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What It Means To Be Me

He's useless...

...hasn't shifted.

Kill him...disgrace...

...few more days.

No...the alpha has spoken.

...honey, you need to run.

Son, don't ever come back.

Stop him!

Run, Tanner!

~Tanner~

Light flooded my vision as I jumped to my feet, knocking my head on the hollowed-out tree trunk above my head. Snow trickled down to lightly coat the already thick blanket in front of my paws.

Nnnn, ow.

Flopping back down onto the frigid ground, I huffed a sigh and looked outside my pathetic excuse for a den. The cold already had me shivering, but at least it numbed to the itchiness I usually felt. I had no idea why half of my fur had fallen out or why I was always so itchy, but there wasn't much I could do about it. Swimming sometimes helped, but in the winter, that could be deadly.

After a few strong sneezes, I got up again, being sure not to hit my head this time, and carefully sauntered out from under the old tree where I'd had taken shelter the night before during the snowstorm. Everything was covered in a blanket of white, and icicles hung precariously from the dormant oak trees overhead. The forest really was beautiful, but after living in several different ones by myself over the years, I had come to know its more sinister side. Nothing was ever safe, and if a human was ever sighted, the only rule was to run faster than their bullets.

When I was a puppy, I came in contact with them on several occasions, before I learned how to avoid them altogether. Each time ended with me running for my life, and the last time was still fresh in my mind—I glanced back at my injured back leg and whined. I wasn't sure what was wrong with it, but I couldn't use it anymore and it had hurt so badly that I basically kept it pulled up against my haunches. That's where it had healed itself, so the limb was completely useless now. Over the season that it had been injured, I quickly realized my hunting ability had dropped to the point where I was eating lizards and bugs to survive. I didn't find them disgusting, but the taste wasn't nearly as good as deer or wild turkey. My strength had also decreased with the loss of my main food source...which led me to where I was at the moment.

It was a dangerous place being near a human town, especially since I'd been there for several days, but I was just too hungry to go elsewhere. Pets were such easy meals, and as long as the humans didn't see me, they shouldn't be able to catch or shoot me. Just the thought of having another meal made me begin to drool as I stumbled through the thick snowbank that led into the human town. I needed to go keep to the outskirts like I had last time I hunted and wait until I heard barking or saw someone letting their dog out into an unobstructed yard.

It only took me a short while to come across a little white fluffy dog that had just been let out to go bathroom in an open yard, perfect. After a quick look around, I bolted for the dog, easily catching it even with my useless leg. Human pets were always so overweight and easy to catch, not to mention that fat was really important for me in winter.

"Wolf!"

I was retreating from the backyard with my kill when I heard a door creak open and a scream echo through the night. Shit! Thankfully the human was an old woman so I easily escaped, but it was never good to get caught taking from people, they often sent other people into the forest to look for me, which forced me to hide for days to stay alive.

~Cole~

"Alpha! There was just another report of a dog taken by what looked like a wolf," my beta, Rowin, panted as he stumbled in through the front door, completely out of breath from having obviously run here.

I swear the man always forgot he could use a cell phone or, when he got close enough, our mind link...

I wasn't really expecting the kills to continue, especially since the town said to keep all pets inside unless someone was with them, but since whatever was hunting them was getting more and more bold, considering it was midmorning and the other attacks had occurred at night, I knew we had to act or risk a complete panic with the humans. Giving a quiet sigh, I rolled my shoulders and pulled out my phone.

"Alright. Let's go get it. If people are calling it a wolf, then we need to figure this out. It could just be a rogue who wandered in, but even one wolf shouldn't be forced to hunt dogs."

"Alpha, the woman said it was limping and looked like it was missing fur," Oliver noted as he walked over to me.

Well, that explains it. Sick animals were irrational when it came to hunting because they could only catch so much.

"Okay, so we just need to go kill it. It's probably a wolf that injured itself or was hurt by a hunter, then left behind by its pack. If it's already missing fur, it likely has mange, too. Gather the pack, let's get this taken care of."

I made a few calls and then tossed my clothes on the sofa before walking out the back sliding door. It wasn't unheard of to see a wandering wolf in the area, we'd taken care of them before to keep our secret from the ever-curious human population. So, when my pack began to assemble in their wolf forms, I shifted into my own black one to lead.

Tracking in the snow wasn't very easy considering our noses froze after a few minutes and snow didn't hold scent very well, but lucky for us, the canine was bleeding pretty heavily and it only took us a few sniffs after we lost the blood trail to hear the crunching of bones over by a huge oak tree. I motioned for my pack to quietly surround the injured animal, and once everyone was in place, I carefully sauntered forward with my beta and third-in-command flanking me at each side.

It's definitely a wolf, and looks like it has mange judging from its face and what I can see of its back. I sent the thought out to my curious pack.

