CHAPTER 19: CAMP GREENDALE, PART 4 !

SATURDAY, 5:03 P.M.

Garrett, Ezra, Abbi, Claire, Luna, and Dylan have met up on one of the central trails and walk back toward their campsite.

"This was a waste of time," Luna says darkly. "We wandered the woods, and no one got attacked by an axe-wielding maniac or chased by a sasquatch."

"You want to be chased by a sasquatch?!" Dylan says, incredulous.

"Duh," Luna snaps. "Obviously."

Claire snickers, but pauses when she hears something in the distance. It almost sounds like...screaming.

"Shhh, do you guys hear that," she says.

Everyone pauses on the path, listening intently.

"All I can hear Garrett's mouth-breathing," Abbi says. "Oops! No offense, Garrett!"

"None taken," he squeaks. "I understand."

"Wait," Ezra says. "I hear it too. Someone's yelling. Someone needs help!"

Dylan turns.

A small speck in the distance gets closer and closer. The yells got louder and louder.

"OUT OF THE WAY!" someone shouts. "OUT OF THE WAYYYY! WE CAN'T STOP!"

"MOVE!" Dylan screams.

Everyone dives to the sides of the path as a brown golf cart holding Jared, Eve, Steven, and Duncan whizzes past.

"WE CAN'T STOP!" Steven cries out again as their cart zips down the path. "HELP US!"

"Oh my God!" Ezra shouts. "What the hell?!"

"They're out of control!" Garrett shouts.

"Yeah, no shit, Sherlock," Claire says. "Let's go!"

The students jog after the rogue cart, hoping they can somehow stop their friends from getting horrendously injured.

"How can we stop them?!" Dylan says, huffing and puffing and bringing up the rear.

Abbi kindly jogs slower than normal to stay in-step with Dylan.

"If they keep going the rate they're going," she calls from the back of the group, "they'll destroy our campsite and crash into the trees! They could get seriously hurt!"

"And they'll ruin our s'more-making supplies," Luna adds.

"Sort your priorities, Luna," Ezra snaps.

"I have! And I really want some s'mores!"

While they run, Claire furiously dials a number on her phone.

"I'm calling the Dean!" she says. "We need to warn him! Maybe he can get the Rangers to do something to stop the cart!"

🌲🌲🌲

MONDAY, 12:08 A.M.

"And then their cart crashed into Greendale Lake," Luna deadpans. "And they drowned and died."

Officer Cackowski rolls his eyes.

"I need you to talk this seriously," he says. "I know they didn't die because they're right here."

He gestures to Steven, Jared, and Eve-and Duncan, who's sitting in the back of an ambulance nearby, hungover and puking into a bucket.

Cackowski grimaces at the sight before turning back to the Human Beings.

"But how did you stop the cart?" he asks, sounding almost intrigued.

"Luna wasn't lying," Eve says sheepishly. "Our cart did crash into the lake. It...wasn't pretty."

🏊‍♀️🏊‍♀️🏊‍♀️

SATURDAY, 5:20 P.M.

Rangers and lifeguards help Eve, Jared, Steven, and Duncan out of Greendale Lake.

Despite the warmth of the summer air, they shiver and try to shake the lake water out of their hair and clothes.

"This sucks!" Jared says, teeth chattering. "My sneakers are ruined."

"That's what you're thinking about?!" Steven yells. "We could've drowned!"

Ranger Lionel hands out towels.

"Dry off," he says. "And then let's get you four back to your campsite. You can warm up by the fire with your classmates."

Duncan looks absolutely bewildered as they trudge along the path toward their campsite.

"Wha...what happened?" he slurs. "Can we drink now?"

🌊🌊🌊

MONDAY, 12:13 A.M.

"Then we ate our dinner at camp," Eve explains. "And a few hours later, Ranger Robin came back with Randy and Magnitude."

"How did you two fare?" Officer Cackowski asks. He eyes their rashy skin. "I'm guessing poison ivy was involved, somehow?"

"It was in our bear trap," Magnitude says sadly, scratching at his arms and face. "We didn't realize it at first."

"I tried to eat it," Randy admits. "I could've died!"

He sounds all-too excited about this possibility. Officer Cackowski makes some brief notes in his notepad.

"Okay," he says. "So, wait a minute. You two also got back to the campsite safe Saturday night?"

"Yep," Magnitude says. "We ate hot dogs and s'mores with everyone else."

"If you all made it back to your campsite safely last night," Cackowski says, "then what happened in between then and now to cause the forest fire?!"

"Oh, right," Leila says. "That."

"Yes," Cackowski says through clenched teeth. "That."

"Well," Leila says, "we spent most of Sunday morning doing trust exercises that the Dean planned. Most of them were musical-based, for some reason."

"And then we had time to swim in the lake," Troian adds. "Not all of us wanted to do that, though."

"Some of us had had our fill of the water," Steven says pointedly. He sends a small glare toward the ambulance Duncan is sitting in.

"Sunday night is when things went to shit," Claire says. "Erm, again."

