Manik

One kiss was nearly not enough.

I kept all my wildest thoughts regarding Nandini tucked in the darkest corners of my heart, so far away where even I couldn't access them for all the years that passed, and it took me one kiss to lose my sanity.

Because once I started, I couldn't stop. I didn't want to stop.

I sat in the front seat of the car that Cabir was driving, and kept staring at her face in the rearview mirror.

The rains had finally receded enough for my best friend to pick us up from the motel to Nandini'a relief and my dismay.

As if just on queue, Cabir's eyes flicker from the road ahead to me. "You're staring."

"What?"

"You're staring at Nandini." He repeats, a little louder this time, enough for the woman in the backseat to catch it.

She shudders, her cheeks turning slightly red as she purses her lips and pretends to not have heard anything, pulling our daughter closer to her.

A slight change, something maybe Cabir wouldn't notice, but I did.

"Drive," I glared at him, but the smile I was trying so desperately to hide makes its way to the top in a concealed gesture.

Whether she accepted it or not, I affected her just as much as she affected me, if not more.

~

Nandini

The feeling of Manik's lips on mine still persisted long after I was home, tucked in the safety of my blanket.

That was troubling, since the divorce papers awaited me at my house. Ones that I demanded for.

Logically, I knew this kiss was a one-off. Nothing would have followed after, but a what-if still lingered in the back of my head.

What if Cabir hadn't called and broken our moment? Just, what if?

The divorce papers sat on the shelf under my stack of medicines, unsigned by him, waiting for my signature first.

I wish I could've signed on it as confidently as I had asked for these to be drawn up, but I couldn't. Even if not for the kiss, I needed to take my time to say goodbye to the last half decade of my life, which I lived being Nandini Manik Malhotra.

My phone buzzed in a corner displaying Aryamman's name, who probably was calling to ask if I reached home safe after I disappeared from his guest house in the middle of the night with nothing but a note behind, but I let it ring.

The only man occupying my thoughts that night was my estranged husband.

~

Manik

"Hold on, let me make sure I got this right," Cabir dramatically batted his eyelashes while he sat sprawled across the couch in my living room, as if he owned it. "You dropped the divorce papers at Nandini's house?"

I nod.

He goes on, "And then you realised that you actually don't want to divorce her, and you need a solid plan that should involve begging on your knees for her to not leave you right this instant?"

I reluctantly nod again. "Yes to everything except the last part."

He grabs a pillow and throws it flying across to me, which I catch effortlessly and even glare at him.

"You'd be lucky if she takes you back even after you beg her on your knees."

"I know," I sigh. "I've really hurt her, haven't I?"

"There's something you should know," Cabir tells me, almost sympathetically.

I raise my eyebrows in a what gesture.

"When you decided you wanted a divorce, I couldn't accept that you both simply fell out of love. I- I suspected you didn't tell us the truth to shield her.. because I knew how overprotective you were of her." He accepts. "And.. she was behaving a little strange after the divorce... disappearing all the time, and so- so I thought maybe Nandini cheated, and- and I followed her one evening."

I feel every muscle in me tensing immediately, an unknown fear gripping me. "And?"

"And she drove to the lake in the outskirts. Every single evening, with some or the other excuse, she drove there."

My breath hitched. "And?"

"And... nothing." Cabir raised his shoulder and then let it fall. "She parked her car at the same spot every single day, and just sat there and cried."

I felt my heart drop.

I knew I'd hurt her. I knew she must've cried. I had cried too at some point- many points, but hearing this just made me feel like someone had stabbed me, removed the knife and then stabbed me at the same spot again.

I had hurt the woman I had sworn to protect.

"That's the day I realised it wasn't you who was protecting her, it was she who was protecting you... because if I or Navya or Chacha-Chachi would've seen how badly she was hurting, we would've inevitably hated you for doing that. So she acted strong in front of everyone, and alone she cried."

"When did it stop?" My voice was barely a whisper.

"What?"

"When did she stop going to that lake?"

"It took her four months."

I nod stiffly, breathing deep to swallow the lump in my throat. "Thanks for letting me know."

"What do you want from me?" He asked. "How can I help you get her back?"

"You've helped me enough," I manage to give him a small smile. "I have to do this alone."

*  *

The next afternoon, I waited at the corner table of the restaurant I had invited Nandini to have lunch with me. I knew I wasn't winning her over a meal, but before I make any grandiose gestures of any kind, I wanted to be honest with her.

In all my years of trying to keep her happy, I'd forgotten to be honest.

And that's what I wanted to be, if she'd still allow me.

The time was a quarter past one, fifteen minutes later than the time I had invited her at.

Just when I thought I was going to be stood up, I saw her walk in. She wore a short fitted dress with an oversized jacket, her newly short hair collected on one side of her shoulder, her nervous eyes wandering around the wallpapered walls of the vintage restaurant, trying to find me.

I would've called for her, waved at her, just about anything to grab her attention, had I not been lost in how she looked like the most beautiful woman in the crowd, and effortlessly so.

Enchanted, I watched her, snapping out only when her eyes met mine and the nervousness in them drained as she rushed towards me.

"I am so sorry I'm late," she exclaimed while immediately taking the seat opposite mine. "My car is still giving me issues and the cab took longer than I expected."

I gave her a half smile, unable to remove Cabir's words from yesterday out of my mind. "Don't worry about it," I tell her, "I'm just glad you're here."

She relaxes for a brief moment before the lines on her forehead re-appear. "I'm assuming you called me here to grab the signed divorce papers?" She asked, and before I could refuse, opens her bag to remove the papers in the same envelope I had dropped them in two days ago.