Did Orlando bring the shotgun? I asked Rowin, my eyes narrowing on the animal beneath the old tree.

Yes, Alpha. He's already lined up in a tree behind us but needs the wolf a little bit out of the den to get the shot, another of my pack responded in confirmation.

Alright, everyone stay back. I'll get it out.

There was no way to be sure what kind of mange it had so I decided to use my human form so that it wouldn't get on my fur. Granted, the sarcoptic version was highly transmissible, even to humans, but it would be best to limit touching it as much as possible. As I began to creep forward through the deep snow, I allowed my mind to nudge its way into the other wolf's. At first, I couldn't quite figure out what was going on, but as I focused and took apart each little murmur and thought, I slowly began to piece together what it was thinking. The most prevalent thought was definitely about the food it had right now, then pain and cold mixed in. When I took another step closer, the crunch of snow caused the animal's head to snap up. Instantly panic flooded its mind, pulsing into my own as it cowered farther back under the tree, dragging the remains of the dog along with it. I knew most wild animals didn't understand werewolves or humans for that matter, but perhaps my voice could distract it a little so I could grab the dog's body. Having its food taken away would likely spur it to lunge forward, and hopefully get the animal far enough out so Orlando could take his shot.

Hi sweetie... I cooed soothingly through our mind-link.

~Tanner~

Hi sweetie...

Err?

I immediately shook my head, trying to get that terrible voice out of my mind. The words were lost to me since I hadn't spoken to anyone since I'd run away all those years ago. One thing I did know, though, was that he was getting closer, even though I was baring my teeth in warning that I would bite. I didn't trust anyone, even other werewolves, after what my own pack had tried to do to me. So when he reached his hand out, I lunged, snapping my jaws down on air a second after he jumped back. The momentum of the attack lifted me up, but it also showed the man kneeling in front of me my injury by mistake.

Awww, sweetie, that looks like it hurts...

I snarled and backed away, shielding my injured side from his sight as I hunkered back under the tree. His tone of voice tickled my memories, but I couldn't place it.

~Cole~

"Rowin."

There was a quiet growl from behind me as I heard him walk up, then shift into his own human form.

"Yes, Alpha?"

"Run back to the house and get some of the fresh meat from the fridge. Take most of the pack back with you, I just want Orlando, Daise, and Carter to stay behind."

My beta nodded and shifted back, leaving a large, light brown wolf standing in the snow where his human-self had been. After a moment, he took off with most of my pack to return to my home. I remained calm in the deep snow, simply watching as the small wolf tried to curl itself farther under the trunk. It was obvious it had pushed as far back as it could but kept trying nonetheless.

Good, if it was able to go in any farther I'd have to go in and fight it with my wolf and pray what it had wasn't the contagious type of mange.

Shaking my head at that thought, I licked my lips and squatted down in the deep snow.

Well, it's just me and a few friends now...One of my good friends went to get you some food, would you like that?

I really have no idea why I was talking to it. Its mind was definitely that of a wild, sickly wolf, but for some reason I felt the need to try to calm it—a little humorous, sadly. A wild wolf would normally get more upset if a werewolf tried to speak to it telepathically, so this one had me curious. Granted, it was probably so far gone that it just didn't care.

"Poor pup."

About twenty-five minutes later, my beta returned with a huge backpack full of meat. He had run in his human form and, along with the meat, had brought me a set of warm clothing.

"Thanks," I said as I reached for the clothing he was offering.

"No problem, Alpha. Here."

He handed me the bag, which I quickly dug into after tugging on the clothes, a simple red sweater and worn blue jeans. He had gotten some seriously good meat, so hopefully it would be enough to lure the small wolf out. If it had been possible to rehab the pup without being a danger to others, and if it hadn't killed those pets, we might have tried to trap it, but it was already covered in mange and eating things it shouldn't. That back leg also looked like an old injury, which would take a long surgery to even begin fixing. Giving a quiet sigh, I took out a nice big piece of steak and immediately smirked when the wolf's nose moved along with the meat, following the food.

"Hungry, aren't ya, sweetie?"

With a small smile, I tore off a little chunk of meat and tossed it to him. It vanished before even hitting the ground, leaving behind a line of drool from the wolf's mouth as it awaited more. After that, each time I tossed it a piece, it lunged for it, snapping the morsel out of thin air, but then it would shy right back against the root wall again.

"Hmph. You're not stupid, that's for sure."

It obviously knew what I was trying to do...which was going to make this harder to deal with.

~Tanner~

Stupid.

...Stupid...

I remembered that word. That was me. I'm stupid. My eyes dropped to the ground at the thought of someone else calling me that. It's what made Mommy cry and Daddy get mad. It's what eventually made me have to run for my life. That word wasn't good. It was bad.

