hongjoong barely slept. and neither did seonghwa.

seonghwa could not believe he built the courage to ask hongjoong out, but their late night conversation was too good to not. they hit it off better than seonghwa had with anyone in the past. everything felt natural, easy. seonghwa knew the man was someone special and he did not want to wait for another opportunity to be with him.

"damn hwa, you look like you didn't sleep a lick last night," san said as seonghwa emerged from his bedroom, pouring an extra large cup for his friend.

"it's cause i didn't. i was up all night texting someone," seonghwa replied as he grabbed the coffee, downing half of it before san could respond.

"oh shit! who's the lucky human?" san asked, intrigued.

"the barista at the bakery next door," seonghwa asked with a smile, "hongjoong."

"oh shit hwa! you didn't even tell me you got his number?" san said with excitement for his friend.

"i totally forgot to tell you guys yesterday, it was crazy. i ran into him on the subway and we got to talking. i somehow built the courage to ask him for it, and he gave it to me. then i somehow built the courage to ask him out," seonghwa chuckled as he looked into his coffee cup, suddenly feeling the nerves wash over him all over again.

"good luck! where you guys going for the date?" san asked curiously.

"torrisi. we're meeting there. i offered to pick him up, but he said he'd meet me. he lives all the way in the bronx," seonghwa replied.

"damn that's pretty far. i wonder why he works all the way down here if he lives up there," san asked curiously as seonghwa shrugged.

"i'm not too sure actually. maybe i'll find out soon," seonghwa asked.

"well i better get ready. good luck today!" san replied as he put his cup in the sink, walking to his room to get ready for the day.

seonghwa knew it would be hard to get through the workday with his mind running wild, but the thought of seeing hongjoong at the end of the night was enough to get him through the day.

——

in the bronx, hongjoong's mind had been racing all night, shifting between excitement and anxiety so fast it made his head hurt.

he was still unsure if the whole date was a good idea. or even if it was a date, for that matter.

hongjoong
i might be going out with seonghwa today...?

wooyoung
HOLY FUCK

yeosang
HONGJOONG OMG

wooyoung
LIKE A DATE!?

hongjoong laughed at the messages from his coworkers.

hongjoong
i honestly don't know if it's a date, i kinda don't want it to be. but we're going to torrisi.

wooyoung
hongjoong that's a nice restaurant wtf YOU BETTER FUCK HIM

yeosang
he's not a whore like you! he's not gonna fuck him

wooyoung
OKAY BUT IF YOU DO DON'T SPARE ANY DETAILS

he spent the day curled up in bed, lost in a constant loop of doubt. the more time passed, the more he wondered if this was all a mistake; if letting someone in, even just a little, was asking for trouble.

as the hours ticked by, a quiet ache settled in his chest. it felt like he was doing something wrong, even if he could not explain why.

when he finally pulled himself out of bed, it was like his body moved without him. slow, heavy, as if weighed down by the fear he could not shake.

he stared at his closet for far too long, wondering what counted as "date appropriate" when you were not even sure it was really a date.

he ended up in something simple. black jeans, a tucked-in shirt, and the jacket wooyoung once said made him look "painfully attractive." whatever that meant.

his phone lit up with a text from yeosang.

yeosang
you're probably overthinking. he already likes you. just be yourself. unless being yourself is a disaster. then be someone else.

he laughed under his breath. then another message popped up.

wooyoung
send us a pic of the outfit. if you don't look hot, we're not letting you leave the apartment.

he sent them both a photo and got two responses within seconds.

wooyoung
YOU LOOK SO SEXY OMG HE'S GONNA MELT

yeosang
solid. don't be weird!

he shoved his phone in his pocket and grabbed his keys, whispering a soft "don't be weird" to himself as he locked the door behind him.

he hopped on the subway and made his way to torrisi. as the train drove downtown, hongjoong listened to music in his headphones.

i wake up every morning with the years ticking by
i'm missing all these memories, maybe they were never mine
i feel the walls are closin', i'm running out of time
i think i missed the gun at the starting line

the lyrics clung to him like lint on a worn t-shirt. they made him think about his twenties, about all the moments he let slip through his fingers.