🔥🔥🔥

SUNDAY, 8:03 P.M.

The Human Beings sit around their campfire with well-earned s'mores. After the dramatic events of Saturday, their fun, relaxing Sunday in the Greendale Camping Grounds was exactly what they needed.

Unfortunately, because it was a Greendale camping trip, it was bound to end with a bang.

Well, it was less of a bang and more of a...chirp.

Randy hears a familiar squawking while eating his s'more. He perks up and looks all around.

"Do you guys hear that?!" he says. "It's the green-striped swallow!"

"Randy, give it a rest," Troian says with a groan.

"Yeah," Riwa says. "We tried our hardest, but none of us are getting a photo of the swallow."

"I'm not giving up!" Randy shouts. "I want that extra credit!"

The small green bird flits through the trees, making a brief appearance at the campsite before disappearing back into the flora.

"THAT BIRD IS MINE!" Randy yells. "HE'S MY GREEN WHALE!"

"Do you mean white whale?" Ezra asks.

"Mr. Dildopolis," the Dean says urgently. "Please, just sit and enjoy your s'more. I'm just going to give you all extra credit for coming along on this-"

Randy ignores the Dean and leaps up from the stump he's sitting on.

He fails to realize how close he is to the campfire. As he charges forward toward the trees the swallow flew into, his pants catch on fire.

The Human Beings begin to scream and yell.

Randy looks down and gasps.

"AHHHHHH!" he screams. "HELP MEEEEE!"

He begins running in circles, accidentally setting fire to one of the tents.

"Randy, stop running!" Claire screams.

She tries to dump her water bottle on him, but his erratic running causes her to splash Steven instead.

The older man sputters and coughs.

"You almost water boarded me!" Steven yells.

"Oh, grow up," Troian snaps. "Randy's the one on fire!"

"SOMEONE GET MY PANTS OFF!" Randy shouts.

He begins dancing around and trying to wriggle out of his pants.

This causes him to sock Jared in the face with his elbow.

"ARGH!" Jared yells.

He jumps from his position and trips over Leila's shoes, landing face-first in the snack cooler and giving himself a gnarly bruise-

-thus spilling all of Leonard's soda cans.

"My sodas!" the old man yells. "Damn!"

"Priorities!" Eve screams at him, attempting to calm Randy down and blow out the fire.

Dylan and Luna jump over the loose cans while trying to help. Dylan misses a beat and slips on a can, which cracks open and sprays the two of them mercilessly.

Abbi has the sense to call 911, but the ruckus causes a startled squirrel to leap out of a tree and land right on her pink hair.

"AAAACK!" she squeals.

Ezra tries to help free her scalp from the squirrel's sharp little claws as Randy finally pries his pants off.

They land in a bush and the fire starts to spread.

In the ensuing chaos of shouts, running around, and crying out for help, no one notices a flock of green-striped swallows soaring overhead.

🐦🐦🐦

MONDAY, 12:30 A.M.

Officer Cackowski looks at the Human Beings in awe. His eyes dart to each and every one of them, taking in their squirrel bites and scratches, poison ivy rashes, and charred clothes.

He nods slowly and flips his notebook closed.

Without a word, he turns on his heel and walks away.

"Um, okay," Luna says with a scornful look. She shouts after him, "Nice talking to you too, Cop-kowski!"

"What just happened?" Troian asks. "Are we not in trouble?"

"Or are we in worse trouble than we thought?" Ezra asks nervously.

Jared shrugs, a smug look on his face (which looks significantly less cool because of his bruise).

"I've been down for worse," he says, almost bragging.

"Worse than starting a forest fire?" Eve quips.

"Hey, that was Randy!"

"It was an accident!" Randy says loudly.

"Still!" Eve says. "We could get in major trouble. I could lose my work-study position."

"I could lose my job!" Steven says, eyes welling up with tears. "I can't! I just can't!"

"Everyone relax!" Riwa says. "He's coming back over here."

Officer Cackowski rejoins the group of students.

"All right," he says. "These ambulances are going to take you all to get checked out."

"How much trouble are we in?" Abbi blurts out, eyes wide.

"Well," Cackowski says, "you're banned from these campgrounds for life."

"And?" Dylan prompts, bracing for the worst.

"And that's it."

Needless to say, this surprises the group.

"Really?" Leila says. "That's it?"

"You want a harsher punishment?" Cackowski snaps.

Everyone shakes their heads vigorously.

"Good. Now, get to the hospital and try not to commit any more crimes."

He shuffles away.

EMTs load the Human Beings into ambulances and take them far, far away from the home of the green-striped swallow.

🚑🚑🚑

{Posted December 20th, 2020}

A/N I wasn't going to post this until after the holidays but I figured, what the hell! It can be my (kinda crappy) gift to you all. Happy Holidays to Greendale's best!

Starting in January, I'm going to try and update regularly again. I'll switch to a different storytelling format and focus on one character for each "episode". Also, I'm going to make chapters longer so each story arc is only one part.

Happy Holidays once more, and see ya in 2021! xoxo