Stupid.

The man kneeling in front of me gasped, making me scoot farther against the trunk in case he tried to attack. I really wanted the food he still had. I could smell it in that bag but I wasn't going to come out with anything that looked even close to humans there. No one ever tried to help me. Every time I found food, it had always been someone trying to catch me or something that had been dead for a long while. This was good food, though, so he was trying to hurt me.

"Wait a second...did it just..."

The man leaned closer, getting a growl out of me in warning.

"Hey, little pup, do you understand that word? Stupid?"

My ears pinned down in annoyance.

Why did he have to keep saying that word?

I knew I was stupid, whatever that meant. I remembered it from the days my parents had spent upset after people had used it to describe me. He didn't have to keep saying such a bad thing. When he started getting closer, I lunged at him, screaming into his mind—Stupid!

The man jumped back instantly and got to his feet.

"Orlando, hold your fire. It's a werewolf."

~Cole~

Eh? Are you sure, Alpha? I've never seen a were that bad before, Orlando thought to me through our link as he sauntered to my side, still in his human form, gun lightly resting on his shoulders.

"Yeah. He doesn't seem to understand anything but the word 'stupid'," I said, smiling slightly at the odd situation we'd found ourselves in.

"Huh? That doesn't make much sense," Orlando mumbled as he leaned over a little, trying to get a better look at the pup beneath the tree trunk. I had to agree. This was a really strange case. Werewolves didn't usually get mange and begin stealing people's pets to stay alive. They also tended to understand words, but this one only knew stupid so far. Scratching the back of my neck, I gave a tired sigh.

"We can't just leave it here...."

I knew killing pets or generally having a rogue in our territory gave us the right to kill it, but I didn't think this pup even understood where he was or that what he was doing was wrong. Pursing my lips, I carefully knelt down in the snow again so I could see the wolf in the small hollowed out area. Reaching out my hand, I gently curled my fingers in a come-here gesture.

"Can you come here, sweetie? I won't hurt you."

Stupid... he grumbled back, baring his teeth in a warning.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to call you that. Come here, I can help you."

To try to prove my point, I tossed him another piece of meat. He snapped it up, but backed away again when he finished it.

"Bah..."

"Alpha, do you want me to go get a catch pole?" Orlando offered. I really didn't want to stress the wolf more than it already was but if it stayed out here much longer it definitely wouldn't last. The human police would quickly send hunters out here to kill it when it went after another dog...if they weren't already being rallied right now for its most recent kill.

"....yeah. I guess that's really all we can do. Bring back a muzzle and some rope, too."

"Yes, Alpha," he replied before nodding and running off. I waited quietly with my three other pack members and the pup, tossing it food occasionally until Orlando returned with what I had requested.

"Thank you, now let's see if we can get this pup somewhere warm before the storm tonight."

That was the main reason I didn't want to set a humane trap and wait. It was going to drop well below freezing since a storm was heading this way from Canada. It was just too dangerous to not take the chance and catch it now, even though it's going to add some stress to the already frightened pup and possibly get a few of us an annoying skin infection. I had Orlando take the catch pole once I got the noose the way I wanted it, having him hold it over the main entrance to the den-like hole beneath the tree.

"Alright, I'm going to be feeding it through the noose, when you see your chance, yank it back," I mumbled as I got a piece of meat torn off from the large steak in my left hand.

"Got it, Alpha," Orlando said, his attention focusing on his task. The first few tries the pup nearly got my fingers, but when I grabbed a big chunk of brisket from the bag and he latched onto it, I quickly yanked his neck through the noose and Orlando took his chance, pulling back hard on the catch pole.

"Yes," I shouted when the rope synched around the small wolf's neck.

"Got him, Alpha!"

~Tanner~

No!

No no no!

I thrashed around as much as I could manage in the deep snow, but something around my neck kept digging into my skin.

Ow ow ow!

"It's okay, hun, I know it hurts. Calm down, shhhh. It's okay. We don't want to hurt you," the man in front of me said, though again, I didn't understand. I had dropped the meat he'd used to trick me so when he tried to get closer, I quickly snapped at him, yelling at his mind one of the few other words I remembered.

No!

"Shit. He's upset. We need to get him inside and calm so we can call the vet to start taking care of him," the man growled then grabbed something weird from his pack before attempting to get closer again, but this time when I lunged to bite, he waited until my mouth shut and then lunged forward himself. I wasn't expecting it, and when the item slipped over my mouth, I instantly freaked out and began thrashing to get free. With that rope-like thing around my neck, I couldn't struggle enough to keep the other man from pinning me and tying something around my head.

No! No! No! Ow!