dating. connection. the kind of love that people wrote songs about.

if he kept pushing people away, he would spend the best years of his life standing on the sidelines, watching everyone else run ahead. maybe it was time to let go of the fear, just a little. maybe it was time to let someone in.

maybe not a boyfriend just yet, but someone to spend time with could be a nice change.

hongjoong arrived at the restaurant, checking his phone for the time.

twenty minutes early. classic.

the street was alive with manhattan evening buzz. people walking dogs, couples sharing sandwiches on benches, the soft clatter of silverware and wine glasses behind restaurant windows. hongjoong stood outside, pretending to scroll through his phone, but really just counting the minutes and wondering if this was all a mistake.

at minute nineteen, he almost left.

but then, he saw him.

seonghwa crossed the street with a small smile on his face, dressed in a soft beige sweater and dark pants that fit too well. his hair was slightly tousled, like he had not tried too hard.

hongjoong's stomach fluttered from seeing him.

"hey," seonghwa said, breath almost visible in the cool air. "i hope you weren't waiting long."

hongjoong chuckled nervously. "no, i just got here," he lied. seonghwa looked relieved by the reply and gestured his arms towards the restaurant's front door.

"after you," seonghwa said with a smile as hongjoong stepped inside.

the first few minutes were awkward.

they sat across from each other, menus between them, the loud patrons in the restaurant filling the silence. hongjoong stirred his water with a straw he was not drinking from. seonghwa watched him, amused but patient.

"you know," seonghwa said, "i was worried you wouldn't come."

hongjoong glanced up. "you thought you'd be stood up?"

"well not exactly," seonghwa trailed off, "i was just worried i had come off a little strong."

hongjoong looked down at his hands. "i wouldn't do that. you seem like a genuine person. i don't usually do dates, but talking to you just felt right."

"dates?" seonghwa asked, careful.

hongjoong realized what he let slip from his mouth. his eyes went wide as he started breaking a sweat, worried he had scared seonghwa away before they could order their meal.

"i'm sorry, i don't know why i said date. i don't know if this is a date," hongjoong admitted regretfully.

"i mean... i was hoping it would be," seonghwa answered gently. "but we can call it dinner if that feels better."

hongjoong felt the corners of his mouth lift into a small, surprised smile. maybe calling it 'dinner' would make it feel less intimidating, something easier to swallow for the first time. something that did not carry the weight of date.

"dinner is fine."

after that, something shifted.

they ordered food. talked about music, favorite coffee shops, weird subway stories. hongjoong found himself laughing, not the forced kind, but real and unfiltered. seonghwa was witty, thoughtful, and listened like every word mattered. hongjoong was not used to that. he was not used to being looked at like this.

at one point, their hands brushed as they reached for the salt. neither of them pulled away immediately. it was not dramatic. just a few seconds of quiet that spoke volumes.

hongjoong almost said something. but instead, he just smiled and took a bite of his food.

when they left the restaurant, the sky had turned a darker shade of blue. they walked without speaking at first, the evening moon lighting up the sky.

"thank you for coming," seonghwa said eventually, breaking the silence.

"thank you for asking," hongjoong replied.

they stopped at the next corner, where their paths would split.

"can i see you again?" seonghwa asked, voice barely above a whisper.

hongjoong hesitated, but only for a short second. "yeah. i'd like that."

seonghwa smiled. "i'm glad."

they said goodbye with a quiet wave. no hug. no dramatic pause. just something simple.

something real.

when hongjoong got home, he dropped his keys on the counter and collapsed onto the couch. he stared at the ceiling for a while, processing the morning.

his fingers hovered over his phone, debating whether to text first. he thought about wooyoung's teasing, yeosang's sarcasm, and the warmth in seonghwa's eyes when he said goodbye.

he opened a blank message.

hongjoong
thank you again for today. i had a really nice time.

he hit send.

a moment later, the reply lit up his screen.

seonghwa
so did i! i'll let you know when i'm free next.

hongjoong smiled, tucked the phone beside him, and let his eyes close. for once, his heart did not feel heavy.

maybe this really could be the start of something.

i'm really sick right now :( i think i did too much this weekend... i'm getting old i can't hang anymore.

-vic