.

"Fairy! Come back!" Jin Ling calls Fairy.

Noticing Fairy, Wei Wuxian jumps to Lan Zhan's arms, "Ahh! Lan Zhan! Save me!"

Lan Zhan holds Wei Wuxian and looks at Fairy.

Jin Ling signals Fairy to hide for a while. He walks forward.

"Hanguang-jun," he greets Lan Zhan. Lan Zhan cups his hand as well as Wei Wuxian gets down.

"Jin Ling! How are you doing?" Wei Wuxian asks with a cheeky smile. He adds, "You have grown up! How is Jiang Cheng doing?"

"I am fine..." he replies. His face darkens hearing about Jiang Cheng. So the rumors are true... - He thought.

"Eh?" he becomes confused. "Are you having any problem?" he asks Jin Ling.

"No. Why are you guys here?" he asks, changing the topic.

"Oh! We are on another elope," he grins.

"..."

"No, actually, we are here for just a walk."

After the short conversation with Wei Wuxian, Jin Ling realizes the rumors are true.

*

*

*

1-year pass,

Jin Ling decides to confess to Lan Sizhui, finally! He prepares himself for a long time for this moment but... There is a new evil spirit, causing troubles. He will save it for later. Maybe he may change his mind as well. 

Lan Sizhui, Lan Jingyi, Jin Ling, and Ouyang Zizhen. Four of them are there to solve the case. This spirit is highly strong which is why they are here.

The night is chilling. Jin Ling feels like something is wrong. What can it be?

He continues searching for the spirit. That's when he hears a scream.

He runs towards the way where the scream comes from.

"This can't be true..." he mutters under his breath.

"Sizhui!" Lan Jingyi shouts. Jin Ling pants when he gets in the scene.

"No..." he mutters and runs toward him.

"Jin Ling... Jingyi..." he calls weakly.

"Hang in there, Sizhui! We will take you to the healer!" Jingyi says.

"I... I am taking you to the healer. Lan Jingyi! Ouyang Zizhen! Take care of the spirit!" Jin Ling didn't wait for the answer. He runs with Lan Sizhui in his arms.

No... Not him too... Please... - He thought.

"Jin Ling... I have something to say..."

"Don't talk! I will save you!"

"I need to say this... Please..."

"Then live!"

"A-Ling..."

"What?!"

"I love you," he says and smiles a little.

Hearing this, he stops.

"I have many things to say to you..." Sizhui continues.

"Me too. I have many things to say! So, please don't die!" he cries.

"Sorry..." that's what he says before breathing his last breath... Just like this, he also died on him. 

*

*

*

After the death of Lan Sizhui, Wei Wuxian's condition worsen. He keeps jumping on past and present.

After 2 months, he dies too. Leaving Lan Wangji in pain. He goes in seclusion. But soon, he dies too. Leaving Lan Xichen, his older brother who just came out of seclusion 1 month ago to comfort Lan Wangji, with a pang of pain.

Lan Xichen, again, enters in seclusion. 

Jin Ling was sad about Wei Wuxian's death. Even if their relationship wasn't good, their relationship wasn't bad either. He accepted Wei Wuxian as his uncle.

Jin Ling continues living, suffering alone. He died with no one beside him to care for him.

"Was it worth it?" he asks before dying after years of suffering. He wants to know if his living was worth it or not. A gentle wind blows as if saying yes. His mind remembers his uncle's voice.

"If it's for you, always yes." was the voice said at that time. But this time, there is no voice.

*

*

*

~The end~

A/N: Not my autocorrect changing 'Zhuiling' into 'Hunting' ;-; Please don't kill this girl for the bad quality angst. I will edit it when I can write angst stuff and make them angsty. I know it doesn't sound sad that much, but yeah, in my imagination it's sadder. English is my 4th language, so please bear with my bad English and correct any mistakes.

I was insecure will adding Mo XuanYu to the list of uncles. I mean, he is still his uncle and summoned Wei Wuxian. He is underrated. Even if Jin Ling doesn't like him, I can add him as an uncle. Also with Jin Ling's eye color. In donghua, it looks brown but at the same time has a yellow tint, but also sometimes it looked like silver. I was really confused about this. Mind correcting me if I am wrong?

Guess what is my favorite part in Jin Ling's flashbacks? I loved that flashback when Jin Ling was 10 years old and fall from the tree in this ff.

Thank you for reading this till the end! Sorry for the disappointment!

*Runs away before you can kill me for the bad angst* I will improve in the future!!!

*Comes back again to ask* Was it worth reading it? *Runs again*