hongjoong arrived at his apartment in disbelief. he still could not understand why he gave seonghwa his number. it had happened so quickly, so naturally, like something outside of his control. he felt confused, but oddly excited, curious to see if the man would actually text him.

there was a strange flutter in his chest that he could not quite name, a feeling that excited and scared him.

he collapsed onto his bed and unlocked his phone, staring at the screen for a few seconds. if he had really taken this step, then he had to tell his friends. there was no way he could keep something like this to himself.

his phone began to ring as he tapped the call button, and after a few moments of anticipation, someone finally picked up.

"hey hongjoong!" wooyoung answered, his voice bright and full of energy. hongjoong could practically hear the grin on his face.

"hey woo. you with yeosang by any chance?" hongjoong asked, hoping he could get this over with in one go.

"of course! let me get him," wooyoung replied quickly. "yeo, joong is on the phone!"

"hey hongjoong!" yeosang chimed in through the speaker.

"i have something to tell you guys," hongjoong said, his stomach twisting with nerves.

"oh no, you better not be quitting on us," wooyoung replied in a panic, making hongjoong laugh despite himself.

"don't worry, i'm not quitting," he said, hearing wooyoung let out a relieved sigh. "but i think you'll both be proud of me once you hear this."

"so why are we still waiting?" yeosang replied, sarcasm dripping from his voice.

"um, well... do you remember that guy from the shop? the one you said flirts with me?" hongjoong asked, standing up to pace around his tiny apartment.

"duh. the one who gives you 'fuck me' eyes. the one i said i'd hook up with if you didn't," wooyoung said, way too eager.

"well, today he stayed in the shop. like, all day. working," hongjoong began, dragging his words as guilt and excitement warred inside him.

"oh my god, please don't tell me you fucked him in the break room," wooyoung said dramatically, making yeosang laugh in the background.

"if he did, i'm tempted to check the cameras," yeosang added.

"oh my god, you're so rig—"

"guys!" hongjoong shouted. "trust me, i did not fuck him in the break room."

"so then what happened?" wooyoung asked, curiosity piqued.

"we, um... we kind of ended up on the same subway train after closing. and i might've... well—"

"spit it out, queer!" wooyoung yelled, practically vibrating with anticipation.

"i might've given him my number."

screaming erupted from the other end of the line. hongjoong could picture them jumping around the room, shocked and thrilled that he had actually done it.

"hongjoong, this is a first! i never thought you'd make this step!" yeosang said, grinning ear to ear as he took the phone from wooyoung, who was still screaming.

"i don't know, guys. i feel like i shouldn't have done that," hongjoong admitted quietly.

"are you kidding!? this is amazing! you need a man in your life so bad," wooyoung responded without hesitation.

"i'm just worried he won't bother texting me," hongjoong confessed, voice soft.

"so text him first, then. make the move. show him he matters," yeosang said confidently, earning an enthusiastic 'i agree' from wooyoung.

"i'm scared to talk to him," hongjoong admitted.

"if you were really that scared, you wouldn't have given him your number," wooyoung said. "you obviously wanted this. you obviously wanted him."

hongjoong thought maybe he was right. hongjoong hated opening up, hated letting people into his messy life; but if he truly did not want seonghwa to step in, he never would have handed over his number. no one had forced him.

something about the dark-haired man had pulled him in. his voice, his eyes, the calm way he stood there like he belonged in hongjoong's life, even if only for a moment.

"yeah, you're right, i guess," hongjoong replied with a soft smile. "i guess i could text him fir—"

a sudden chime interrupted him. hongjoong glanced at his screen, his breath catching when he saw the name.

seonghwa.

"guys... you can't make this up. he just texted me," hongjoong said, his voice shaking with nerves and disbelief.

"holy fuck, hongjoong. he wants you so bad," wooyoung practically screamed.

"okay joong, hang up. go text him. call us if you need anything!" yeosang shouted before ending the call, leaving hongjoong alone with the message.

seonghwa
hey hongjoong, it's seonghwa. i hope you're having a great night!

the simple message sent a chill down hongjoong's spine. was this reckless? was he setting himself up for pain and disappointment all over again?

or was this something new, something that might actually heal him?

he would not know unless he tried.

hongjoong
hey seonghwa, i'm having a lovely evening. i hope you are as well.

he hit send, then tossed his phone to the other end of the bed, heart racing.

——

hours slipped by like minutes as hongjoong kept texting seonghwa. every time his phone buzzed with a new message, his chest tightened just a little, but in a way that felt good. safe. there was something about seonghwa that felt strangely familiar, like a memory hongjoong did not know he had. he did not understand it, but he also did not try to. he just let himself enjoy it. it had been so long since he had let himself feel anything close to this.

they talked about music, food, their jobs, the city. seonghwa was easy to talk to. he was funny without trying, gentle in a way that made hongjoong feel seen. he was not used to that.

then came a message that made his breath catch in his throat.

seonghwa
so, what's your work schedule? do you have a day off anytime soon?

hongjoong stared at the screen for a moment before replying.

hongjoong
i work monday through wednesday, and then friday and saturday. so i'll be off tomorrow.

almost instantly, another message appeared.

seonghwa
if you're not doing anything, maybe we can grab a bite to eat?

hongjoong froze. was seonghwa asking him on a date? the thought made his heart pound so loudly it drowned out everything else. he had never been on a date before, and suddenly he was not sure if he could do this.

but then, wooyoung's voice echoed in his mind. sharp, insistent.

you obviously wanted this. you obviously wanted him.

and he did, so he swallowed the nerves and responded.

hongjoong
yeah, i'm free tomorrow. where would you like to go?

seonghwa
how about torrisi? it's really good. i can come pick you up if you'd like.

hongjoong bit his lip, trying not to overthink it. the idea of seonghwa coming all the way to him felt too vulnerable, too real.

hongjoong
that wouldn't be necessary, i live far away. i'll make my way down there. want to meet there at 7 p.m.?

seonghwa
sounds good to me!

hongjoong stared at the message, his hands trembling slightly as he set his phone down beside him. his heart was pounding in his chest, not with fear exactly, but with something close. anticipation, maybe. anxiety. excitement. he was not sure. all he knew was that tomorrow could be something new, something different from the heartbreaks of his past.

hongjoong
great! i'll see you then. we should head to sleep. goodnight.

he waited a second.

seonghwa
goodnight, hongjoong. sleep well.

hongjoong let out a slow breath and smiled softly to himself. it was small, and it was quiet, but it was real. maybe this was the start of something.

he turned off his phone, letting it fall onto the pillow beside him. as he stared up at the ceiling in the dark, nerves still buzzing beneath his skin, he could not help but whisper to no one at all:

"what the hell am i doing?"

but for once, there was a flicker of hope in the question.

i'm sorry for not updating last friday but i was busy meeting ADDISON RAE!!! i woke up at 4 am, travelled to the city and waited in line for over 5 hours. buuuuuuut omg it was worth it and she's literally perfect.

yes i was actually this close ^

-vic