My mouth opens, and then shuts up again, eyes drifting from the papers to her. "Did you sign them already?"

"No. No, I didn't get a chance." Her nose is a little flushed like it often is when she's lying. Her refusal makes me drop the breath I didn't even realise I was holding. "I can sign it right now if you have a pen?" She offers, almost half heartedly.

"I don't have a pen," I lie, a smile threatening to make its way to my lips. "And, I didn't call you here to collect the signed the divorce papers."

"Oh?"

"Mia's holidays are around the corner, and I was wondering if it's okay if we take her on a vacation."

"Oh," The realisation is quick, and she eases up again, her muscles relaxing. If she wasn't the one to want the divorce, her reaction would make me believe she was almost relieved to not have to sign the papers. "Sure, where do you want to take her?"

"No, I meant we should take her. We. You and me. As a family."

"Oh." This is the third time she was saying the same word, this time full of shock. "Sure. I... I can take a few days off work. Where do you have in mind?"

"India." I try so hard to keep the grin concealed, but fail miserably.

"India?" Her eyebrows furrow.

"Yes. Don't you think it's too long since we've met Amms?"

Nandini's eyebrows furrow further. "Amms? Since when are you actually fond of Amms? Last time I checked, you disliked her so much, you couldn't wait a week to marry me so she could be present too."

I did dislike her. She wanted Nandini to marry some guy in Mangalore instead of me, is of course I disliked her. "I don't dislike Amms," I lie, "Besides, she's getting old. Don't you think Mia should meet her before she... you know... perishes."

Nandini's jaw drops. "Manik!"

"What?"

"You cannot just casually talk about Amms..." her voice lowers into a whisper, "dying!"

"Dying? I didn't say anything like that." I innocently reply, "I said perishes."

"Tomato. Tomahto." She rolls her eyes, "Same difference."

I smile, just staring at her. I hadn't realised how much I had missed this- sitting across her in a restaurant, playful talks, joking around, and just being us. I didn't realise how much I had missed in the years I had spent being stupid because I didn't let myself think, and now that I did, my heart hurt.

All the time I had missed with her was causing an aching pain in my chest, but I found comfort in knowing I would follow her around for the rest of her life trying to win her back if she allowed me.

"What?" Nandini squirms, suddenly aware of my unwavering gaze on her, causing me to snap out.

I shook my head.

She gulps, looking everywhere before she looks back at me. "I can take a few days off work," she tells me, "Let me know which dates work for you, and I will apply for a leave."

"No." The ghost of a smile lingers on my lips. "You let me know when you are free, and I will make it work."

"Oh." The same word, fourth time, this time full of surprise. "Are you sure? Your work is...important."

"So is yours," I remind her. Afraid of being too corny too soon, I lean back on my chair. "Besides, I'm the boss of my own company. I can take the off whenever I want, unlike someone who's employed."

"Ya-ya." A smile spreads on her lips even though she rolls her eyes. "Show off."

"I miss you." The words escape from my lips before I can put a stop to them.

Nandini's ears perk up. "What?"

I gulp, leaning ahead again, hands on the table. I shouldn't feel this nervous, but I could feel the sweat trickle down my back despite the air conditioned room. "Nandini..." I hesitate, "I.. I miss you."

She stares at me like I had grown a second face. "What?" She asks again.

I take a deep breath, the anxiety churning my insides. "I don't want to divorce you."

She blinks, not a word escaping her perfectly kissable lips.

"I never wanted to divorce you," I add. "I had this misguided notion that I'd let you fly... let you sparkle by freeing you of me. I.. I was wrong. I don't want to let you go. I can't let you go." I pause. "I know I have hurt you. And I know that even if I spend the rest of my life making it up to you, I wouldn't able to make it up for the hurt my stupidity has caused you. I never deserved you, I still don't, but I want to. I want to wake up every day and better myself to be worthy of you while being your husband."

"Manik..." she whispers, her voice cracked and broken as if she doesn't believe she's hearing the words I'm saying.

"Nandini," I beg. "Please don't divorce me. Please, don't leave me."

She stares, she looks away to the ceiling as if to drink away tears before reluctantly looking back at me, taking a deep breath. "No."

"No?" I ask.

"No." She simply says, her shoulders rising and dropping, her voice tired and broken. "I can't do what you're asking of me."

"Nandini..."

"No," she cuts me off, her voice firmer this time. "You can't miss me. Not now. Not after all this time, you can't simply decide you don't want to let me ago."

"Nandini..." I plead.

"No, Manik," She cries, "You did this. You did this three years ago, you simply woke up one day and decided to end things. And I had to accept what you wanted, and I'll be damned if I let history repeat itself. You don't get to simply decide you want me, just like you simply decided you didn't want me three years ago. I am not your play thing, Manik."

"You're my everything, Nandini."

She smiles sadly. "It's too late, Manik."

I stare at her, my heart shattered into a hundred pieces. Of course I knew I wasn't going to win her over one conversation, but it was torturous to see that I was just beginning to grasp the hurt that I had caused her.

I watch as she gets up, turns and walks away. Every part of me wanted to hold her wrist and stop her the way I didn't on that night three years ago, but I also knew that it would be too much, too seen.

She was hurt, she was sensitive, and she deserved feeling her emotions.

But this was a start. This was a start to me working, begging, pleading, grovelling and doing whatever is necessary to get Nandini back where she belongs- by my side.

And if the unsigned divorce papers that she had forgotten on the table were any indication? It was a pretty good start.

* *

Are we excited to see Manik-simp-Malhotra grovel? ;)

Also, this is the last chapter with angst for a while.

To everyone who's still here, thank you for reading. Please comment and vote.

Love, Heer.