a loud stomach growl made seonghwa grunt in annoyance. he stood up from his comfortable position on the couch and walked to the fridge, rolling his eyes as he opened the door.

"nothing good," he muttered, shutting it again.

he took a moment to think about what he wanted to eat. both his housemates were out and would not be home for a while, so he decided to treat himself to a solo dinner.

grabbing his keys and a light jacket, he left the apartment and took the elevator down to the first floor. the air outside was cool as he made his way to the subway at the corner of his block, descending the littered stairs among a crowd of new york city's finest business people.

he waited at the platform for the uptown train, passing the time by people-watching.

a sudden, familiar face caught him off guard. his heart involuntarily skipped a beat. the man stood a few feet away, headphones on, eyes fixed on the ground with that same tired look he always had.

seonghwa inched closer, careful not to seem stalkerish but hoping to catch his attention. the subway screeched into the station, packed as always with unenthusiastic passengers. as the soho crowd rushed the car, seonghwa trailed just behind him.

should i talk to him? he's got his headphones on. he might not want to be interrupted. he looks exhausted. if it were me, i wouldn't want to be bothered.

but maybe this is fate's way of telling me i should?

he pushed the negative thoughts aside. before he could stop himself, his hand reached out and tapped the man on the shoulder.

his head turned quickly, a small smile forming as his eyes met seonghwa's.

"oh, hi, seonghwa. funny to meet you here," hongjoong said, turning to face him fully, their chests now dangerously close.

"hey, hongjoong," seonghwa replied, suddenly struggling to find his words.

"you didn't follow me, did you?" hongjoong joked, making seonghwa chuckle softly.

"no, i promise. i live nearby. just wanted to grab a bite."

"oh, that's cool," hongjoong replied casually.

"do you live nearby?" seonghwa asked, trying to keep the conversation going.

"not exactly. i live in the bronx," hongjoong answered with a sigh.

"oh wow, that's a pretty far trip to soho every day," seonghwa looked at the man with curious eyes.

"yeah, it is. but i like the work, so don't mind it too much," hongjoong replied with somewhat honesty.

"cool," seonghwa said, racking his brain for what to say next. "sorry we're shoved up against each other like this," he blurted out, instantly regretting the awkward remark.

"don't worry," hongjoong laughed. "what else do you expect from a new york city subway?"

"and during rush hour, at that," seonghwa added, making both of them laugh.

"yeah, exactly," hongjoong said, starting to turn away like he was about to end the conversation.

but seonghwa did not want it to end.

"um, would you maybe want to join me for dinner? i was just heading to the koreatown cafeteria by myself," he asked, not sure where the sudden wave of courage had come from.

hongjoong froze for a moment, the familiar feeling of regret washing over him like a cold shower.

"thanks, but i've got food at home. maybe another time?" he replied, part honest, part obligated.

"um, yeah! yeah, that sounds great," seonghwa said with a smile. "could i get your number? to set something up sometime?"

hongjoong hesitated. part of him wanted to give it to him, truly. there was something in seonghwa's voice, in the way he asked; he was not demanding, not expectant, just hopeful.

it made hongjoong's chest ache a little.

but another part of him did not think it would be fair to seonghwa.

he knew the walls he had built were too high for someone like seonghwa to climb, no matter how gentle or kind or patient he might be. there were pieces of himself he kept locked away, parts he never talked about, not because he wanted to be mysterious, but because he did not know how to explain them without breaking something open.

and what if seonghwa got too close? what if he reached in and found someone hongjoong did not like? what if this soft moment between them turned into something messy, something tangled and sharp?

he was not sure he could share his life with someone, not fully.

hongjoong stood there, staring at seonghwa with a tiny war going on in his chest.

against his better judgment, he pulled out his phone.

"here, take my phone and put your number in," he said, a smile threatening to show.

seonghwa blinked, surprised, but quickly took the phone and typed his number in, saving it simply as 'seonghwa' before handing it back.

"i'll send you a text so you have mine too," hongjoong said, already typing out a simple 'hi' and hitting send before his brain could stop him.

"thanks, i just got your text," seonghwa said, his heart beating faster than the subway car.

"seonghwa, isn't this your stop?" hongjoong laughed as the boy glanced over at the sign reading 'thirty-fourth street'.

"oh shit, yeah," seonghwa said, darting toward the door. "bye, hongjoong!" he called as the doors closed behind him, the train pulling away before hongjoong could respond.

"bye, seonghwa," hongjoong whispered to himself, barely believing he had actually given someone his number.

maybe this was what he needed.

or maybe, he would regret it.

it feels like forever but we finally have a proper interaction.

-vic