"I know it hurts, hun, but this is the only way we can catch you right now," the man said, making me want to bite him even more for his calm tone. As soon as he got the item buckled on my head, he jumped back and I charged after him, but my mouth wouldn't open enough to bite. In my confusion, he rushed forward, this time tying me up with the help of two other human-like creatures who had previously been wolves.

~Cole~

"Whew, Finally."

Took a bit of effort and help from Orlando to get the pup tied up, but now I could easily carry it back home without any chance of it getting the muzzle off and causing damage.

"Alright, I'm gonna carry him back to my place. Rowin, call the vet and have him meet me there. Orlando, Daise, Carter, you're dismissed as well as the rest of the pack. Feel free to tell them what happened, but there will be an official meeting later tonight."

All four men nodded and shifted to run back to town as I began walking. I could still hear the pup's voice yelling "no" and "ow" in my head, but as far as I could tell, those two words, along with "stupid", were the only things he understood.

"You're a mystery, eh, little pup?" I said cheerfully as I stepped over a frozen log. He just growled in response, making me grin.

* * * *

Back at the house I was relieved to only see Rowin and the vet standing on my back deck. They both looked up as I approached, carrying the wolf.

"Hey, Doc, got a doozy for ya," I yelled as I made my way through my white, frozen yard. The older man's eyebrows rose in surprise as he looked at the poor wolf on my shoulder.

"Boy, Rowin wasn't kidding. Are you sure it's a werewolf? I've never seen them get mange that badly...and he's a rogue?"

"Yeah. As far as I know. He doesn't understand many words from what I can tell."

We all walked inside, and I put the wolf down on a tarp Rowin and the doctor had laid out to examine him.

"Which words does he know so far?" the doctor asked, making me chuckle as I listed them. "Ow, no, and stupid."

I got a low growl from the pup for saying stupid and grinned.

"He doesn't like that last one very much."

"Hah. I see. Well then, let's get busy. I'm sure this pup will be much more talkative when he feels better."

~Tanner~

Having hands on me was extremely uncomfortable, but no matter how many times I screamed "no" into that man's head, he wouldn't let me go. A new older man was the one causing most of the pain as he went straight after my hurt leg.

"It's definitely broken. It looks like an old injury from a gunshot wound...at least a few months ago," the new man said as he stretched my leg suddenly. I couldn't help but whine and try to get away. Unfortunately, the man who had brought me to this house was very strong and had no problems holding me down.

"I'm going to have to re-break this, but that will be for another day. He's already stressed enough right now. Alright, let's see..."

I felt something scrape along my shoulder where I had no fur and growled, but they obviously ignored it since the painful scraping continued.

"Let's see what kind of mange this poor fellow has," the older man said when he finally stopped scratching at me. A minute later, I noticed all three taking turns staring at some kind of device, but I couldn't lift my head enough to see what it was.

"Phew. It's demodex. It's not contagious but does take a lot of work to treat. He'll need special baths daily and a much better diet than old lady's obese dogs," the older man said, making the group laugh but I wasn't sure why. I knew I wasn't doing anything close to funny...

"Alright, well, considering the look of his teeth he's so graciously showing us, I'd have to say he's somewhere around sixteen, maybe seventeen years old."

"Eh? B-But he's a tiny wolf. I thought he was like twelve," the younger man said while his friend stood off to the side, staring at me. The guy they called Doc laughed and patted the only place on my left shoulder that had a small tuft of fur.

"Considering what he understands and his current body condition, I'm going to guess that he's been on his own for a very long time. Maybe even..."

There was a long pause as they all looked at each other, then back down at me, then back to the older man.

"He could be from the Cliff Royal pack."

"But then...they kill any pups who don't change by their fifth birthday. Then you're saying he..." I heard the larger man say. I think they had called him alpha, so he had to be the leader of whatever pack I had unfortunately found. They looked back at me, giving me an uneasy feeling in my belly.

The Doc person cut the silence by replying quietly, "He probably was attacked when he was five, and perhaps his parents gave him the chance to run."

"So...he's been on his own for eleven years?" the alpha exclaimed.

"Yes. That would explain why he doesn't understand most things he should and why he has no pack."

The doctor shook his head as he stood up and spoke, wiping his hands on his pants.

"Bring him to my office tomorrow so we can operate on that leg. It's going to need to be splinted and wrapped. I think he may have an embedded collar, too. So that will need to come out also before it deals more damage and causes a bad infection."

The man who had caught me looked upset as he reached forward and ran his fingers along my rough fur, speaking quietly, "We'll get you fixed up, hun. I wonder if he can tell us his name..."

...name, hun?

I remembered my parents saying that word a lot, then they followed it with Tanner. Maybe that's what he wanted to know? I couldn't really remember if it was me, but maybe if I answered, they would stop poking at me.

Tanner.

"Nice to meet you, Tanner, I'm Cole."

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